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Selphie Tilmitt bounced from foot to foot as the elevator made its slow crawl up to the third floor of Balamb Garden where she planned to finally corner the Headmaster, who was also her dear friend, into signing off on her plans for the next Garden Festival. Something Selphie had been trying to get done for the last two weeks but never seemed to manage to get Squall when he wasn’t insanely busy. She hummed irritably and terribly off-key as the elevator seemed to stall between floors two and three, likely simply to taunt her. She stuck her tongue out at the display in annoyance; immediately beaming the second the red number changed to a three.
Ding.
Like a wild Cactuar attempting to escape a fiery death, Selphie burst out of the elevator with every intention of bolting down the hallway and straight into Squall Leonhart’s office. Her short legs immediately dashed forward and her eyes barely focused on what was before her as she slammed into something firm. Shrieking in surprise, Selphie braced herself for impact, squeezing her eyes shut tight as she prepared to fall on her ass for the third time that week. She could just hear Squall's exasperation as he would inevitably remind her to look where she was going for once and how one of these days, she would end up seriously injured and out of commission. From a broken ass? Selphie would just laugh and shake her head at the absurdity, but Squall would insist that eventually, Selphie would break her tailbone and remark upon how unpleasant that would be. Would this be the day in which she broke her assbone? Oh, she hoped not. Really, really hoped not.
But the pain in her ass never came.
Instead, Selphie found herself upright and in a surprising embrace. She cracked open an eye, meeting a chest of dark fabric and sucked in a sharp breath. Wiggling free from the grasp of her savior, Selphie opened her mouth to apologize profusely for crashing head first into the person... But instead, she was stunned into silence. A hell of a feat, Zell would say. Nearly impossible to imagine, Rinoa would add, with a little smirk on her lips.
“Selphie,” Seifer Almasy spoke her name as if it made him extremely uncomfortable. His expression was carefully sculpted; blank and impassive with only a slight twitch in his left brow that gave away the tension bubbling within him. He was so tall that Selphie felt like an insect beside him as she admired the aquamarine eyes staring so intently into her own. He didn’t look away, though she could tell that he really, really wanted to. There was a sort of tick in his jaw that made it highly obvious that he was resisting the urge to wrench his gaze away from hers.
“I didn't mean to--”
“I am so sorry. For everything I did to you and your loved ones,” Seifer cut her off, solemnly apologizing in a tone drenched with self-loathing. In another surprising display of growth, Seifer bowed his head toward her, shoulders slumping in the most awkward demonstration of shame as he laid himself bare for her forgiveness.
Her mouth dropped once more and Selphie stammered for something appropriate to say in return. In truth, she'd forgiven Seifer ages ago after everything came to light. His actions had been heavily swayed by Sorceress's and he hadn't been entirely himself. She knew that. She accepted it. She even accepted the faults he did have and forgave him for being an impeccable jerkface. Sure, Selphie was still sad about what happened to Trabia and not being able to stop the rocket from launching, but Trabia was resilient and was already rebuilding and bouncing back from the tragedy. Not only that, but they won in the end. It was all gravy. Water under the bridge. Selphie’s mind was racing at full speed and she realized that she was staring like a fool. She tried to smile and uttered the first thing that came to mind, “Thank you.”
Later, much later, she would briefly wonder why she said that of all things.
***
“La la la, and the moon shines down on meeeee!” Selphie sang softly to herself as she skipped out into the Quad. It was definitely past curfew, but she was a top ranking SeeD and Super Important (or so she would claim if someone busted her), so she didn't really put much thought into the risk of being caught. She couldn't sleep and wanted to spend her time stuck awake doing something productive. Like working on the decorations for the Festival. Sure, it was four months away, but there was no time like the present. Besides, what better way to spend sleeplessness than doing some work?
Selphie paused on the last step, tilting her head in wonder as she caught a figure out in the Quad already. Why was he out here? And so late? She hesitated, looking between the locked shed where she kept all of the Garden Festival decorations and supplies, and the man looking morose and slouchy as he stared out into the night. She could just ignore him and go about her business. If Seifer wanted to wallow like Squall beneath the stars, then by all means, she wouldn't stop him.
But maybe he needed a friend. And who was Selphie Tilmitt to deny someone a friend?
Selphie knew he didn't have any. Not anymore. Not at Garden anyway. Maybe Raijin and Fujin were around somewhere and maybe they were all still friends. Selphie didn’t have any idea about that. She did know that Seifer was always alone whenever she saw him. He ate alone. He studied alone. He wandered the halls alone. Frankly, Seifer was essentially the Squall Leonhart that she met two years ago. But way more handsome.
Her cheeks went pink at the sudden, intrusive thought that she had absolutely not invited to the party, and immediately slapped both of her cheeks lightly before determining that she should try to be his friend. Selphie straightened up (which was rather unimpressive) and marched over to where Seifer was standing by the railings of the Garden. She stood next to him, offering him a friendly yet tentative grin when he glanced over to see who was interrupting his peace. But Seifer said nothing; merely resuming his moping.
Instead of filling the silence with noise, Selphie chose to say nothing too. A first, no doubt and she could practically hear Zell gasping in shock over it. It was hard for her, most certainly, as she hated being stuck in pure silence more than anything. There was always something going on around her at all times. Conversations. Lectures. Music. Movies. Videos from random blogs. Selphie filled her life with it. She preferred it that way. She even slept with soft music on every night, because the silence would scare her when she was a child and it was a habit she never broke, not completely. Stillness meant spiraling. Silence meant overthinking. It meant regretting. It meant Survivor’s Guilt and Trauma, and all of the little things that Selphie Tilmitt did her damn best to brush away and shove into the very, very far back of her closet like she did with all of the things in her life that hurt her.
Her mouth twisted into a frown as she tried to think of something to do while she kept Seifer company. Selphie began to count the stars but lost interest after fifty-two, when realized that some might have been counted twice. Instead, she tried to find constellations, but realized in exasperation that she didn't even know where to begin with that. Quistis would know. She knew everything. Quisty was pretty much the smartest person Selphie knew. Not only that, but she was also mature and elegant and pretty in a grown up sort of way. All sorts of things Selphie Tilmitt would never be. Even as a grown adult, she was often called childish or cute. Like she was still a six year old. She was never seen as a real adult, or taken seriously.
“You're just so cute, Selphie, but this isn't what I want from a relationship.”
Her stomach instantly knotted as she recalled Irvine's list of reasons for ending their relationship. She wasn't mad at him for it, no. They were still friends. And he was much happier with someone else who was also mature and more lady-like than Selphie. Someone who was more elegant and worldly. He didn’t want a girl who couldn’t handle being quiet and found serious movies boring. Irvine had grown tired of her jokes, her humor, her silliness. He didn’t like that she avoided talking about things. Avoided the things she kept hidden away in the closet and pretended didn’t exist. So, Irvine dumped her.
It was a bummer. And she didn't like bummers. Those belonged buried in recesses of her mind. Sometimes, she wished she still used GFs so that she could forget all of the bummers.
