Archive of Our Own

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PART I: HELLO, FRECKLES

Chapter 1: Pomidor (Tomato)

Eleven-year-old Shane Hollander woke up on a fine Sunday summer morning. No school, no hockey practice, so he hadn’t turned on his alarm.  He still woke up early at 6:30am, but he stayed in bed for another thirty minutes, enjoying the slow morning.  He only got up because his stomach grumbled. He put on his hoodie as he headed down to their kitchen. It wasn’t really cold, but Shane loved the comfortable texture of his blue hoodie on his skin. 

Shane was surprised when he heard unfamiliar voices coming from their living room.  He recognized his mother’s voice, but there was another female voice with a deep accent.  European, Shane guessed.  He wanted to rush back to his room, but his mother saw and called him.

“Shane!  We’ve got new neighbors!” his mother, Yuna, excitedly exclaimed.  Shane turned back and walked towards their living room.  He rubbed the sleep away from his eyes and finger combed his hair. He saw his mom, seated on their couch with a very beautiful European-looking woman with long, blonde curly hair and the deepest blue eyes Shane had ever seen.  Beside her was a young boy with short gold curls and blue eyes.  They looked so alike. 

“Shane,” his mother said standing up, “meet Irina and Ilya Rozanov.  They just moved in across the street.  They are from Moscow, and Ilya here is your age.  Guess what, he plays hockey, too!”

“Hello,” Shane greeted softly. 

“Privet, hello,” Irina said. She stood up and walked closer to Shane.  He didn’t know what to do, but he remembered his manners.

“Hello, Mrs. Rozanov. Welcome to the neighborhood,” Shane was feeling so awkward but Irina gave him a beautiful, radiant smile. 

“Good boy,” Irina said to him fondly, “beautiful, uhm, vesnushki.”  Irina pointed to Shane’s freckles as she grappled for the English word.

“Mama, it’s called freckles,” the young boy, Ilya, chimed in.  He got up from the couch and stood behind his mother.

“Da, freckles!” Irina said, snapping her fingers. “Spasibo, Ilyusha.  Beautiful freckles, Sheyn,” Irina repeated.

Shane could feel blood rushing to his face as both Rozanovs stared at his freckles.  No one aside from his parents has called his freckles beautiful.  He thought his parents said that because they are his family.  He always secretly hated his freckles. 

“I told you they were beautiful,” his mother added, standing beside Irina.  “Shane hates them.”

“I don’t…” Shane started.  How did his mother know?

“No!” Irina exclaimed loudly. “Beautiful!  Ilyusha, skazhi yemu (tell him)!”

The young boy’s eyes grew big at his mother’s request.  “Mama,” he said exasperated. “On pokhozh na pomidor (He looks like a tomato),” Ilya snickered.

“Ilyusha!” Irina turned to her son.

“Milyy pomidor,” (cute tomato), Ilya added. Irina then smiled at her son fondly.

“Izvini, sorry,” Irina said, turning back to Shane. “My Ilyusha said Sheyn cute.”

“Mama,” Ilya hissed. 

Shane felt his face getting warmer and warmer.  Mrs. Rozanov seemed to be so captivated with his freckles and it was making him anxious. 

“Would you like some breakfast, Shane?” his mother asked him.  Shane nodded and breathed a sigh of relief as he felt rescued from the scrutiny of their new Russian neighbors. “I’ve made some pancakes.” Yuna turned to her guests.  “Would you like some pancakes, too?”

“Spasibo,” Irina replied.  “Ya ne golodna.” She turned to her son in frustration as English was failing her.

“Thank you.  My Mama is not hungry,” Ilya translated.  Just then his stomach grumbled and both mothers laughed.

“I think you are hungry, Ilya,” Yuna said.  “Shane, why don’t you and Ilya have breakfast together?

Shane nodded and walked to their kitchen in his socks, Ilya trailing behind him.   Shane prepared their breakfast with pancakes and yogurt milk while Ilya sat at the breakfast counter. He offered milk to Ilya, too, but his new neighbor declined.  Their mothers sat on the sofa and went back to discussing life in Ottawa. Ilya would often throw in English words whenever his mother spoke in Russian.

“Hey, buddy, good morning,” Shane’s father, David, said as he approached him. He had a copy of The New Yorker tucked under his arm. “I see you have met our new neighbors. Ilya, I just came from your house and talked to your father.  Nice guy.” David recounted as he prepared his coffee and his own set of pancakes.  After laying his plate and mug on the counter beside his son, David gave a side hug to Shane, rubbed his arm and gave him a kiss to his temple.  Shane softly smiled at his father as he sat beside him.  David chatted with Ilya as they ate.  He saw the young boy look at his copy of The New Yorker and pushed it to him.

“Would you like to borrow it?”  David said.

“Da.  Please,” Ilya replied softly.

“I heard that you will be going to school with Shane this fall?” David asked and Ilya nodded.  “Perfect, Shane will show you around.  He will be your best friend,” David proclaimed which stunned both boys.

Whatever, Dad, Shane thought.  Do you see how cute Ilya is?  Why would he hang out with me?

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Chapter 2: Lillies

Ilya did end up hanging out constantly with Shane that summer.  Shane showed him around their neighborhood and nearby hiking trails.  Of course, he brought him to their hockey rink where Shane watched in awe as Ilya showed off his excellent hockey skills - Ilya was a very fast skater and had an excellent backhand. Shane was sure Ilya would join him on their school’s hockey team in the coming school year. 

Shane found himself easily comfortable with Ilya.  It usually takes him some time (ok ok, years) before he could be comfortable with anyone.  His friends in school, Hayden, Rose, Jackie and JJ had been his friends since primary school, so he had years to adjust to them.  With Ilya, Shane was already very talkative with him the second day they hung out, much to Yuna and David’s surprise and to the delight of Irina.  He liked Ilya’s accent:  he liked hearing Ilya talk to himself and swear loudly in Russian. Ilya was always quick to give a beautiful smile to Shane, much like Irina.  Shane thought they were both very beautiful.  

