Archive of Our Own

If there was one thing John had never wanted to do again, it was leave Earth. Yet, here he was trailing along behind search and rescue personnel looking for any survivors on a shit of a colony planet. He was almost amused that even the Vulcans were having trouble not being sick at what they were seeing or smelling. He stepped over another body. There were so many that they hadn't even tried to bury anyone. It appeared access to the area had simply blocked off and the dead left to rot. 

He still wasn't sure why the hell he'd agreed to take a job that put him back into space. Sidestepping another body, John moved a little quicker as the Vulcan ahead of him wrenched opened the only locked door they'd found. It was pitch black inside and John slipped past the Vulcan fiddling with the control panel. They had power so he'd be able to activate the lighting eventually. Moving deeper, John flipped on his handheld light and followed the hallway until he suddenly heard something up ahead.
Stopping, John cocked his head and listened harder. A heartbeat. John surged forward, headless of the doors he was passing as he raced towards the slow, barely there beat. Turning a corner and pushing through a malfunctioning door, John found the source of the noise. For the first time since he'd stepped out of the shuttle he had to fight the urge to throw up.

The tiny body in front of him was naked, ribs showing under thin, pale skin. John played the light up and bit his lip as he saw the survivor. It was a child, a boy who had his arms held over his head by rope. His ears were stuffed with something and he was blindfolded. The worst was his mouth. It was being held open by what looked like bent pieces of wire. And dangling under the boy's nose was food in a little netted bag. John jumped as the lights abruptly flickered on. He grimaced as the boy's whole body came into stark view. He'd been beaten, whipped from pattern of cuts on his back, and then there was the torture. 

Wondering what the hell a child had done to piss off the crazy in charge, John moved forward and pulled the crap blocking one ear. The boy jerked and tried to get away, kicking out blindly, which caused him to sway by his arms as he lost what little balance he'd managed to hold in his position.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm John." He dodged another kick and reached in to clear the other ear. "Settle down, kid. If you let me, I'll get you down." Watching the boy heave for breath, he carefully reached for the blindfold. "Close your eyes or the light will hurt." He cut down the food and then carefully pulled the blindfold off. It tugged where the child's eyes had watered and dried to the cloth. With a little work he got it off. "Okay, don't try to open your eyes yet. I'm going to work on your mouth next and then we'll get your eyes washed off and get you freed."

The boy flinched as he fingered the wire, trying to figure out how it was...John pulled back and took controlled even breathes as the boy leaned forward as though seeking contact. He was going to need pliers. John started searching through his pockets. "You'll be loose just as soon as I can get that out of your mouth." He whipped around as he heard a noise.

The Vulcan, whose name he hadn't bothered to learn, was standing in the doorway staring at the boy. John patted another pocket. He pointed at the wire and made grabby motions at the Vulcan. Snapping out of his shock, the Vulcan pulled pliers from his carry bag and handed them over. John grinned at him and turned back to the problem at hand. Carefully as he could he pried the wire out from behind the boy's teeth and got the end point out of the side of the tongue. Slipping the wire out he made quick work of the other side.

"I'm going to rub your jaw so you can close your mouth. And then we'll get you down, I promise. Just a little longer." John rubbed the muscles that twitched under his fingertips until the boy could close his jaw. John cut the rope holding the boy's arms up and let the boy lean on his shoulder as he sagged. "There you go, kid. Now we'll wash your eyes and get you a drink of water."

He could feel the boy swallow against his shoulder. The harsh whisper was jarring in the quiet. "I like you."

John snorted and with the Vulcan's help shifted the boy so that his eyes could be cleaned.

****

Following the stretcher carrying the child back out, John was pissed. They hadn't found identification for the boy and a scan hadn't gotten a hit on the list of colonists. When he opened his eyes, the child had blinked and said 'shit' and passed out so there was no asking him for a while. The shuttle ride back up to the ship took less time than going down had and John wondered how long the kid had been there. The food he'd cut down had mold along one side and the medic currently attending the kid had three lines in for saline alone. 

John couldn't remember anyone alive that he'd seen in such bad shape. This whole mess was going to go down in the history books as the stupidest thing anyone had allowed to happen since the third world war. He listened to what amounted to Vulcan gossip and learned the number of colonists on each of the ships that had answered the distress call. The only Starfleet ship that had arrived so far was double capacity which John took to mean sleeping in the corridors. 

Stepping off the shuttle, John shed his jacket as the heat of the ship's air hit him. He'd gotten used to it since agreeing to follow around a human who really needed someone to carry things more than she needed a bodyguard. Convincing her to stay on the ship had been more difficult than talking her into allowing him to teach her to shoot. And there she was standing just out of the way. John moved up beside her as the boy was hauled past.

"How bad was it?"

John scrubbed his hand through his hair. "Worse than anything I've ever seen, ma'am. I'm going to sit with the boy."

She fell into step with him and John adjusted his stride so he wouldn't out distance her. "We don't have a name for the child?"

John shook his head as they rounded a corner. "He passed out before I could ask and he's not matching shit all in the database." John grimaced at her. "Sorry."

