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7 months. It had been 7 months since Zooble and the others escaped the circus. And every single night they shut their eyes to sleep they saw her. Her candy red ribbons, her face an ivory colored porcelain mask with crystal tears and eyes that shone brighter than Kinger holding his breath. Zooble hated remembering every single detail about the circus and oftentimes suppressed the memories, but the one memory they held onto dearly was a conversation with said ribbon girl that made them think, no, believe that the circus wasn’t a dream.
…
Gangle and Zooble laid in the latter’s bed, foreheads pressed against each other. They stayed like that for hours, neither one breaking the sacred silence between them. Eventually, they fell asleep as they were. Gangle slept peacefully, but Zooble tossed and turned, sleep-fighting their way out of their girlfriend’s grasp. Bits and pieces of Zooble’s life before they put the headset on flashed in their mind as they slept.
“You’re a disgrace, we’ve given you everything and this is how you pay us back?” A faceless older man yelled at Zooble as they stood motionless, trapped in the middle of what appeared to be their parent’s living room. “That fucking hair and your makeup and tattoos and piercings. You look like a clown, your setting a terrible example for your brother, you are not nonbinary or a transformer or whatever the fuck you call it, you’re a goddamn grown man and you will either act as such or get out of my house.”
Still frozen in space, Zooble tried to speak, but their mouth wouldn’t move and their throat was dry. The man grew larger and larger and the living room began to fade into darkness. They tried to move, run, shout, anything, but they were stuck. Nothing they did worked. Zooble locked eyes again with their father and he scoffed as he pulled off his belt. “It should’ve been you instead of your mother.” He lifted up the belt and wound up to strike Zooble’s temple, but before they were hit they felt a tug at their arm.
“Zooble, Zooble! Are you okay?” Gangle tugged their lover’s arm as they gasped for air. She took their hand and placed it on their chest where their heart would be. Zooble began to sob. “Hey, what’s wrong?” She held them, taking their head to her chest. They clung to her like a sloth to a tree, their grasp on her was almost painful. Almost.
Zooble sniffled. “I saw him again.” Gangle caressed their head.
“Do you want to talk about it?” They nodded into her chest. “Take your time, Zooble.”
They lifted their head up to look their girlfriend in the eyes, refusing to look away. “Maybe he was right. Maybe if I had just… been okay with being what I was supposed to be, none of this would’ve happened. I wouldn’t have run away at 17 and worked two jobs just to survive, I wouldn’t have dropped out of school, I wouldn’t be trapped here.” Zooble curled in on themselves, darting their eyes towards their mismatched arms.
“But you were trapped then, weren’t you?” Gangle frowned.
“I was and I wasn’t. After my mom passed, my dad really tried to do his best to keep us afloat. But it was too much and it wasn’t enough. And I was just a kid when she passed too. It changed me. We spent so many nights arguing, I don’t recall a single dinner where it ended peacefully. I was just trying to figure out who I was, and maybe that was too much for him. Maybe I should’ve made things easier for him. We had a house and clothes and food, I had everything.”
“You know, it sounds like he made that an issue for himself.”
“What do you mean?”
“He supported you financially and made sure you were stable and he saw it as a privilege when it was just the bare minimum. Taking care of you shouldn’t feel like a burden, especially when you lose a parent. He should’ve been there for you, emotionally. You said it yourself, you were just a kid. He shouldn’t have put it on you to adhere to his idea of what you should be. You deserve to be who you are.” Gangle held onto Zooble’s head. “His problems are his problems, not yours.”
“It never felt that way.”
“But it is that way.”
There was a moment of silence between them. Zooble locked eyes with Gangle again and they felt a flutter in their chest.
“Maybe being trapped here isn’t so bad if I’m trapped here with you.” They spoke. A small pink tint washed across Gangle’s face. “If we ever get out of here, I want it to be like this again.” Gangle, still blushing, smiled softly.
“I want that too.”
