Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Earth was truly in a downward spiral. After the world-wide nuclear ‘incident’ of 50 years ago, people could only just start to walk around outside of secure bunkers without protective suits. But although everyone was trying to resume ‘normal’ life that their grandparents remembered, the world still hadn’t recovered even if the air was more or less safe to breathe now. Acid rain was one problem. The mutation of plants and animals that had survived without the benefit of their bunkers. The people who’d survived without the benefit of bunkers. 

Dib was different from everyone else in so many ways even beyond what was experienced now as the norm. Still retaining an above average intelligence when the average had steadily dropped through the decades.  Not only was he obsessed with the paranormal that many in the past had also chased it now and had no time for, to the extent that many, including his family, considered him insane. He also was son to renowned scientist and inventor, Professor Membrane. Due to both his obsession and his father being a scientist and inventor, he had become subject to many different…. Trial experiments. Most were deemed failures and Dib was sent back on his way with a few more nightmares and new marks as souvenirs of the experiment. 

One mark never faded. Though Dib scrubbed and scratched at it until his skin was raw and bleeding. Under his sleeves hidden by the trench coat he always wore were scar colored words written in his skin. 

‘You’re crazy’

Words that he heard so often that even his soulmate was doomed to say them, as his father expressed during the experiment.

The experiment was to ingrain the first words spoken to you from the one the universe deemed a perfect match or soulmate. The process was painful and the haze of the laser burned his eyes and skin. Though in the end he had the bloody markings that the machine deemed the first words he would hear from his future beloved. 

The experiment was deemed a failure once his father wiped away enough blood to see the fresh markings. “A foolish whim that would of course lead to failure. I told the assistant that the belief of a soulmate was not based on ACTUAL SCIENCE!” Shrugging, Professor Membrane turned to leave, only stopped by Dib’s weak voice. “Wait! What does it mean?”

Chuckling, Professor Membrane patted Dib’s head, “It just means that my machine calculated that your supposed soulmate will say that you are insane when they meet you. You are my poor insane child, it seems that science deemed you doomed to remain that way.”

--

“You’re crazy!” A slightly high pitched voice underlaid with an unnatural buzzing sound laughed. “Are all young humans as reckless as you seem to be?” The voice belonged to what at first appeared to be a young man about Dib’s age. Pale skin with an odd greenish cast. Intense reddish brown eyes, dark hair. 

Dib initially ignored the common phrase; he'd heard the insult so often it had become background noise at this point. What he couldn't ignore was the warm fire under his sleeve or the weird words that came after the other man's remark. He looked to face him, ignoring his other classmates to actually look at the new guy.

He'd been late to class due to the rain and barely made it in time to set up his presentation on the existence of ghosts and the possibility of an afterlife -only absently noting someone was in his seat- and now that he was looking his eyes bugged out and his jaw dropped.

An alien an actual fucking alien was in his class just sitting there calling him crazy and now his arm was on fire.

But that could be ignored, instead he looked at the class and pointed, “THAT'S AN ALIEN! HOW HAVE YOU GUYS NOT NOTICED?!”

“Oh my God Dib you're crazy he's just Canadian you can't say that about people” one of the girl said rolling her eyes.

His eye twitched as he gestured with both hands, barely able to contain his exasperation. “HE'S LITERALLY GREEN!”

Zim tilted his head, eyes narrowing as he stuck his lollipop back in his mouth and he gave a careless shrug. What an interesting human, this Dib person. Could he see through the glamour? But no one could, the only reason he possibly could would be if he was…Zim’s chosen. The one that would let Zim become Tall…the reason he was here. 

But now, after all this time? He’d been here nearly a decade, awkward and feckless at first, but slowly learning how to navigate the social forays of the human. Teenage years were the hardest yet! So sticky and wet and disgusting with their face worm lips…

But this one, this Dib…he was not completely repulsive, and Zim’s squeedily spooch was pumping faster now. 

He pulled his lollipop from his mouth with a pop and affected a wounded look, his other hand splayed over his chest to convey sincerity, “It’s but a skin condition ZIm has had all Zim’s life, but to call Zim an alien-so cruel!” 

“Oh yeah?! And what about your ears? Are no ears a part of your skin condition too?!” Dib asked, finally addressing him directly, pointing at him with an accusing finger, unaware he'd finally sealed fate for both of them.

Zim froze, eyes widening as his eyes met those of the Dib human, and he felt an unusual itching burn on his arm, the place where the words his chosen would first speak to him was scrawled indelibly into his skin. How could the Dib stink know of Zim’s lack of exterior hearing components? He would have refuted the statement, but his hand had automatically gone to the side of his head to clutch the appendage that was not there. 

“I-yes!” he spat, sputtering a little, cheeks flushing as he averted his eyes. He felt an itch all over his body, his squeedily spooch pumping almost painfully now. 

The others all looked at Dib, none of them at Zim, none of them even verifying if there were in fact ears or no ears; all they saw was the local crackpot harassing the new guy.

“Man Dib, that's just insensitive.” One said and another threw a paper ball at his head.

“I think you've all had enough Dib; if you can't act like a respectable enough adult perhaps you'd like to go to detention again,” Ms. Bitters rattled.

Zim glanced back at the human, this Dib, and really looked at him. He was tall, a bit gangly, but had good muscle tone. His thick dark hair was swept back from a wide brow, but messy and several strands fell in front of his eyes; he had the look of a scholar. Glasses that didn’t quite hide the shadows under his deep blue eyes. Frown lines nearly embedded in his forehead and around his eyes as if he had spent many eyes squinting at small text in uncertain lighting. 

He was certainly acting a bit deranged, but Zim liked that. He liked that this human could see through his disguise...and wasn’t afraid of him. 

And…none of the other humans seemed to hold Dib in even the slightest bit of regard. How interesting. They should be revering him for his genius, and yet they were all a moment away from spitting. Humans really were hardly deserving of this planet they had already half-destroyed and were well on the way of making uninhabitable. 

