Chapter Text
Tommy: Don’t you think you have too many candles?
Billy, aggressively sniffing 20 different candles: What do you mean?
…
Speed: I have cat-like reflexes.
Patriot: Prove it.
Speed: [Quickly points to a cat]
Speed: I like that cat.
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Wiccan: Say at least one bad decision what I made.
Hulkling: In chronological order or in alphabetical?
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Hawkeye: We need a plan to beat them.
Speed: Okay, listen up. First, we fill their shoes with wet cat food.
Patriot:
Speed: Judge me all you want, I get results.
…
Billy: [Tapping fingers on table]
Tommy: [Taps fingers back furiously]
Cassie: …What’s going on?
Kate: Morse code. They’re talking.
Billy: .. .----. -- / - . -- .--. - . -.. / - --- / - ..- .-. -. / -.-- --- ..- .-. / .... .- .. .-. / .--. ..- .-. .--. .-.. . --..-- / .--. . .-. -- .- -. . -. - .-.. -.-- .-.-.-
Tommy: [Slams hands on table] YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
…
Patriot, talking to Stature: Well Stature, whenever I’m about to do something, I think ‘Would Speed do that?’ and if he would, I do not do that thing.
Stature: …
Speed, from the distance: He’s not wrong though!
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Teddy: [Entering the room] Billy, can I ask you a personal question.
Billy: Uh, yeah, what’s up?
Teddy: Do you believe in love at first sight or shall I enter the room again?
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Tommy: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.
Eli: Tommy, no.
Billy: Mistlefoe.
Eli: Please stop encouraging him.
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Wiccan: I’d like to apologise to the entire nation of Australia, again.
Speed: I wouldn’t!
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Billy: I slept for almost twelve hours but I might still be tired so let’s go for twelve more just in case.
Nate: Billy, that’s a coma.
Billy: Sounds festive.
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Hawkeye: Don’t say it.
Patriot: I wasn’t going to say anything.
Hawkeye: Yes, you were.
Patriot: No, I wasn’t.
Hawkeye: You were going to say I told you so. I know you were.
Patriot: Well, now that you mention it-
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Kate: Name a way to be nice to others.
Tommy: Don’t blow things up.
Kate: Setting the bar a little low, but I’ll allow it.
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Cassie: They’re the person of my dreams!
Tommy: You say everyone is the person of your dreams.
Cassie: I have a lot of dreams
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Wiccan: I was taught to think before i act.
Wiccan: …..So if I spark the crap out of you, rest assured I thought about it and I’m confident in my decision.
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Cassie: I dare you-
Teddy: Billy isn’t allowed to take dares.
Cassie: Why not?
Billy, head bowed: I have no regards for my personal safety.
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Cassie: [starts crying]
Eli: What’s wrong?
Kate: Oh, nothing. This just happens to her sometimes.
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Billy: We’re playing Scrabble. It’s a nightmare.
Teddy: Scrabble? Scrabble’s great.
Eli: Not when you’re playing with Nate, it’s not. He puts words like “ameliorate” and I put “burger.”
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Hawkeye: Hey Viz, how long do you think it will take until I start hallucinating from sleep deprivation?
Vision: I think-
Wiccan: 72 hours
Vision: How did you-
Wiccan: There’s a clown right behind you, Hawkeye.
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Tommy: I failed the safety course today.
Jonas: Why? What happened?
Tommy: Well, one of the questions was “In case of a fire what steps would you take?”
Jonas: And?
Tommy: Well apparently, “GODDAMNED LARGE ONES” isn’t an acceptable answer.
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Tommy: Does your heart ever hurt so much you just want to rip it out and ignore it?
Cassie: That’s called feelings, Tommy.
…
Nate: Hey I just got a pet snake. What should I name him?
Eli: A pet WHAT?!
Billy: William Snakespeare.