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Long-term relationships were few and far between for Tommy. That was what happened when you were scared to let yourself be happy, his therapist so helpfully told him, as if Tommy didn’t already know it.
That fear of happiness was one of the reasons – the biggest reason, really – why he’d ended it with Evan. He could see how complete Evan could make him feel and how absolutely, thoroughly shattered he’d be if Evan ever left him. Everyone leaves, it was a truth he’d known since his mother left him when he was five. She was supposed to love him the most, and even she ran away. Evan didn’t have that biology with him; he’d leave, too.
So Tommy had left, walked out at the hint of a future, but went crawling back a year later. They’d lost so much, the two of them, and Tommy couldn’t justify not spending another day not having Evan as his partner again.
Which was how he ended up in Evan’s childhood home in Hershey for Phillip’s seventy-fifth birthday.
It was how he ended up in Evan’s childhood (tiny) bed, sweaty and cramped and absolutely loving life. He had all of Evan curled up behind him, their knees tucked in together, Evan’s arms around him, his face pressed to the back of his neck when Evan snuffled awake.
“I don’t think this bed was built for two fully grown, beefy firemen,” Evan groaned when Tommy lifted Evan’s hand to his mouth for a quick smooch.
“I am not complaining,” Tommy sighed and shuffled back into Evan’s body.
Evan kissed his shoulder. “You’re in little spoon heaven.”
“I’ve never been more comfortable.” It wasn’t a lie, Tommy loved having every inch of Evan’s front plastered to his back and his arm heavy over his waist.
“This is the best I’ve felt in this bed.”
“Oh? And here I thought there would have been some kind of awkward fumbling…”
“There was. Lost my virginity in this bed. Lasted all of a minute.”
Tommy laughed and rolled over, urging Evan on top of him. “Well, then maybe we should try to make a better memory for you here.”
The way Evan beamed made the whole trip – the two of them stuffed into economy seats, Evan’s long legs practically touching his ears (in a non-sexy kind of way) – and the Buckleys’ judgemental arseholery worth it.
“Yeah?” Evan had that beautiful, flirty grin, his eyes ducking to Tommy’s mouth while he licked his own lips. “You’d let me fuck you with Chim and Maddie in the room next door?”
“Play your cards right and I may even beg you to.”
There was a zero percent chance that they actually would end up fucking; it was just them being playful and happy with each other.
Tommy couldn’t remember ever being so happy before.
He pulled Evan down for a kiss that was probably much filthier, deeper, than he’d intended, but he was so in love that he couldn’t help but try to relay that to Evan however and whenever he could.
He hooked a leg over Evan’s hip to pull him down closer to him, because there was no such thing as being too close to him, and enjoyed being smothered by his big, sweet boyfriend all over again.
All it took was one gentle thrust of Evan’s hips for the headboard to smack against the wall, startling laughter out of them both.
Seconds later, they heard a knock from the other side of the wall.
“Sorry!” Evan shouted back over Tommy’s giggles. He lowered himself to laugh into Tommy’s neck. “That never happened when I was a teen.”
It was probably a bad decision, one a bit too naughty for the situation, but Tommy reached down, pushing his palms down Evan’s back to give his arse a good squeeze. “I’m sure your stroke game has gotten better since.”
Evan kissed him quickly. “You haven’t complained about it.” He lowered himself down for another kiss, one that was firmer, followed by another, and another, and…
“Are you two respectable?”
Evan’s face returned to its place against against Tommy’s neck, but with a groan that time. Tommy had never hated the sound of Howie’s voice more.
“Nash wants to show his favourite uncles his new favourite game.”
That was a cheap shot – Howie knew that Evan was defenseless when it came to his niblings.
Just as Tommy knew he would, Evan scrambled to his feet and threw on a pair of sweatpants before he opened the door. Nash was shoved into Evan’s arms and the nappy bag was kicked across the floorboards into the room.
“What new game, huh? What has my super smart nephew learnt?”
“It’s called ‘Cockblock Toddler’.”
The door closed in Evan’s face as Howie turned abruptly, leaving Evan and Tommy in charge of the baby.
“You were played,” Tommy told Evan from the bed, who didn’t care at all as Nash started to babble.
“Oh yeah?” Evan said to Nash. “And then what? Sounds like you have had a very busy morning.”
Tommy rolled onto his side to watch Evan readjust the mumbling Nash on his hip.
Back before Tommy had met Evan, he’d never thought that having kids was an option. He’d always thought that he’d waited too long, that adoption or surrogacy would be too much trouble, that he’d be a horrible dad given the example his father had given him, but Evan made him want fatherhood in ways he hadn’t thought he would.
He was so good with Nash and Jee, with endless love for the both of them. Tommy had seen on more than one occasion where Evan calmed down a tantrum better than Maddie or Howie could.
He’d seen how natural he was with them, and how his eyes glistened with happiness around not only his niblings, but other kids, too.
Evan was gorgeous, there was no other way around it, but he easily glowed like the most beautiful person alive when he was around children.
Fuck, even the way he lifted Nash above his head to take a whiff of his butt was endearing. “At least they changed him before handing him over.”
Tommy was struck by how much he wanted Evan to be his last. He’d thought it when they’d first dated, he’d thought it while they were broken up, he’d thought it a million times since they got back together.
God, he was going to marry him.
“Tommy?”
Evan had Nash propped on a hip and was staring down at him like he’d been calling to him for a while.
“Sorry.”
He laughed and slipped down to sit beside Tommy, letting Nash squirm out of his arms to use Tommy as an obstacle course for him to crawl on and climb over.
“You zoned out on me.”
Tommy cupped Nash’s head when he head-butted his shoulder and grabbed a phone off the nightstand to distract the toddler with.
“Where’d I lose you?”
“To our future.”
“Sounds ominous.”
Tommy felt the smile grow on his face. “Not at all.”
“Oh? What did my favourite clairvoyant see?”
“You with our baby.”
That made Evan pause, and for good reason.
When they’d gotten back together, they’d both made it clear that they were in it for the long run, that they did want to be each other’s last, but Tommy knew that Evan was nervous about the serious discussions, which was Tommy’s fault. If he hadn’t run out on him the first time Evan had tried to talk about their future, he wouldn’t hesitate to have those conversations the second time around.
“I know that we don’t talk about it, but that’s where I want this to go.”
It might have been the most terrifying thing Tommy had ever said.
“I’m not asking you to marry me right now or anything, but I want you to know that I’m in this for good.”
Evan had the sweetest, softest look on his face as he leant in to kiss Tommy.
“I’ll say yes. When we’re ready for it, I’ll say yes.”
While Tommy had hated every moment they’d been apart, it was worth it for the way they’re learnt and grown and…
Tommy’s thoughts were abruptly halted by a fist of sticky (how were they sticky?!) fingers probing his mouth.
“He’s really enjoying this game,” Evan laughed and gathered Nash up in his arms again.
“I don’t want to tell Howie that his kid successfully played ‘Cockblock Toddler’,” Tommy grumbled, watching as Evan bent to pick up the bag to sling it over his shoulder, obviously done with babysitting.
“Do you think it’d be better to tell him that Nash didn’t successfully cockblock us while he was in the room with us?”
He had a point.
“Besides, this just means that when we’re dads, we can do the same to him.”
Tommy found himself hoping that it’d be his toddler’s favourite game in the near future.