All of the thinking silently wasn't doing her any favors. Selphie felt uncomfortable, almost itchy, as everything became stifling. It was going to drive her crazy or make her start thinking about why she wasn't good enough for Irvy all over again, or make her dwell on how she could have saved Trabia, and how she let down her friends and family... Nope. Nope Nope. She couldn't do it. She needed to cheer herself up as well as the guy next to her before she went insane. Selphie racked her mind for something to break the ice with, something to ask Seifer, or maybe a way to make him laugh. She tapped her chin in thought for a bit. What would make her happy right now?
“Ice Cream!”
Seifer turned his head slowly in her direction, brows furrowed in confusion at the sudden outburst, “Huh?”
“When I'm being a sad panda, ice cream usually cheers me up. So, we should get some! There's a place in the city that's open super duper late and they have every color of sprinkle,” she explained, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. A grin filled her face as she watched the incredulity in Seifer's. “C’mon, ya big mope. It's not every day a girl like me asks a boy like you out on a date,” she giggled as his mouth dropped open in astonishment next. Selphie tugged on the sleeve of his sweater, “You in?”
“What? Are you insane? It’s late. But... Yeah, sure, I guess. Yeah, I'm in,” he said slowly, still in shock over the whole exchange.
***
“I'm a Cancer,” Selphie told him, blinking her green eyes at him as they sat across from one another in the cafeteria. She tore into her sandwich, chewing and swallowing the bite in record-breaking time before she continued. “From what I read online, we're, like, really loyal and stuff. Oh! And we love making friends. Cancers like to be there for the people they care about and make sure everyone's safe. Defensive, I s’pose. I think it's pretty accurate.” She plucked up a pickle that fell from her sandwich and tossed it into her mouth, “What about you? What is your sign? When's your birthday? I can look up your sign later and tell you all about it tomorrow!”
Seifer seemed bewildered by the sudden change in conversation, or perhaps by the fact that Selphie had chosen to eat lunch with him every day that week. But, he hadn't asked her to leave. Not once. In fact, he seemed to be perfectly content with her presence, even when she rambled and shattered his silence with ease. After a pause, he responded quietly, “Capricorn, I think. My birthday is December 22nd.”
“Ohhhhh!” Selphie said dramatically, eyes widening as she considered what she might know about Capricorns. “You're on a cusp, I think! Pretty sure Capricorn starts on the 22nd, so like, you're almost Sagittarius too. I'll have to look this up later. It's fascinating! Maybe we're compatible! Sometimes, it'll tell you what other signs are destined to be your friends or significant other or even your enemy! Oh, I hope we're not enemies... That would be a super duper bummer.” She tapped her chin thoughtfully before taking another bite of her sandwich.
Another brief pause passed before Seifer spoke again, “Definitely not enemies. Not anymore.”
***
“Look, Selphie, you don't have to keep doing this,” Seifer paused just outside the library, waiting for her to catch up to his long strides.
She stopped right beside him, beaming delightfully at him, “Do what? Be awesome? Ha! I can't ever stop doing that, sweetie.” She punctuated the remark with a giggle, but something tugged in her stomach too. Selphie ignored it, attributing the unease to the excessive amount of coffee she had that morning.
Seifer chuckled darkly at her antics, but shook his head, “No, this. Being chummy with me. Forcing a friendship you clearly don't need. Look, I'm just here to make SeeD before I get deployed elsewhere. I don't intend to stay in Balamb. Leonhart already knows this. I made it crystal clear when he offered for me to resume my studies. I just want the damn title I've worked for since I was a kid. I want to make SeeD and leave. I want to be far from those I've hurt and the loathing looks I get every damn day. Away from the place that doesn't want me. I would rather be anywhere else but here.”
Selphie made a face as she considered Seifer's plight. She supposed that she couldn't blame him for wanting to leave Balamb Garden as soon as possible. It was no secret that the majority of those on campus didn't like Seifer, nor did they trust him. She had heard the jeers in the halls, seen the things written about him on the school forums. Selphie didn't like how mean people were to him either. Still, she wanted to be his friend. It wasn't a game or a trick, and she didn't gain anything from doing it. They'd been on okay terms once upon a time. A long, long time ago. When they were kids. And only when Seifer wasn't a total bully who stole her stuffies. Now that her memories were coming back since she stopped using GFs, Selphie could recall the times when she and Seifer had been full of mischief together as kids.
“Well, what's wrong with being your friend?” Selphie said with a shrug, watching as Seifer leaned against the wall outside of the library. He tilted his head back, letting it thunk gently against the wall. “Y’know, we got along when we were kids. Mostly. When you weren't a mega butthead. But, even if you plan to leave in a few months, you should still have someone to hang out with! And that's me! So, c'mon, you need to study and I wanna check out the new magazines. They come in on the first Tuesday of the month!” She grinned and yanked open the door to the library, waving Seifer forward.
He gave her a funny look, but shuffled into the library with her anyway. Aquamarine eyes looked at her with a reverence that made Selphie’s stomach flop. She promptly ignored that and immediately plucked a few magazines off the shelf to look at while Seifer did his homework.
***
Selphie stood in front of Seifer's door with a shit-eating grin on her face and her hands tucked behind her back. She'd never visited Seifer's room before and something about it excited her and there was an intense curiosity to know what kind of decor he put up. A dorm room could tell a lot, and she was eager to see if he was a slob or if he was the type to be tidy. Her gut instinct was maybe somewhere in between, but leaning tidy. Impatiently, Selphie tapped her foot as she waited for him to answer the door.
“Yes?” Seifer raised an eyebrow in surprise, startled to see her there. He clearly didn’t get a lot of visitors.
“I made you something!” Selphie said excitedly, ignoring the scoffing from behind her. A pair of students were muttering about the traitor. Since her hands were still behind her back, she promptly lifted her middle finger and hoped the duo saw it. If they did, they sure didn’t comment. Good.
Seifer sighed, rubbing his forehead, “Tilmitt. I don’t want to be your damn charity project, okay? It’s too much. You’re a SeeD, for fucks sake. People look up to you. You don’t need to be seen as the traitor’s friend. I appreciate what you’re doing, but I don’t need this. I never asked for your pity.”
Her face fell, lip sliding forward into a full-fledged pout. The idea of Seifer thinking that she was only being friendly because she pitied him wasn’t entirely untrue. Selphie felt very bad knowing that Seifer was essentially a lone wolf in Balamb Garden these days. He lost so much of that roughness he once had and seemed more like a shell of himself. Not that Selphie knew him during those days. She remembered him as a kid; mischievous and bossy, a little bit bratty. Then, fast forward a decade, she met him again when they were nearly adults. Though at first, Selphie hadn’t remembered him from the orphanage. Upon meeting Seifer during the Dollet mission, Selphie thought he seemed cool, if not a bit too brazen. She hadn’t really thought twice about following him into the radio tower. He was so confident and suave, his trenchcoat billowing out behind him like an absolute badass. Even the encounters after that, when Seifer taunted them and fought them, often acting on his master's orders, Selphie hadn’t hated him until the Trabia incident. But, to be fair, Selphie hated everyone at that moment and for a while thereafter. Seifer, for pressing the button. Edea for hoodwinking him. Squall for not listening to her insistence that they needed to move faster. Zell for mocking her whining. The Galbadian SeeD who got in their way and tried to prevent them from reaching the computer to stop the missiles.