…
(Zooble) had found a job at a bar 15 minutes away from their apartment. Most of their shifts were busy and packed with customers, but this night was rather quiet. Normally the bar never played music, but since there were only three other customers at the bar they had decided to put on one of their playlists as they mixed drinks for their guests. After a while, the customers had left one after the other. It was just them and their playlist. (Zooble) checked their phone, thirty minutes until closing. As the current song came to an end, a woman they had never seen before walked in. Yet, they felt like they knew her already.
The woman, covered in grease and still in her work uniform, was ethereal. Long, silky black hair and hooded eyes with eyebags that could carry groceries. (Zooble) had never seen someone so beautiful. The next song in their playlist came on, a jazz duet.
“Hey.” She spoke with a higher pitched voice, clearly exhausted and defeated. (Zooble) stared at her before responding.
“… Hey. What can I get for you?”
“Long island iced tea, if you’re fine with that?”
“I can make anything you want.” (Zooble) grabbed various liquids and started the assembly process of the pretty woman’s drink.
Swore I’d seen you before… Watched you walk through the door
The tired woman noticed (Zooble’s) arms were covered in tattoos. Their hands look strong, their rings helped define the muscularity of their fingers. She gazed at them as they mixed up their drink. Their movements were mesmerizing, it reminded her of someone she knew in a previous life. They poured her drink into a glass and slid it over to her. “Your long island iced tea, ma’am.” Their eyes locked for the first time, and neither one wanted to look away.
Something in your eye reminded me of somebody I used to know.
“You must’ve had quite a day, huh?” (Zooble) asked, wiping off a glass. The woman took a sip of her drink and set it down gently.
“More like quite a week.” She joked, earning a smile from the muscular bartender. “I’m (???), by the way. And you are?”
“(Zooble), pleasure to meet you.”
“Likewise.”
You touch my back.
(???) took another sip and smiled. “Thank you for this. I think this is the best drink I’ve had in a very long time.” (Zooble) looked up from the glass and smiled a tiny bit.
“Thanks.” (Zooble) looked back down to the glass and set it aside to clean off another glass. “Yknow, it’s not every day someone gets a drink as strong as a Long island. In fact, the last time I made one was…” They trailed off, thinking of her again. It was dumb to think about the circus, and even dumber to mention. “It’s been a hot minute.” They lied.
“Yeah, I haven’t drank this in a hot minute either.” (???) chucked, looking down and rubbing her finger on the rim of her glass. (???) had dainty, well defined hands that made (Zooble’s) heart skip a beat. “I can’t believe I’m telling someone I just met about my problems, but I feel so, so alone.” She smiled despite her words being devoid of happiness.
(Zooble) couldn’t help but think back to the circus. What a fucking nightmare that was, what a fucking nightmare before the circus. But at least they had Gangle. Maybe this pretty stranger needed a Gangle right about now.
I take your hand.
“I was in a…” (???) looked off to the side, “strange set of circumstances. But there was this one person who was also in the same boat as me, and they were special to me. I was so afraid of everything. I was afraid I wouldn't escape, I was afraid this was all I was going to live for and all I was going to be. But that person, they made me not so afraid.” She rubbed her hands together before continuing. “I… loved them. And I think they felt the same. But we always talked around it. We never really talked about it explicitly, we just sort of knew and never brought it up. I wish I did. Maybe we could’ve kissed before we were freed. Maybe we could’ve been something.” (???) lamented. She looked back up to (Zooble), who was clearly concerned.
“But I’m scared that they thought it was futile, that being together in such a horrible place at such a horrible time wouldn’t have ever mattered. And maybe it didn’t”
“I think I know how you feel.” (???) looked up confusedly. “I went through something kind of like that not too long ago.”
“How long ago?”
Something from your touch felt shockingly familiar.
“7 months, give or take.” (???’s) expression changed dramatically, nearly scaring (Zooble). She thought it a coincidence that their issue happened the same time as hers, but she didn’t push it. “There was this girl. She was also really special to me. She was the first one to comfort me whenever something happened, and I did the same for her. I found myself falling for her and I think she felt the same way. And, I also never told her. It really sucks, because if I had, then maybe I would be with her now.”
“What was her name?” (Zooble) turned pale. For someone they knew inside and out, they had never known her real name. But they didn’t know how to admit that without sounding deranged.