He turned his gaze back to the woman instructing them, and frowned. She was…rather detestable to say the least. And he didn’t like the disdain in her voice as she addressed Dib. Granted she seemed to hold no level of affection for any of her students. Or humans in general as far as he could tell. 

“I am unoffended, Ms. Bitters, I was merely surprised by his astute observations!” he replied as smoothly as he could, dropping his hands to his lap as he gave her his best winning smile he’d perfected over the last decade. He glanced sidelong at Dib, nearly trembling as he anticipated the human’s reaction. Would he be indignant? Double down on his accusations? Be grateful? 

Dib was staring at Zim with surprise and no small amount of suspicion. Why was the Alien sticking up for him? What did he have to gain from not getting him in trouble? It was so bizarre. Though having an alien in his class was bizarre enough.

He packed up his presentation and moved toward Zim, “You're in my seat anyway,” he muttered but took the empty desk beside him, keeping his head down as class resumed.

He glanced at his wrist, wondering why it still ached and slowly began to pull his sleeve back before jerking it back down. He shook his head, no he wasn't going to look at it! Never, not unless he had to! He squeezed his wrist hard enough tears pricked his eyes and the bones made an odd noise. He wasn't going to look. Instead he turned his head a little to try and peek at the alien next to him. He had to corner him after class to see what he wanted. Why was he here?

Zim gave a sort of scoff before frowning, looking around covertly. Assigned seating? He’d heard that some schools did that here, but he wasn’t used to that. He felt a bit uncomfortable. No one had said anything when he sat here…but then again…they seemed to dislike Dib.

“I told you, he’s a nut.” Giggled the girl sitting beside Zim who’d been -so he surmised from his nights of studying human literature- trying to flirt with him, abusing the lowest person on the totem pole here to try and raise her own status in his eyes. He glanced at her, at her stringy blonde hair, squinty eyes (she clearly needed glasses) and the braces on her teeth. She wasn’t hideous, she had a lovely shade of green to her eyes. But she wasn’t his chosen and he had no draw to her. 

Zim turned back to Dib as his PAK chittered to him in delight. He stared, forgetting to blink, watching the strange human as he fussed with his sleeve, gripping his forearm as if in pain. That was the same spot where Zim’s own arm throbbed in pain and the anticipation was so delicious that he decided to let the mystery lay unrevealed for now. 

He really loved the way Dib was looking at him in a mixture of confusion and the beginning of obsession. 

Dib startled when the other looked at him. Unblinkingly, unfaltering, how could anyone not see it? The inhumanity before them. It wasn't terrible per se, but it wasn't right, it wasn't real and the reasons behind such a being being here worried him. He had to blink and yet the creature still looked; he eventually had to look at the clock. Its incessant ticking was driving him just as mad as the questions brewing in his mind.

Eventually he couldn't take it; just as he was about to stand to run out in overstimulation -something that would land him in detention- the bell finally rang making him jump in his chair and bang his knee on the bottom of it.

“Ouch, ouch, damnit!” He said, cradling his bruising appendage.  There were some laughs he ignored, but it reminded him he had another purpose for wanting to leave, the alien, he had to talk to him!

He shoved his stuff into his bag and hopped out of his chair awkwardly “H-hey you!” He tried to remember the alien’s name… oh right, “Zim! Hey Zim!”

Zim was already halfway to the door, being dragged by the arm by Stacey and her posse of girls -and a couple boy hangers on- who seemed intent on including him in their circle. He was not really interested in doing so, but at the same time he didn’t wish to alienate (haha) this new population of humans he was forced to cohabitate with. It would be bad for him if they all treated him the way they treated Dib. 

When he heard Dib’s voice, he immediately turned to him as a sunflower turned to the sun. He gracefully extricated himself from the too sweaty grasping fingers of Stacey -he would need to bathe in more glue soon at this rate- and he tried not to make it too obvious that he was relieved to be out of her clutches. He crossed the the dark haired male with what he hoped was a hint of reluctance, trying to see if the rest of the class would decide he was a lost cause like Dib was and deem him unworthy of their inclusion.

If Dib was indeed his, then he’d need to resurrect his popularity quickly!

“Yes, Dib hu-uh…Dib… was it?” he stammered slightly, and his cheeks flushed purple. 

Dib narrowed his eyes “Yeah, it's Dib. Zim-Alien” he crossed his arms. “Cute blush by the way. Gonna say your cyanotic next?” He asked, unwilling to admit just how cute it actually was. “How long have you been here? That disguise is terrible but I guess these idiots wouldn't even know Bigfoot if it hit them with a baseball bat”

Zim tilted his head slightly, blinking once, slowly, like a lizard before laughing softly. He did like this human, he had a bit more spine than the rest of humanity. “Hmm, I have heard of this ‘Bigfoot’, he seems to have the right idea by avoiding society.” he replied with a sly grin before glancing around and refocusing on Dib. “You are very strange, but I do not mean that to insult you. No one sees me the way you do.” he added as he grabbed Dib’s arm, much the way Stacey had grabbed his, and drew him into a supply closet at the back of the room. He closed the doors nearly all the way, leaving just enough light that Dib could see him clearly.

“For them, I do look nearly fully human, and even if there were any discrepancies…their mind just brushes it away before it is conscious thought.”  he explained with a shrug before focusing on his PAK, putting more power into his disguise.

Dib watched his form waver a bit and look a little more human but he could still tell. “Why? Is it because of my glasses? The experiments?” He took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. Some of his father's experiments might actually be paying off, “Your form is changing but I can still see the differences.” He said.

“Wait wait, I'm getting distracted. Why are you here? How long have you been here?” He asked, putting his hands on his hips.

Zim frowned and tried to put more power into his disguise, straining his PAK before he decided it didn’t matter and let the output drop. “Does it matter?” he asked lightly, folding his arms over his chest and leaning back against one wall. This human was so precious! How far would he go to get the answers he craved?

