Chapter Text
Living your life in such a dangerous world had its pros and cons. You learned how to keep your mouth shut, how to blend into a crowd, how to protect yourself. The problems were that you couldn't trust anyone, couldn't get close to anyone. They could be caught up in the dangerous position you'd put yourself in all these years. Never having a lover, nor friends. You refused to even get a pet in case something happened to you on the job. And of course, when the time came, you were thankful you didn't.
Your movements were precise, practiced. When things went differently than planned, unpredictable- you panicked. The hunt went awry, and you ended up becoming the prey instead. One bad footfall had spelled your doom, and you didn't account for the extra guard. You took a knife to the gut, splitting you upward. Blinding pain seared through you, but it wasn't as bad as you expected. You'd been hurt so badly, that your brain had focused more on the fall, the small pain in your head and knees from where you hit against the floor in a clatter. The mind likes to play fun little games when you're hurt so spectacularly. Your vision swam, the ceiling fading fast even with your eyes wide open. It wasn't anything like you'd expected. You felt like you were drifting away. You were in so much shock that it didn't hardly hurt at all. Nothing like how some of your prey were felled. You didn't scream, nor cry- you let your eyes close, and you let yourself sigh your last.
It was a relief.
It wasn't until you'd been in total blackness for what seemed like minutes, that something startled you awake. Something had brushed your side, and you jolted upward. The ceiling you saw last was gone, replaced with the twilight of the sun over the treetops around you. It was such a stark contrast that your breath came in desperate gulps. Your eyes shifting around you to take in what you could. You were outside, in a forest. A gentle breeze brushed through your hair, kissing your cheeks as you tried to catch yourself. There was a faint ghosting pain where you'd been stabbed, but when you pulled your white shirt from your body, there was no wound nor scar. Though, it was odd, because your body had been more toned before your.. incident? You weren't sure on what that was. Did you.. die? It felt so surreal.
This wasn't real, you decided. You'd go along with it, though. This dream was just so realistic it was staggering.
Picking yourself up off the grass and wild flowers beneath you, you patted away the dirt that stuck to your pants. There were so many questions lingering, but staying here wouldn't solve them. No mystery that would be solved while stationary, you'd decided. You were dressed peculiarly, nothing like your normal clothing. A white blouse, tied loosely at the neck, and a pair of black trousers. Plain leather boots adorned your feet. It wasn't long before you understood why you felt a little odd. During your self-examination, you realized in whatever reality this was- you were no longer male, but female. What other things had changed about you?
You brushed your hand through your hair to check the length, but were pleasantly surprised that it was short- the way you'd preferred to keep your hair. Tousled a little from the wind. Checking the color was harder, especially with the growing lack of sunlight. That would have to wait, you thought to yourself. A question for another time. Your mind switched gears to finding somewhere safe to rest until sunrise. You weren't sure where you were, so you had no idea what dangers lurked here. Wolves, bears, wild cats, there were many options for yet another death here, but you didn't want to be eaten alive.
Settling on the trees being a safer bet than the ground, you decided to forgo a fire, in case it drew something toward you in the dark. Climbing one with the last few moments you were able to see clearly before the sun dipped low enough to darken the world around you, you laid back against the bark. Sleep eluded you, worrying all night about falling. Your anxious mind running continuously trying to make sense of your predicament. You had no tools to sustain yourself. No knife, no phone, no flint, no shelter. What concerned you the most was having no money. No matter where you were, if you had money- you could survive.
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You finally managed a few morsels of rest, small snippets when your body relaxed enough. You awoke to warmth on your black clothing, soaking up the sun rays. Your eyes lazily shifted to take in the new vantage point, and, as luck would have it- the first thing you saw in the distance was bright and colorful. Was that.. a circus tent? Hopping down carefully, you moved toward that direction. You hadn't eaten or drank anything in at least 10 hours. Your hunger appeared with a small pull of discomfort in your belly, your hand rising to meet it. It would be several hours before you saw the colorful circus tents poking through the treeline again, and dread settled over you. You had nothing to trade for food, and no money. You didn't even have identification to get a job. This life would be a short one, if things continued the way they were going for you.
As you reached the town, more questions were answered. It looked small, rural. Carriages and wagons, clothing from another time worn by people that looked just as dull as their clothing. Sure, you were covered in dirt and in now bug bites, so you had no room to speak on it. Your body pleaded for a bath, itching under the wool clothing. As you grew closer, you could hear murmurs, voices from the townsfolk that were currently out and about. The circus tents on the other side of the dusty little city called out to you; Bright fabrics in reds, blues and black drawing your attention. You moved from shop to shop, looking for any sort of clue on if they were hiring. Though customer service would be extremely hard, your voice not cooperating with you in front of strangers, you'd try. You finally got a look at yourself; Seeing it in the reflection of a shop window. Your eyes were sunken, bruised with the lack of sleep with darkened rings. Your irises so black you could barely distinguish the pupil in them. Your hair was disorderly, but you almost liked it that way. You weren't you, but this most certainly had to be a dream. Your mind tried to push away the dysphoria, seeing a strangers face looking back at you, but it helped that this face was at least mildly pretty to look at.
Voices that passed you, you understood, thankfully. You weren't sure if it was because whoever this body was understood it, or if it was from your past, but it was a small flicker of hope for you. Two men spoke beside you, one in dirty pair of grey trousers, a yellowed in sweat shirt, and a brown cap, nearly brushing your shoulder as they walked.
"Did you hear? They've got another opening for feeding the attractions," the bearded male snickered, leaning closer to his friend. They both knew what had happened to the last one; Got too close to the cage bars. They ended up cleaning up the remains from the floors for hours afterward. There was always a running bet, whenever there was a new feeder, on how long they'd last before the monsters were able to open the position again. "You want to take it?"