Ilya would ask him a lot of questions and would patiently listen as Shane explained ALL the details. At first, Shane thought that Ilya was just humoring him, as he didn’t know anyone else, but when he introduced him to his friends one summer evening, his new Russian neighbor remained very attentive to him.  Ilya got along with Shane's friends easily: both Rose and Jackie gushed about how handsome he was, and Ilya was totally chill with JJ.  But with Hayden, Ilya got in a verbal war right at the very start, which totally caught Shane by surprise.  Hayden, who was his closest friend and who he fondly calls “Hayd”, and who looked like an angel with his deep blue eyes and blonde hair, would turn feral when Ilya teased him.  Their verbal sparring turned violent one time and Hayden almost hit Ilya, who was still smiling maniacally at him.  Everybody had to break up the fight - Jackie had to pull Hayden away while Shane stayed with Ilya.

“Why are you always teasing Hayd, Ilya?” Shane asked furiously.

“I don’t know, Shane,” llya said, shrugging his shoulders.

“He is my best friend!” Shane said exasperated.

“Oke, oke, I’m sorry to your best friend, Hayd! He also calls me arrogant, you know?”

“Yea, I know,” Shane sighed.  “I don’t know why you two are not getting along…why do you have to fight with Hayd… my friends don’t do that,” Shane said, fidgeting as he was getting anxious. He felt a strong grip on his shoulder and his breathing started to slow down.  He looked up and saw Ilya was watching him closely. 

“Shane,” Ilya said softly. “Don’t worry, I won’t argue with Hayd anymore. Me and Haydy will become BFF - best friends forever,” Ilya said exaggeratedly. “I will hug him, and kiss him, and call him…”

“Shut up,” Shane just rolled his eyes.  He felt like Ilya and Hayd were destined to always argue.  Ilya just bopped his nose which made Shane scowl while folding his arms on his chest.  “Stop it,” he said indignantly.

“Fucking make me, Hollander!” Ilya shouted while he ran away from his friend who looked mad as a kitten.  Shane just watched Ilya sped away.

Wow, I have a toddler of a friend, Shane thought.

The two did not get in another punching match after that, but Ilya would still mercilessly tease Hayden, but only for a short period of time.  He would quickly shut up whenever Shane glared at him. Hayden ended up spending more time with Jackie.

Shane was also surprised that he didn’t mind Ilya physically touching him.  He would flinch when people touched him, only his Dad hugged him and he liked it. Even his Mom didn’t hug him as Yuna was not a hugger at all.  But with Ilya, it didn’t bother him.  Ilya would often give him a bro hug and Shane would return it, feeling safe in it.  Ilya would also hang his arm around Shane’s shoulders while they walked, and Shane would never shrug it off.

Shane learned that Ilya had an older brother, Andrei, but he had never met him.  He was 16 years old, Ilya had mentioned, and his brother totally hated him.  He hardly talked about him without turning quiet.  His father, Grigory, was another topic altogether.  Ilya’s face would turn stoney at the mention of his father, so Shane stopped asking about the Rozanov men.  He also never stepped foot inside the Rozanovs’ home even though Ilya was always hanging around the Hollanders’ place.  The closest Shane got to their house was their front lawn where Irina has grown different variants of lilies including daylillies, Asiatic, tiger, oriental, martagon and native lilies.  Irina also tried to grow tomatoes in a garden bed. She didn’t have a lot of space available to grow them, but Ilya stubbornly insisted with the tomatoes.

When it came to Irina, Ilya loved talking about and spending time with his mother.  All the Hollanders were helping her improve her English and Irina was an enthusiastic learner.  They would often all go to the farmers’’s market together with David as their personal luggage carrier.  At first, Irina was very reluctant to ask for help from David, but the older Hollander was very patient with her and eventually won her over.

On Labor Day weekend, the Hollanders invited the Rozanovs to celebrate it with them.  Only Ilya and Irina were able to join as Grigory was going out to meet his friends and Andrei wanted to stay in. They watched the local parade and went to the Chinatown Night Market.  That Sunday evening, the Hollanders hosted a barbecue dinner in their backyard.  David tended the grill while the ladies prepared pasta and bread.  The boys ran errands and helped with the chores. After dinner, the mothers lounged on adirondack chairs and sipped very strong mimosas while gossiping. Ilya and David ended up on the floor with a jigsaw puzzle placed on the coffee table.  Shane sat on the couch and stayed with them but read a book about hockey.  He had his legs behind Ilya’s back and his friend lightly leaned against them.

The quiet and relaxed atmosphere was suddenly shattered when Irina’s mobile phone rang from the living room.  Ilya got up and grabbed it and went totally pale when he saw the caller ID.

“Papa,” Ilya murmured and answered it quickly.

“Ilya! Gde nosit tebya i tvoyu shukhu mat’? (Where are you and your whore of a mother?)” Shane could clearly hear the angry voice on the other line.  He watched as Ilya became visibly frightened and tried to reply, but was cut short.  Ilya then ended the call and rushed outside to his Mama.  Shane followed closely behind, worrying.  

He didn’t understand what Ilya and Irina talked about but he could feel both of them panicking.  Ilya pointed out Irina’s summer clothing: she was wearing a red bikini top, short denim shorts and beach cover while she was sitting under the sun with Yuna.  Irina hastily covered herself up with her cover.

“Shane, may we borrow some of your clothes?” Ilya asked him.  “Any shirt and sweatpants, please, for Mama.”  Shane was closer in height to Irina than Yuna was. 

“Of course,” Shane nodded and rushed to his room to gather his clothes.  He gave them to Ilya who helped his Mama dress up in the bathroom.  They bid their good-byes to the Hollanders in a rush, and Shane watched Ilya protectively place his arm on her mother’s shoulder as they crossed the street.  The Hollanders were stunned with the turn of events and were quiet as they cleaned up. 