Yet, there was no one she hated more than herself. If only Selphie had been smarter, she might have hacked into the system faster. If she’d been stronger or someone worth respecting, maybe others would have listened to her and seen the urgency in her request. Maybe if she’d done more. If she’d tried harder. So many ifs. So many maybes... and all of them hurt.
“You’re not my charity project,” Selphie responded earnestly, swallowing back the pain that threatened to overtake her. “I’m too busy to take on another project. But, I’m never too busy to make new friends or make amends. You screwed up, there’s no denying that. You made bad choices. Super duper bad ones. You paid for it. You’re still paying for it. But, what is there to gain from hating you for the rest of my life? I’m too young for those kinds of wrinkles, y’know?” She paused for only a moment before rambling on further, “I do kinda feel bad for you. Which is why I wanted to reach out. Not because I want something out of this, but because the world can’t be a better place if we don’t try to forgive. I know what was done to you, it was done to Rinoa too, but everyone shrugged that off even when she hurt people on the Lunar Base. Mind control is not consent, Seifer. What was done to you was atrocious. You’re still a dick, don’t get me wrong, and you were an idiot, but not all of those things you did were your own fault.”
Seifer shook his head and sighed quietly, “You're out of your damn mind. Well, come on in. We're attracting more than enough attention like this.” He stepped aside and waited for Selphie to enter.
His room was extremely tidy. Orderly. Minimalistic. Selphie peered around each corner of the room, looking at the weapon case on top of his dresser and the organized stack of textbooks beside the laptop on his desk. A navy blue lamp was on beside the laptop and Selphie assumed Seifer had been working on something for one of his classes. His bed was in the center of the back wall, right beneath the window. The bed was made, something that made Selphie's brows raise slightly as there were days she was too damn lazy to make her bed when she got up. The nightstand to the left of the bed was actually a small bookcase and Selphie could see a few Weapons Monthly issues and a couple of other texts. Seifer's walls were nearly bare, outside of a small painting of a beach above the dresser. All in all, pretty ordinary, but she hadn't expected Seifer to be as tidy as he was.
“Finished being nosy?” Seifer inquired dryly as he took a seat at his desk. “Sorry to disappoint you, but my room isn't very interesting. Feel free to comb through my closet if you wish. No skeletons in there. Or bodies.”
“Sorry,” Selphie murmured, feeling a little embarrassed at being caught scrutinizing his space. She stepped toward him and stretched out her hand, presenting him with a small, leather bound journal that she had filled with details about his star sign. Of course, without his exact time of birth, a lot of it was an estimate, but still fascinating. She even included some pictures she printed out and glued inside. And there was an entire page dedicated to their compatibility. As friends, of course, though Selphie had found herself a little flustered by the lovers section she read through. None of that made it into his book though, mostly because it seemed presumptuous.
Seifer took it from him and flipped it open, “Case of the Capricorn, by Selphie Tilmitt. Hmm. Thank you.” He flipped through a few more pages, running an index finger over some of the words. “You put a lot of work into this,” he noted, looking up at her.
“It was fun,” Selphie replied with a shrug.
After looking through it a bit more, Seifer stood up and set it on his bookcase nightstand and turned toward her. His expression was confusing, but mostly unreadable. She resisted the urge to fidget as he stared at her, though it was making her very antsy. Seifer spoke quietly, eyes trailing toward the floor as his hands slid into his pockets, “Thanks. For caring. For... being a friend.”
“You got it, buddy!” Selphie smiled.
***
Frustrated, Selphie considered burning her entire wardrobe.
Why didn't she listen to Quistis and Rinoa when they tried to encourage her to dress more grown up? Selphie had scoffed at the short-shorts, pencil skirts, crop tops, and blouses they suggested for her over and over again. Her closet was full of sundresses and flowing skirts, cute tops with polka dots or stripes, and the occasional pair of boring jeans. Not only that, but the only swimsuit she owned seemed completely juvenile. Not a bikini or even a sexy one piece, just a tank top and shorts combo in dark blue with ducklings patterned all over it. Selphie felt as if steam would come out of her ears at the absurdity of it all.
Yet, she couldn't grasp why it mattered.
So what if she wore a duck-themed swimsuit to the beach? Seifer wouldn't care. Or if he did, what did it matter? They weren't dating and she wasn't trying to impress him. Even if he was very pretty to look at and he was growing on her, it didn't mean anything. It was just a trip to the beach as friends. That was it. It had been her idea after all. Her suggestion after Seifer mentioned he hadn't done a proper beach trip since they were kids.
At the time, Selphie thought it was a great idea. Now? Not so much.
She pulled a teal halter dress over her swimsuit and slipped on her yellow sandals, resigning herself to looking like a child as she gathered her things and left to meet Seifer at the gates of Balamb Garden. Despite the annoyance, Selphie quickly changed her mood into something brighter, focusing on how much fun they would have at the beach together.
Seifer was already waiting for her, looking relaxed in a gray sleeveless shirt and forest green board shorts. If he was bothered by the strange looks he was receiving, he didn't show it at all. Waving, Selphie bounded over to him and grinned before taking his arm with her free hand and leading him out of the Garden.
Selphie rambled at him about everything and anything as they made the short walk down the path to the beach. It wasn't too crowded, but Selphie made sure to drag Seifer away from the families enjoying the time in the sun. She didn't want someone to recognize him and start something. It would ruin their trip. Besides, Selphie wanted Seifer to enjoy himself too. She settled on a place closer to the Fire Cavern and placed her towel down, hoping Seifer wouldn't comment on the floral and neon pink beach towel. Selphie dropped her bag down next to the towel and sat cross legged on the towel, rifling through the bag for her sunscreen.
“I burn easily,” Selphie told Seifer as she started with her legs. “Must have spent too much time in Trabia or somethin’. It was always cold up there. Got used to wearing winter clothes and sweaters all year pretty much. It's beautiful in the North, but nothing can compare to the sun and the beach!”
The subject of Trabia always brought about an air of discomfort with Seifer, and as usual, he didn't respond to it. Instead, he stared out at the waves while Selphie coated herself with sunscreen. Once finished, she took a minute to let the sunscreen settle and observed the man beside her. There was almost always a furrow to his brows that made Seifer appear angry and she noticed that he seldom seemed relaxed. She supposed it made sense, given all he'd been through, but Selphie wished he didn't seem so bothered all the time. He smiled sometimes, but even then, she could see the tension in him. One of these days, she would get him to let loose and be completely at ease. At least with her.
“Sand castle first?” Selphie asked as soon as the silence became too much for her. She eyed the damp sand in contemplation, already crafting an idea of what she would build. A castle, of course, but one with a moat and turrets and lots and lots of towers. Hopefully, Seifer would help her, but Selphie would do it on her own if he just wanted to sit and zone out a bit.
“If you want,” he murmured reluctantly, appearing to be rather uncertain of the idea. “Pretty sure I only ever destroyed sand castles. Never built them. Suppose it should have been a sign, huh?”