Dib sputtered, “Of course it matters, aliens don't just show up for no reason! I doubt you're here for the scenery and you're certainly not here for the company! So that only leaves nefarious purposes!”

Zim started laughing, clutching at his stomach as he leaned forward, laughing harder than he had in years. As he leaned forward the loose collar of his shirt gaped, revealing delicate collarbones and the top of his pecs all the way down to his nipples. What did an alien need those for? 

“Oh, you are so refreshing~” he declared between staticky giggles. He finally straightened back up, peering up at the human beneath a fall of his hair before he lifted one hand to scrape his bangs back. Hair could be so inconvenient. The only purpose he could see for it was for courting purposes. 

“What would you do if Zim was so ‘nefarious’? What if Zim was here to take over the world?” he asked with a grin, eyes nearly glowing behind his glamour. He hadn’t had so much fun in years. 

Dib looked like a fish out of water, “Well, I'd- I'd stop you of course! I live here! Why would I just let some alien have my planet?" Was that why he was here, really? Why go to skool? Why here? He bit his lip; were his eyes glowing? He wondered what he looked like entirely without the disguise.

“Why not here? It’s no better or worse than any other skool, but at least the environment is slightly less toxic.” Zim said with a shrug. “And what’s the worst that could happen if Zim took over? This planet is already dying.” He absently rubbed at his forearm, where the words were still burning. 

Dib’s eyes followed the movement and his mind went back to the curse embedded in his skin. He grabbed his wrist again, squeezing hard. “What's wrong with your wrist there?” He asked idly before shaking his head, “Just because a place is mismanaged doesn't make it yours, would you even understand how to make it better?”

Zim blinked, and instinctively looked down at his arm before hiding it behind his back, flushing purple again. “None of your business, human.” he huffed, chin up as he tried to make himself look taller and more intimidating even though Dib was a full head taller than he. 

“And as for your inquiry of my analysis of the current situation, of course I could make things better! After the world-wide destruction caused by the nuclear war two decades ago even your atmosphere has not recovered, causing a complete change of the global climate not to mention the acid rain, dead crops, fouled water, the multitude of dead left rotting all around the world…!” he shook his head in bewilderment. “I would first clean up all the detritus. Clean the atmosphere. Clean the water. Just that alone would be a vast improvement!” Zim declared, clenching his dainty hands into fists as he really got into his explanation of what he’d do, what he’d been planning for all these years, just waiting to find his chosen so that they would rise to power together! 

He’d always known his human-half would be here, would be english speaking, and he knew he’d need to explain himself to not have his chosen hate him…refuse their bond…or worse! Think he was unprepared!

Dib crossed his arms, “And I assume you have all the technology to do that? Right, cool, fantastic. Then what?” He tapped his foot on the ground staring at Zim expectantly. “There's no free rides and you are not going to convince me with that pretty smile that this is some benevolent move on your part! What do you want with the Earth?” He asked.

He would not be drawn in by the exotic air, the mystery and allure; surely the alien wasn't helping out of the goodness of his heart; he wanted something. Everyone wanted something. Even if they weren't people. Dib wasn't a monster like his dad but he'd inherited his fast mind.

Zim froze, eyes widening as a deeper flush covered his cheeks, creeping down his neck as he goggled at Dib. ‘Pretty smile’ was repeating in his mind like a skipping record. He covered his mouth with one hand, averting his eyes. He had never been complimented like that before, he wasn’t quite sure how to respond. “I-uh, of course Zim could…create the necessary technology, Zim just doesn’t have access to the…necessary materials…” he answered a bit weakly. 

He glanced back towards Dib, frowning slightly as he processed the accusation and tried to figure out how to respond. “We…are…the Irkens are…in need of expansion.” he began slowly. 

Dib nodded; knew it. “Alright, and what happens to humans when you ‘expand’, is that when the other shoe drops?” He asked then looked, considering, “-that's an earth expression for the actual consequences of a series actions taking place. Such as you fixing the planet then blindsiding the people with war.” He really thought a lot didn't he.

Zim tilted his head and folded his arms over his chest as he narrowed his eyes at the human. “Zim has studied idioms exhaustively, otherwise Zim would never understand anything you humans say. Some have very interesting roots, but that is beside the point.” he huffed and shrugged. “Irkens take other planets to expand our empire, but also to find our mates. It is very rare that our soulmate is another Irken, so we expand to find out other halves.” he sighed wistfully and rubbed his arm again. 

He dropped his gaze to the floor. He wasn’t sure what he was doing, he was usually so bombastic and fearless, always ready to throw himself into the spotlight. Why was this one human making him nervous…making him want to drop to his knees. Making him want to…

He flushed again, clutching his arm to his chest as he realized he was feeling aroused. It was very rare for him to feel as such, he had almost forgotten what it felt like…his squeedily spooch was racing, his sheath was growing plump, and his breeding slit was puffy and wet…

Dib blushed a little, “I didn't know if you were prepared or not, okay, not everyone meets aliens knowing if they're prepared or not!” He said, crossing his arms too.

“And soulmates?” His wrist burned again, the familiar word etched into his mind’s eye came fourth, “So you wanna see if your kind can have mate's here, huh? How convenient.” There was no way, none at all. His gaze slid to Zim’s wrist, the one he'd been messing with, the same one Dib had dealt with the pain of. “This has to be some stupid dream. Maybe I was hit by a bus this morning and this is my shitty purgatory.” He said, turning to the door and covering his face. “This is crazy even for me,” he groaned. Maybe a chemical was leaking somewhere too. It was starting to smell sweet in here and he doubted it was Zim’s lollipop.

Zim frowned as his gaze jumped back to Dib’s face and he wilted slightly when he saw the disgust in his eyes. Was his chosen going to refuse him? He felt the strange urge to drop to his knees again. To bury his face in Dib’s groi- no! He would not beg! If his arm kept burning he’d just chop it off and let his PAK supply him with a new one!! 