She smiled and rolled her eyes at him. "Please, if words bothered me I would not be where I am." She slid behind him to allow a Vulcan to pass them. 

From way she moved it looked like T'Prill, one of the few Vulcans that spoke to him without being totally annoying about it. John slipped left as he entered the small sickbay. He watched as the Lady soothed a hand over the boy's arm without being in anyone's way as they worked to clean and assess the kid. Finding a chair, John pulled it over to the bio-bed. The second in command, Larak, waved him over and John followed him into an adjacent office.

"The boy appears to be the only child found alive not among those chosen to live."

John nodded. "They were torturing him. I think he might have been involved in getting the transmission out."

Larak nodded. "Possible." Glancing down at his PADD the skin around Larak's eyes tightened. "There are extensive injuries to the child."

"Yeah. Do you think food could be brought to me for evening meal? I'm going to be sitting with the kid."

"That would be acceptable. If the child informs you of the individuals who harmed him please report to myself or the Captain."

John nodded again and went back inside sickbay. He stood against the wall and watched as the two Vulcans worked on the kid while ignoring the Lady completely. Then they were done one of them moved away. The other, T'Prill, stood still near the head of the bio-bed and watched the boy.

"We are uncertain if he will regain consciousness."

"He'll wake up when he's ready, T'Prill. Thank you for working around my presence." The Lady turned the boy's hand over and rubbed his palm.

T'Prill cocked her head and looked from woman to child. "I admit I do not understand the need to comfort the child through touch."

With a small sigh, she rubbed the boy's fingers. "Humans do not thrive without touch. Children are much more sensitive to being deprived of touch. Light is important as well, but less so than touch."

"T'Parl reported that the child was being held in darkness."

Frowning, John moved forward. Leaning against the edge of the bio-bed, he crossed his arms. "He was being deprived of as many of his senses as possible. Hearing, sight, and touch. I think we may need to lower the light level."

The Lady looked up at him. "Not too dark."

"Of course not, ma'am. He'll need some light, just not more than he can handle." John pulled another chair over to the other side of the boy's bed. "Ma'am, are you alright?" He only asked because she didn't look okay. In fact she looked pretty upset.

"No, actually I'm very angry. And for once no one is telling me how illogical being mad is. You have no idea how much more upset that makes me.'' 

Actually, he did know how mad she could get at being scolded like a child about the illogical nature of an action or emotion. She just had much more control than he did when that happened. He usually made some sarcastic remark that pissed the scolding Vulcan the hell off. "Yeah, I get that." He sat on the floor with his back to the wall beside the bio-bed. She looked down at him and rolled her eyes.

"Get up and sit here. I can not stay."

John sighed and sat in the seat she'd vacated. "Thanks. Tell Bossman hi for me."

She giggled. "He hates that you call him that, but I didn't just say that." She sobered and patted the covered feet of the boy. "Protect him as you would my own child, John."

"Yes, ma'am." He waited until she'd gone and then he stroked his fingers down the boy's arm. "We'll figure out where you belong and I'll make sure you get there, kid."

****

It was warm which was different. As he shifted someone moved to his left so he froze.

"Hey, kid. You're okay. Don't move much because they still have lines in you for hydration. Open your eyes for me."

The nice man's voice, that was good. He could do that for the nice man...John, he'd said his name was John. He concentrated on his eyes and forced his lids open. Then he whimpered.

Suddenly there was a hand on his arm. "Okay, you're okay, kid. Your eye's will start working again. I promise I'll explain it in a minute." The hand rubbed circles on his arm. "First I need to know your name."

He shook his head. He wasn't sure what was happening, but John would be hurt for helping him. The less he knew the better.

"Please, kid. You are on a ship, not the planet. I swear you're not going back there."

He blinked and started breathing harder. The hand shifted and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Hey, it's okay. You can cry if you want."

He shook his head harder as he tried to slow his breathing. He couldn't cry. It wasn't good when he cried. The hand spread up to card through his hair and he pressed into the feel of it. John had given him his hearing back. He closed his useless eyes and turned towards John. "James Kirk." He cleared his throat because his voice sounded completely wrong. "Call me Jimmy."

"Thank you, Jimmy." John shifted and then there was another hand stroking him. "Now I promised to explain about your eyesight. It'll come back soon. Eyes quit working if you don't see any light for several days in a row. You pretty much have to learn to see all over. It'll happen fast, I think."

That was probably good. He blinked and tried to lift his hand towards John. "Hungry."

The hand on his head patted him and then John lifted him to sit more upright. "We'll feed you just as soon as I can get food here for you." The hand came back to his head. "That make you dizzy?"

He shook his head.

"It is possible the child will reject complex substances if ingested."

He went still, holding his breath. The hand on his head patted and then went back to stroking. "Don't worry, T'Prill. If he throws up I'll clean it up."

Sucking in a breath through his nose, Jimmy could feel himself slipping away. "No food."

****

John could have punched something, but he restrained himself as Jimmy slumped down. "Great, just great." Turning fast enough to see T'Prill's shoulders tighten, John rubbed his jaw. "I know you're probably right, but he's been purposely starved. If he asks for food we're feeding him no matter how much of it comes back up."

