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Zim could be stupid at times. He hates admitting it and for him to say it out loud? Never happening.
However, for some reason, he keeps thinking he can win against Gaz Membrane in her Earth video games. Sometimes he even has a nostalgic idea to bring out Irken smeethood games and somehow, she STILL wins those even though Zim had more experience than her. They aren't even video games! How!
So here he is.
Admitting it in his head, not out loud.
He was a dumb Irken that took a bet with Gaz that he could win against her in something called 'Smash Siblings' and lost, horribly.
"What, exactly, is this?"
Zim tugged at the outfit she gave him.
It was a human outfit, complete with black wig. A skirt that showed off his legs that were covered by socks that reached his knees. He saw himself in a mirror. He looked truly ugly in Zim's opinion. But Gaz made a sound that might've been approval, if Gaz was capable of that for another person.
"An experiment."
"I know that. You said that. I understand that." Zim felt rather displeased with the air between his legs. He was used to outfits like this, he knew his usual clothing was considered a 'dress' by their standards, but usually Irkens had battle tights and leggings underneath their dress. They looked similar to human fabric, they just could withstand far more damage.
This socks felt thin and like they'd rip with a mere human butter knife.
"What I don't understand is that I was expecting to be cut open, not this."
He gestured at the outfit.
Gaz snorted slightly, muttering something under her breath. Then she started to explain with —- dare he say it, red cheeks? Was the Gaz embarrassed? Is that not what humans do when they are embarrassed?
"I think I like someone." Zim frowned. He was about to ask for more details, but she scowled. "I don't know what it's like to like someone, Zim. I'm twenty years old and I don't know what it's like to like someone."
That felt like it was not Zim's problem.
"So I want to experiment." He watched as she reached into her pocket, scrolled through her phone, and then showed it to him. A picture of a petite human girl holding a controller. She was taller than Zim, but she was slender like him. She looked just as ugly as Zim did. In fact, he was definitely dressed like her. "It's creepy, I get it, don't look at me like that."
"Is it?" Zim asked her, genuinely curious. Gaz opened one of her eyes and narrowed it at him in a glare, clearly suspicious. "You're practically preparing for battle! You have to have a battle tactic, and what better way than to run simulations?"
Gaz had both eyes slightly open at that. Then she closed them.
"Right." She sounded awkward despite her agreement. "Then. Sit down, for me."
Zim sat down. He was intrigued to see what this experiment would entail.
Gaz wasn't as tall as her brother, but she was what would be considered on the shorter end of average. About five feet. Zim, tragically, was even shorter than her and will never grow taller. So it was a surprise when she crawled into his lap.
He adjusted his hands so that he wasn't touching her. He didn't want his fingers broken.
"It's fine. Just for today." Gaz grabbed his hands and put them on her waist. He felt a squishiness to her waist. He didn't know how much she weighed, she wasn't too heavy so must not've been 'obese' by human standards, but she was soft and his fingers left an indent.
When she was in Skool with him, she was flat and angular. Despite not caring much about Gaz, he was approving of this change from the perspective of a warrior. She had grown and her body reflected that. She could fight in battle and not get hurt as easily, with this natural padding.
"Are you fine with this?"
"Yes?"
Gaz sighed at him. "An idiot." Zim scowled, ready to respond with a remark, but she grabbed him by his chin and pulled him into a kiss.
He opened his mouth to try and get loose, to ask what she thought she was doing. She took the opportunity to stick her tongue in, wrapping her arms around his neck to pull him back in.
Irkens did not kiss often. Many species do that, he knew it. Humans were the biggest offenders.
But if Irkens had one weakness, which he was certain they didn't and this would be improved on in the future, it was that they didn't have many organs. They got rid of most of them throughout their thousands of thousands of years of evolution.
As a result, the organs they did have were…sensitive. If they were to participate in activities such as kissing, it would be with someone they trusted.
Did he trust Gaz? He never considered her such a person. But he never considered her as much of an enemy as her brother, either.
The worst thing about this situation is that Zim just found out human saliva didn't try and burn him alive like their water-based substances usually did. No, it was a tingly sensation. Like liquor. It burnt his tongue, yes, but it felt good.
Too good.
"Huh." Gaz finally let go. He was certain he was a mess based on the quizzical expression she gave him. He felt overwhelmed. His head felt like it was on fire. "I don't think I'm that good of a kisser. I've never did it before."
"The saliva…."
He giggled madly. Gaz frowned at that.
"What….oh." Gaz got it. He could see in her face. She got what she just did to him. "Is it an aphrodisiac for you? You're an alien, after all. Is that it?"
Aphrodisiac. He knew that word. Sometimes, the species on planets they invade would try and drug an Irken. They assumed things about their species —- that if killing them wasn't as easy, maybe they could seduce them and they would let their guard down enough to break their paks.
It never worked. At least, as far as he knew, no Irken ever got seduced. If they did, they were likely executed to prevent knowledge of it.
He thinks this time it might've worked.
Humans were more dangerous than he thought.