Shane did not hear from Ilya the following day.  Yuna also tried calling Irina, but she never picked up.  The following Tuesday, on their first day of school, Ilya was late for class.  He was all smiles when their teacher introduced him as the new student, but he sat away from Shane at the other end of their classroom. Shane tried to catch his attention but Ilya wouldn’t look at him.  When their first period was over, Shane approached him. Suddenly, Ilya became vibrant, gave him the biggest smile and started talking about their classes excitedly. He seemed to be in a very good mood,  Shane thought, so he didn’t want to ruin it by mentioning how their weekend had ended. He wasn’t sure but Ilya seemed to have a small bruise on the right side of his jaw near his ear.  He was going to ask, but Ilya called out to Hayden and they started teasing each other again. Shane forgot all about it as they continued on their day with Ilya in a very exuberant mood. 

The Hollanders never saw Irina again.  

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Chapter 7 - Jacob’s Cliff

Shane hurried  back to their school gym, collecting himself. 

Ain't love the sweetest thing

He wiped off his tears with one hand while he clutched his jacket with the other.

Blue-eyed boy meets a brown-eyed boy

Ilya’s voice haunted him. 

Oh, you’re my sweetest thing.

What is happening? Shane thought as he felt the weight on his chest begin to lighten and he smiled to himself.

Are you with him again?

Ilya’s father’s voice had felt like iced-cold water splashed on his face. 

No, I was with a girl.

Ilya’s denial felt like a stab right through his heart with a big, fat arrow.  It seemed like Ilya was embarrassed to be seen with him.

Shane felt a pain in his chest that was so intense that his breathing was slowly becoming faster.  The loud music, dancing lights and students milling around were adding to his anxiety.  Earlier, he’d seemed to enjoy the grad party, but now, he was dreading it. He wasn’t aware that he had walked straight to the dance floor until he got bumped on his shoulders numerous times. It was like he was drowning.  He opened and closed his fists to self-regulate.

“Shane!” he blinked when he heard his name called out.  He turned to the voice and saw Rose approach him.  She was his date for the party and she looked beautiful in her long red dress.  “Hey,” Rose said as soon as she reached him.  She clearly saw how agitated Shane was. 

Rose pulled him from the dancefloor and led him to the other end of the school gym where it was quieter.  “Hey, Shane. Are you alright?” she asked softly, gently rubbing his arm.

“Yea, yea,” Shane croaked out.  He was not looking at Rose.

“Do you want to get out of here?”

“What?” This time Shane looked at Rose.  “I can’t leave.  I have to help out with the party afterwards.”

“No, you don’t.  Ilya told me earlier to bring you elsewhere when you get anxious,” Rose explained.  

“He did?” Shane asked, surprised.

“Yup,” Rose said with the “p” popping out.  “As your date for the night, Shane Hollander, it is my task to take care of you tonight.”

“Rose,” Shane said gently, “you really don’t have to do that.”

“Yes, I do and I want to, Shane.  You’ve been running yourself into the ground this school year as president of our student council and captain of our hockey team. Come on,” Rose said tugging his arm, “let’s go with Jackie and Hayden. They are going to Jacob’s Cliff.”

“Jacob’s Cliff?  Isn’t that -”

“Yes, the Make-out Mountain.  Wow, Shane, I didn’t know you gossip,” Rose smiled at him.

“What? No, I heard it from Ilya.”

“Ah, that makes sense,”  Rose said, giggling.  “He must have brought hundreds of girls there.” Shane was thankful for the music; Rose didn’t hear him wince.  “Let’s go!”

Shane followed Rose as they walked out of their makeshift dance hall hand in hand.  He didn’t see Ilya’s longing gaze as he watched them leave.  

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Chapter 8 - The Morning After

Shane quietly entered his bedroom still in last night’s clothes, which was stressing the hell out of him.  His necktie was in his pocket and his jacket was draped on his arm.  He had left his shoes at their doorstep and his dress socks felt awkward on his feet.  He was looking forward to changing into a fresh pair of cotton socks, sweat pants and his favorite blue hoodie.  But first a shower —

“Where have you been?” Shane almost jumped out of his skin.

“Jesus Christ!” Shane said, exhaling when he saw who was seated on his bed.

“No, it’s just me,” Ilya smirked.

“Fuck off,” Shane said as he entered his room and started to unbutton his red dress shirt with one hand.  He reached the foot of his bed, folded his jacket and laid it on top of it.  He got his neck tie from his pocket, folded it too and  placed it on top of his jacket.  His shirt came off next.  “What are you doing here?” He said while folding his shirt.  He was unbuckling his belt when he noticed Ilya staring intensely at him. 

“Ilya?”

“Waiting for you,” Ilya said, still looking at him fiercely.

“Why?” Shane said, pulling off his belt from his pants.  Ilya looked… mesmerized?

“Ilya,” Shane called out again.

“Shane,” Ilya replied.

“Why were you waiting for me?” Shane asked while he sat on the foot of his bed to remove his socks.  He was so relieved to have those uncomfortable clothes removed.  He stood and  gathered all his clothes in his arms, and when he straightened up, Ilya was gazing at him weirdly.

“Ilya, is something wrong?”

“No,” Ilya said, clearing his throat. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Okay… You’ve been looking at me like...” Shane shrugged his shoulders.

“Like what, Shane?”

“Weird.  Different.  Intense.”

“Where have you been?” Ilya asked again, ignoring Shane’s comments. 

“Are you my mom now?” Shane asked, rolling his eyes.

“No, Mrs. H more beautiful than me,” Ilya said deadpanned.  “Where. Have. You. Been?”

“I was with Rose,” Shane replied.  He was still standing carrying his folded clothes.

“You stayed the night with her?” Ilya asked.

“Yes, I did. Whole night and morning.  Problem?” Shane asked.

“No, Shane, no problem,” Ilya replied with a blank face. The intense gaze was gone.

“Okay, I don’t know what is wrong with you…”

“Nothing is wrong with me,” Ilya said, frustrated.  Shane just sighed at this.

“Give me a few minutes.  My clothes from last night were killing me, I need to shower them off my skin,” Shane said heading off to his closet to get his change of clothes.  He dumped his old ones in the laundry basket and started unbuttoning his slacks.   When he turned back, he saw Ilya was still looking at him intensely.