“Y-yes. Convenient.” He agreed bitterly. He really needed to get out of the supply closet, the close air was making his head spin. He could smell the human stink of Dib. Except, it didn’t stink…

Face burning, Zim pushed past Dib out of the closet and began quickly making his way to the door out of the classroom. 

Dib was startled as he was pushed aside but he watched Zim leave. Wait, he couldn't just let him go, the alien admitted he wanted to conquer the planet! He ran after him but stopped. Zim wasn't ready yet, he didn't have the materials, he said so himself. Dib pulled at his hair and groaned, “Bullshit!” God, he hoped this was a dream and he'd wake up. How could he finally have proof of alien life and it be like this?

His wrist burned again and he felt an urge to peel it off letter by letter, but he knew it would grow back, it always did. Curse his father; curse all of them.

He leaned against a wall and just slid down it. What would even be the point of saving humanity anyway? Zim was right, they were all dying a little more everyday. They weren't going to fix the planet; his father could build as many machines as he wanted to try as he might, but it wouldn't be in time. The spiral to their inevitable heat death was too close. It was probably what drove the great scientist mad in the first place.

He finally lifted his head enough to look at his arm. He rolled down the sleeve just enough to see the top of the lettering.

“You're crazy”

It wasn't black anymore, it was a very familiar shade of green and magenta, the color he suspected Zim’s eyes to be.

“So that's really how it is huh?” He let his head fall back down.

Chapter Text

Zim had hurried home, the hood from his jacket up over his head in case a deluge occurred to really round out his day. He didn’t want to test out the new layer of glue he’d applied to his skin right now, his mind was too disrupted. His chest ached in a way quite uncommon to his previous experience, and his arm felt like he’d stuck it in a smelter. But he knew without the slightest hint of doubt -and he was never in doubt- that Dib was his soulmate. 

He flew through life on the egotistical assurance that he was right…and he usually was. Even the Tallest has seen that! They were relying on him! He couldn’t screw this up!

But right now he needed to think, he had to talk to GIR, send a message to the Tallests. 

And he had to make progress on how to save this planet. 

—

“GIR, attend me!” He called out as he slammed open the front door to his domicile. He shucked his jacket and hung it on the hook by the door before kicking off his boots. He shed his disguise, no longer needing to focus any of his PAK energy on that. 

“Okay!” A high pitched response was heard before Zim was nearly bowled over by the tackle hug of his ‘special’ S.I.R. unit.

Gir was defective in anyone's book but his unique way of doing things and working at problems was so organic that the occasional breakthroughs he provided were invaluable. Plus the erratic personality made Zim’s long time away from Irk far more bearable. The occasional destruction was a small price to pay for Gir’s company.

“Welcome home! I missed youuuuu!” The S.I.R. unit said, nuzzling his tummy.

Zim accepted the affection from his only companion, allowing the familiarity. He had been so lonely these last ten years that he had slowly grown more and more dependent on GIR for affection and for assistance with his inventions. He had realized that the S.I.R. unit was a lot more capable than he and the Tallests had realized. 

“I missed you too, Gir, skool as usual was a bunch of nonsense, but today was nevertheless quite portentous! I believe I have found my chosen!” he declared smugly as he scooped GIR up and spun him around gleefully.

Gir gasped and clung to his master and squeaked loudly, “Yayyyyy, where are they? Where are they? I wanna give them a taco!!!!!” He yelled, tongue sticking out. Oh this was great, master was going to be so happy now!

“They are a human, as we long surmised, so of course it will not be so simple to form the attachment necessary, but I believe they will acknowledge the bond soon. And they could see through my glamour and knew what I was! And were not afraid! They seem quite intelligent and forthright, so I am pleased.” ZIm explained, putting GIR down as he began walking to the hidden elevator that led to his lab. 

He some tests to run. 

Gir ooh’d and aah’d as he followed him “Well I'll make them a present! Do you think they likes waffles?” He asked, holding his cheeks. He'd make sure they were soooo happy to be with Master!

Zim hummed absently as he walked to one of the nearer panels, focusing on changing some of the atmospheric pressure of the lab before turning to a set of vials. “I’m sure he does, GIR.” he replied with a soft laugh. “Do we have any proper maple syrup?” he added, glancing at the dancing S.I.R. unit before checking one of his previous experiments he had left running this morning. They would need to start focusing on atmospheric levels.

“Yep! I stay out of the special stash just like you’s asked!” The S.I.R saluted, tongue sticking out cutely. It was something they definitely brought from Canada along with quite a bit of various brittle candies. Hopefully the high quality tree blood would impress his future mate.

Zim reached for his labcoat and goggles, pulling them on before walking further into his lab to his fabricator. “We need to step up our study on pollution and how to reset the atmospheric pressure back to the pre-nuclear stages.” he declared. 

“Wow! Sciencey stuff! I goes gets a book from the library!” Gir yelled and rushed off. He was very helpful sometimes. If he didn't get distracted by a taco stand on the way.

His other companion then spoke up.

“The human, they are not a threat to the mission, are you sure?” Computer spoke up. “You always have the option of putting them under until the rest of the mission is finished”

“No, I believe they will be quite conducive to our efforts, he seems to be a scientist as well, if I understood his rambling earlier correctly. He at least was astute enough to realize I was an alien.” Zim replied calmly, checking the readout as it spat out into his hands. “He also seems to be quite unpopular, no one has even the barest hint of respect for him. Once he realizes that I will be willing to listen to him, he’ll not be able to resist our bond!” He cackled with delight. 

He hummed happily as he turned to type into a console, practically buzzing as he considered this abrupt change to his fortunes. Should he let the Tallest know? Should he wait until he had actual confirmation…?

He realized he didn’t really know how to go about courting a human…what a terrible oversight! He should research that immediately!! 