Selphie pursed her lips as she rose to her feet and placed her hands on her hips, “Absolutely not, Mister! No negative stuff today. Nope. Only happy stuff is allowed on the beach. It's the law!” She grinned and held out her hand to him.
About halfway through their attempt at a sandcastle, Selphie started getting bored. Her fingers hurt from digging through the sand and there was so much it stuck beneath her fingernails. They had made a moat, that was easy, and a few towers. That was good enough, wasn't it? She met Seifer's curious gaze and grinned, “Last one in is a rotten Chocobo egg!” She stuck out her tongue and darted toward the ocean, squealing slightly as the water tickled her knees. While the water wasn't freezing, Selphie still got a few goosebumps as she stood knee-deep in the ocean. It really was beautiful out here. Peaceful. She glanced over at Seifer, who joined her and stood next to her as the next wave came rushing toward them and splattered them with salty seawater.
“Do you know how to swim?” Seifer asked suddenly, giving her an unreadable look. Yet there was something untrustworthy there.
“Yes, why?”
He didn't give an answer. Instead, Seifer lifted Selphie up with ease, holding beneath her knees and back and chucked her into the ocean as if she weighed nothing at all. As if she were a rock being used to skip stones. Selphie screeched as she flailed around, her hair drenched and her eyes wide in shock. The smug look on Seifer's face was just like he used to look, when he was cocky and intimidating. Back when he wore a gray trench coat and wanted to be a Knight. He'd lost his shirt somewhere between sandcastle and ocean and Selphie found herself momentarily distracted by the muscular figure. How unfair it was that he was so gorgeous and she was nothing but the reigning chairwoman of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee.
“You. Are. The. Biggest. BUTTFACE!” Selphie shouted as she forcibly stopped ogling him. She charged through the water as fast as her little legs would go and pounced, climbing up Seifer's back like some sort of spider monkey as she attempted to knock him over. But, all he did was reach around and pull her off, proceeding to throw her into the water again.
After the third unsuccessful attempt at knocking him down, Seifer laughed. Laughed. Truly and completely laughed. Head thrown back in evil mirth as he enjoyed the soaking wet Selphie Tilmitt splutter and pluck seaweed from her hair. It was hard to be annoyed at him when he looked so calm and at ease. She laughed too, before she tried for the fourth time to get him into the water.
She succeeded, but Selphie had a feeling it was only because Seifer let her win.
***
“You spend a lot of time with him these days.”
“Hm? I guess so! But I spend a lot of time with everyone, when it works out,” Selphie replied, tilting her head to the side as she watched Rinoa’s dark eyes narrow from across the table. They were out to brunch in downtown Balamb City, drinking mimosas and taking their time heading back to Garden. It was a monthly tradition. Usually Quistis joined as well, but she was swamped with obligations at the moment and bowed out at the last minute.
Rinoa lifted the glass to her lips and took a long sip, staring at Selphie as she did so. Her long black hair was pulled into a high ponytail, with wispy strands framing her face. Rinny always looked so fashionable and cool, and effortlessly so. Once she set her glass down, Rinoa immediately dove into her questions, “What's he like now? I think he's avoiding me. He seems to try and run the other way whenever I seek him out. Are you interested in him? I know you and Irvine have been broken up for a while, is this some sort of rebound attempt? I could set you up on a date with someone I know from Deling City instead.”
Selphie laughed, but she felt a tug in her tummy of nervousness that she didn't like at all, “It's not like that! Just trying to make amends. That's all. Why are you looking for him?” She hoped the latter didn't sound like a snotty retort. Because it didn't matter if Rinny wanted to talk to Seifer. Or be his friend too. Or get some closure. Rinoa was still dating Squall, so it's not like she was looking for anything else. Hopefully. But, she’d liked Seifer once upon a time, hadn’t she? Selphie knew they hadn’t dated for too long, but maybe Rinoa still held a candle for him. She resisted the urge to squirm in her seat.
“I would also like to make amends. And talk to someone else who has been through it. The mind control,” Rinoa said quietly, mouth twitching into a frown.
That made sense. Perfect sense. And for some reason, Selphie felt completely relieved by that reasoning. Like the little string stretching tight in her stomach snapped, alleviating the discomfort.
She tried not to think about it.
***
“Do you ever stop moving? Or talking?” Seifer asked in sheer exasperation. They were in his room again, mostly because Selphie invited herself to his solo study party. She offered to quiz him on all of the battle functions, but he declined, much to her disappointment. She really wanted to tell him about the rhyme she made up to remember it all.
Selphie sat cross-legged on his floor, resting her back against the bed. She shrugged as the smile faltered slightly, “Only when I sleep, I guess. Or when I have to.” The more noise and light she let into her life, the smaller the shadow behind her seemed to get. There was enough rattling around in her head as it was, what with Irvine showing off his new girlfriend and the nightmares she had about being trapped in Time Compression. Selphie resisted a shudder as she recalled how it felt to feel lost in time and space. To be surrounded with emptiness that also smothered and constricted. The feeling of not being able to breathe, of seeing nothing but stark white around her as she ran with no destination in sight.
Seifer was watching her curiously, eyes narrowed in that way of his that made him look pissed off. By now, Selphie knew he wasn't. That was just his face. He huffed through his nose, “You've got baggage, don't you?”
“Huh?” Selphie asked, glancing up at the small clock on Seifer's desk. Shoot. She only had ten more minutes before she needed to meet Quisty in the Training Center. Selphie had offered to be Quistis’s dueling partner in a demonstration for her class. She couldn't be late.
“You,” Seifer pointed at her with the eraser end of his pencil and raised a single eyebrow. “Tilmitt, have baggage, and you think you can banish it away with smiles and giggles. One of these days, all those things you're ignoring are going to eat you alive. Trust me, I know.”
Rising to her feet, Selphie merely smiled cluelessly before she headed off to meet Quisty. She didn't want to be eaten alive, but she didn't want to break either. If she wasn't all smiles and sunshine and positivity, then what good would she be to anyone?
***
“You are a pain in the ass,” Seifer muttered and rolled his eyes, glowering at the brunette grinning like a lunatic at him.
They were sitting in the quad, Seifer keeping her company while she finished up some of the decorations for the upcoming Garden Festival. Selphie dipped her paint brush into the bucket of forest green paint, gently tapped it on the edge of the can to get rid of a blob, and began to color in the leaves of her banner, “Am not! You're just being a stinker because you know I'm right.”
“Tonberries will fly before I ever concede on this one,” Seifer retorted vehemently.
Selphie shrugged as she delicately slid her paint brush across the outline, “I'm just saying, you and Squally are a lot alike. If you two ever stopped being pissy with each other, you might actually get along.” Selphie paused, lifting her head up to meet his aquamarine eyes, “You guys are kinda like brothers, actually. You know, always ragging on one another... Purposefully being snappy... Taunting... The pissing contests...”
Seifer snorted derisively and glared harder at her, “Are you deliberately trying to piss me off, Tilmitt?”
“No,” she said innocently, dipping her brush in the paint once more before coloring another leaf. “Just speakin’ the good ol’ honest truth.”