“If you are sure nothing is wrong…”

“Shane, I told you nothing is wrong,” Ilya said, schooling his fierce gaze.

“Wait for me then?  I wasn’t able to talk to you last night.” Ilya nodded and Shane headed in his en suite bathroom and took a quick shower.  When he went back to his room, he was wearing his softest pair of sweat pants.  He put on his favorite blue hoodie and a pair of cotton socks.  He laid down on his bed when he was all comfortably dressed up, pulled up his blanket to his chest and lay down.

“Shane, it’s not even cold, why are you covered up?” Ilya asked, observing him.

“I know.  Last night was just…” Shane started.

“Too much?” Ilya supplied.  Shane just shrugged his shoulders.

“Tiring, I guess,” Shane curled up on his side and made himself comfortable. “Oh, I have to go to school later and help with the clean up.”

“All taken care of, Shane.”

“Really? Who cleaned?”

“Me.  With the other players from the team.  Marley, Connor, Mitty…”

“When did you do it?”

“This morning while you were with Rose.”

“Uhm, thanks.  Rose dragged me away from the party last night… She saw me, ahhh,”

“Yes, I know, she sent me a message.”

“You told her to bring me elsewhere when I get anxious?”

“Yes.  Did you still get anxious when you went back inside?”

Oh, boy.  Did I ever, Shane thought as the memories came back in.

Ain't love the sweetest thing.
Blue-eyed boy meets a brown-eyed boy
Oh, you’re my sweetest thing.

Are you with him again?

No, I was with a girl.

Shane felt his breath become uneven. 

“Shane,” Ilya said, his voice softening.  He twisted his torso to face him, placed his hand on Shane’s shoulder and squeezed it. “Where did you and Rose go?”

“Jacob’s Cliff,” Shane replied, his breath slowly evening out. 

“The Make-out Mountain?”  Ilya asked incredulously. 

“Yea,” Shane said sheepishly.  “We went with Jackie and Hayd.”  His eyelids were getting heavy and he stifled a loud yawn. 

“Go to sleep, Sleeping Beauty.  Tell me more about your time at Jacob’s Cliff with Rose later.”

“A gentleman never kisses and tells,”  Shane muttered, already half asleep.

“Shane, what?” Ilya said, shaking his friend’s shoulder.  “What did you do?”  He asked impatiently.

“I’m already asleep,” Shane’s eyes were already shut but he scooted closer to Ilya.  “Stay?” he murmured.

“Yes, I will stay. Then let’s talk more about Montreal when you wake up.  We are moving there in the fall…”  Ilya stopped when he heard Shane snore softly.

Moy kotyonok, Ilya thought as he looked at Shane fondly.  He would have to find a way to tell Shane to NOT undress in front of him in a bedroom.  Sure, they have seen each other dressing in their locker rooms, but a bedroom was an intimate setting.  Shane was not aware, but when he undressed earlier, it did things to Ilya’s insides.  

And what the hell were Rose and his Shane doing in that Make-out Mountain??? And Shane spent the whole night and morning with Rose???

Before Ilya could spiral further, he laid down beside Shane and watched the love of his life sleep peacefully.

The weeks following their party and graduation were busy for Shane and Ilya as they prepared to leave for Montreal.  They both wanted to go to the city a month before their classes at McGill started to get familiar with the place.  

One afternoon while the boys were packing up in Shane’s house, Rose dropped by. Yuna and David were both helping them with their move. 

“Hello, Mr H, Mrs H,” Rose greeted Yuna and David.

“Rose!” Yuna greeted her enthusiastically as she approached her.  “Come in!  Are you ready for college?  I heard from Shane that you are going to uOttawa?”

“Uhhh, yea.  Shane, can I talk to you?” Rose asked nervously, turning to Shane.

“Hey, Rose, of course,” Shane said, approaching her.  “Is everything alright?”

“Yea, yea.  Can we talk privately, please?” Rose softly.  Shane nodded, excused themselves to his parents and Ilya and brought Rose to his room.  When they got inside, both of them sat on his bed.

“Rose, what’s the matter?” Shane asked gently. 

Rose turned to him. “Shane.  I’m pregnant.” 

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Chapter 9 - Birds and Bees

The next couple of days following Rose’s announcement were a blur to Shane.  He accompanied her to a clinic for her checkup.  The OB GYN confirmed that Rose was eight weeks pregnant. 

Shane and Rose went to a nearby coffee shop after the checkup.  Shane got himself a hot coffee while got Rose a tall glass of juice.  They sat at the farthest corner of the coffee shop for some privacy. 

“Rose,” Shane started holding her hand. “Whatever you decide, I will be here for you.”  He quickly shifted to president of the school council and captain of hockey team mode, always attending to other people’s needs.  For Rose, he would do anything. 

Rose just nodded and remained quiet and Shane decided to give her some space. 

He and Rose had gotten intimate on the night of their grad party.   Rose was one of his oldest friends; they’ve known each other since they were seven.  She was the one who’d introduced herself to Shane, so bubbly and cute with her blond pigtails and missing front teeth.  Shane was just quiet and awkward around her at first but Rose persisted, never ceasing to talk to him.  He finally opened up to her and eventually introduced her to Hayden and Jackie.  When Ilya arrived, they still remained close, even if Shane would spend more time with their new friend.  Ilya and Rose got along quite well, mostly at Shane’s expense.  Rose was usually on Ilya’s side, teasing Shane to live a normal teenage life.  When they were 17 and Ilya started spending his Fridays with god knows who, Shane and Rose would always be together.  Shane watched Rose as she grew out of her pigtails, braces and bloomed into a beautiful young woman. 