“Computer! Download for me a variety of human mating manuals!”

—

“You look terrible.” a gruff female voice grumbled from the couch. “Worse than usual I mean. Not that I care.” Her amber eyes were squinted in concentration as she focused on the handheld game in her hands. She was laying on her back, her long purple hair hanging over one arm nearly to the floor. She had a look of intense concentration on her face, and she was clearly ‘not to be distracted’. 

Dib walked over and sat down beside the couch, “Oh nothing big just the usual. Except an actual alien has joined my class. He's the soulmate who made the stupid scar on my arm finally do something. Oh and he wants to take over the planet because he thinks that humans are a compatible species with his species. You know, no big deal,” Dib said, laying his face on his knees.

Gaz was silent for a long moment, she might not even have heard him when she was in a deep focus in her games she would tune out the outside word. She didn’t even twitch. She growled in frustration as her knees curled up to her chest, her tongue peeking out of one corner of her mind. She gave a triumphant shout and sat up. She turned off her Game Slave 4 and tucked it to the side as she slid her legs off the couch and turned to glance down at Dib. “It’s not.” she said with a shrug. 

“Not what?” He asked, surprised she'd even listened; but was a little grateful. He and Gaz fought every now and then but he knew that she genuinely cared about him. At least to an extent. As much as she cared about anything. Something about family mattered to her. Not that he was sure what it was. Maybe it was the only thing that kept her from being alone. He was 

grateful because she was the only thing that kept him from being alone too.

“It’s not a big deal.” she said with a smirk. “And it’s not. Think about it, are there anyone amongst all the braindead amoeba at school you’d want to be your soulmate? At least you know its real now, right?” she pointed out, kicking her feet as she reached up with one arm to scratch at the alien scrawl that had been burnt into the back of her neck. “So maybe we could show your alien my markings and see if they are his language, right?” she was trying to sound like she didn’t care, but honestly she was a little excited. Aliens! 

Dib's eyes widened, “Oh my God, you're right! Gaz, I didn't even think! It could definitely be that your own markings are his language! He's definitely using some sort of translator to speak to us!” He smacked his forehead. “Can I take a picture of your back, please, to show him at school? He'll be able to recognize it if it's his language or at least run it through a translator of far more languages than we have access to!” His enthusiasm renewed for this moment, he could help his sister. He knew she acted like she didn't care but he knew she wanted it to work out.

Gaz scoffed, rolling her eyes as if all of this excitement was beneath her -even though she instigated it- but she turned to face away from her brother as she used her hands to lift her hair up so that the back of her neck was bared. She used one hand to twist her hair atop her head and used her other to pull the back of her tank top down further to show the entire length of the line of alien runes. 

“I didn’t realize you were such a pervert~” she taunted. 

Dib squeaked and turned red, “Oh my God, this is not one of your weird fanfictions! This is entirely for your benefit!” He said and snapped a picture. “It's the least I can do as the best brother ever! And who knows it could lead more credence to what that guy was saying; if it's true he means us no real harm then maybe him being my soulmate isn't so bad and if your soulmate is also one of his people then… well one less reason to care about the planet anyway right?”

She smirked slightly as he replied to her taunt, and tilted her head slightly in silent response to his retort. She rarely vocalized if she could get her meaning across by body language. Once she heard the shutter click of his phone she let her hair fall back down. She’d had it cut short in middle school, but grown it out since then and it fell to the small of her back now, a deep plum purple with red highlights. She turned to face her brother, brow furrowed in thought as he got excited.

She didn’t really like her brother, but she did love him. She knew he wasn’t well liked in school…or in general. So if there was any truth to his ravings and obsessions, she was happy for him. And surely the aliens would see the potential in him. In his genius. Especially his soulmate, right? 

As for herself…she was fine being alone. She was. But…

Well…

If it wasn’t a human…it might be interesting to at least meet them…? 

“Well, what did he say his intentions with our planet is…?” she asked, honestly curious. She wouldn't even tease her brother about his soulmate being male. Or… “Uh, are you sure your alien is male?” she added. 

Dib had begun to reorganize his thoughts so he could begin his spheal on Zim’s plan and his suspicions about his motivation. When she brought up an important question about Zim's gender.

Dib rubbed his chin, “Huh I don't know… I think he's male presenting as a human, but you're right, I don't know if that makes him a male alien or if his species is even male/female at all.” He sat on the couch beside his sister. “And it's not like I can strap him down in a lab and look for myself.” He shuddered; he wouldn't be like their dad. Ever. He used to dream of being a scientist, proving all his theories like his dad, but being on the receiving end of so many gruesome experiments; he never wanted another to suffer them.

Gaz hummed, watching Dib as he registered her query. She could practically see as his mind switched tracks. He was so analytical, she did admire that, but she’d never tell him that. He was so good at keeping track of things, sorting them in his mind. But sometimes he had trouble putting things in their boxes without getting his emotions involved. 

She narrowed her eyes, stiffening as he sat beside her before forcing herself to relax. She didn’t really like physical contact -from anyone- but Dib was always so conscious of how close he sat to her. She appreciated that…

“Who knows, he might enjoy that.” she teased gently. 

“Oh…” Dib turned bright red, “Yeah. I guess soulmate comes with mating,” he covered his mouth trying not to think about how much the idea appealed to him. He didn't want xenophilia added to his long list of crimes of existence. 

However he couldn't deny how cute Zim had been smiling, that androgynous figure, the shorter yet strong stature…

“He blushes purple, you know. And his eyes are pink,” Dib tried to redirect. “He wears some sort of ‘glamour’, he calls it; I wonder if you'll be able to see through it too because of what Dad did to us.”

She frowned, hunching forward slightly, bracing her elbows on her knees and lacing her fingers as she set her chin on the back of her hands. “So what color is his skin?” she asked, a bit curious. After all, maybe her mate would look the same. “PInk eyes are cool. Are they like ours? Segmented?” she continued, mind racing as she tried to paint a picture in her inner eye. “And maybe you could see through the glamour because he’s your soulmate.” she added. 