“Well, it’s funny. I actually don’t know her real name.” Instead of getting a weird look, (???) chuckled. “Wait, what’s so funny?”
“It’s just, I didn’t know their real name either. And I knew them so well. I knew how they were always the last one up and the first one to go to sleep, and how they always fought for me and for themselves even if it meant they got hurt. How they were so inhuman and human at the same time. They were everything to me. I promised that if I found them again, we would’ve started right back where we were.”
And I swore I’d seen you before.
They stared into each other’s eyes, a mutual understanding came between. Suddenly they had known the other their entire life.
Oh, I swore I’d seen you before.
“… Gangle?” (Zooble) spoke tentatively. The woman covered her mouth and began to tear up.
“It’s really you…” (Gangle) choked out.
“Oh my God, I thought I had lost you forever, you were in-“ (Zooble) was cut off when (Gangle) pulled them by the tie into a passionate kiss, to which they promptly melted into. Out of all the kisses they had in life, this was by far the sweetest one. After a couple seconds they slowly pulled apart from each other, despite wanting more.
“I never knew you were this handsome.” (Gangle) blushed as she got a better look at (Zooble).
“Got it all from my mom. And you never told me how breathtakingly beautiful you are.” (Zooble) responded, which earned a deeper blush from Gangle. “How about I close up early and we catch up at my place. And we can start again right where we were.”
“I’d like that.”
Underneath the sheets you enchanted me
And whispered sweet nothings in my ear
I shivered beneath you, all wrapped up in embers
It was a night to remember
…
(Gangle) and (Zooble) laid down in the latter’s bed, her head resting on their bare chest. She heard their real heartbeat and felt the rise and fall of their chest as they took real breaths. They caressed her hair and spun it around their fingers, to which she giggled at.
“That was great, you’re so great.” (Zooble) stuttered out. It was strange for them to sound so anxious yet excited about something they had explicitly demanded all those months ago, but (Gangle) liked it.
“Mmm you’re so cute.” She planted a kiss on their neck. (Zooble) shivered before grabbing her by the waist and pulling her tighter towards them.
The two of them stayed as they were for a while before (Zooble) looked over at (Gangle) to check if she was awake.
“Hey, are you still awake?” They whispered. (Gangle’s) eyes opened slightly and she looked at her lover’s lips.
“Yeah, I’m still up.”
“I’ve just been thinking about what you said to me when we were trapped in the circus.”
“I said a lot of things.”
“It was one of the nights we were sleeping together in my bed and I woke up after a nightmare with my dad.” (Gangle) paused.
“I think I remember. What about it?”
“I was thinking about how much I lost because of him, and then how much more I gained because of you. I don’t forgive him for what he did. But now that we’re out of the woods, I want to live my life free from his judgement and free from the circus torture. Maybe we can move in together and I can get my GED. I think if I had never gotten trapped in the circus, I would’ve lived a stagnant life. I wouldn’t have amounted to anything more than just a kid who ran away, and I can’t think of anything scarier than what my dad thinks of me and what he wanted me to be. Meeting you changed everything. Trapped in cage after cage, trauma after trauma, it became less and less suffocating the more I stuck by you. Even after all we’ve been through, you were the constant that made the changes bearable. You made me realize that it was okay to be who I was because you showed me how.”
Despite (Gangle’s) eyes being shut, she smiled and nodded along. “And you’re the reason I became happier even without the comedy mask. All those times you stood up for me and joined the crappy adventures you hated just so I wouldn’t get bullied and abused relentlessly, I never stopped thinking about it and I never stopped thinking about you. As much as the circus scarred us, it’s also the reason we met. And if being trapped there meant falling in love with you, then I would do it a thousand times over again.
“I’m sorry I never said anything back then. About loving you the way I do.”
“It’s nothing to be concerned about now. What matters is that we’re together now.”
“(Gangle)?”
“Yes, (Zooble)?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
The lovers held each other closer and fell asleep as they were. (Gangle) slept peacefully, and so did (Zooble). As they dreamt, bits and pieces of their life before they put the headset on circulated and came up every now and then. But their memories with (Gangle) took center stage. They couldn’t wait for the new life they’d build with her.