"Well, I guess that makes this easier." Gaz started to unbutton his shirt. It was a simple blouse, but the collar reached his neck. By doing this, she exposed his collar bone. She kissed him there. Zim didn't feel anything. It was an action that he thinks humans enjoy, but not Irkens.
Their flesh isn't sensitive like that.
Then she bit and that time, oh that time he felt something. The saliva mixed in with the sharpness of her canines. He gasped, grabbing at her hair. She tried to pull away, but he kept her there, refusing to take that feeling away from himself.
It felt too good. He shifted his legs and they fell backwards. She was wrapped in his arms, teeth going deeper into his skin, and he was moaning.
She headbutted him by turning her head to the side. He let go. She sat up quickly and looked down at him. She was glaring at him.
"Are you nuts?" She hissed. "You're being too loud. I don't know if any of my family is home, and—-"
"More."
Zim begged of the human.
He didn't even know what he was begging for. He remembers a lesson in how this might go, in health class. He knew the theoreticals of sexual indiscretions among humans. He heard whispers of how truly odd they could get with it.
But the basics were similar enough to Irken intercourse. Humans did it for reproduction, but Irkens did it for amusement. Sometimes, they did it as part of battle. Sometimes they just did it for no reason at all.
Zim had done it a few times. Not many Irkens in his life were worth it. But the Academy was once a place of cadets, where everyone was equal as they suffered under ruthless training. It always happened for different reasons, but often it was stress relief related.
He didn't know if it was possible for an Irken and a human to have sex. He especially did not know if a human female could have sexual intercourse with an Irken. Their species was closer in similarity to human males and he didn't know what to ask her for, because he truly didn't know how she worked outside of vague details.
He does not think he can give Gaz pleasure in the way a human male could. But maybe she could bite him more? That was fine, right?
Gaz looked at him. She was silent.
She did not bite him this time.
Instead, she put her hand up the skirt and started pulling down the underwear she made him wear. Air reached his crotch and relieved some of the overwhelming heat he was feeling. She looked curious at the sight of what was underneath.
"Do you not have a dick?"
Zim covered his face. He didn't want to look at her, for some reason. He felt like a pervert.
He was one of those Irkens who had sexual intercourse with another species.
It was rare. Incredibly rare. One could argue it was undesirable fetish, of sorts.
"There's a hole…." He gritted out through his teeth, peeking through his fingers. "You have to dig it out."
Gaz looked closer. She made a sound of surprise. Then she touched the small, stretchable hole that was practically invisible if you weren't looking in.
"Wow. You're wet." She said in awe. A finger went in, easier than possibly any Irken ever experienced. Usually there was pain involved in this with how dry they tended to be without proper preparation. In fact, they start to enjoy it after a while. But no, the aphrodisac saliva was enough to make him positively soaked.
He let out a sound he hated. It was high pitched and embarrassing and he was ashamed of himself for making it.
She wiggled the finger and found what she was looking for. Zim arched his back at the sensation of her touching his sexual organ —- humans did not have any possible translation for this organ. Irkens didn't give it a proper name either, with how little it was used since switching to cloning. But he supposed he could call it a dick like she called it.
She put another finger in it. It, too, went in easy.
The tip of his dick peeked out. She jerked her head backwards at the sight of the wiggling appendage.
Then she looked closer. "It looks kinda creepy. Cool." She laughed slightly. Gaz had a nice laugh, but he didn't want to hear it again, especially not in this kind of situation. "Do I just pull it out or is there a trick to this?"
He nodded quickly.
Gaz pulled the prehensile dick out of its hiding space. She held it in her hands.
"It won't fit in me." She said bluntly. "But that's fine. I didn't want to put it inside of me, anyway. I wanted to put mine inside of you."
Zim didn't quite comprehend that.
She unzipped the zipper on the side of her own skirt and it fell to the ground.
Zim comprehended it, now. There was a bulge through her own underwear. It looked hard.
"I am a woman." She said before he could say anything. "Don't get your sex education from an Elementary skool health class, Zim. We are more complicated than that."
She sounded irritated as she explained that.
Zim didn't want answers right now, anyway. This made it easier, because now he knew that she had compatible genitalia. It didn't matter what humans thought of themselves as. All that mattered right now was that whether or not it would go inside him.
She pulled down her underwear and her own dick sprung out.
It was solid. It likely could not bend or twist like his own.
But he could take it in himself. It was vaguely the right shape. Just stiff.
It was big enough to hurt, yet small enough to fit him without hitting his few organs like he imagined the Tallest would nowadays, if they would deign to touch him that way once more.
There was just one problem. The organs were sensitive and also brought pleasure, which is why their dicks were prehensile —- it would wrap around their insides, digging inside and squeezing until they got too overwhelmed to function.
This meant he had to hope that the 'sperm' he heard of was composed of whatever substance her saliva was made of. If not, it was wide enough to give him enough pain that he could still enjoy himself.
"How does this work?" She demanded.
He knew instantly that she didn't know this about Irkens, so he had to do it himself.
He spread his legs and reached down. She watched as he pressed slightly on the underside of his dick, slowly pushing it upwards.