She’d known for years that her mate was some kind of alien, she’d gone through every encyclopedia she could find, every database, looking up every language that existed on Earth, and none matched the text on her back.

So she hadn’t even had to try and imagine making a life with another human, which was great for her. She found them as a whole utterly detestable, and in the main completely moronic. 

But for her brother…the text had so clearly been English, and so clearly were words that so many people said to him…how could he narrow it down? But he had! By an alien!? What were the odds?!

“Did you, like, talk to him? Or did you just start trying to prove to everyone around that he was an alien?” She asked with a sidelong smirk. 

“Hey, he called me crazy before I even noticed he was an alien, thank you very much… and yeah, I jumped right into accusations. His skin was green too, so yeah, I thought no one could blame me.” Dib groaned, “No one believed me, as usual, which I guess is good in this case.” He then had a thought that had him laughing, “Oh my God, if he has first words too- then-then he has ‘no ears’ written on him somewhere! Holy shit, Gaz, my first words to him were ‘no ears!’, I thought my phrase was cruel!” He said laughing.

Gaz sat back up, looking thoughtful. “He had no ears?” She asked, she was really curious now. “You have no game!” She accused, but she was smiling. 

“Nope! I guess he might with his disguise that I could see through? That would be a neat experiment, maybe you should come to class with me tomorrow so we can see if it's our altered bodies able to see through the disguise or the soulmate mark able to let us see it!” Dib said, excited to test harmless guesses.

Gaz’s grin twitched as she stiffened and she looked askance before sighing. Lately she’d been avoiding the school as much as she could. There were certain older boys who didn’t like hearing ‘no’, and she really didn’t want to get arrested at her age. But she could deal with some brats…she could handle them. “I suppose it couldn’t hurt…and I can beat the snot out of those brats talking smack to you.” She agreed with a somewhat feral grin, her amber eyes glowing golden. Because of what their father had done, she usually kept her eyes closed. 

“Haha, you don't have to do that, Gaz, it's not so bad since I had my growth spurt, they can't just pick me up and throw me around anymore,” Dib smiled, taking her hand, “I appreciate the offer though.”

He leaned back, “I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, you don't have to go back to school. I can finish and then we can forge your GED later,” he said, “You don't have to put up with those losers.”

“Nah, I’ll be fine. I want to see him.” She said although she allowed him to take her hand, not even flinching, and she relaxed as he reassured her, although at any other time she would have punched him in the head for acting like she needed him to protect her. But she was in a good mood, and he’d had a tough day.

“Did it hurt…?” she asked after a moment. “When you said the words…when he said the words…” she added in case he didn’t understand what she meant.

“Kind of? Like in the list of hurts I've had? No. It was kind of unexpected, like a sunburn. The more I thought about it the more it hurt. I think if I'd looked at it, acknowledged it, instead of trying to ignore it, it probably wouldn't have been so bad. If that makes sense.” He rubbed his wrist now. He closed his eyes a moment before rolling his sleeve back to show her. “See, that's the shade of green I think his skin really is, and the same with his eyes. I didn't see his mark but I wonder if it reflects something about us’

Gaz leaned over to peer at his arm, eyes narrowed before she nodded and reached up to rub the back of her neck. “That’s kind of cool.” she muttered. She sighed and leaned back with her head lolling on the back of the couch. “What will we tell dad…?”

“Tell him jack shit, cause if he caught wind of this we'd be back on the table and Zim wouldn't have a chance to ever introduce you to your soulmate because he'd be in a table next to us,” Dib scowled. “If this all works out. Or Zim turns out to be dangerous then we tell him.” He knew Gaz somehow still loved their dad and somehow he still did too but that didn't mean he trusted him, not a lick.

Gaz was about to retort but she caught herself, one hand curling into a fist on her thigh as she nodded grimly. “Maybe we can just have you Zim take us off this putrid lump of decay…” she muttered. 

--

“They do what?” Zim screeched as he recoiled from horror from the pamphlet he’d been flipping though, feeling thoroughly disgusted. Humans were disgusting. And so messy! So much…fluids. And…organs. He felt flushed and flustered and he turned away to try and settle his mind. He felt thoroughly squeamish and not the least curious…

He swallowed nausea and tried to tell himself that he could not do something so unnatural…but…

His Chosen was his partner for life…to make him whole, make him Tallest. How could it be unnatural? Smeets would need to be made…so it must be possible…surely not wrong…?

Yet still these unnatural looking distensions he hadn’t seen in any of his human experiments! Was it only forms humans took exclusively in the mating ritual?! Terrifying! But one could power through if one must! If the human female could survive, so could he!

He was so distracted that he wandered the halls all night, lost in thought before returning time and time again to read and reread the manual, growing more flustered and anxious each time.

Eventually night turned into morning and he began to get ready for the day.

He had noticed a slight change in his form when he’d caught a glance of himself in the mirror; narrower waist, wider hips. To appeal to a male human? It was humiliating to be broadcasting his readiness for smeets so blatantly…but maybe humans would not notice? He could tell his pheromones were nearly shameless, and he had scrubbed himself three times before trying to cover himself with a human scent blocker. 

It was so infuriating! He’d always assumed he’d be the one to do the implanting, not having himself be the carrier!

“Sir, you will be late for the human education system if you do not leave now. I have left the offerings of meat and human bones for you to offer your intended as the tradition stated in the book by the door.” Computer informed blankly.

“Of course I was just leaving!” Zim declared huffily, a purple flush over his cheeks as he rushed to gather his items, powering up his glamour with just a nudge of thought to his PAK. He paused, glancing at a mirror on the wall and flushed further as he took more effort with his appearance than he usually bothered with. He wanted to impress his chosen, to show himself as a worthy mate. 