You missed the other man's reply of 'poor bloke' and the playful punch, already too focused on your beeline for the tents. Circuses always needed help didn't they? Maybe even without your papers, they'd at least consider it. You'd take anything! You didn't mind dying again, but being eaten or lack of eating was not anything you wanted to experience. It was not quick. At the worst, you could steal. You'd get by, but at what price? For now, you'd follow rules. After you obtained a weapon, you could consider other options.
----
Upon arrival, your eyes fell onto the man taking tickets at the front, your heart thumping in your ears. You couldn't see the way your own eyes flickered dangerously like a wild animal as it took in the details. The man's face, his hands.
"Welcome! Ticket, please?" The male opened his palm toward you, and stared. After a small silence, you could tell he was becoming impatient with you with a upward pull of his lip. "Are you going to produce a ticket, or are you planning on buying one right now?"
"A job," you finally ground out,"I'd like a job."
He looked over his shoulder, flicking his head for another man to come over, both of them staring you down. "Ey, lad. You'll follow me, and we'll talk," the gruff looking, approximately 50 year old man grunted. Putting a hand on your shoulder, with a light shove, he escorted you toward a smaller, white tent on the edge of the circus. "Boss, this kid's lookin' for work."
You were surprised that he'd taken you for a man, but with a small bust, you could pass for one. You weren't about to reveal yourself either. It was no longer anyone's business but your own. The anxious thunder of your heart in your chest rang in your ears as the ringleader, you presumed, looked at you. He gave you a once over, probably not impressed by any means. You were thin, on the shorter side. You looked like you were only in your late teens or early twenties. Most likely didn't have much experience in anything.
"You want a job, kid? I have a couple," he mused,"You don't look like you could handle them, though." His voice was stern, uncaring as he continued his sorting of papers and money on his desk. Writing things every once in a while as he counted. "You any good with animals, boy? How about you feed our little monsters? We'll pay you with food and shelter." You wanted to argue, but you had little else. You needed this.
"I'll take the job," was all you could force from your mouth under his gaze. Your jaw tightened, looking between the pair, exchanging gazes. The ringleader handed a coin to the older man, and gave a wave of his hand.
"So be it. Charlie will show you where you'll sleep, and your duties. What was your name again?"
No doubt in his mind, he'd be adding your name to the list of souls devoured, as it reached his ears.
You figured the man escorting you again was 'Charlie' from the context, following him without a word. No unnecessary questions for him to answer, no gawking and trailing behind with chit chat. You both seemed to have an understanding that this was mutually beneficial and there were no niceties. Just blunt orders and directions to places you needed to know. The cot you would be calling home was of course, just like everything else, dirty. Stained with the sweat of the previous occupant. Disgusting. The shared space, lined with many other cots, smelled heavily of musk. You'd do your best to avoid it for anything other than a few hours of rest. There were other small tasks Charlie talked of when you walked, explaining that cleaning up and preparing for guests was shared work. Due to food being your new area of expertise, you'd be cooking for the circus staff, as well as feeding the 'monsters'.
You assumed it was an affectionate term for the animals of the circus, but as you were lead to the black tent- you realized it wasn't. It smelled of iron, and of something rotten as you passed the flap. It was dark, the sunlight not reaching any further than the small entrance point. You could feel eyes on you the moment you passed the threshold.
"Well, freaks, this is your new caretaker," Charlie laughed, shoving you slightly further inside,"Get a good look, kid. I'll come back to get you in a little while, 'n show you the kitchen."
Your eyes followed over them, 6 in total. Different figures, some larger, some smaller, but you said nothing. Your expression didn't change from the moment you entered, to the moment your eyes returned to Charlie's receding figure. You didn't get very close, the collection of them hissing and growling from the back of their cages. The expectation of curses and jeering that always came, on their minds. Their bruised and bloodied bodies, weak from starvation hidden in the darkness of the tent.
You decided you'd sit down in the corner, back against the fabric of the tent as you watched them a moment. Then your eyes drifted to the messy floors, viscera of what you assumed was their last meal still clinging to the bottoms of their cages and grass around the outside. It didn't bother you much. The sight of blood and gore was your life until this point. The form of these 'animals' was striking, nothing that you'd have ever expected, but your life as a killer had trained you to control your emotions. Hold the facade, like a poker face. You wrapped your arms around your knees quietly, feeling a bit helpless in your situation. Tired, hungry, and without your daily routine of anti-anxiety or anti-depressants, you were a mess. It wasn't long before you were staring at the tops of your worn boots rather than the caged souls around the tent.
The pink eyed monster watched you, but made moves toward the front of her cage. Gauging you a little with her curiosity. You'd neither laughed, nor hurt them. You, with your meek presence, had instead curled up just like them. Like you were in an invisible cage you couldn't break from either. She was emboldened by your lack of staring at them, wanting to study you a little more. The others were not so swayed, waiting only for you to wander close enough to grab. Though, it put them slightly more at ease that you didn't seem to be boldly terrorizing them.
Finally catching the gaze of the pink eyed monster, the smallest and most human seeming of the group, you tilted your head on reflex. There was intelligence behind her eyes, uncanny. You didn't understand her in the slightest, but you could see something working through in her mind. Your voice was soft as it escaped you,"I've never met anyone like you before." You went back to your silence, knowing there would be no reply. The sound of thick boots made you look back to the entrance, Charlie waving you back out. "Let's get on with dinner," he called,"Don't dilly dally, you'll be feeding them after."