“More like talking out your ass.”
“So crass,” she reprimanded lightly, almost primly, and rolled her eyes. A brief pause, and she couldn’t resist adding, “But you know I'm right.”
“When Tonberries fly.”
***
Selphie frowned, her cheeks pink as she watched Zell hurry off angrily. He didn't like her friendship with Seifer, but he didn't have to be a jerk about it in front of him. Nor did Seifer need to call him a Chickenwuss either. Her patience for men was growing thin at the moment and she rubbed the bridge of her nose before glaring at Seifer.
“What? He asked for it. He started it, too,,” Seifer muttered as the two walked through the halls back toward the dorms. They'd encountered Zell outside the cafeteria and it went as well as expected. Badly.
“I know he was being a butthead,” Selphie sighed deeply, smoothing down her skirt for no real reason other than something to do with her hands before she tugged on her hair and ripped it all out. “But you didn't need to escalate it. You know he hates being called that.”
Seifer shrugged defiantly, sneering like he used to a few years prior, “Then he shouldn't be one.”
Selphie groaned loudly, earning a few strange looks. She ignored them, because she didn't really care what they thought. She did care about Zelly though and didn't want him to end up hating her. He was already grumpy about her new friend as it was, even hurting Selphie’s feelings by reminding her of all of the bad things Seifer did under mind control. As if she would ever forget. As if she could forget. Trabia hung heavy on her shoulders every day, but it wasn't entirely his fault. Matron could be held accountable too. Galbadian soldiers. Adel. Ultimecia. Even Squall, for wasting time when they could have gone straight to the base.
And me.
The thought stung like a bee and Selphie nearly recoiled, but caught herself. Instead, she merely looked up at Seifer and tried not to seem as distressed as she felt, “Maybe next time... A little less name calling? Especially to my other friends, ‘kay?”
“Depends on his choice of words.”
“Ugh. You're so stubborn sometimes,” Selphie complained as they turned down the hall for the dormitories.
***
Selphie jumped when she heard a knocking at her door. She'd been engrossed in the blog entry she was working on detailing the Garden Festival coming up the following month. Even though Selphie never meant to, she always got a bit wordy and rambly in her posts. Oh well. She liked being thorough and detailed. People still read it. Or at least, she always got a lot of likes on her posts.
She pulled open the door, eyes widening both surprise and delight as she caught sight of Seifer standing there awkwardly. Fists clenched at his sides, he seemed incredibly uneasy being in the SeeD hallway. But, she did note that Seifer looked very nice in his cadet uniform. Selphie immediately shook those thoughts from her head, “Hiya! How'd it go?”
“Passed,” Seifer told her, a slight twitch to his lips giving away his pleasure at having completed the Fire Cavern exam. It wasn't the first time he passed. He'd done so every other time he took it too, but this go around, Seifer was dead set on succeeding. He was determined to make it all the way to the finish line. Selphie knew this was just the first step. But, not only that, it was one step closer to Seifer leaving Balamb permanently. She didn't have any delusions about his return. Seifer would never come back to Balamb Garden unless, for some reason, Squall ordered him to do so.
For some reason, that made Selphie incredibly distressed.
“I knew you would!” her reply fell a little flat as the idea of him disappearing into the ether made more and more of a home inside her head. Seifer was growing on her. Too much. His crummy moods and snarky attitude had taken up residence within her, bringing delight and bemusement. A warmth that Selphie really, really didn't want to confront. He was leaving. LEAVING, dammit. This was a temporary, but necessary friendship. One that helped them both mend. Once he was gone, Selphie would busy herself with a dozen other things.
Seifer was no fool and he could see there was something amiss. His brows wrinkled and his arms crossed over his chest, “Did I catch you at a bad time?”
“Nope!” Selphie shook her head, trying to find her footing again. “Totally fine. I'm so glad you passed! And you came to tell me first thing! I'm honored!” She fluttered her eyelashes at him in jest.
He didn't look as if he believed her. Not one bit. But he didn't comment. He just kept a wary gaze upon her as she rambled on about what came next.
***
The day after Seifer's victory in the Fire Cavern exam, Selphie convinced him to go to Balamb City with her and have lunch. She was craving a fish sandwich, one of the good ones that they sold at the diner by the Pier. So, Seifer was going to be forced to come along. Not that he seemed opposed to the idea. His only caveat about it was the reactions he might get from those who recognized him as the Sorceress's Lapdog.
They ate outside, enjoying the warmth though Selphie made sure to keep beneath the umbrella since she hadn't worn any sunscreen. Still, it was gorgeous outside. The sky was a clear blue, birds were flying overhead, and the ocean’s soft waves crashed gently against the rocks. Not to mention, she had good company who was currently teasing her about the mismatched socks she was wearing.
“I didn't realize they were two different shades of blue!” Selphie protested, her ears going a bit pink. She was wearing a pair of jeans shorts and some yellow high top sneakers, but an inch of her slightly mismatched blue socks stuck out from the shoes and Seifer thought it hilarious. “I hate folding laundry! Socks are the worst!”
“It's not that bad. Put on the TV while you do it. Or the radio. Or use it as time to reflect on your day,” Seifer chuckled and took a long drink of his iced tea. Sugarless iced tea. A travesty.
The idea of reflecting made Selphie wrinkle her nose. It was almost as deplorable as the sugar-free drink.
“Hmm,” Seifer muttered in a rather cocky, know-it-all sort of way that made Selphie attempt to wrinkle her nose further.
She wiped her face with a napkin, “What?”
Seifer smiled, but in a devious manner that Selphie had learned meant no good. He looked so damn smug that she really wanted to throw her chips at him. But that would be wasting perfectly good chips, so Selphie refrained as she waited for Seifer to explain himself. He did, after a long pause that nearly drove her mad. “You remember when I said you had baggage?” He asked mildly, reaching across the table to take one of Selphie's chips, since he already finished his own.
“Rude,” she complained, ignoring his remark about baggage.
“What really goes on in that pretty little head of yours? I know it's not entirely full of sparkles and pixie dust. What about in the corners? I'm sure there's a ton of dust and--”
“There's nothing,” she said a little too quickly to be believable. Her cheeks were pink, but that was entirely because Selphie was focusing on the word pretty. Did Seifer really think that? Or was it just something he said out of the blue? What did it matter if he did think she was pretty?
She thought he was pretty, too, but those words were definitely not coming out of her mouth. Not right now. Maybe never. Definitely never.
His voice softened uncharacteristically, “You know you can tell me, right? Anything you want. You've helped me out all this time, so it's only fair you unload on me if you need to.”
“Okie dokie!” Selphie said with a smile that didn't feel very good.
***
The Garden Festival came and went. A great success, but Seifer didn't go. Not that Selphie expected him to. Seifer Almasy wouldn't dare attend a party where the majority of the guests hated him for one reason or another. That was just asking for someone to get too drunk and start a fight. Selphie understood that, even if it was a pretty big bummer that he couldn't see how awesome it all turned out to be. While Selphie socialized and danced and had one too many cocktails, Seifer used the distraction to work out in the Training Center. The night was great, but Selphie couldn't help but feel like something was missing. Still, it was a great success and she wished he could have been there to see it.