Gir was in the living room watching his shows and drooling a little. Beside him was a stack of books on the weather and meteorology. It seemed he had made it to the library and back before getting distracted. It would have to wait for Zim’s return unless the Computer analyzed the books for him. He snapped to attention when Zim opened the door. 

“Mastuh! Are you going out?! Cans i goessss” Gir asked with a salute.

Zim hesitated, frowning, glancing at the books and the mess on the floor before glancing at the computer console on the wall. He had occasionally taken the SIR unit to skool with him but it had led to certain catastrophic events. Usually Gir didn’t mind being left behind to his own devices usually. What had changed?

“I suppose you might as well…” he hedged before shrugging. It might distract the rest of the humans from any changes of himself they might otherwise notice. Of course that was giving them more credit than they deserved, he was sure.

“Let’s depart at once!” he added, heading for the door. 

“Weeeeeeeeee” Gir rocketed past Zim through the door zipping through the yard screaming in joy about going on a trip.

“I hate when he does that.” Computer muttered, the broken door seemingly melted away; turning back into nanobots as it began rebuilding itself.

“Yes, but this saves you the bill for all the tacos he’d eat if he stayed.” Zim pointed out before exiting more primly as the door finished repairing itself. He sighed again and made his way to the bus stop. He was halfway there when motion from the corner of his eyes caught his attention and he whirled, freezing when he saw Dib. 

What. The. Squeneolous. Femet. 

He shrieked and turned, flushing deep plum and pulling his knit cap down, trying to hide. He wasn’t ready to face Dib yet, he thought he’d have hours until their class to compose himself…

No no no no. If he didn’t look then it wasn’t real. He covered his cheeks with his hands, feeling the heat of his flush as he hunched his shoulders. 

Dib was walking with Gaz, holding a steel umbrella in case it decided to rain, and was talking about some show they’d seen that morning, another documentary their dad had sent out to the mindless masses in a vain attempt to change the world.

“I think he's getting more desperate by the day, you know.” Dib began before hearing a weird squeak to the left that made him turn his head and he saw a flash of familiar green before the owner of said green shoved his head under a beanie and Dib’s mouth dropped open, “Gaz! Gaz! It's the alien!” he gasped!

Gaz was barely listen to her brother besides grunting occasionally in response as she tapped away at a new game of (piggie? 5?), her focus solely on beating the current level. She flinched, startled, by his sudden exclamation, before quickly recovering and punching him in the arm. “‘The alien’?” she mocked. “Don’t you mean ‘your soulmate’?” she continued, rolling her eyes in irritation. Her brother was so senseless! 

She turned her attention to the stranger, absently pausing her game to focus her attention on the figure…she squinted, brow furrowed and she started to feel a bit ill. The image she saw seemed to be flickering. She saw a young androgynous figure with shaggy black hair, a black beanie, hoodie and loose pants, a tighter shirt that accented the slim, almost girlish, figure. But beneath that…there was a smaller figure, slim with rounded hips, dainty proportions. Big segmented eyes, a bright red. And green-skinned…but it was hard to hold that image and she felt like there was a knife stabbing behind her eyes. She covered her eyes with her hand and grunted. 

“Yeah yeah, soul mate, whatever! Zim! Zim!” Dib waved maniacly, “Come over here and meet my sister! She’s got a soul mark in another language. Can you look at it? Pleaseeeee,” he asked, “Plus we can skip skool today and talk about your actual plans or something! “ This was great timing, Gaz hadn’t really wanted to go anyway! Two birds and one stone!

Zim shrieked again, whirling to look at Dib in astonishment before pointing at him just as manically, “You crazy Dib-human! Yesterday you dripped with distaste for me and wanted to eradicate Zim and now you wish for Zim to meet thy nestmate?!” That was even more intimate than meeting the spawning mother and father!! “You expect Zim to fall for such a shallow ruse?” 

“Oh shit, it’s an alien version of you…” Gaz muttered. 

Dib pointed back “Hey I was startled yesterday! And and you called me crazy! Which you just did again! And I wasn't going to eradicate you! Stopping and eradicating are entirely different things!”

Gir screeched loudly “Oh my gosh is this your soulmate master? He’s got such a big head!” Gir launched at Dib, latching on, making Dib fall over with a cry from the tackle hug. “Hihihihihihihhi! Mary, I'm Gir!”

“Wh-what get off me! And I’m Dib, not Mary!” Dib yelped, trying to pry the weird robot off of him.

Zim’s usual reaction would be to keep screeching accusations. Or shoot him. And when Gir launched himself at the young man he would have usually laughed. But instead he felt a sudden incandescent rage that immediately shifted into an intense jealousy and he snarled, darting forward to yank the droid off of his soulmate before throwing himself into the boy’s arms. “Back off, Gir!” He snarled in Irkenese. 

Gaz flinched back when she finally noticed the strange creature…a robot of some sort? In a dog costume…it was kind of cute. When the alien yanked the droid off her brother she stopped to pick it up, surprised at how heavy it was but she was still able to lift it. 

Zim finished hissing at Gir before realizing he was clinging to Dib. That he could smell him. He flinched and slowly looked up into the boy’s eyes. Beautiful…eyes.  He flushed again and released Dib abruptly as if burned. 

Gir wiggled and waved “Hi!” It said to Gaz, entirely unphased by his master's anger.

Dib was bright pink with the alien pressed tight against him, his brain skipping from one scenario to the next. Was the robot dangerous? No it didn't appear so. Was Zim just jealous of his own servant? And the difference in language that must be a failing of the translator… or he had actually learned their language at some point.

And Zim's eyes, so close… so big and bright under the glamour… he could stare at them forever. Though he only got a few seconds as Zim seemed to understand what he'd done and jumped away as if burned by him.

“Uh… so… um talking, you, uh, up to talking? Haha,” he said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck, still blushing. He kinda missed his slight weight on those hips… were his hips that wide yesterday?

