Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

It was finally happening. It had taken two years, millions of dollars, and no small amount of help from Svetlana, but it was finally happening. His mama was arriving in Ottawa, free from the hospital she’d been forced into, to live with him and Shane.

It wasn’t easy for his mama the last two decades. After surviving her suicide attempt, her father promptly divorced her and sent her to a hospital in the middle of nowhere. Ilya wasn’t able to speak to her for years after that. When he finally began making his own money in the NHL, he made secret arrangements to get her sent to a nicer place, a little convent on a gorgeous farm property instead of the nasty quarters of the hospital with the mean doctors. His father was preoccupied with re-establishing his reputation and Alexi hadn’t known - nor would he have, if Ilya had told him. He cared about nothing besides getting Ilya’s money, and so Ilya had planned to make sure Alexi would never know where their mother was, lest he use her against him. He’d been able to visit occasionally when he was still allowed in Russia, but he hadn’t been since he married Shane. Now, with the safety of his Canadian citizenship, he was bringing her to him.

“She’ll be out soon,” Shane reassured him. They were standing by the arrivals gate, Ilya bouncing up and down on his heels.

“I told her not to bring a suitcase,” he complained. “We could buy her everything she wants here. But she had some sentimental things.” He lifted on his toes, unnecessary, given his height, but a little cute, in Shane’s eyes. He suddenly started jumping. “Mama!”

Irina Rozanov, a short woman with blonde hair going slightly grey, appeared, followed by Sveltana rolling both of their suitcases. Irina was barely past the end of the gate when Ilya bulldozed her into a hug. He quickly dissolved into tears and rapid-fire Russian. Irina was no different, calling him her lapochka and swaying back and forth. “I missed you, mama,” Shane - on the verge of his own tears - caught.

They finally had to get out of the way of other deboarding passengers after someone nearly clipped Ilya. Holding his mother’s hand, Ilya pulled her over to Shane. “This is my husband, mama”, he told her in Russian. “This is my love, the one I told you about, my lyubimyy.”

Shane straightened his shoulders. It was too risky to meet Irina over video chat while she was at the convent. Letters in English could be translated. As a result, Shane and Irina had known a lot about each other - and been quite fond of each other - for years without ever meeting. “It’s so nice to finally meet you, ma’am,” he said in careful Russian. “I’m so sorry for all the trouble I caused you, but I’m so grateful you let me be with your son -”

Irina interrupted by squeezing him into a hug. “Synulya,” she said. “I’m so happy to meet the one my boy loves so much.” Behind them, Svetlana was taking a video.

Ilya was smiling like he had the sun between his teeth. Shane glanced at him and gestured to him to join in. He did, and the three of them were wrapped in a gigantic hug in the middle of the Ottawa international airport.

It was time for a new beginning.

oOo

A week into moving in with Shane and Ilya, Yuna and David came to visit bearing David’s signature chicken parmesan. Ilya welcomed them at the door.

“Mama!” Ilya called from the entryway. “Come meet Shane’s parents.”

“I’m so happy your mom’s here Ilya,” Yuna gushed as she took off her shoes. “I can’t believe we finally get to meet her.”

“I hope she likes Italian,” David joked. Ilya took the food from him and walked his in-laws into the kitchen.

“She will, because it’s my favourite,” he bragged. “Besides her pelmeni.”

Shane and Irina were waiting for them by the stovetop, where they were fishing out the last of the dumplings from the boiling water. Irina turned and beamed, so excited to meet her son’s adoptive parents that she forgot her English and started rambling in Russian. “Slow mama,” Ilya cautioned. He was taking out the pyrex dish and setting it on the table. “English.” Irina nodded.

“I am so happy to meet my son’s other parents,” she said slowly. She grabbed their hands. “Thank you for looking after my precious boy,” she gushed.

“He’s the son we always wanted,” David told her.

“Dad!” Shane complained. Everyone laughed.