"Of course." She cocked her head. "Perhaps if food were immediately available when he desires it would aid in the child's recovery."

John nodded. "Yes, that would help."

"I will inform the Captain as to the child's identity before I retrieve food to offer to him."

"Thank you." John timed it so the door shut just as he said it. That way T'Prill wouldn't tell him that there was no thanks needed without wasting energy to come back into the room. Turning back to Jimmy, he settled into his seat and went back to stroking the boy's arm. He didn't want to push Jimmy, but the next time he was awake they needed to talk about what had happened to make him a prisoner instead of dead.

****

No one was touching him, but someone was watching him. He'd gotten very good at telling when he was being watched. Jimmy stayed still. He wasn't sure if it had all been a dream. John and the hands being nice to him. He could still smell the mold on the food they'd put in front of him. He didn't want...

"You are awake, but you continue to have your eyes closed. I do not understand this behaviour."

The voice was male and young. That wasn't normal. Jimmy blinked. "You aren't John." He swallowed because his voice wasn't right.

"You are correct, I am not John. I am Spock."

Lolling his head towards this new person, Jimmy squinted. He thought he could see light, but he'd thought that for so long until he couldn't see anything except darkness. "Where's John?"

"My mother insisted he sleep. After protesting he did as she ordered."

Jimmy nodded. "Mothers are scary like that." There was a rustle and then something nudged his hand.

"My mother is formidable. She asks that you attempt to eat upon awakening."

Forcing his hand to move he found something that felt like bread on a plate. Recoiling, Jimmy struggled to get away. There were hands on him and he started to pant. "No, no, no. No food."

"Calm down." 

The hand on his wrist tightened and suddenly Jimmy realized he could feel a needle in his hand. They'd never put a needle in him. Hydration, John had said. He wasn't in that cell, he was on John's ship. He sagged. "You aren't going to hurt me."

The hands disappeared. "No, I will not hurt you." There was a pause and then a single finger laid across his thumb. "You were beaten for taking food."

It sounded like a question and a statement all together. He pushed his thumb up into that finger. He should push Spock away so he wouldn't be hurt when they came for him. "Beaten, made to throw up, force feed. Kodos said it was all my fault. That I wasn't good enough so I got my whole team killed. They shot them in front of me for treason. They made them say it to me. That I wasn't good enough." He turned to stare sightlessly at Spock. "I was good enough, wasn't I? We got the signal out. Starfleet heard us. Right? I'm not dreaming. Please tell me I'm not dreaming."

There were fingers on his face, and Jimmy turned into them. "You are not dreaming. Please relax."

Jimmy's muscles went slack all at once. Oh, that warmth was nice. Blinking, he could feel the eyelashes of his right eye touching something. "What are you doing?"

"I am placing distance between you and your memories. My father instructed me in the method so that I could better control myself by distancing stressful memories so they seemed to have happened further in the past."

"Hmm. I think I'm seeing lights." He couldn't focus and he was hungry. "Where's John?"

"He will be here shortly."

"Okay. Will you make me throw up if I eat the bread myself?" The hand on his face slipped away and Jimmy could feel something was different. Taking a breath he was delighted that he couldn't smell mold anymore. "Thank you." The sound of the bread breaking was loud. His hearing was drifting in and out.

"The bread is yours to eat or not. I will not force you to do anything."

Bread touched his fingers and Jimmy tried to take it, but his fingers were still not working well. The bread disappeared causing him to try to reach for it. Before he could say anything it was resting on his bottom lip. Blinking his sightless eyes, Jimmy darted out his tongue and it tasted right, but he couldn't smell it very well, like it was far away. That was good though, he didn't want to smell anything ever again. Opening his mouth he took the bread.

"Hey you got him to eat. That's great, Spock."

Jimmy grinned towards John's voice. "John."

"Hi, kid. How are you?"

He moved restlessly for a moment until another piece of bread appeared at his lip. Once it was eaten he licked his lip. "I'm fine."

"You should not lie." There was more bread sounds and then whisper quiet footsteps. "He is uncertain if he is dreaming and he has reported seeing lights."

"My voice is wrong." There were hands on him again. They felt like John's hands and Jimmy smiled. 

"You have bruising around your throat. Your voice will go back to normal with some more time." John's voice was as steady as his fingers.

More bread was offered and then the hands began rubbing his stomach just as a cramp started. He curled and John helped him turn onto his side. He gasped as the change made different parts of him hurt. Something cold hit one hand and his eyelids fluttered.

"You like having Spock sit with you?"

He was floating and his stomach wasn't hurting anymore. Someone held his head up and offered water. He could feel the coolness so he took as much as they allowed him to take. When the glass went away he licked his lips. "I like him too."

The tiny intake of breath was the last thing he knew before he slipped away again.

****

John watched as Spock did the closest thing he'd seen to a Vulcan gasp. "You can help watch him."

Narrowed eyes regarded him. "He does not need guarding on this ship."