The mood between them had changed when they had gotten to Jacob’s Cliff with Jackie and Hayden after leaving the party.  The mountain cliff was quite romantic with the clear night sky.  Jackie and Hayden left them in the car and set out a picnic blanket nearby.  They tried to be discreet in their making out but Hayden’s enthusiasm could not be contained.  At first, Shane and Rose were laughing at them, but when she leaned back to him in the back seat of the car, he quickly succumbed to the warmth of her body.  After the roller coaster of emotions from the Rozanovs earlier, he was finally relaxed and he automatically wound his arms around her. Their laughter died down and when Rose craned her head towards Shane, he bent down to kiss her.  He was not nervous at all – he knew how to kiss because he had practice. Once with Ilya…

Shane’s thoughts were broken when their lips met for a soft and sweet kiss.  Rose’s plush lips were like cotton candy for Shane.  They opened their mouths at the same time to deepen it.  Rose turned to face Shane and sat on his lap.  They both smiled shyly at each other – they were each other’s oldest friends – then Shane placed his arms on Rose’s back to bring her closer to him.  They continued to kiss as their hands explored each other’s bodies.

When they left Jacob’s Cliff, Shane spent the night with Rose at her house.  They spent a huge part of it making out.  They were both nervous when they got naked since they were each other’s first.  

“Is this okay?” Shane asked Rose.

“Yes, but I’m nervous, Shane,” Rose said, covering her face with her hands.

“I know, I am, too,” Shane said smiling at Rose, removing her hands from her face. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes, of course.”

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want, Rose.”

“I know,” Rose said softly.  She widened her legs to bring Shane closer to her. 

“When you say stop, Rose, we stop,” Shane told her. 

“Okay.  You can say stop, too, Shane.” He nodded as he continued to explore her body with his hands, mouth and tongue. It took some time for Shane to get hard for Rose to the point of embarrassment, but she assured him that everything was alright.  It was a tiring night for both of them.  Shane did his best to make Rose come with his fingers.  She was beautiful when she came, Shane thought.  Later, while Rose was resting, looking sated, she took out her phone and started playing music.  Then the song “Sweetest Thing” started playing again and Shane got hard.  He took Rose again in his arms and before entering her, he checked in again with her with an “are you okay?” When Rose said, “Yes,” he fucked her slowly.  Shane didn’t last long and came in the condom.  Rose was just cresting so he fucked her again with his fingers until she orgasmed.  Shane had never had his fingers work that damn hard.  

“Shane,” Rose called and brought him back to the present. 

“Yes, Rose,” Shane said, bringing his full attention to her.

“I know you are going to Montreal with Ilya. I don’t want to stop you,” Rose said.

Ilya.  Shane hasn’t told him yet about the pregnancy as Rose wanted to keep it between them first. 

“You are my priority now, Rose. Montreal can wait,” Shane assured her.

“I don’t know what I am going to do yet,” Rose said.

“I am here for you, Rose, whatever you decide.”

Shane brought Rose home after they both had finished their drinks.  On his way to his own house, he decided to call Ilya.  The last time he had seen his friend was when Rose told him about the pregnancy two days ago.  Shane remembered seeing Ilya’s face before he closed his bedroom door.  He thought he looked terrified.  About what, he didn’t know.

“Shane,” Ilya answered on the first ring.

“Ilya,” Shane gulped.  They were silent for a few beats before Shane stuttered, “I, uh… am… have… will you… maybe…” He was completely lost for words.

“Shane,” Ilya said calmly.  Shane stopped walking, closed his eyes and took huge breaths in and out. 

“Where are you?” he asked.

“In your room.”

“You are?” Shane squeaked out.   He quickly ended their call and ran the remaining few feet to his house.

“Hey,” Ilya said as soon as he entered his room.  Ilya was looking at his face closely for any sign of distress.

“Hi,” Shane said sitting on his side of the bed.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m alright,” Shane muttered as he caught his breath.

“And Rose?”  Shane didn’t answer.  Instead, he leaned his head back on the headboard and folded his knees to his chest.  Ilya shifted closer to him and rubbed his shoulder gently.  “Will you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Not yet, Ilya,” Shane replied. “I will soon.”

“Don’t worry, moy pomidor, it will be okay,” Ilya said, comforting his friend, with fear in his heart.

A week later, Shane was back in Rose’s bedroom. 

“Shane, I am keeping the baby,” Rose declared. 

“Alright, Rose, I will stay here to help raise the baby,” Shane said confidently and firmly.

“Shane, you don’t have to do that.  You have plans with Ilya to go to Montreal.  Go.”

“I am staying, Rose. With you and the baby.  Our baby.  Montreal can wait.”

Rose stared at Shane for a long time making sure of his decision. “Okay,” she said after a while, smiling. 

Shane smiled back at her while mentally putting his life in order now that his future had changed.  First on his list was llya.  

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Chapter 10 - A Broken Promise

Shane spent the next two days trying to pin down Ilya.  They needed to talk but whenever Shane would ask him to come over, Ilya had a lot of excuses.  He didn’t want to tell Ilya over the phone, so Shane really needed to meet up with Ilya who was suspiciously not going to their house at all.  Even his parents started to ask where Ilya was. 

On the third day, Shane had no choice but to camp out outside Ilya’s house.  He knew where the spare key was kept under one of the pots, but he didn’t retrieve it.  He had never been inside Ilya’s house without his friend.  He was terrified of being alone with Ilya’s father so he sent off a message to Ilya.

Shane: Ilya.

Ilya: Shane.

Shane: Where are you?

Ilya:  Out with Marley.

Shane: What time will you be home?

Ilya: Don’t know.

Shane: OK, I will just wait for you here.

Ilya:  Wait where?

Shane:  At your porch. 

Ilya: Just wait in your house?  Don’t know what time I’ll be home.  I will go to you later.

Shane:  It’s ok, I’ll wait for you here. We might miss each other.

Ilya: Shane.

Shane: Ilya.

Shane: I really need to talk to you today. 

Ilya:  I will be home in 15.

Ilya arrived home in 12 mins.  He was dropped off by Marley who was a year older than them and could drive on his own.

“I’ll just have to greet Papa first,” Ilya said as a greeting to Shane. 

“Okay, I can wait here.”

“Let’s go inside. Papa will be in his room,”  Ilya knew that Shane was uncomfortable around his father and he wanted Shane to not be near Grigory Rozanov at all. 

“Are you ashamed to be seen with me by your father?” Shane murmured to himself.  Ilya didn’t hear him, so Shane went inside the house and settled on their living room couch while his friend headed to his Papa’s room.  It was eerily silent and gloomy while Shane waited for Ilya. 