Not that she didn't tell him all about it that very night.
Tipsy and tired, Selphie ended up at his door at half past midnight to see if he was awake. She rambled at him for a while about every little detail before she yawned one too many times and Seifer kicked her out of his room. Sadly, that was the last time she got to speak with him for a while.
As a high ranking SeeD, Selphie had responsibilities. Important ones. Like helping with the SeeD exam and preparing for any worst case scenarios. She would be in charge of monitoring a certain area when the time came and helping judge the cadets. She ran practice drills with the other SeeD and spent hours going over the location and the mission, along with any and all contingency plans. Combining all of that with her normal duties, Selphie was exhausted and barely had time to eat during all of that. Seifer was busy too, with studies and training and guaranteeing his success.
But as the day approached, Selphie realized she would have to say goodbye sooner rather than later.
She didn't want to say goodbye.
All of the little quips from Rinoa and sarcastic remarks from Zell started to weigh down on her. Maybe... Maybe Selphie did spend too much time with Seifer. Maybe she was going out of her way to find the time to spend with him. Now that she couldn't, it was noticeable how much Selphie enjoyed his presence and his company. Seifer was a good guy, even if he didn't think so. He was remorseful for his actions, apologetic. He didn't shy away from the things he had done and fully embraced the failures of his past. Seifer was here, in Balamb, fighting for the life he had wanted for so long despite the hatred he encountered every day. He was admirable in his actions.
And Selphie liked it. Liked him. More than she wanted to admit. The months... How many now? Nine? Ten? Whatever it was, Selphie had gone from pitying him to truly caring about him. Yeah, he was a stubborn ass and was sarcastic more often than she'd like, but he was funny. He was honest. He was strong. He was handsome, too.
Oh, boy, was she in trouble.
Big, giant, humongous amounts of trouble.
Well, what was one more thing on the pile of stuff she didn't want to think or talk about?
***
Selphie joined Seifer in the Training Center one evening, offering to keep him company while he got his practice in. He seemed pleased to have her there, requesting she tell him if he did anything that would cause him to lose points in the SeeD exam. Selphie tried, she did, but it was too easy to get distracted by the muscular arms flexing as he wielded his one-handed Gunblade. He looked so attractive with his messy hair and his short-sleeved white shirt straining against his skin with the movements. Her heart thumped mercilessly as she watched him with wide eyes and a need pooling in her stomach that she very much wanted to ignore.
When he slaughtered the last Grat, Seifer let out a sigh of relief and with an air of cockiness, strode over to Selphie to retrieve his water bottle. He glanced at her as he drank deeply before setting the bottle back down beside her, “Cat got your tongue?”
“No,” she said quickly, too quickly. She fiddled with her necklace as she scrambled for something else to say. “You're doing really well. Seriously, Seify. I can't find anything to nag you about.”
“If you're sure,” Seifer said, sounding unconvinced. He surveyed the Training Center, eyeing the other enemies lurking off in the distance. “Come fight with me.”
Selphie blinked, “What?” Of course, she brought her nunchaku with her. She wouldn't dare set foot in this place without it. Even if she didn't intend to use it.
Seifer smirked, but his eyes were kind. He held out a hand to her, “Come on. Show me how a SeeD fights. How a hero fights.”
“You've battled me before, Seifer. Multiple times! Besides, I'm not even that great of a fighter, everyone else was better than me. I was pretty pathetic compared to them. Even Rinny! It's a miracle I even made SeeD, to be honest,” Selphie snapped her mouth shut, realizing she had rambled and accidentally slipped into a bad place. She never wanted anyone to know how much lesser she felt than her friends. How Selphie felt so utterly useless compared to everyone. How she didn't really excel at anything. She was not the best fighter, not even with nunchaku. Nor did Selphie excel in Magic or Healing. Her agility was so-so, but Zell was always better. Really, all she had been good for was to keep everyone's spirits up and help heal when needed. Just because she was in the right place at the right time meant Selphie Tilmitt was seen as a hero. She wasn't. She was just a tagalong who got lucky.
Seifer's eyes narrowed, but he reached for the hand still clenched tight in her lap. Unfurling it, he pulled her upright and stared down into her face with a hard, firm look, “I remember getting walloped by your nunchaku and being on the receiving end of a few chained Ultima’s that I had no hope of defending against.” He paused for only a moment, “I think I found your baggage. I think this is the first time you have ever let me see what might lie beyond your happy little tower. Well, since I think you're full of shit, you definitely have to fight with me now. I know you're a little badass, so let's see it.”
“I... I don't...” Selphie was at a loss for words, losing her grip on the smile she always had at the ready. If she fought alongside him, Seifer would see that her rank was a mistake.
He tugged her along with him, his hand holding tight onto hers. A quick Fire spell got the attention of three Grats that immediately reacted and sent their vines flailing in Seifer’s direction. He let go of her hand and Selphie realized that she very much wanted him to hold it again. But, she focused, trying her best not to embarrass herself or disappoint Seifer. She quickly cast a Protect onto him before settling beside him with her nunchaku at the ready.
The two of them fought several groups of enemies together, working fluidly as Seifer took the monster's attention while Selphie used Magic or finished them off with her weapon. It wasn't a disaster. In fact, Selphie found that she was having a good time and letting loose with him in the Training Center was a boon for them both. She followed him around until they were both spent and sweating, their legs tired as they traipsed back toward the exit.
“Ohh, I need a shower,” Selphie complained as she noticed some Grat spittle on her clothes. Gross. Absolutely gross. Not to mention, she was pretty sweaty anyway.
Seifer stopped her, reaching out to touch her shoulder as they left the Center, “Selphie. You're amazing. I mean that.” A strange sort of softness enveloped his features. “I hope you will confide in me one day. But, more importantly, you deserve that title. You are a SeeD. Hands down. Don't you dare ever let anyone tell you that you aren't good enough. You are. More than half of those assholes out there.”
Her mouth dropped slightly. Stunned. Flustered. Selphie didn't know what to say. She merely nodded a few times and suggested they turn in for the night, rambling on about how badly she wanted to get out of her dirty clothes.
But she replayed his words over and over and over in her head for a long time afterwards.
***
“We broke up because... because... Irvine said it wasn't working out. He said that he wanted someone more mature, with similar interests as him, and that he didn't feel like I was the right person. That I was fun and all, but I wasn't serious relationship material. He couldn’t picture a real future with me,” Selphie practically whispered the words, hating hearing them aloud. It felt like Seifer would suddenly understand and agree before disappearing from her life. How had this man become so important? How had he wormed his way into her life enough for her to tell him things like this? She swallowed hard, feeling suddenly a little clammy as she stood beside Seifer out in the Quad. After curfew, of course.
“That's... rough. Sorry to hear that,” Seifer murmured, staring out across the sea as he always did when they were out here. “You deserve better than that anyway. He's always flirting with every girl he comes across. Doubt he knows the first thing about loyalty. You're better off without him.”
A need to defend her friend pulsed within her, “Hey, Irvy is still my friend, you know. He's not a bad person, not at all!”
