Work Text:
The stolen glances, the lingering smiles, the thoughts of him…yeah thoughts of him…
“I need to get my shit together!!” Samira told herself.
Fourth year of residency is no joke, being a senior for your junior residents, interns, students, having your own share of patients, not to mention the exams and the preparations for applying for fellowships in a competitive field like ER. Samira was going through all that, you’d think she’d hate being at the pitt’s ER, but surprisingly, no! She has her own guilty pleasure, an emotionally damaged-on-the-fixing-road attending, who also goes by Jack. If there’s no such thing as “bad thoughts” why does she feel so guilty? She did nothing but think about him! And the way she thought about him was between her and God!
Samira has been a very career focused person, she knows what she wants and she will take it, not that enjoying life would make her struggle in her career, she’s after all very bright, and despite her undeniable intelligence she’s so kind, every patient is lucky to be placed with Samira as she heals both their soul and their body with her kindhearted spirit. Despite everything, Samira hated dating, going out, basically that ER was her life, aside from the library where she studies and reads, and maybe the parks to stare at the sunset on her days off, other than that, her top priority right now is getting her board and fellowship, and there’s nothing wrong with that!
Working hard is never a bad thing, till it wears you down, mentally and physically, but she will rest later, she has to toughen up, her patients need her more. At least that’s what was going through her head during her entire shift.
While she was writing the orders for a lady with breast cancer presented with a spiking fever which was eventually revealed to be febrile neutropenia, Jack walked in the room and said “oh her she comes the most beautiful woman in this ER!” Samira was startled, till she realized he was talking to the lady
“Oh you know, I have to check on you, how are you doing doctor?”
“Pretty great, I started going to the park that you recommended to walk my dog, it was nice thank you”
“Glad you liked it haha! You’re welcome”
“So what’s going on with you, you know we don’t like it when you show up with this fever, are you still doing chemo?”
“Yeah but I….i have a paper from my doctor I gave it to this lovely doctor” she points to samira
“No worries, I will check on you, take care!”
He goes towards samira “how are you today Dr. Mohan”
“Me …good…I wrote the orders, is that everything?”
“Let me check” he scooch closer “yup looks good”
He looks at her…really looks at her “can we…talk outside?”
Her heart felt like it stopped beating and ran a marathon at the same time “ok…”
They step out of the room and he goes to a corner in central and she follows
“Are you good? Do you need anything? I know R4 is tough”
“I’m good, I can handle it!!!!!”
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to come out as degrading or rude of course you can handle it, you’re one of the smartest doctors that I know! It’s just…you look extremely exhausted, do you need a break?”
“Thanks…no I’m fine” says her mouth but she’s definitely not fine, but you know fake it till you make it right?
He looks at her “you know you can tell me anything”
“ Thank you, I know…. I gotta go check on my patients”
“Ofc you do” he said affectionately
The night goes by, time has its own mind in the emergency department, sometimes it feels like it’s flying by, the other it feels like it’s barely passing. Tonight, it felt like time was against Samira, she never wanted a shift to end, quite the opposite! She loved every minute of her shifts, especially night shift, everyone was chill, the cases were great, and she always tends to have great discussions with the night team especially abbot, his vast knowledge makes her want to learn more, want to spend more time with him, wants to take every little piece of knowledge he acquires and let it marinate in her brain. Slowly, she began to really enjoy his company, to feel her heart feeling heavier - which is ironic because she’s a doctor and she knows this isn’t the case- yet it feels pretty much like heaviness, is this a crush? Or does she really just crave validation? Is his gentle ways and the way despite everything he went through he remained kind what makes her like him? No definitely none of that. She just was out of any romantic relationships, heck any type of relations, barely keeping friendships with her crazy shifts and studies.
Suddenly the medics come in through the door “25 year old female known case of type 1 DM began to hyperventilate and lost consciousness. Diabetic ketoacidosis was ruled out”
Samira meets the medics and Jack follows “Any next of kin we can interview?” asks samira
“No, but her phone has her medical profile”
“Finally a smart gen z who uses technology right” Jack jokes
Samira started doing the initial assessment, sharply focused ignoring every instinct in her telling her she needs a break
“ Dr. Mohan, you’re good?” Jesse asks which makes Jack turns his head towards her
“Dr. Mohan” he whispers “after writing the orders there’s a meeting in the break room you should attend”
She looked at him. She always keeps up with the meetings and residents teaching schedule, how come she never knew there was one today? “Oh.. Okay”
“Miss Lana, I’m Dr. Mohan doctor resident and this is Dr. Abbot my attending, can you tell me what happened?”