Shane stood up when Ilya came to the living room. 

“You want something to drink?  We have some ginger ale here.”  Shane was surprised they had a stock of his favorite drink when he’d never had a meal in Ilya’s home.  Ilya came back to the living room with a can of ginger ale and Coke for himself. Shane took the ginger ale and sat on the couch. Ilya settled beside him and drank his Coke while looking at Shane.

“You wanted to talk?” Ilya broke their silence and Shane nodded.  

“So talk.”  

Shane opened his can of ginger ale and took a sip before talking.  Where do I begin? He thought. 

“Uhm… Rose is… I’m the… I can’t… I miss…” Shane stuttered helplessly.  He started bouncing his left thigh. 

“Shane,” Ilya said softly, placed his hand on Shane’s left thigh and squeezed it.  He rested his hand there which calmed Shane’s restless energy.  

Shane was absent-mindedly running his right finger on the can of his ginger ale, tracing a small circle on top of it when it caught on the sharp round shaped groove part.  He hissed when he cut himself and his finger started to bleed. 

“Shit,” Shane cursed when he felt a little bit of pain.  Before he could do anything, Ilya grabbed his right hand and sucked the blood from his finger.  He squeezed it to stop the bleeding and sipped the blood from Shane’s finger. 

“Shane, be careful,” Ilya reprimanded gently when the bleeding stopped and he let go of the finger.  Shane’s breath got caught on his throat while he was watching Ilya take care of the wounded skin. 

“Th-thanks,” he said weakly.

“So tell me,” Ilya said again.  Shane was mesmerized with the way Ilya pursed his lips. 

Those lips have kissed me.

Shane blinked and cleared his throat when the thought entered his mind. 

“Rose is pregnant,” Shane blurted out, looking at his can of ginger ale again.  When he heard Ilya’s sharp intake of breath, he looked back up. 

And the sight of Ilya destroyed him.  His friend looked devastated. 

“What?” Ilya finally said.  “Is it yours?”  he asked.

“Yes.”

“When did you…”

“After the grad party.”

“When I asked Rose to look after you when you get anxious?”

“Yes.”

“At Jacob’s Cliff?”

“After.”

“Do you need help to go to a clinic?”

“No, we already went to one.  She is eight weeks pregnant.”

“Okayyyy.  When are you…”

“You mean when is she due? January.”

“What?”

“Yeah, mid-January.  But the doctor explained that since it is her first pregnancy, she may give birth earlier than that.”

“You mean she’s keeping it?” Ilya asked incredulously.

“What?” Shane asked incredulously in return. “Oh yeah, she is…  having the baby… we are having the baby.”  Shane softly smiled as he continued, “we will co-parent.”

“You will co-parent,” Ilya repeated numbly.

“Yes, I am nervous about it, Ilya. But yeah, we are having our baby.”

“What about Montreal?” Ilya asked.

“Yeah about that,” Shane said, taking a deep breath.  “I cannot go with you, Ilya.  I have to stay here with Rose and our baby.”

“Just like that?”  Ilya asked numbly.

“Yeah, well, I support Rose with her decision and -”

“Didn’t you use a condom when you fucked her?” Ilya asked, deeply frustrated. 

“What?” Shane asked in complete surprise.

“Are you really sure it’s yours?”  Ilya taunted.

“Yes. I am sure,” Shane replied matter of factly, looking directly at him.  Ilya was quiet for a long time.

“How about you will always be with me.  You promised,” Ilya whispered, not looking at Shane.

“Ilya, prosti. (I’m sorry, Ilya),” Shane replied softly. It broke his heart for Ilya to ask him that.  He thought he would be supportive of their decision.  He stood up from the couch and started to leave. “I have to go… I have to meet up with Rose… my parents.” Ilya just stared at Shane as he was slowly walking away from him.  “I can’t do this.  I’m sorry.”

Shane sped towards the door. He tried to open it but he couldn't seem to get it to work.

Stupid Russian door.  Their door had to be made in Russia. Shane was sure he knew how to open a Canadian door, he thought feebly. 

“Let me,”  Ilya silently pleaded.  Shane moved himself to the side and crept close, facing the door.  “Shane, malysh, lyubimyy, please,” Ilya chanted.  He turned to Shane but didn’t go near him.  “I’m so sorry but please breathe with me.”  Ilya exaggerated his breaths so Shane could follow him even if his face was planted on the door.  His body sagged against it as he automatically followed Ilya’s breathing and he took gulps of much needed air.

“Shane, malysh,” Ilya whispered.  “I’m sorry for what I said.”

Shane slowly nodded, and once the door opened, he took a step outside.  He felt instant relief from the  air on his face. 

“Let’s get out of here,” Ilya said quietly.  “Let’s go to your house, I will follow you.” They both crossed the street, with Ilya trailing behind.  When they entered the Hollander’s house which was bright and cheerful, something shifted between them.  It was like they were both safely at home.   Different variants of lilies were in vases in the kitchen and in the living room.  Ilya removed his shoes and went ahead of Shane to go to the kitchen.  He got a glass of water and gave it to Shane who had followed him. 

“Shane, I am so sorry,” Ilya started again.  “I don’t know what I was thinking, it’s not fair for me –” Shane silently put his glass down on the kitchen counter and moved his hand close to Ilya’s.  He hadn't looked at Ilya since they left his house. 

“Do you… Are you mad at me?” Ilya asked, already scared of the answer.  Shane still didn’t answer him but instead he placed his hand on top of Ilya’s and held on tight to it.  Ilya felt relieved, but was horrified when he saw tears falling down Shane’s freckled cheeks. 

“Shane,” Ilya whispered. He tentatively reached out for Shane’s other hand and when his friend didn’t pull away, he grabbed it and squeezed their hands together. 

“Ilya,” Shane said, finally looking up at him,  “I’m sorry about my promise and that I can’t go with you to Montreal.  But I cannot leave Rose and the baby. My baby.”