“In all seriousness, we’re so glad he’s part of the family. Both of you,” Yuna said. “He’s perfect for Shane. I can’t imagine one without the other.” She and Irina started to get teary-eyed. 

“Okay, that’s enough,” Shane said. He brought the pelmeni over to the dining table with the rest of the food. “We’re getting all mushy. I want to eat.”

“David makes the best chicken parmesan, mama,” Ilya told her as he guided her to the table. “You’ll see.”

The next Saturday, Ilya woke up, remarkably, before Shane, and wandered into the kitchen, hoping he could get Irina to make syrniki with her special raspberry jam. Yawning, he called out for his mother. No response - odd, given that she was usually out in the garden with Anya at this time. He traced back towards the staircase, near where her room was. Open door, little Anya napping on the bed, no mama. “Mama!” he tried calling again.

Footsteps came up behind him. “Where’s Mama Irina?” Shane asked, using the endearment she and Ilya had insisted on.

“I don’t know.” Ilya was frowning in worry. “I’m going to call her.” He almost ran back to their bedroom to grab his phone and place the call, walking back and forth as he did so.

“Maybe she just went on a walk,” Shane reassured. He put his arms around Ilya to stop his pacing.

“Without Anya?” Ilya asked. Finally, the call went through. “Mama! Where are you?” he asked, forgoing his English. Shane tapped him to put it on speakerphone, which he did.

“I’m at the farmer’s market with Yuna and David” Irina cheerfully replied. “The beets look so good! I’ll make you some borscht for dinner tonight.”

“Hi Ilya!” Yuna called from the background. “Sorry about that! We invited Irina out last night and forgot to tell you we were picking her up.”

“You scared me, mama,” Ilya pouted. Shane held back from snorting at how cute his husband was being as he ran a calming hand up and down his arm. For years, Ilya had worried something would happen with his mother and she would disappear. His father would find her and send her even further away to keep Ilya away from her, annoyed that his son was letting anything so soft as his mother drag him away from hockey. Alexi could move her and only tell Ilya where she was if he gave him more money. Ilya knew, sadly, these were things they were not only capable of, but would do eagerly and without remorse. The anxiety lingered, though there was no reason to expect harm to come to them ever again. 

"I'm sorry I forgot to tell you, lapochka!" 

“She’s in good hands, son,” David consoled. “We’re getting lunch here, if you want to join us.” Ilya looked at Shane, who nodded, for agreement.

“Okay mama, we will join you soon,” Ilya said, switching back to English. “But you need to tell me when you go next time!”

“I am not a little malysh, silly,” Irina laughed. “Come, hurry before the food trucks close. I see a wonderful one with tacos!”

“Give us ten minutes,” Shane said. They hung up the phone and he finally laughed. Ilya turned in his arms to face him, betrayed.

“My mother was kidnapped and you are laughing,” he complained.

“She’s a grown woman, Ilya,” Shane countered. “She’s allowed to come and go as she pleases. Nothing's going to happen to her. Besides, she was just with my parents at the farmer’s market. It’s not like she was clubbing with the rookies.”

“Don’t even joke about that Shane!” Ilya exclaimed. “My mama does not go clubbing.”

“All I’m saying is she deserves to have some freedom after not being able to leave the hospital or convent on her own for so long,” Shane explained. He brushed a little curl out of Ilya’s eyes. “I know you worry about her, but I want her to have a good life too, and not think she needs to get our approval for every little thing. I think it’ll make her really happy. You aren’t going to lose her again just because she steps out on her own.”

Ilya slumped into his arms. “I know,” he sulked. “I just worry. And I want her around all the time. I missed her so much. I feel like I had to grow up without her and I want to make up for all that time.”

Shane kissed his temple and rocked him side to side. “I know, baby. She missed you too. But she’s here now, safe and happy. It’s all okay.” With one more kiss to his head, Shane pulled back. “Come on. She wants to get some tacos.”

“Then she shall get her tacos,” Ilya proclaimed. “I’ll get Anya. You start the car?”