"That's not why I want someone to sit with him. He can't see until his eyes start working again. You said yourself he thinks he is dreaming."

Spock turned back to look at Jimmy. "Very well. I will be able to continue my studies here as easily as in my assigned quarters."

Trying not to laugh, because he knew Spock didn't need laughed at since the touchy kid would take it as an insult, John rubbed Jimmy's arm. "You would be helping immensely."

Standing, Spock turned to face him. "I will return after retrieving my class materials."

John sat down and thumbed through the information he'd downloaded on Jimmy's family. The Captain was trying to find Jimmy's brother, who wasn't listed anywhere on the colony records either. He was pleased they'd decided that nothing and no one was coming onto the ship, so there was no reason not to ask the other rescue ships to check since it meant there'd be no one new to worry about. He switched files and reread the list of injuries to Jimmy. He hadn't wanted to kill anyone so much as he wanted to kill Jimmy's captors since he'd gone after Sarge. It was an uncomfortable feeling. He'd forgotten how tense it made him when he couldn't do anything but wait.

****

Spock sat down and waited until the adults left, talking of how to find Jimmy's family if they were not on any of the lists for the colony. "You will cease to feign sleep now."

Jimmy blinked several time before opening his eyes and staring vaguely in Spock's direction. "Hi."

He'd been given medication again. Spock checked the chart and sounded out the larger words. He narrowed his eyes at a new medication on the list and used his dictionary program to look up the relevant information. "I have brought a chess board. If you do not know how to play I will teach you."

Jimmy cocked his head. "I'm seeing blurry shapes. I know how to play chess." He lifted his hand and let it drop back down.

Spock watched the twitching in Jimmy's arm as he tried to move it. Checking the list of medication again, Spock's eyebrows drew together. "Do you feel your fingertips?"

Blinking, Jimmy licked his lower lip. "Umm. Yes...I just can't see right."

Ignoring that for the moment, Spock set up the chess board. "I will move the pieces where you say." He did not say anything as Jimmy's hand knocked several pieces over. He reset the board and shifted it further down the bed. "I will go first."

Jimmy turned his head towards him. "Why do you get to go first?"

"It is my chess set."

"Okay." Jimmy rubbed his fingertips together. "I can feel my first finger and thumb, but not my other fingers."

It was in the list of injuries. Spock looked at Jimmy's expression and compared it to the ones of his mother's that he had meanings for. He remembered his mother showing much the same expression when she'd been concerned for him. "The medical personnel have recorded a compression injury to your wrists. You are expected to regain complete feeling in your fingers."

Jimmy smiled. "Thanks for telling me." Leaning to the right and then the left, Jimmy squinted. "Is your shirt blue?"

Spock glanced down at himself. "That is correct."

"My eyes are getting better, just like John said." Jimmy pointed at the chess board. "Have you made your move?"

They settled in to the game and soon Spock found himself trying to follow Jimmy's illogical pattern of play. "That move is illogical."

Jimmy cocked his head. "No more illogical than telling off an adult."

Spock looked up from the board to find John had came back as some point. He moved more quietly than any other human Spock had ever met. Turning back, Spock found Jimmy asleep.

"So, who's winning?"

Spock moved the chess board to the floor beside the bio-bed where it would be out of the way. "I find that we would be evenly matched given the difference in the style of play if he were not currently heavily medicated."

John nodded and leaned against Jimmy's bed. "Uh huh. He confuses you with his illogical moves."

Spock lifted his chin. "I was not confused."

Snorting, John sat down a new plate of food. "Sure. Did he get cramps this last time he ate?"

"He did not. He begged me to eat the food after only five bites." Spock flatted his lips as he smoothed a wrinkle from his pants. "I ate his food."

"That's okay, Spock. Making Jimmy feel safe with us is more important than him eating all his own food."

"Does he speak to you of what was done to him?"

John rubbed Jimmy's shin through the blanket. "He hasn't been awake a lot with me."

"I have observed that he relaxes upon your presence within the room. It would be logical that he sleep while he feels the most safe." Spock looked up at John. "He often asks when you will arrive."

"Yet he trusts you enough to tell you things."

Spock blinked. "Yes. He has said that he was part of a party responsible for the emergency signal. His co-conspirators were executed in front of him."

****

John swallowed. He had no idea what to do here. He couldn't exactly offer Spock a hug, even if that's what the young man looked like he needed. "His people saved the rest of the colony."

Spock dropped his head to look at Jimmy's twitching hand. "At a great cost. No one will remember that it was children who sacrificed for the needs of the many."

"Well, we'll just have to change that." It was the least he could do. Keeping Jimmy's name out of it in the public versions would be fairly easy. "Did he see Kodos?"

"He has indicated that Kodos spoke to him."

John rubbed the side of his face. "Okay. I'd like you to tell me anything he tells you about what happened." He forced himself to take deep, slow breaths. This was not the time to get mad. He didn't need to upset Spock since it was so hard to get him to say anything in the first place. John frowned as Spock squeezed the tips of each of his own fingers in turn. "What is it?"

"He was becoming upset and I attempted to calm him by placing distance between his memories and him."