“ I don’t know, I had some tummy pain and I thought they were my period’s cramps which is bizarre because i should be ovulating right now… not that it matters” The patient laughs
“Any medical history? Any medications?” Samira asks
“ No, just type 1 diabetes mellitus, diagnosed at 12 years old and only my insulin pump”
“Can I examine your abdomen?” Samira looks at Jack to see if she forgot to ask anything before she continued with the examination, he just gives her a “you’re good go ahead” mentoring look
“When was the last meal you ate?”
“This morning, my meals are fixed so I don't have to adjust the pump much” the patient replies
As Samira palpated the left lower quadrant of the patient the patient screamed in pain
“Positive Rovsing sign” Samira says
“Ms. Lana it seems like you have an appendicitis and due to the danger of developing diabetic ketoacidosis we will double check and page surgery, it’s a minor procedure” Samira reassures
“Any previous surgeries?” Jack asks
“No, just my tonsils at 10 i think”
“Okay great, we will double check with an imaging technique and see your labs then discuss with the surgery team the plan, so what’s your approach Dr. Mohan?”Jack says
“CT or Ultrasound which one is faster, order complete blood count and cross and match, lactate level, inflammatory markers, electrolyte panel, and rapid blood glucose. I will give two liters of normal saline and a painkiller like acetaminophen and monitor her”
“Great! Order the labs and medications and don’t forget the meeting”
“Okay…” she was wondering what the meeting could be about, but her mind is already preoccupied with so much stuff so she didn’t question it much.
After few minutes of doing her charts Samira remembered the meeting and headed to the break room only to find jack wearing his reading glasses with some dog-eared book
“Umm the meeting?” Samira asked
“There is none, I just made it up so you could slow down and take care of yourself” Jack replied
“I told you I’m fine, I know my limits and …” of course her luck would make her feel dizzy right now of all times, so she sat down
“This proves nothing! I just wanted to sit”
“Sure it doesn’t” Jack chuckles
There has been a moment of silence, and those moments are either awkward or comforting but of course now it felt like both
“Dr. Mohan..”
“You can call me Samira”
“No, You earned the right to be called Doctor, It’s never my intention to belittle you. I genuinely just don’t want you to run yourself on fumes, we need to take care of ourselves first so we can take care of our patients” “that’s why I started therapy, I gave up on myself a long time ago, but I can’t give up on my patients and my trainees” he whispers
“I’m not running on fumes I just…” “It’s really hard to prove yourself as a competent woman, let alone a woman of color, and my empathy gets in the way sometimes, despite it being my strength, so i have to balance it”
“I would advise you to not stop being empathetic, patients want a good doctor yes but also want someone to understand them at their most vulnerable state” Jack adds
“ Yes but also, I don’t feel like my knowledge is ever enough, sometimes i feel powerless”
“We are humans after all Samira not superheroes, as much as I love being called batman”
Samira chuckles
“Your laugh is contagious, it’s one of the–” jack was interrupted by the sight of samira standing and then collapsing on the floor
“HELP! BRING A STRETCHER NOW” Jack yells
As she opened her eyes she was startled by the scene of her in a bed, then by the scene of Jack’s surgical jacket covering her. She looked around and Jack was outside talking with the nurse in charge, when he notices a movement in Samira’s bed he excuses himself and heads towards her
“Don’t even think about moving”
“I have a lot of patient to check on” Samira argues
“No, Shen and Ellis are taking care of your patients, you need to relax”
“Okay what about the appendicitis patient?”
“She is with Walsh. Now lie down”
Samira grunts and lays down
“Feeling better– and don’t even think about saying “I’m fine” you know you’re not”
“I’m..” she looks at him “decent?”