“Maybe, but he's pretty scummy. I wasn't exaggerating when I said he was always flirting. Maybe he isn't the type to settle. But either way, you deserve better,” Seifer said with a shrug, as if insulting one of Selphie's other friends didn't bother him in the slightest. “I hate people like that. Loyalty is important. So is trust. You can't have a relationship without them. I wouldn't ever even look at another woman if I... had a partner.”
“That's really sweet,” Selphie said, though she was still a bit irked by his mean comments towards Irvine. “You'll probably find someone amazing wherever Squall sends you once you make SeeD.” Just saying it stung. It was like a dozen daggers puncturing her heart as she considered Seifer leaving and meeting someone else. He would meet a great person and he would fall in love and live happily ever after and why did it hurt so much to think about it? Selphie felt like she couldn’t swallow properly anymore. There was a tightness there, but she managed to keep herself steady.
Seifer sighed quietly, turning to look at her briefly, “You will too. Meet someone amazing, I mean. Someone worthwhile of that blazing sun you carry within you.” His jaw clenched and those beautiful aquamarine eyes of him flicked down to her lips for the briefest of moments. So quickly that Selphie was certain she imagined it.
***
Selphie paced in her bedroom, her radio on in an attempt to block out all of the noise inside her own head. One wrong step and she would crack. She was so close to breaking as it was. The stress. The anxiety. The impending goodbye. It was battering down her shields like a bulldozer. Her skeletons in the closet were going to be uncovered and Selphie wasn't ready. She didn't want to think. She didn't want to confront all of the things that made her sad and made her hurt. It was so much easier to ignore them, so why wasn't she? Why couldn't she ignore it? Her stomach hurt and her chest felt heavy.
Seifer passed the SeeD exam. Squall had told her in private before he left to go meet with all of the new SeeD. Mostly because she’d asked him in rapid succession and blocked his way until Squall divulged the news. She was happy for Seifer. But also... not.
Yes, he finally got what he wanted.
But now, he would leave Balamb Garden and never look back.
And Selphie didn't intend on leaving. She was to stay in Balamb Garden, as one of Squall’s highest ranking officials. As an instructor and a hero. As head of the Garden Festival. She couldn't just go. So this was it. Goodbye. She felt her eyes prickle and her lower lip trembled with the threat of breaking the dam.
Would Seifer even say goodbye to her? Selphie wasn't sure if he would. Maybe he would pack his stuff and just leave. Maybe he wouldn't even be at the celebration that evening. Squall would be introducing the new SeeD to everyone in Balamb Garden, along with politicians from various places and other higher-ups. But Seifer would not want that attention. He wouldn't want to be seen, to have people side-eye him and whisper about his past transgressions.
A tear slipped beyond her crumbling shields as she realized there might not be a chance to say goodbye.
And how badly she didn't want him to go.
***
Selphie sprinted through the halls, practically sliding to a halt in front of Seifer's door. She knocked once. Twice. Three times. Four times.
No answer.
Panic climbed up her esophagus and smothered her, but she merely blinked away the sorrow and turned on her heel, speeding toward the elevator. So what if Squall was busy with preparations for the evening. Selphie needed to know. She needed to know where Seifer went. If it was too late. She swallowed hard as she slammed the button for the third floor over and over again and bounced from foot to foot as the damn device moved slowly upwards.
Ding.
She bolted. Sprinting down the red carpet like a Chocobo racing. She knocked hurriedly on Squall's door, fidgeting and pacing and bouncing with all of the pent up, nervous energy within her. Selphie felt as if she were going to explode. She was going to burst. She was going to scream until her voice went hoarse.
Squall opened the door, raising an eyebrow, “What are you--”
Selphie gasped, relief settling in her chest. She pushed past Squall, letting herself into the office despite his gruff sounds of displeasure. Seifer was there. Sitting in a chair at the desk, signing a sheet of paper. The blonde turned to stare at Selphie quizzically, “Selphie, are you--”
“I thought you left without saying goodbye!” Selphie blurted out, voice breathless and rushed. She panted, the effort of all of it finally leaving her winded. Her face immediately flushed as she scrambled to fix the awkward moment. Squall was staring at her with his mouth slightly ajar and his brows furrowed, while Seifer seemed to be utterly perplexed. She was making an absolute fool of herself and she didn't know how to stop. “I... I went to your room and you weren't there so I thought maybe you just left. Like, got on a boat and peaced out. I needed to know if you left already and I knew Squall would know. So I... I... came here.”
“No,” Seifer said slowly, confusion spreading further across his face. “I haven't left. Not yet.”
“We haven't finished discussing his placement,” Squall interjected awkwardly, finally taking a seat at his desk. He didn't look at Selphie, seemingly disturbed by the display going on in his office. “He cannot leave until after the ceremony regardless.”
“You're going?” Selphie said incredulously. Her face burned with shame for her actions.
Seifer shrugged, but he looked thoroughly displeased, “Have to, I guess. It's a formality. Or whatever the fuck Puberty Boy says it is.”
“Don't make me regret this, Almasy,” Squall muttered as he forcibly stamped one of the papers with the seal of Balamb Garden. “If you don't mind, Selphie, I have business to attend to. You are dismissed.”
***
Dressed in her SeeD uniform, Selphie frowned as she looked at herself in the mirror. She was about to finish styling her hair, but there was something wrong. There was something off about her reflection. Selphie took in her pale face and the sad green eyes that stared back at her. She swallowed hard, feeling like she might cry. Looking down at her neon pink curling iron, Selphie reached out and unplugged it.
For the first time in over ten years, Selphie Tilmitt didn't curl her hair.
She brushed her hair until the flat, brown locks hung loose around her shoulders. It was strange to see. It was different. But she felt different. There was a light in her life that was about to go out. Seifer was leaving and she was slowly coming to terms with the immense feeling in her chest. She liked him. More than liked him. Selphie admired him. His determination to keep going, even when everyone spit on him. She liked his honesty. The blunt way he spoke. Even the teasing. This was different from how she felt about Irvine. This felt... big. Serious. Intense. It felt like her heart would burst right out of her chest.
But what could she do? It was too late. There was no point. There was no hope that Seifer even felt the same. Selphie had been a convenient friend to help him through this. He would move on and live his life away from Balamb. Likely, Seifer would never think about her again.
Suddenly, Selphie found it hard to breathe.
She swallowed hard again and gripped the sides of the sink with trembling hands. She could do this. She could get through the night, say goodbye, cry her broken heart away, and wake up tomorrow ready to smile. There was nothing else to be done. Quickly running a hand through her loose hair, Selphie tried not to think about her chaotic feelings and continued to get ready for the party.
***
Squall's speech was so boring that Selphie felt like her brain would rot. The finish line was a victory they all shared, relief spreading within her as he finally stopped talking and encouraged everyone to dance and be merry as they celebrated the new SeeD. She'd seen Seifer from a distance, as he was presented his SeeD pin, and Selphie couldn't deny that he looked so handsome in the uniform. She clapped harder for him than any of the others and didn't even bat an eye at the eyebrow raise she received from Rinoa.
