Chapter Text
Donald didn't let it show. He didn't want the others to see how badly Elizabeth's death affected him. He didn't cry at her funeral, although he wanted to. He allowed it out, just enough to snap at the crew as they cleaned out her office. He knew it was their job and they were following protocol. But it still angered and saddened him. The emptying of her office made it so real for him, he couldn't handle it. So he kept it all bottled inside, didn't allow it to show. He waited until he was alone, in his apartment with a bottle in his hand before he allowed the sadness to overflow and the tears to finally fall.
He struggled most to hold it all in when he saw the baby. Agnes was another reminder, a sad fact that Liz was gone. The child was cute, but he would never admit it out loud. She had her mother's eyes, and round cheeks. Donald though she was beautiful, especially in the white christening gown. He knew in that moment, he would do anything to protect her. Almost as much at her father would.
Watching Tom evolve over the weeks had been an adventure that no one thought he could handle. But he had done well. Late at night, after his tears had run dry, Donald would go to the hospital. It was easy to get past security, he was FBI after all. Redmond's guys would let him past, without a second thought. He would stand at the window, watching. Tom would be in the rocking chair, his child on his chest. They would both be asleep. Donald watched them develop. At first Tom would hold the child with clumsy hands, but the man quickly developed skills, and confidence to hold his child.
There was no doubt in his mind that she was Tom's child. Liz was gone. It was just one man and one child. But the more Donald watched them, the more he wanted to find some way to belong with them. Watching Tom on the day of the christening, Donald saw the way the man smiled at his child, he couldn't tell if the child or her father was more perfect in that moment.
Donald would never admit it, he was a man. He was attracted to woman. But there had always been some secret part of him that found men attractive. Ever since he was on the high school swim team, there had been thoughts, scenarios that would played behind his eyes. Be he had pushed though thoughts aside, and fell in love with a woman like he was expected. But those thought still surfaced sometimes, late at night when he didn't care about control, he would let them bubble to the surface.
As of late those thoughts drew to the bearded, blue eyed man. Donald would find his relief with wonder of what the man's beard would feel like on his skin. But there would always be a pain in his chest after. The other man had just lost the woman he love, the mother of his child.
Donald couldn't even look the other man in the eye. The thoughts that he had, made him feel like he was betraying Liz. Even if she was died. So instead he avoided the man. Keeping his words short, and to the point when he did have to interact with him. If anyone ever asked him, he would say he had no interest in the man.
He would intentionally start arguments with him. In hope of distracting people from his true feelings. But occasionally, when they were at each other’s throats, Tom would look at him, and Donald was sure the other man knew. A glimmer would appear in the dark haired man's eye. Those blue eyes were seeking search and finding the answers Donald would never dare to say out load. Donald didn't feel any shame being the first one to leave their arguments. He couldn't take Tom's knowing gaze.
But he still found himself drawn to the hospital each night. To watch the man with his child. It was a Friday when it happened.
The team had been trying to make headway in the search for Liz's killers. But they were getting nowhere. Tom had come to the post office, wanting to help. Once more he and Tom had gotten into a heated argument. Ending with Tom storming out. Donald had gone to his apartment to 'cool off' only to find himself four bottles in, and a cold hand gripping his heart. He had been harsher with Tom then he had meant, his words tasting sour in his mouth. He didn't really knew how he got there, but before he knew it he stood at the window, viewing into the nursery.
Agnes slept in her warmer, bundled tightly in her blankets. Donald was surprised that Tom wasn't there with her. A worry filled the man, wondering where the other might be or what trouble he might have gotten himself into. He physically jumped in surprise when the man appeared beside him.
"Jesus Keen!" Donald kicked himself for letting his guard down and allowing the other man to get the jump on him.
"Agent Ressler, surprised to see you here." There was sarcasm in his voice. He wasn't surprised at all to see Donald.
"I was just checking on her, that's all. With all that talk today, I wanted to make sure you didn't leave her to go off on some halfcocked scheme."
"Do you think I would leave her? Go get myself killed, and leave her here in this place... In their world alone? I know you think so little of me as a man, but I thought you knew I was a better Father then that." Tom sounded almost disappointed. "Coming here almost every night to check on me, to see what an awful parent I am?"
"I never said that." Donald argued.
"Do you think you can take her away from me? She's my daughter and no matter how hard you try you will never take her." Tom moved away from where he stood beside the Agent. There was anger, and pain in his voice as he spoke. It wounded Donald. Tom didn't get more than three steps, stopped by Donald's hand on his arm. Tom didn't look to him, but he didn't turn away.
"I never said you were a bad parent. I would never try to take her from you. You're her father and she needs you. I don't come here to check on you. I come to... To see her. To see that she's... Real. That she is really here and Liz... Elizabeth didn't die in vain. To make sure you... You've been barely sleeping, or eating. If you need anything, you would ask. Right?"
"Yeah. I know. I just... I was wondering could you...?” Tom hesitated. His body to close to the ginger. Their air to close. But he still couldn’t meet the man's eyes.
"Name it." Donald tried to keep his breathing even and stop his heart from racing at the brush of the other man's touch.
"There's a diner around the block, open 24 hours. Would you mind getting me some food?" Tom finally broke a smile. One that Donald shared. "I'm starving, man."
"Alright, I'll go get you a burger." Donald allowed a slight laugh. He finally removed his grasp form the other man's arms. Here was a long moment were neither of them spoke, but a tenseness held between them. Finally, Donald pulled away and Tom disappeared into the nursery.