“No, no,” Ilya said, wiping away the tears from Shane’s cheeks. “It wasn’t fair for me to ask about your promise now.  Rose and your baby are more important.”

“You are important to me, too,” Shane took a step closer to Ilya and reached for his jaw. “Please remember that.”

“Will you and Rose get married?” Ilya asked.

“What?” Shane asked with a puzzled look on his face.  “We are not even dating, Ilya.  I told you, you would know if we were.  We are just going to co-parent our baby together.”

“Yeah?”  Ilya clarified.

“Yeah,” Shane smiled softly.  “Rose and I are both in this together, but I am still scared, Ilya.”  Shane let out a shudder.  

Ilya stepped closer to him.  “I know you are scared, but you are brave.” Shane just stared at Ilya fondly.  He closed the remaining part of the space between them and hugged Ilya.  His best friend followed suit. 

“You won’t even be here,” Shane muttered to Ilya’s shoulder.

“I will always be with you, Shane.  Montreal is just two hours away. Ya obeshchayu (I promise).”

****************************************************************************************************

Ilya ended up leaving  for Montreal later than planned.  He stayed with Shane longer and they prepared for the baby: setting up the nursery, buying baby clothes and spoiling Rose as much as they could.  He was hardly in his own home as his father was angrier lately.

“Zachem ty sobralsya v Monreal'? Dumaesh', u tebya tam chto-to luchshe poluchitsya? Net, Ilya, ty leniv! (Why are you going to Montreal?  Do you think you are going to do better there?  You won’t Ilya, you are very lazy!)” his father would scream at him.  Ilya just ignored all the accusations.

Ilya started to harbor angry thoughts against his father silently.  He was so sure Shane had heard his father call and shout at him during their grad party while they were dancing to “Sweetest Thing.”  He had to rush to his father and convince him to go back inside their school gymnasium.  When he went back for Shane, his brown-eyed boy was already gone.  He searched for him everywhere, and when he saw him, Shane was leaving with Rose.  Ilya knew Shane would be getting anxious, and he had been watching out.  He even asked for Rose’s help since she was Shane’s date.  They were both familiar with Shane’s panic attacks, but Ilya was always the first one who would notice.  Ilya had no fucking idea they would head of to Jacob’s Cliff, he thought they would just head straight home.  Nobody leaves Jacob’s Cliff unscathed, he thought humorlessly. He had no idea Rose and Shane had a thing  for each other, but he wasn’t completely surprised since they were both good looking and were best friends for the longest time.  

If his father hadn’t come outside, 

If he hadn't left Shane alone, 

If Shane hadn’t left with Rose, 

If Shane hadn't gone to Jacob’s Mountain with her…

Then he would be leaving with Ilya for Montreal, where he’d planned to be honest with Shane and tell him that he loved him… Tell him that the first time he saw Shane when they were 11 and he’d just woken up, he looked so warm and fuzzy with his hair sticking out in all directions, his freckles looking so adorable, and his brown eyes still half asleep, it felt like he saw the sun.   He would tell Shane the reason he always teased Hayden was so he would leave Shane and Ilya alone and the only reason he survived his Mother’s death was because Shane was always with him.  He would tell Shane that he never stayed the night with the girls he was with… that he loved spending the weekend with the Hollanders.  He would tell Shane that he’d loved him since they were 17 and he loved his brown eyes, his soft smile and most of all his freckles which he had planned to kiss everyday and those plump lips and and and…

“Tebe nuzhno podstrich'sya, pochemu ty ne strizhesh'sya? (You need a haircut, why are you not getting your hair cut?)” his father shouted, cutting off Ilya’s train of thoughts. 

“Yа podstrigus', papa. (I will, Papa),” Ilya answered impatiently.  He ignored the sudden change in topic.

As Ilya’s departure to Montreal approached, his father’s moods worsened.  He was mad at Ilya all the time which just made his son angrier at him in return. 

“Ty edesh' v Monreal' s tem mal'chishkoj? Tebe luchshe derzhat'sya ot nego podal'she! (Are you leaving with that boy to Montreal?  You better stay away from him!)”

“Razbrosal vse so svoimi sborami. Priberis'! (You are making a mess with all your packing.  Clean this up!)”

“Pochemu ty brosaesh' mat'? (Why are you leaving your mother?)” Ilya’s heart stopped beating at this.  He wasn’t leaving his mother.  He could still visit her… “Gde ona? Pochemu ne pomogaet sobirat'sya i skladyvat'? (Where is she?  Why is she not helping you pack and clean up?)”

“Ty ishchesh' mamu? (You looking for Mama?)” Ilya asked, stunned, his voice suddenly breaking.  

“Ty chto, plachesh'? Russkie ne plachut! Kanada sdelala tebya nyunej! (Are you crying, boy?  Russians don’t cry! Canada has made you soft!)”

“Mamy bol'she net. (Mama is gone),” Ilya said angrily with tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

His Papa gave him a confused look and then he got mad again.  “Ya znayu! Ona vernulas' v Rossiyu i brosila nas zdes'! (I know! She went back to Russia and left us here!)”

Ilya’s mouth was agape when he heard footsteps approaching them.  He turned and saw his brother, Andrei, approaching them.  He is alive, Ilya thought sarcastically.  He hadn't seen his brother much ever since they arrived in Canada.  God knows where his brother stayed.

“Papa,” Andrei approached their father slowly.  “Pojdem, tebe nuzhno otdohnut'. (Come, you need to rest now).”

“Andrej, moj mal'chik! (Andrei, my boy)!” their Papa said enthusiastically.  “Kak ty? Kak v Moskve? (How are you?  How was Moscow?)”

His brother was in Russia?

Andrei saw Ilya’s confused look and shook his head.  He helped their father up to his room, their Papa still screaming at Ilya the whole time. 

“Ty obuza dlya vsekh. OBUZA. Osobenno dlya togo mal'chishki. On prosto iz vezhlivosti tebe ne govorit. Dumaesh' ty emu nuzhen? Ty emu ne nuzhen! (You are a burden to everyone. A BURDEN! Especially to that boy. He is just too polite to say otherwise. Do you think he needs you? He doesn’t need you!)”