Hastily, Selphie excused herself from her friend's side and moved through the crowd. Where did Seifer go? He was just by the stage and... Aha. He was trying to leave already. He wasn't going to stay? Not been for a bit? Selphie pushed through the crowd faster, dashing toward the hallway and nearly tripping over her own two feet.
“Hey, Mister!” Selphie called, pausing in her tracks. If he wanted to go, Selphie would let him, but she would try to get him to stay. Just for the night. Just for this moment.
Seifer turned and his brows raised immediately, taking in the missing hair style as Selphie took another step toward him, “Hey. The important part is over so I--”
“You owe me a dance!” Selphie blurted out, pleading with her eyes. “Please?” Desperately, Selphie held out her hand and waited to see what Seifer would do. The seconds felt like eons as she watched Seifer slowly make his way back toward her. He took her hand in his, unease spreading across his face as Selphie dragged him to the dance floor.
“Selphie, I don't know if this is a good idea,” he muttered darkly, shoulders slumping slightly as eyes followed their every move. Whispers seemed to chase them. There were still so many that didn't understand why Seifer was here, why Squall permitted him to return. They didn't believe that he deserved the title of SeeD. But Selphie knew that he did. Seifer deserved this.
Selphie lifted her chin in defiance, not bothering at all to acknowledge those staring at her; at the both of them in wonder. Why couldn't they give him a chance? A second chance? Just as she did. Seifer had done nothing but be on his best behavior. Apologetic. Honest. He didn't hide away from the wrongs he committed. He didn't lie or try to brush it off. He faced hatred and animosity every single day and kept going. The strength in him was astounding and she was so glad to have made friends with him.
“I don't care what they think,” she told him quietly, placing one of her hands on his shoulder while the other remained in his grasp. “I want you to dance with me. But, I should warn you. I'm not very good. I apologize for your broken toes in advance, heehee.”
He chuckled and began to move with her, leading Selphie into a less than graceful dance. Neither of them were any good at it, but they were trying and persevering. That's what mattered. Seifer didn't even bat an eye as Selphie trampled over his foot not once or twice, but several times. They didn't pay any mind to the questionable glances they were receiving. It was just them. Just the two of them. Together. Enjoying the peace. For once, Selphie wasn't going crazy in the silence. Her mind was calm as she drowned in the aquamarine beauty of his eyes.
Several songs played before they broke apart and retreated from the dance floor. Seifer didn't let go of her hand, but Selphie didn't mind. She felt overly warm, flustered, excited, nervous. So many things at once. She was electric. Buzzing with the countless things she felt inside her head at that moment. All of the things she wanted to say blurred together. At that moment, Selphie felt as if they were alone. Just them. The music faded to nothingness and the people blurred into the background. Just her and Seifer.
“I like you,” the words escaped before Selphie even had a moment to consider how she wanted to tell him how she felt. “And I don't want you to go. And I really, really want to kiss you right now.”
The corner of his mouth twitched upwards and a positively impish look took over Seifer. Still holding tight onto her hand, Seifer led her out of the hall and away from the audience that she'd nearly forgotten about entirely. The quiet of the rest of the Garden seemed stifling as they left together, hand in hand. She waited, agonizingly impatient, as she trailed behind Seifer while he pulled her further down the corridor away from the noise and the celebrations.
“Selphie,” he said firmly as they reached the circular atrium of Garden. There wasn't a soul in sight. “I'm not going to bother listing off the reasons why you shouldn't like me. You already know everything and I won't belittle you by reiterating our past. But I am leaving. Leonhart is having me sent to the Estharian region for a year. The Lunar Cry caused a lot of chaos over there and they needed some additional muscle to help cull the sudden influx of monsters. Not only that, but to also secure the Sorceress Memorial that has been overtaken by bandits and rebels. I'm not going to tell you what to do. But... If you want this to be something... long distance for a while. Well, I'm in. I'm pretty fond of you too, for one reason or another. Baggage and all. I'll be back briefly for another deployment after Esthar, but I don't know if I’ll ever stay in Balamb longterm.”
A numbness spread through her body, beginning with her toes as she nodded slowly. She appreciated his honesty. She appreciated how much Seifer respected her. He didn't treat her like a kid, or like she was a fool. He was content to let her make the decision. The idea of him being so far away worried her and for once, Selphie didn't push the concern aside. Instead, she voiced it, nervously, “I... I want that. I want there to be an us. But won't you forget about me? Out of sight, out of mind and all...”
Seifer let go of her hand and placed both of his on her shoulders, smirking down at her in that annoying way of his, “I could say the same for you, no? Whose to say you won't forget about me? Besides, didn't I tell you already? I'm loyal. Once I'm in, I'm all in. If I ever became uninterested or I thought it wasn't working out, you'd be the first to know. I'm not one to play games when it comes to my relationships.”
“Okay,” she managed to breathe out, still reeling from how everything was turning out.
“Glad to see you letting out some of those thoughts of yours. Once I'm settled in Esthar, I'll call you. We can talk on the phone as often as we can make it work. You can send me emails too. Can't promise I'll reply to all of them, but I'll read them,” he told her, sounding a bit wistful. Maybe the idea of leaving wasn't sounding so hot to him either. But what was done was done.
Selphie nodded, already considering the time difference and her schedule and how she could set aside a designated time to talk to him, “I'll come visit when I take a vacation. I'm owed lots of vacation time at this point since I haven't made any requests in a long time.” She looked up at him hopefully.
“That would be great. Well, now that we have that sorted out... I think there was something else you mentioned wanting?” Seifer replied in a smug sort of manner before he leaned in and kissed her square on the lips.
She could have melted right then and there. It was perfect. Everything she wanted it to be. Selphie dug her fingers into his shoulders as she tried to kiss him harder, feeling like she was finally setting herself free. When she pulled away, they were both grinning and Seifer seemed eager for more, but Selphie had something else to say.
“I have a lot of baggage,” she admitted, wrinkling her nose as she considered all of the things she didn’t want to think about or talk about. “Like, loads of it. I probably need therapy?” Selphie tilted her head, flustered as she admitted those things about herself.
“Definitely,” he agreed, running a hand through her hair with a slight frown. “One step at a time though, Tilmitt. First step is admitting you have a problem. Lets get out of here, before the celebrations end. Maybe... Maybe you can stay over in my room tonight?” Seifer’s eyes flashed deviously and his lips puckered into a smarmy look that made Selphie both exasperated and elated.
Selphie giggled and took his hand in hers, dragging him behind her as she started toward the dormitories, “Hope you’re ready to learn ‘bout all the skellies I’ve got in my closet!”
And, really, Selphie felt okay with that. Seifer wouldn’t judge her for the countless things she kept concealed from everyone. Wouldn’t hate her for her thoughts. Or fault her for the pain she pushed away. He would be honest with her, but nothing she could say would send him away screaming. In fact, Selphie had an inkling that maybe Seifer could relate in some ways. And maybe, they would do more than just talk. She really wouldn’t mind kissing him again. Not at all. Even though she would need to say goodbye, not all of their night together needed to be a super, duper mega bummer.