“Deal.”

oOo

“But why, mama?” Ilya asked. “Are you not happy here? Did we do something wrong?” He, Irina, and Shane were sitting in the living room after dinner. Ilya held his mother’s hand.

“No, lapochka, of course not,” Irina said, stroking his head comfortingly. “But I want to try living on my own. I’ve never gotten to do that.”

“But we need you here. Who’s going to make me pelmeni? Who’s going to take care of Anya when we go on road trips?”

“I’m not moving out of the country, silly,” she laughed. “I can make you all the pelmeni you want and watch Anya any time.”

“It’s really no trouble to have you here, mama,” Shane interjected. “We really like having you here. If you need your own space, we can buy you a house in the neighbourhood, or build a little in-law suite for you in the back.” Ilya nodded.

“Yes, mama, surely that’s okay?”

“That’s very sweet of you both, but it's not the house. It's the neighbourhood. It's so quiet here. I want to live downtown. It looks so exciting, with all the little shops and restaurants,” Irina said.

“That’s probably the first time anyone’s ever said that about Ottawa,” Shane joked. Irina laughed, but Ilya stayed still, frowning.

“But I just got you back, mama. I need you here,” he said quietly. Shane’s heart squeezed in his chest. It had been eight months since Irina moved in with them, and truly, it had been a great eight months. They didn't feel encroached upon, and since it made Ilya so happy, Shane was especially eager to keep her here. He had a feeling, however, that this was something she needed to do, so he tried to support her without overstepping or upsetting Ilya.

“My baby,” Irina crooned. She pulled Ilya to her chest, and Ilya wrapped his arms tightly around her middle. “I will always be here for you now, forever. I’m so sorry you had to grow up so much without me. I’m sorry I never got to see you enter the NHL or go to your wedding.” A few tears dripped down Ilya's cheeks. She kissed his forehead. “I’ll be here for all the rest of it, da? But mama wants to try doing things she’s never done before. I want to choose my own furniture and go out and make friends and join clubs and take the bus on my own. Please, my little one. I know it's a big ask, but I’ve never gotten to live my own life before. I want to try. Please?” She pulled back and held Ilya’s face in her palms.

Ilya wiped his tears away. “Okay, mama,” he said. “But we will help you pick out the best apartment. Safe neighborhood. Lots of fun things to do. And you can have all the pretty furniture you want.”

“He’s right,” Shane added. “We’ll make sure you have everything you need. And we’ll visit all the time.”

Irina opened her arms and both men hugged her back. Time to go apartment hunting.

“Mama, are you sure you have everything?” Ilya asked. The movers had just finished unpacking everything to Irina’s specifications. Her new apartment was a gorgeous loft just a few blocks off downtown Ottawa in a nice little artsy neighbourhood. There was a cafe downstairs that had live music every Friday, a little used clothing store around the corner that taught sewing and embroidery classes, and a bookstore with international literature in multiple languages, including Russian, a few steps down. It was everything Irina had wanted in her new adventure.

“Everything is wonderful, lapochka,” she said. “Thank you for helping me do this.”

“And you’re sure you’ll call us if you need anything? I don’t care if we’re on the road, we’ll fly back immediately. Yuna and David aren’t far either.”

“I will. And you’ll come over whenever you want some pelmeni and borscht, da?” Irina stroked her son’s cheek.

“Yes mama. You will see us all the time,” Ilya confirmed.

“It’s true. I’m not passing up a chance for your dumplings,” Shane added. “So worth breaking my diet for.”

Irina laughed. “I am flattered!” She pulled them into a hug. “I’m so excited. Drive safe, okay? I’m going to walk around the neighbourhood a little before we get dinner with your parents.”

“Okay,” Ilya said, reluctantly letting her go. “Call me when you leave, okay? Do you want us to pick you up?”

“I can take the bus!” Irina said proudly. “Now go. You have practice to get to.” She gently pushed them toward the door.