Ilya trembled with rage as he went to their backyard to sit and calm down. 

Shane.  He thought of his warm smile and freckles to help him relax. His tense shoulders relaxed after a few breaths of having Shane in his mind.

“Ilya,” his brother called him as he entered their backyard.  At 22 years old, his brother looked so tired and deflated.  He watched his brother move in a defeated way as he settled close to him. They automatically conversed in Russian, the only thing they had in common.

“Andrei,” Ilya said.  “You were in Russia?”

“No, I wasn’t.”

“But why did Papa –”

“Papa has dementia, Ilya,” his brother informed him.

“No way?” Ilya asked in disbelief.  “How would you know?  You are hardly here at home!”

“Uncle Boris had that, too.  He was like Papa is now.” Uncle Boris was their Papa’s older brother.  Ilya hardly remembered him because he was too young.

“What the fuck, Andrei.  Why are you just telling me now? I am leaving for Montreal next week, who will take care of him?

“I will,” Andrei sighed.

“You will?”

“Yes.”

“But -”

“Go, Ilya, go to Montreal and live your life.” Andrei said cryptically.  “Go live your life for me.”

“What do you mean?”

“You are going to Montreal with Shane, right?” 

“No, Shane is not going.  He is staying here, he and Rose are having a baby,” Ilya explained. 

“Oh,” his brother’s voice broke at this.  “You love him.”  Ilya’s eyes bulged in response.  He had no idea his brother knew. He didn’t know how to answer his brother, if he should answer at all. 

“I know, Ilya, and it’s okay,” his brother said. Ilya’s head was spinning in confusion.  “Do you remember Dmitry?” his brother suddenly asked.

“Yes, your best friend,” Ilya recalled.

“He was more than that,” Andrei said, sinking more in his chair.

“What do you mean?” Ilya asked again.

“He is the reason we are here in Ottawa.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Dmitry was… my Shane,” his brother explained. “He was supposed to leave for college but I didn’t want him to go… to leave me… and I got careless.  We’d been careful for two years but when he was about to leave, Papa found us in my bedroom.  I was crying so hard and Dmitry was comforting me; we didn’t hear Papa come in.  He dragged Dmitry away from me, and I was crying.  Mama came to comfort me.” Andrei recounted, his face full of misery.

“Where was I?” Ilya asked.

“You were at hockey practice.  That was the time you went home by yourself crying because Mama didn’t pick you up. She was shielding me from Papa, so he ended up hurting her.  Mama never backed down so I was left unscathed.”

“Yes, I remember that,” Ilya recalled miserably. 

“I never saw Dmitry again after that.”

“He left for college without saying good-bye?”  Ilya asked innocently.

“No, no, Ilya. Papa reported him and got him arrested.”  Ilya paled at this.  “I don’t know if he is still in prison or…” Andrei cut himself short.  “I don’t know if the police knew I was Dmitry’s boyfriend. Mama didn’t want to find out, so she had us all pack up and leave for Ottawa.  She threatened Papa that she would leave with us.  Papa didn’t have anyone else in Russia, so he agreed, but he regretted his decision and always blamed Mama.  He blamed her for coddling us when we were younger and he strongly believed that made me gay.  He sees me and Dmitry with you and Shane, that’s why he hates him so much.”

Ilya was speechless at his brother’s confession.  He vaguely remembered Dmitry, but he recalled how kind and funny he was, just like Shane.  He wouldn’t survive it if Shane was taken away from him and he wouldn’t  see him again. 

“I’m sorry about this Andrei, I never knew.”

His brother just shrugged his shoulders.  “I think it’s better that Shane is not going with you to Montreal. That will keep Papa away from him.”

“I don’t understand…”

“Papa knows a lot of Russians here in Canada.  Old school Russians.  I heard rumors that they can make people disappear.”

“Noooo,” Ilya said in disbelief.

“Better to be safe than sorry, Ilya.”

“Come on, Andrei, that’s impossible!  We are in Canada, and they have laws to protect us.  We are safe here!”  Ilya exclaimed, hysterically. 

“Let’s keep Shane safe, please”  his brother implored.

“Why are you doing this?” Ilya asked his brother.

“I still love Dmitry.  My love for him never went away. I am hoping you and Shane will have better lives than us.”

“Maybe you will find someone here in Canada, Andrei?” Ilya said hopefully.  “It’s been years.”

His brother flinched at the thought. 

“Do you think you will ever forget Shane just because you are in Montreal and he becomes a father?” Ilya in turn flinched also at the thought.  “Dmitry was the love of my life.  He made me feel safe and lovable even if I didn’t think I could be.  He would have gone to college if he was not comforting me,” his brother choked.  “He was still holding me even when Papa barged in my room. He never let me go because I was crying so hard.  Before Papa dragged him away from me, he was still comforting me.  He told me not to be scared, he will be alright.  To take care of myself.  He was still able to tell me he loved me, and that was when Papa hit him and yanked him out of the room.”  Andrei was sobbing hard now.  Ilya approached him and hugged him. 

“I’m so sorry about Dmitry,” Ilya said, rubbing his brother’s back.  “Do you know where Dmitry is now?”

“No, I don’t know,” Andrei said in between his sobs.  I’ve hired some investigators to look for him, but you know how it is in Russia.” Andrei continued to cry on Ilya’s shoulder and soon quieted down.

“Go to Montreal and leave Shane for now. I will keep father away from him. Just like I should have kept Dmitry away from Papa.”

“Thank you, Andrei.”

“You’re welcome.  I’m sorry I was away most of the time.  I couldn’t stand Papa and when Mama died, I thought, why wasn’t it Papa who just died? We would’ve been happier, the three of us.”  Andrei confessed.  “I also met Dmitry when I was 11,” he recalled wistfully.

Ilya fumed in silence… His cruel father had kept his sons away from their best friends, the loves of their lives.  He looked at Andrei, the brother who he hardly knew but who he had a lot of common with.  Anger slowly crept in his heart, surrounded it, squeezed it tight. But in the deepest part of his heart, his love for his Shane stayed.