"Placing distance? You mean you fuzzed them so he can't remember?"

Spock shook his head. "No. He can remember without the feelings interfering."

That was...well, probably helpful in the long run. John started working on Jimmy's fingers, rubbing and pulling carefully to encourage the fingers to heal. "You did a good thing. I'd ask you to help him stay relaxed when possible. The less crap that has to be pumped into him the better."

"His medication is not, as you say, crap. It is..."

John cut him off so he wouldn't have to listen to the entire lecture he knew Spock was capable of. "I know, I know. You're doing fine, Spock. He'll heal partly because of what you have done. Just listening will help him."

Spock stood up abruptly. "I will return after midday."

Watching him leave, John wondered if there was a way to listen to someone who needed to talk, but wouldn't. Seating down, John smiled at Jimmy's half-open eyes. "Hey, kid. How are you?"

"Thirsty."

John helped him hold the ever present glass of water and let him have all he wanted. "You hungry?"

Jimmy smacked his lips. "No." He wiggled until he was on his side facing John. "You need to know what happened, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. You're very smart, Jimmy. You know that if someone survived that saw Kudos and can identify him then he'll pay for what he did." John cursed himself under his breath as Jimmy started breathing faster.

"No one else? There's no one else left that saw him?"

John rubbed Jimmy's hand. "No one has admitted to knowing. That doesn't mean they are all dead."

Jimmy jerked his hand loose. "Yes it does. Dead. They're all dead because I said we had to do it." He curled up tightly and covered his eyes with one hand. "I convinced them no one was coming and we couldn't steal anymore food without someone getting caught. I said we had to and I got them killed."

John made sure the bio-bed's alarms where off and crawled in beside Jimmy, gathering him up and rocking the boy like he used to do for his sister so long ago. "Nothing was your fault. Crazy people do crazy things that no one, not you or Spock or anyone can predict."

"I lost them. His men just shot them. I wanted to kill them for it, but they'd tied me so tightly."

John soothed as best he could, happy this meltdown wasn't happening in front of anyone else. He thought the kid was entitled to some privacy. "What did they do to you after that?"

He wasn't expecting Jimmy to answer him really, it had been more about his voice grounding the kid, but it seemed to break some sort of dam. Where he'd been so upset at loosing his friends, he was eerily calm about his own torture. Listing it in minute detail without so much as twitching. Before they'd blindfolded him he'd known exactly who did what to him. After he'd kept counts of voices and things when he'd been with it enough to do so. As Jimmy finally wound down, John pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

Telling Jimmy he'd been brave was just stupid right now, so instead he just rocked and hummed until the kid fell asleep. Carefully extracting himself from the exhausted boy. He called up to the bridge to see if Larak was free to come speak to him. While he waited, John shifted Jimmy into a better position, checked that his lines hadn't gotten kinked, and studied the chess board on the floor. For Jimmy not being able to see he'd certainly played well. John wondered what the kid's aptitude tests would look like.

****

It took several days to figure out that not only could no one tell them if Jimmy's family was on any of the ships, several of his captors had made it out. As soon as Jimmy's sight had gotten good enough he'd described the men to a sketch program, verified the results, and so far five men had been arrested on various rescue ships. John had stayed out of the way as Spock and Jimmy became fast friends. 

He didn't have any idea what they were going to do with Jimmy. The only mention of anyone he had a chance of getting a hold of for the kid was a Lt. Pike in Starfleet. John had started to comm him several times only to stop and stare at the console. He wasn't sure and they were almost to Earth. He didn't want to just hand Jimmy off like a piece of luggage. It wasn't helping that Spock was silently bugging him every chance he got. Oh, it wasn't anything Spock could be faulted for by the other adults, but John knew what the staring was about. Well, either it was about him or it was about Jimmy. And since Spock's parents had accepted the I-only-look-human spiel then the staring was about Jimmy, he hoped. 

This time Spock had actually come to his quarters, which was a first. John moved to the side so the young man could enter. "Your mother sitting with Jimmy?"

Spock sat stiffly on the edge of the small couch against one wall. "She is reading to him as his eyes are still unable to maintain focus for long periods."

John sat down across form his visitor and sprawled a bit, knowing it sometimes helped Spock to relax some. "You okay?" John frowned as Spock made that non-expression that John took to mean upset all to fucking hell. Forcing himself to wait, because pushing just caused Spock to leave, John sipped his drink.

"He continues to feed me his food. I informed T'Prill so that our portions could be more appropriately distributed and I was informed of my error in doing as he had asked."

Ah. He'd wondered how long it would take for someone to scold Spock for something. Telling himself there was nothing he could change in adult Vulcans, John rubbed his thumb across his lower lip as he pondered what to say. "Sometimes adults don't know everything. Jimmy is eating enough and we don't have to fight him to get him to eat, so you eating what he gives you is helping. T'Prill doesn't understand human children and their reactions to trauma." He really wanted to just say to ignore T'Prill, but he knew he'd just get a near horrified expression and a lecture on respecting adults that John would bet would be a quote of something Spock had been told. "Children are fragile, but also very very strong."