“Synonyms are not acceptable either” he says with a smirk
“I just…my mind is overworking with many thoughts”
“Then share with me” jack sits down and brings his chair closer
“No, you’re too busy… besides you’re my attending”
“I’m not, beside right now I’m not your attending right now”
“You’re my attending”
“Nah I’m chill Jack in this room” he crosses his leg
Samira laughs “It’s just.. I’m approaching the end of my residency and I have so many options to consider, and I need to get a recommendation letter from any attending, i need to study for my board exam” she was in the midst of crashing out. “And I feel like I’m not doing enough”
“First of all, take a breath, second, I will write you a recommendation letter, and just to be clear it’s not out of pity, you’re one of the best residents I’ve ever had the pleasure to work with, you’re smart, empathetic, and humble” Jack argues
“That doesn’t mean I would get a fellowship position, heck I have so many options yet so little to no choices”
“Calm down, I can almost guarantee you a fellowship in PTMC, you’re already one of our top candidates, and I will guide you to win the position by your own”
“Why…why would you help me? There are many competent candidates!”
“Samira, look at you! You’re in a hospital bed because you care too much, you’re dehydrated and hypoglycemic yet your first thought was your patients!”
“I just forgot to eat breakfast…” Samira trying to come up with a lie
“Yeah right” he crosses his arm, he searches for her eyes and immediately knows she’s ill, this is not just hypoglycemia
“Samira, an ill doctor is no use to her patients, let me help you, stop bottling your feelings and pains”
“You’re busy… I’ll get better please i just need a minute–”
“You will get better, but tonight you’re gonna rest and you’re gonna let me in, let me help you. And you won’t worry cause i know how competent you’re and this won’t affect my opinion of you as a doctor nor as a person”
Nurse Emma interrupts “mm sorry Dr. Abbot but the labs are in, you told me to report to you”
“Yes yes thank you” Jack checks the labs, she is severely dehydrated and anemic, her electrolytes are a mess
“What? Is everything okay?” Samira asks
“It’s a miracle you didn’t faint earlier” says Jack while writing orders for IV fluids and IV iron
“You’re exaggerating– oh god!” says Samira when jack hands her the tablet
After Samira was started on the IV fluids Jack checked on the flow of his ER, it’s like the place would crumble without the two of them. After he was assured everything is going well he returned to Samira’s room
“Back already?” Samira inquires
“The ER is kinda quiet tonight” Jack replies
“Woah you know you just jinxed it right?” Samira chuckles
“Dayshift is coming soon so I won't worry. Now how are you feeling?”
“Pretty good”
“No, really. Samira I really admire your aspiration, but you’re driving yourself to burnout, and this is coming from the guy whose hobbies are basically doing more work!”
“I have to work hard this is what residency is all about and fellowship programs–”
“Are looking for doctors who aren’t burnt out! Trust me on this Dr. Mohan”
“I just… it never feels enough!”
“What you do is more than enough, and let me be very clear here, you have one thing many trainees don’t have, which is empathy. Medicine isn’t just knowledge which isn’t something you lack! You honestly always surprise me by your diverse knowledge! Yet many many trainees concentrate knowledge and forget about basic human rights when it comes to their patients.”
“You’re first to admire my empathy, many say it’s a flaw”
“Never apologize or stop caring for your patients, this is what makes you stand out”
“I really appreciate you taking the time to calm me down. I’m sorry for being such a liability tonight”
“No you’re never a liability, I care about you Samira, as a resident doctor and…. And as a person” he adjusted the lump he feels sitting on his vocal cords “I really really care about you”
“I care about you too Dr. Abbot”
“No… I meant I really like you… and it’s jack”
Samira blushes, she loves him, but it’s been a while since she felt like this “I like you too…Jack”
Jack smiles “No need to overthink it or even think it, give the beautiful head of yours a rest tonight. Nurse Dana is already here and she’ll report to me about you. Take it easy Samira” he kisses her forehead “and don’t ever hesitate to contact me on anything… I’m always free for you” he looks and smile at her before leaving to inform Dana about her
“Why are you red in the face are you okay?” Dana asks Samira like she doesn’t know. Like it’s not written all over Samira's face
“I’m…okay! And i’m going to be okay too”
“You are kiddo, now take it easy”