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"Can I sit here? Everywhere else is full."
"No, fuck off."
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"Have you seen a toad? A boy named Neville's lost one."
"Closest thing man's seen to a toad today is your minging face mate."
"Oh? You're doing magic? Let's see then."
"I'm just blatantly not though am I, go fuck yourself, inbred cunt."
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"I'm Malfoy, Draco Malfoy."
"Get the fuck outta my face."
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"Ambition... Bravery... Slytherin could do great things for you."
"Do I look like I care?"
"Better be... Gryffindor!"
"We got Potter!"
"Piss off you absolute gimps."
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"Guess fame isn't everything, is it?"
"Crucio."
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"Maybe that fat lump wouldn't have lost this if he didn't fall on his fat arse."
"Nice one mate, well clever that."
"Come get it then, Potter."
"I'd rather not to be fair. I'm not bothered."
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"I'm going to bed, before either of you get us killed, or worse, expelled."
"Fucking neek, go do one."
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"I-I'll fight you!"
"Genuinely kill yourself, actual loser man."
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"Ron no!"
"What on earth could be wrong."
"He's going to sacrifice himself!"
"Thank god, oh my days, that ginger prick was jarring as fuck."
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"What do you see in the mirror? Speak now!"
"I see me..."
"What are you doing?"
"And I'm..."
"Yes?"
"Shagging your mum...she likes it... she's moaning..."
"He lies!"
"No shit mate."
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"Master Harry Potter must not return to Hogwarts!"
"I don't wanna go back to that shithole mate, everyone's a neek and all the girls are butters."
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"Harry Potter! I'm Colin Creevey, I'm a big fan! Can I get your photo?"
"Fuck off you beg."
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"You did this... you killed my cat!"
"I'll fucking bang your stupid face in if you keep talking to me like that."
"Oh I've got you this time, Potter."
"I'm gonna shank you up mate."
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"The chambers of secrets has been opened? Enemies of the heir beware?"
"Why does this affect me? I don't even wanna go to this fucking school."
"Harry, you speak in roadman, that isn't normal in the wizarding world."
"Do I look like I give a shit mate."
"They think you're Bloodclart Slytherin's great great grandson or something!"
"Why are you even chatting to me, ginger cunt, go suck your fat mum off."
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"Tom Marvelo Riddle, I am Lord Voldemort!"
"Well done lad, I worked that one out straight away."
"What? Then why did you keep responding?"
"Thought there was a chance you might be a fit bird."
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"Master has given Dobby a sock...Dobby is free!"
"I didn't mean to bro that was my cumrag. Can I have that back actually?"
"Well n-no, it's mine now."
"Crucio."
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"Who's that nonce?"
"That's Sirius Black that is! He's a murderer."
"Nah that's well racist that. Bang out of order mate."
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"He's been sighted! Sirius Black has been sighted!"
"That's not far from here..."
"I'll fucking do him if he comes near me, he doesn't know what I'm on."
"It's like trying to catch smoke with your bare hands."
"He doesn't realise the smoke man's on lads."
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"Think of your biggest fear and turn it into something... funny."
"Nah fam if my opps show up as that boggart I promise I'm annihilating all witnesses."
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"You aren't dangerous at all are you, you old brute."
"Draco, no!"
"It's killed me! It's killed me!"
"Fucking pussio bruv."
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"Oi Dobby mate, where you at?"
"Yes Master Potter?"
"I can't lie fam I need some weed right now, can you run me some of that shit?"
"W-What is weed, sir?"
"Fucking fed man, Crucio."
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"You know when I first saw you I recognised you immediately Harry, not by your scar but by your eyes. They're your mother, Lily's."
"Alright? Why are you chatting to me man."
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"Finally the flesh reflects the madness."
"Well you'd know all about the madness within wouldn't you Remus."
"Nah fam we're about to get bummed I promise you."
"They're friends! And him! He's a werewolf!"
"How long have you known?"
"Who fucking cares are you lot stupid? It's a full moon man I'm leaving. I'm not getting pieced up differently for you wastemen, fuck that shit."
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"Unfortunately, Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasly have been found dead, torn to shreds by one of our professors who was infected with lycanthropy."
"I'm sorry man, I know they were your mates."
"Do I look like I give a fuck man? They were absolute begs I didn't rate them at all."