Spock blinked and leaned back slightly. "Mom has said as much. She believes that in eating his food I am causing him to feel that there is enough food and that it is safe to eat."

"Maybe you should ask Jimmy why he's feeding you." John's small console beeped. He moved to check it and watched Spock thinking as he did so. He smiled at the message. "Well, at least there's someone left alive that cares about Jimmy. He typed a reply and sent it off. "What to come with me to visit Jimmy?"

"That would be acceptable."

John grinned to himself as he pulled on his boots. "Come on, we'll offer Jimmy your dinner and then when he gives it to you, T'Prill won't be able to say anything."

"That method had not occurred to me."

Yeah, because he'd been pissed about being told he was wrong, John knew. "Can't think of everything all the time." John grimaced as Spock's shoulders went tight as he proceeded John out the door. "No one can." That did it as Spock's shoulders eased into a more relaxed position.

****

Nothing ever went to plan, John thought as he pulled Spock out of the way by his sleeve. They were working on Jimmy feverishly and it looked to John like an allergic reaction. The boy was covered in a rash with prominent hives, each a near white color, dotting his exposed skin. It took them several long minutes to stabilize Jimmy. One of the Vulcans pushed the chair back into place by the bio-bed as they moved away. Once they'd cleared the room, John nudged Spock into the chair. Checking Jimmy over for himself, John wasn't surprised to see the hives already fading. 

Sliding down the wall next to the bio-bed, John was reminded of what it was like to be waiting for an injured teammate to wake up. Leaning his head back, John watched Spock from under his eyelids. After watching Spock stop himself from touching Jimmy several times, John shifted. Spock snapped his eyes to John and then turned back to watching Jimmy.

"Why do you not speak of your past?"

John cocked his head as he regarded Spock. "What is there to say?"

Spock smoothed the blanket next to Jimmy's hand. "You encourage me to speak of things that most adults consider unimportant, yet when asked to speak of yourself you avoid the subject."

"I don't avoid it." John put his forearms across his knees. "I refuse to think about it whenever possible."

"If it is difficult to speak of I will endeavor to refrain from indulging my curiosity."

John waved his hand at him. "Don't worry about it."

They sat listening to Jimmy's breathing for a time, until Spock turned in his seat to face John. "Never before has a human been assigned as my mother's bodyguard. I do not understand why my Father chose you."

John leaned his head to one side as he grinned. "He thinks I'm not human. I'm humanoid."

Spock's eyes narrowed. "You are very human in your interactions with others. Your knowledge base as well as your accent indicate Earth as your planet of origin."

"Where did you get enough information to decide that?"

Spock rubbed circles in the blanket next to Jimmy's hand. "I do not believe I will live on Vulcan my entire life. I have studied various planets extensively."

John blinked and stretched out a leg. "I thought you were studying to join the Vulcan Science Academy."

"I am." Spock rubbed his fingertips across Jimmy's wrist. "I will not stay."

"Oh." John pushed himself up a little. "Where will you go?"

"I have decided on Starfleet."

"Have you told your parents this?"

Spock raised his chin slightly. "No."

John nodded. "Understandable. Why not stay with the Vulcan Science Academy?"

With a stiff movement, Spock turned to speak at Jimmy's knees. "Several of my teachers have expressed the theory that I will only be admitted if I overcome my heritage."

Touching his foot to the tip of Spock's shoe, John smiled up at him. "I think you have nothing to overcome. You are Spock. That's all you have to be."

****

John checked his console as he toed off his shoes. Jimmy still wasn't awake and talking Spock into going to bed had been going nowhere until his mother had appeared and insisted. Reading the reply he'd gotten from his short note back to Lt. Pike, John smiled. Well, at least Jimmy's mother was alive, even if she was on some research vessel and currently couldn't be reached . Pike was offering to watch over Jimmy until Winona Kirk could be contacted.
Checking the news, John grinned as the headlines all read about the children that had given their lives to call for help. No names, not yet, but they would not be forgotten. Pulling down a small box from the tiny cabinet over his bunk, John lifted out one of the pieces of his old weapon. Tucking his feet underneath himself, John went to work cleaning each piece. He wasn't going to forget his past, even if he never spoke of it. 

Counting up the time in his head, he decided that he'd need to disappear soon. He didn't want Spock seeing him do anything too extraordinary. Or getting too attached. Maybe he'd arrange to die after dropping off Jimmy and making sure Pike lived up to what his service record implied.

****

As the ship nudged itself into a perfect dock, John watched Spock watching Jimmy, who still hadn't woken. Spock stood and gathered the chessboard silently as Jimmy was prepped for transport. John stopped Spock as he started to leave. "He'll be fine, Spock."

"Indeed." 

John hated that there was nothing he could do or say to make it easier for the young man. Watching Spock leave, John hoped he'd get what he wanted. It was the least the boy deserved. Turning back, John followed Jimmy as he was taken from the ship. As they entered the corridor for the station they were docked to they were met by several Starfleet personnel, one stepped forward as the medics swarmed Jimmy.

"Lt. Pike. You must be John."