“We’ll see you soon, mama Irina,” Shane said.

“I love you mama.” Ilya took one last hug before they finally stepped out of his mom’s new apartment.

“I love you too, my precious boy,” Irina said. “See you soon.”

Chapter Text

Ilya and Irina sat in the living room and watched dusk take over the sky. The sound of Shane washing dishes drifted in. Anya snuggled in Irina’s lap. It was a perfect evening, which made Ilya feel a little guilty, but he had to know. “Mama?” he asked. Irina hummed. “Do you miss Alexi?” 

Irina’s eyes widened. “Your brother?” 

“Da,” Ilya said. “I know it’s been a while, but if you ever wanted to talk to him, I could send him a message. He must know you’re still alive, even if he doesn’t know where you are. He could visit.” He watched his mother, anxious. 

Speaking to Alexi was the last thing he wanted to do. This life he’d established for himself and his mother was perfect. It was the first time in his life he felt genuine, easy peace, joy, safety - and inviting his brother into it felt like inviting a serial killer to dinner. He might not have asked at all if Shane hadn’t given his - very reluctant - permission to. Even then, he knew Shane didn’t want to see Alexi either. Asking this was opening his marriage and life up to terror. It was the right thing to do, however. He hoped. 

Anya whined from Irina’s lap and crawled up to her shoulders to lick her face. Irina gently shushed and petted her. Her brows were furrowed so closely together they nearly touched. Her eyes swung back and forth as she silently debated the issue. Still not looking at Ilya, she asked him, “Do you know what your brother said to me before they took me to the hospital?” 

“I didn’t know he was even there,” Ilya said, frowning. “I thought it happened when we were at school?” 

“I think he came home because he forgot something. I’m not sure,” Irina said. Her hand on Anya was moving very slowly. “I was screaming to be let go, to return to you, and your brother told me he wished I had died.” 

Ilya’s knuckles turned white. His teeth ground together like racecar tires on a track. Anya whined a little louder. “I will kill him,” he seethed. 

“It hurts me to say, but a decade ago, I might have let you,” Irina said. 

“Mama, why didn’t you ever tell me?” he asked. “Is that why you never pushed to see him when I found you? Is that why you didn’t get mad when I told you I cut him off?” 

Irina took a deep breath. “No,” she said. “Or, rather, yes, in some ways.” She shook her head. “If I ever thought your brother wanted to see me again, really wanted to see me, I would welcome him. It would be hard, but I would. He’s still my son. I still love him, in the way I can. But…” 

She didn’t say anything for a long moment. Once again, the only sound was Shane doing the dishes. Ilya waited. 

“I’ve asked again and again, to countless skies, why I couldn’t be the mother he needed. Why I wasn’t enough.” 

“Mama -” Ilya interrupted, shifting on the couch to face her. 

“What I’m trying to say is that the one regret I’ll never lose is that I couldn’t be what Alexi needed. That I let your father raise him as he wanted. That I wasn’t, and still am not, brave enough to try again. Maybe I’m fooling myself, thinking I’m being kind by not trying to bring him back to me. But I don’t know how to love him now, and I don’t think he would know how to be loved by me.” She turned to Ilya. “Maybe some day.” 

They just looked at each other, sitting in the stillness of ambiguity, knowing there was no resolution. There was only this, this love without a place to go. The attempt to live a life that was livable.

Irina reached for Ilya’s hand, which he gave her. “I got one thing right,” she whispered, smiling. 

A moment later, Shane appeared in the doorway with some pryanik and tea on a tray. “Are we still - uh, did I interrupt something?” he asked. 

“No no,” Irina reassured him. “I believe we were going to watch the new Dune move, yes?” 

“Yeah,” Shane said. “Ilya and I missed it when it came out in theaters.” He took a seat in between Anya and Ilya and set the tray down on the ottoman, trading it for the fluffy fleece-sherpa blanket that had been laying there. “Do you need a blanket?” he asked. 

“I’m good,” Irina said. 