It settled a little higher up. The round hole was now more of a slit.
"Easy." He snickered at what seemed to be an unsettled frown. Despite that, she climbed on top of him and settled in between his legs. "I want another kiss."
"Would that be like drugs to you?" Gaz wondered and then grimaced. "Ugh. I can't believe —- no, I refuse to think of Dib right now. Not right now."
She kissed him before he could laugh at her again.
He felt both the hole and dick pulsate at the sensation of the saliva entering his system.
She pressed the head of her own against the hole. "I don't think I need to stretch you." She began to press in. "I really should've expected you to be like this."
"Like what? Ah…" He moaned loud, even though he knew that she wanted him to be quiet.
"So easy." She snorted. "The way you talked about your leaders sometimes. It was like you were begging them for it just by existing."
Zim wasn't offended. "They're my Tallest, I am expected to treat them with such respec—oh, oh."
It went inside and it felt like lightning went through his system because he knew, in that moment, it was not the sensation of something inside him that was causing this.
It was the sperm. There was a wetness that was not his own inside of him, and he could feel it burn him from the inside, and it felt so, so, so good.
He could truly get addicted to this. He understands why other species think they can be seduced. If Irkens knew that this is what an aphrodisac felt like…
They would come destroy the Earth and then Zim would have no more aphrodisac.
"Fuck me," He demanded, grabbing at her face. Her eyes shot open. He had no use for covering his own anymore. There was no time for embarrassment. "Just—-whatever you do, make me feel it so I never forget it."
"Holy shit." She whispered under her breath, eyes still open. "Fine. Let go of my face."
He let go and clutched at the pillow behind him as she began moving. He needed something to ground him. Each movement pushed the liquid deeper inside him and it felt like he could explode at any moment.
She grabbed at the underside of his knees and pulled them up to rest around her shoulders. He felt rather like a pretzel. He was flexible, but he didn't expect it to come into play here —- and he realized why, because the action pressed her even deeper.
He kept letting out sounds. Vulgar, vulgar sounds. Gaz was trying to refrain from making similar sounds, so it means that humans and Irkens have this in common. They could both be loud in moments like this.
If anyone is in the hallway, they could hear him. He thinks Gaz must've stopped caring about that. Her dick was pulsating too and then he felt something happen inside him. Gaz also seemed to have felt it, because she finally opened her mouth.
"C-coming…" She whispered against his neck. "Fuck, can you get pregnant? I didn't think of that."
He could not. He knew that. But he couldn't answer, because it took him moment to process the overwhelming sensation of rapidly changing temperatures filling his core. It registered in his head that it was room temperature in the beginning, then it felt like lava.
He screamed. Gaz covered his mouth in a panic. He bit her hand in response, instincts kicking in. His body twisted and turned, trying to get away from the pain. Yet, his body also pressed deeper against Gaz. It wanted nothing more than to feel more of it.
He felt his PAK send warning signals.
That this was wrong. This was wrong. You're in danger, Zim. You may not die, you didn't hurt your PAK, but something bad is going to happen if you don't get that thing out of you and —-
It felt so, so good. He blacked out.
Zim woke up with the wig off, his entire body stripped. He was under a warm, fluffy blanket. He felt sore. So incredibly sore, which was odd, because his PAK usually got rid of pain like this.
Gaz was sitting at the foot of the bed, staring at the door.
"Sorry." She said, upon noticing him awake. Gaz usually didn't apologize to people. He thinks whatever had happened, must've been upsetting for her. "I didn't expect any of that to happen."
"It felt good." Zim denied her apology. He sat up, rubbing at his sore back. There was still a burning sensation. But it wasn't awful, now. It was something like a heating pack, he thinks. "Did your experiment work?"
Gaz looked at him.
"It will not happen again." Gaz said bluntly. "I don't think I'm actually that interested in any of this."
"Really?" Zim asked, confused. "You seemed interested."
He felt the physical consequences of it right now, in fact.
"It's…gross." Gaz said. "It felt good. But it didn't feel right, you know? Like it's not actually for me."
Zim truthfully didn't understand that, but then he looked at her and realized that ah, yes. He did understand.
It felt good, way too good, but it wasn't right.
Gaz was not someone he wanted to have sexual intercourse with.
"Do you want to play video games?" Zim asked, finally. It was not an attempt at comfort. He just felt awkward at the sight of her looking depressed. She didn't get depressed, she was sullen and irritable and has always been such.
Gaz snorted.
"You have to play as Momo."
"No!" Zim snapped at her. "Momo is an offensive stereotype! I refuse!"
"She's an alien, Zim."
"She wears too much jewelry!" He pointed at her. "Irkens do not wear jewelry! It's too easy to strangle eachother with! It's very much written in our code to NOT wear those abominations to battle, yet look at her!"
Gaz grinned slightly.
Zim realized he might be getting teased. He grinned at her too, even if he wanted to slap her silly for even suggesting he play that annoying character.
He never truly considered her a friend and he never will, but he thinks Gaz is one of the more tolerable humans.