Smiling, John shook hands and subtly herded Pike to follow Jimmy. "That's me. Any luck getting a hold of his mom?"

"Not yet. The ship she's on is supposed to be back within communication range in another week." Pike got them onto the shuttle with Jimmy and John pressed himself into his seat back as they dropped to Earth. He still hated reentries almost as much as Ark travel. It helped a little when Pike started asking questions, which allowed John to put the memories of his squad out of his mind.

Getting Jimmy settled was simple, if time consuming. Promising Pike that he'd be in touch was harder because John wasn't planning on staying in this identity that long. Given enough time Spock was going to figure him out, which meant not being there when it happened. As he headed for the shuttle to return to the station he started listing what he'd have to leave behind.

****

John gasped and rolled over. Blinking at his healing hand as he tried to process what the hell had just happened, John tried to push himself up, but there was something holding his leg. Shifting around, John blinked at the floor trim impaling his leg to the ground. Huh. Who knew trim was so sharp. John blinked and swallowed, trying to make his mind work. There was something he should be doing. Something important.

"John!"

John tugged at the trim and it tore something as he pulled it loose.

"Shit, don't do that. Dammit." Pike slapped his hand over the gaping hole as John stared at the trim in his hand. "John, stay with me. Help is coming. Someone else had to have seen that."

"No doctors." John shoved at Pike and sent him sprawling. He frowned. He wasn't supposed to do that, was he?

Pike scrambled back to him and went to reapply pressure only to stop short. "What the..." Pike wiped the blood away. "John, focus for me, okay?"

Bringing his hand up to his skull where his headache was coming from, John smacked his lips. "Okay."

Pike dug his thumb into John's head as the headache started fading. "You're healing too fast. You had a piece of skull sticking out a moment ago."

John looked around that the wreckage of the shuttle and the strewn body parts. They'd exploded. That's why he was smelling burnt flesh. He'd burned some. He hated that. "No doctors, please?"

"Yeah, I don't think you really need one." Pike levered him up and John was walking on his own within a few steps. "You know your clothes are ruined."

"I blew the fuck up. They burned."

"No shit." Pike helped him settle in a corner of a nearby storage shed. "Stay here. I have to make a report. I'll be back."

John obediently sat down and leaned his head back against the shed's wall. He was tired.

****

Setting down his bag, John looked over his new identity. He'd taken several years of medical training to catch himself up on all the new shit they'd come up with. Following the posts Pike sent to his old identity on a regular basis, John knew the boy was due to board a shuttle for Starfleet this morning. He wasn't even sure he should do this. If Jimmy remembered him or he ran into Spock somewhere at the Academy he didn't know how that was going to turn out. Then there was the shuttle itself. He wasn't looking forward to that at all. He'd been avoiding the damn things as much as possible. Safer than ever they were touting them. John didn't believe a word of it.

Checking his new uniform in the mirror, John tried out his new name. Leonard McCoy. He stuck his tongue out at himself. He didn't look like a Leonard at all. Taking a deep breathe, John, no, Leonard, threw back another drink. It wouldn't help, but if he smelled of it no one would think twice about him being sick during a smooth flight.

****

He'd expected Jimmy to be going by something else by now. The not being recognized wasn't unexpected seeing as the boy had slept a lot when he was with him, but he had figured Jim would at least mention his looking like someone from Jimmy's past once they were alone.

"Hey, Bones, you mind if I crash on your couch for a while?"

Grinning at himself in the mirror as he arranged his bathroom to suit himself, Leonard decided he really liked having a handle again. "Whatever. Just don't go fucking around on it."

Jim stuck his head in the bathroom. "Yuck, Bones. Why would I do that? Hey, did you know that there's a whole park out the side door of this building?"

"I'm not running." He'd always hated it, even just for PT, running had always sucked.

"Ah, you say that now. Just you wait, Bones." Jim strolled back into the living space and flopped onto the couch.

Sighing to himself, Bones sat down next to Jim and waited for him to mention the ship.

****

Patching up one last crew member, Bones finally got a moment to sit down. Jim appeared in his doorway. Thinking that finally Jim was going to ask him a question he'd been waiting years for, Bones leaned forward and poured Jim a shot. "Well, what's it feel like to be a hero?"

Jim took the shot and toyed with it. "I don't feel like a hero, Bones. I feel tired."

Bones smiled sadly at Jim and sat down his own glass. "Yep, right there. You're a hero." He cocked his head. "You talk to Spock alone yet?"

With a grimace, Jim pushed himself to his feet. "No, I'd better go try to smooth things over." He started to move towards the door only to stop and turn back towards Bones. "I have this old dream where I play chess with a young version of Spock. I've been having it for a while."

Oh, well, that would explain why he'd never brought up the trip to Earth. Bones poured himself another shot. "Weird. Maybe you should mention it to him."

Jim snorted. "Nah. He'd just think I was more illogical than he does now. Maybe I'll just play chess with him some time."

"You should." Bones watched Jim visit with crew members for several minutes before slipping out to go find Spock. Maybe it was time to figure out why Spock either avoided or fought with him.