Zim had turned slightly to glare at Gir before jumping slightly and looking back up at Dib before glancing at Gaz and then back to Dib, clearly flustered. “Zim is-” he began before clearing his throat. “Zim can talk, yes.” he continued at a slightly more modulated volume. He wrapped his arms around himself and shifted his weight uncomfortably, averting his eyes before exhaling and lifting his gaze to meet Dib’s eyes. “What does Dib want to know?”

--

ZIm had taken DIb and his nestmate -sister- back to his house, introducing them to Computer before frantically digging through his cabinets for some sort of refreshments he could serve his guests. He was not prepared to host! Uh, tacos, tacos could work, right? 

He was certain Gir was at least entertaining them…

Oh! Computer had left him those courting gifts, he should present those first! He rushed back to find the tray of offerings and then went to shyly present them to his chosen. “Dib-chosen! This humble Irken has assembled these offerings for you!” he declared.

Dib looked over the weirdly decorated house and the random bars of soap everywhere. A trashcan full of exclusively tacohell wrappers…. Man Zim’s organs must be made of iron.

When Zim offered him a bunch of meat and bones that looked a bit familiar he blanched. “Zim are- uh, what is this?” he asked carefully, picking up what he was sure was a human femur. “Did you kill somebody for this?” No, it was clean and pretty old.

“We took it from a local museum. Actually it was displayed in a place of prominence. They said it came from a famous ruler, a good gift if I say so myself.” Computer said proudly 

Zim gestured more urgently before frowning, looking almost dejected. “Is Dib rejecting ZIm…?” he asked nervously. “Oh! Is the gift not enough? No matter, ZIm will find something more suitable! It’s because Zim did not conquer this opponent personally, isn’t it? Worry not! I will bring you the head of your greatest detractor, Ms. Bitters!” 

Gaz choked, but rather than fear or anxiety, she was holding back laughter, her cheeks pink with it. She covered her mouth with one hand and averted her eyes for a moment, shoulders shaking for a moment before she decided to come to her sputtering brother’s defense. “That’s not how human’s court!” she giggled, biting her bottom lip. “But-is that how it is for…irks…?”

Zim stiffened, flushed, and finally cut his gaze to Gaz. “...Irkens. Irk is our planet. We…singular Irk.” he managed to explain. “And…yes. We admire strength above all else. Obedience to the Tallest. The Tallest are those that rule…they demand obedience, but also…creativity and power…we…are Invaders. One Irk is sent to a planet to soften it for invasion. So each Irk must be able to…survive. Integrate. Discover weakness.” he continued, gaze continuously darting to watch Dib’s face. 

Dib seemed to relax a bit when he found out they were stolen and not harvested.

“Uh, yeah, only, well, certain humans might like trophies like this for courting, and it was sort of common a few centuries ago, but no, bones are not really my thing,” Dib said taking the rest of the bones from Zim and putting them back in the box that he'd picked them up from.

“I really appreciate the gesture though, Zim. That you tried researching our customs and attempted to woo me in the way of my people. Humans are just too diverse and have too broad of a history to pin down likes or dislikes like that,” he said, going over and taking his hand. He could be diplomatic about this. Zim clearly was trying to learn just like Dib was. 

“How do… Irkens court? I know you said they rarely fall for the same species but you guys gotta have some sort of custom right?”

Zim still felt flustered and embarrassed, but it was a relief that Dib seemed quite understanding. More level-headed than Zim had expected, honestly. But it managed to settle his nerves and he didn’t even pull away when the human took his hand. He sighed, flushing as he averted his eyes for a moment. “I-our courting rituals involved…physical displays of affection, gifts of…small unusual treasures, and…displays of…intelligence…” he swallowed before pulling away. 

“But-ah…you were…were curious about my plans for your pitiful planet!” he exclaimed in  an attempt to retain his usual exuberance. “Well, the biggest concern for your pitiful humans is the pollution…” he went to the wall to print out some of his calculations. 

Gaz rubbed the back of her neck absently, wondering how she would impress someone of his species. Were they all so…flighty? 

“Uh, yeah, right, but, uh, before we get into the nitty gritty can you look at my sister's neck? She has a soul mark too, in a language that isn't from earth. We were wondering if it was from Irk or some language you might know,” Dib asked. Following him unusual treasures he had lots of treasures… he wondered if Zim would like gems and paranormal stuff.

Zim paused, and he remembered Dib mentioning that earlier while Zim was panicking. He nodded and turned to approach Gaz, absently noting she was rather pretty for a human. He hesitated when he reached her, feeling some kind of unsettling aura about her. She opened her eyes slightly to peer up at him, and he nearly recoiled from her glowing amber-gold eyes. She relaxed, closing her eyes again and turned away slightly, lifting one hand to gather her up away from the back of her neck.

Zim leaned down, eyes narrowing slightly. 

“Yes…it’s Irken. It says ‘You’re shorter than I expected!’ and…there is a second line… “Your eyes are like stars!”...” Zim flushed and cleared his throat before backing away. Two lines? Two first words…? Did that mean…two soul-mates? But that was unheard of! Except…unless… He clasped one hand to his mouth. Could it be possible? He knew they were incomplete, but…

“I-I have to make a call to Irk!” he gasped and whirled to rush to Computer. 

Dib watched him rush off “Uh, that’s a good sign right?” he asked out loud, running over the limited information Zim gave him before running off.

“Okay, Zim said his leaders were called the Tallest so height is a factor in their hierarchy. If you are shorter than expected that means you are shorter than them and Zim, if he’s an average specimen, we can assume they are taller than them and thus of higher status… Wow Gaz this is looking real good for you. And it sounds like they like your eyes!” He said so happy for her. Though Zim running off was a little concerning.

“Maybe he knows who they are?” Dib kind of hoped so… He seemed to recognize it a little, maybe a speech pattern or something?