“Ilya?” 

“No,” he said, slowly. “I’m good as I am.” He glanced at his mother. She nodded. 

“All for me then,” Shane said a little giddily. He wrapped the blanket around him and grabbed the remote and turned the tv on. “You know, I heard the lead actress wore this crazy spacesuit to the premiere -” he chatted, filling the ambiguity. 

“I heard about that,” Irina replied. 

Ilya remained quiet. He pulled his husband to lean against his chest and tried to let his thoughts settle. 

oOo

The letter sat on the bureau. Svetlana was leaving for a vacation to Moscow and was waiting to hear if he wanted her to deliver it. Someone loves you. Someone would take you home, if you wanted. I could want that too, if. If…

“You ready? Troy and Harris are in the driveway with Chiron," Shane called. 

Ilya paused. He took the letter into the closet and put it in a bag of things they always said they’d donate to the local Goodwill, but hadn’t. They wouldn’t for a long time. 

“I’m coming,” Ilya called back. He shut the closet door and went to meet his family. 

Chapter Text

Ilya was thrilled when he discovered his mother wanted a dog. He was less thrilled when he realised that she really wanted a horse. A giant horse with giant horse shits that would run over Anya without even trying. 

“Dmitri is not a horse, Ilya,” Irina corrected. “He’s a Great Dane.” She gave her new horse-dog a tiny kiss on his head. It wasn’t difficult, seeing as the dog came up to her face when she was sitting. 

“This dog is as big as Anya and Chiron combined!” Ilya argued. “He will drag you through the streets and leave your body in the sewer.” He could hear Bood laughing at him from where he was setting up the barbeque he’d brought over.

It was finally the off-season. Playoffs had ended in a nail-biting game that the Centaurs lost by a single point to Boston, but the team was still in a great mood. Harris and Troy had invited the Centaurs over for a summer lunch to both celebrate and sneakily introduce Shane and Ilya to a new pup they’d been fostering. They hadn’t anticipated that dog falling in love with Irina instead. 

“He’s actually a very good boy. Really, really docile. Shannon orders him around all the time,” Harris said. He came out onto the porch and set down some lemonade. 

“Seriously? He looks like he could run over one of the kids,” Lisa said, gesturing to the toddlers running around the yard. “And aren’t Great Danes a little territorial?” Ilya nodded in fervent agreement. 

“I think he’s cute,” Wyatt interjected. He held out a hand to pet the dog, but Dmitri ducked his head away from him. Even Ilya had to admit it was a sad sight. 

“This poor baby needs some love and care. He’s going to be my little angel,” Irinia cooed. Beside her, Shane snorted. 

“Please don’t tell me you’re worried about being replaced as your mother’s little boy,” he said. Troy tried to hold in a laugh, but shot a look at Ilya. 

Ilya crossed his arms and pouted. “I am not,” he grumbled. “I just think Dmitri is too big for Mama and her apartment.” 

“Her apartment is massive,” Shane argued. “And you’ve been worried about her being alone since she moved in. If he does end up being a little territorial, he’ll be a good guard dog.” 

“Hardly,” Troy said. “I swear he’s scared of falling leaves. I saw him run from the tree once.” He reached for a slice of fruit and snuck it to Chiron. “I doubt he’ll ever be a really tough dog. He’s just a giant baby.”  

“See, lapochka,” Irina told Ilya, “he needs someone to love and nurture him. He needs someone to tell him he’s a good boy and he’s safe and very loved.” She pet Dmitri and looked at her son, her eyes shining. 

Ilya slowly held out his hand for Dmitri to sniff. Instead of ducking like he did before, the scared dog carefully sniffed and rubbed his nose across Ilya’s palm. “He’ll be okay with Anya?” he asked Harris. 

“I think Anya would actually be really good to help him build confidence.” 

Hearing her name, Anya perked up and wagged her tail, as if telling her papa that she was excited for a new friend. Ilya sighed. “Welcome to the family, Dmitri.”