****

Spock stared at him as Bones settled into a chair. "I do not require medical attention."

"Yeah, you're just fine." Bones rolled his eyes. "Look, cut the bullshit, Spock. We both know you aren't perfectly fine. No matter what you need the crew to think."

"You have not aged."

Well, that was direct and to the point. "No, I can't really manage that anymore."

Spock nodded. "I have a box of your possessions in my quarters at the Academy." 

So he hadn't lost his weapon after all. "Thank you for keeping them." Bones rubbed his jaw. "I'm sorry about your mother."

"Thank you for your expression of sympathy." Spock clasped his hands together. "Please explain your differences from a standard Terran male."

Bones smiled and for the first time in far too long he sprawled and allowed himself to truly relax. He started with Sam and told Spock everything about having had a handle that made his sister laugh.

****

Bones watched quietly as Jim fidgeted with his new uniform again. "Just go talk to him, Jim."

"It isn't that simple, Bones."

"Really? Hell, Jim, Spock lives two floors up. Just..." Bones pushed himself up. "Never mind. You'll never get your ass in gear. Come on, let's go."

Jim didn't put up much resistance and they were soon standing outside Spock's door. As they went in Bones watched Jim's face as he caught sight of a chess board in play. Bones cocked his head. The game in progress looked familiar somehow. Jim blinked, looked at Spock and then back at the board. Spock turned and headed for his closet. Bones dropped to the end of the couch and watched Jim stare at the chess set.

Spock came back with a box and set it beside Bones. "This is everything."

Bones pulled open the box. "Thanks, Spock. You ever look in this box?" Bones turned over his weapon's box before setting it aside to see what else Spock had kept.

"I was looking for contact information for any relatives." 

"Didn't find any of that." Bones watched Jim glance at them from the corner of his eye as he fingered the edge of the chess board. "Jim."

Jim jerked around and stumbled across to sit on the other end of the couch. "What?"

Bones gestured at Spock. "Wasn't a dream. You had an allergic reaction and didn't wake up to know what was going on or that you were being moved."

Scrubbing a hand across his face, Jim then shook his head. "I woke up to Mom and her new husband. I really thought it was all a dream."

"It was not." Spock moved to the chess board and straightened a rook where Jim had fidgeted with it. "Mother sat and read to you."

"Oh." Jim looked at him and then turned to Bones. "In my head there's this man that looks like you named John. You must be related to him or I'm projecting you into the memory. Are you related to him, Bones? Because he can't be a dream. I liked him too much." Jim frowned as Spock cocked an eyebrow. Blinking, Jim looked from the chess board to the box beside Bones. "You are John, aren't you?" Then he blinked again and turned back towards Spock. "Why the hell didn't you say something?"

Before they could get into an argument, Bones popped open the box with his weapon in it and started assembling it. Spock had taken care of the box and its contents so he had no problem getting it back together. When he was done he looked up to see both men staring at him. "What? You've never seen a projectile weapon being assembled before?" Jim reached out and touched the stock. Bones shifted the weapon so they could both see it better. "I went to a lot of trouble to hold onto this. Stole it when I was discharged and kept track of it until that stupid shuttle accident."

"What?" Jim's brows drew together and Bones realized that Jim probably hadn't known about that. 

Before he could open his mouth Spock was explaining how everyone had thought he'd died with the rest of the shuttle. Bones sat back and quietly disassembled his weapon. Jim nodded as Spock ended his explanation. Turning to investigate the rest of the box, Bones watched Jim lick his lip.

"I...Why didn't either of you say something?"

Spock's netural expression tightened for a moment. "You showed no sign of remembering at any time we spoke."

"Yeah, that and it probably hurt a little that you didn't remember." Bones grinned at Spock's flattened eyebrows. "Of course, in my case it was more selfish than that."

"You don't age?"

Bones shrugged. He wasn't really sure. Anytime he looked in the mirror he looked the same to himself, but then if he was aging it was so slow he'd probably not notice for several more centuries. "I know I'm not easy to kill."

Jim grinned. "Awesome." He sat at the chess board. "Let's play, Spock."

Amused at Jim's acceptance, Bones sprawled a little more as Spock moved to the other side of the chess board. "So, no yelling or arguing or anything?"

Jim waved the queen he'd picked up. "Are you serious, Bones? I'm far too busy thinking how to use this to my advantage during our mission."

"I have not accepted the position as your First Officer, Jim."

"No, not yet, but you will. You're Spock. Just like he's Bones, no matter what his official record says his name is." Jim sat the queen down. "Your move." Jim sat back and smiled as Spock's eyes narrowed at the board. "Both of you belong on the Enterprise. Don't ask how I know, just...trust that I do."

"Your move now is no more logical than when you were a child." Spock made his move. "I will report my acceptance of your offer to Starfleet in the morning."

Bones looked up form his things in time to see Jim's shock bled into joy. As Jim turned to him, Bones nodded. "Yeah, yeah, you knew my answer already." As he watched Jim's grin spread wide, Bones thought maybe he'd finally found the family he'd lost. Now all he had to do was keep them alive.