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There was blood streaming down Robin’s arm. It was hers, thank god, she didn’t know what she would do if it was someone else’s. Like Will, or Erica, or Dustin, or Steve-
Someone’s hand wrapped around her wrist and she was pulled into the safe and warm embrace of someone’s arms. Tucked safely against their chest, her head pressed against their heart, she allowed her body to untense. She blinked and managed to look up at whoever was holding her - Nancy. Robin almost cried. The only person who had ever held her this gently before was Steve. Not her mum, not her dad, but her best friend.
Steve. As much as she would’ve liked to stay in Nancy’s arms for eternity, she needed to find Steve. She needed to know he was safe. She gently pushed the other girl away with trembling arms, and Nancy pressed her hand to Robin’s cheek ever-so-softly, and offered her a smile, just for them.
Then, Robin was stumbling across the battlefield, and with every one of her friends she saw alive, she got closer and closer to sobbing. She only temporarily stopped her journey to crush Will against her ribcage, mumbling something about how proud she was of him, how much he meant to her, Robin couldn’t really remember. She was in a daze. Someone grabbed her wrist again, Jonathan this time. Huh. Robin and Jonathan had never really talked, not properly, but they seemed to have an understanding. They were the same. Outcasts in a group of outcasts. She was gently tugged along by his calloused hand, stumbling with him until eventually they stopped in front of someone. Steve.
Robin collapsed into his warmth, and the tears that had previously been shoved down finally broke free and rolled down her cheeks. Steve was safe. Steve was okay. Steve was alive. That’s all that mattered, they were okay now. She thinks they might’ve fallen to the floor, because she can feel the slimy vines of the Upside Down pressing against her, but she’s not sure at what point. All she was sure of is that she was pressed so closely against the person she loved the most, and that she could hear his heartbeat. Her hand curled weakly against Steve’s chest, and he took it in his own hand, sliding his fingers between hers.
Time passed weirdly from then on. Robin wasn’t sure how long it took for everyone to get patched up, to travel back to Hawkins, and to stand outside of Hopper’s cabin before everyone went home. No one talked as they stood in a circle, all just looking at each other. Robin’s eyes slid from one person to the next, feeling overwhelming admiration for all of them. These people, some of which she barely knew, were so strong. They had been through much more than she had, and they had survived. Robin probably would’ve been dead by now. She was not as strong as them; she didn’t belong here. She was an imposter.
The last people her eyes landed on were Will and Mike. They were tucked away from the group together, hands holding on to each other so tightly that Robin thought they probably would have bruises. She hoped Mike figured it out. Will deserved nothing but the best, someone to make him feel like the whole world. Robin was glad she helped him out a little bit. It was the least she could do.
Hopper was the first one to move, telling everyone the plan for the next day. They would go home, sleep, and then meet in the morning again for a celebration. And to talk about how to clean up the aftermath of all of this. Hugs were shared, but Robin barely registered who she was hugging, she was so tired. She was pretty sure she hugged nearly everyone, the exception being Hopper and El. She didn’t know them that well.
Steve and Robin broke away from the group and began their trek home. Neither of them talked, but they didn’t need to. They were safe. Everything was okay. But Robin was tired and she was rotting. She could feel it in her bones, an age old weariness that was weighing her down. She didn’t know how to get rid of it.
Robin finally spoke, and it was so sudden that she didn’t have time to think about what she was saying. “I’m going to kill myself.” She stopped in her tracks. She didn’t know where that came from.
Steve offered her a tired and weak chuckle. “Don’t joke about that, Robin.” Steve stopped as well, turning back and offering her his hand. But, the more Robin thought about it, the more she realised she wasn’t joking. She was being serious.
“I’m not joking.” Her voice was distant and hollow, off. She spoke to Steve, told him the truth, how she was feeling. This was the first time she’d ever told anyone. “I’m tired. And I don’t belong. And I don’t think I can do this anymore.”
Steve’s voice hitched, and for a moment Robin was scared that she had made him cry, but then he pulled her close and tucked her head into his neck. “No. I need you too much to let that happen.”
Steve didn’t let go of her. Not when they made it back to his house instead of Robin’s, not when Steve helped her shower and change into more comfortable clothes, not when he made her eat some toast, and not when they climbed into bed. Steve clung onto her throughout the whole night, like maybe if he let go she would simply disappear. Maybe he needed her just as much as Robin needed him.
They woke up in the afternoon the next day, most definitely too late to go to Hopper’s cabin. Steve helped her up, helped her get dressed, helped her eat breakfast, and helped her feel better. She could feel his eyes on her, and she regretted what she had said the night before. She shouldn’t’ve said anything at all, then Steve wouldn’t be so worried. And he would only know after it happened.
But then Steve clung to her again, hands pressed against her back and face in her neck, holding her so tight she almost couldn’t breathe, and as she felt his body against hers and the desperateness of his embrace, for a second, she was glad she had said something.
For the first time in what felt like an eternity, she felt okay. She felt safe.