Chapter Text
CURRENT grimAuxiliatrix [CGA] RIGHT NOW opened a memo on board Daily Nutritional Requirements Are Not Being Met
CGA: It Has Come To My Attention That We Have Been Travelling On This Meteor For Approximately Six Perigees Now
CGA: And That In Those Six Perigees I Have Only Witnessed Dave Eat Earth Vegetables Twice Of His Own Free Will
CGA: Additionally We Have Been Going For Days Without Seeing One Another
CGA: I Therefore Am Proposing That We Impose A Thrice Weekly Group Meal In Order To Keep A Closer Watch On One Another
CGA: Which You Are All Required To Attend Or Else There Will Be Severe Consequences
FUTURE gallowsCalibrator [FGC]
10 DAYS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FGC: 1'V3 4LR34DY H4NG3D D4V3 1N TH3 TOWN SQUAR3. >;]
PAST turntechGodhead [PTG]
126 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PTG: say what now
PTG: shit tz
PTG: you actually hang me
PTG: like with a fuckin noose and shit
FGC: 1T'S OK4Y
FGC: 1 W41T3D UNT1L YOU W3R3 4SL33P
PTG: so you drag me out of bed
PTG: all the way to can town
PTG: and hang me like on a real gallows or some shit
FGC: SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH4T >:]
PTG: that is so fucked up
CGA
banned FGC from responding to memo.
PTG: dude
PTG: youd actually let her string me up because i didnt turn up for family dinner
CGA: Apparently I Do
PTG: shit
CGA: Shit Indeed
PTG: so question
PTG: if this is like some open invitation and you expect everyone to turn up
PTG: is everyone invited
PTG: if you get my drift
PTG: like everyone
CGA: Its Not Nice To Talk About Karkat Like That Dave
PTG: oh snap
PTG: that was hella vicious kanaya
PTG: congrats
CGA: Thank You Dave
CGA: No Doubt Hell Be Here Momentarily As You Alert Him To Said Snap
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG]
124 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCG: WHEN DID YOU BECOME SUCH A SCATHING ASSHOLE, MARYAM?
CGA: I Think The More Relevant Question Is Why Have You Not Noticed This Fact Before Now
PCG: LET ME GUESS. IT'S BECAUSE I'M THE ASSHOLE, ISN'T IT?
CGA: I Didnt Say That
CGA: Youve Always Been So Hard On Yourself Karkat
PCG: YOU ARE SO FUCKING NASTY TODAY. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
PTG: tell me about it bro
PTG: shes tearing you to shreds
PTG: thats usually your job
PTG: youre the biggest asshole to yourself
PTG: shes got a point there
PCG: STRIDER I CAN SEE YOU FROM WHERE I'M SITTING. DON'T MAKE ME CUT YOU.
PTG: dude just stating the obvious
PCG: I WILL END YOU.
PTG: is that a threat
PTG: because this shit is so on
PTG: dont look at me like that
PCG
left memo.
PTG: oh shit
PTG
left memo.
CGA: Hmm
CGA: This Conversation Explains Why They Were Both Lying Unconscious On The Common Room Floor Half An Hour Ago
CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC]
RIGHT NOW replied to memo.
CGC: 1S TH4T S3R1OUSLY 4LL TH3Y W3R3 F1GH1NG 4BOUT?
CGA: It Appears So
CGC: J3GUS FUCK, TH3Y H4V3 SOM3 S3R1OUS SUBT3XT GO1NG ON
CGA: Ive Been Thinking The Same Thing For Some Time Now
CGA: This Would Be No Less Than Than The Sixth Time Dave Has Been Killed
CGA: And I Dont Think He Has Done Anything To Severely Provoke Karkat
CGA: Outside Of Being His Usual Self
CGC: M4YB3 1 SHOULD T3LL TH3M WH4T TO DO >:]
CGA: No I Feel That Would Only Make Things Worse
CGA: Perhaps We Should Not Discuss This Here
CGC: SHOULD 1 COM3 OV3R TO YOUR BLOCK OR 4R3 YOU BUSY?
CGA: No Not Busy
CURRENT tentacleTherapist [CTT]
RIGHT NOW replied to memo.
CTT: Can I interrupt for a moment, before you get up, Terezi?
CGC: SHOOT, L4LOND3. BUT M4K3 1T SN4PPY B3C4US3 TH1S 1S GO1NG TO BE FUN
CTT: I concur. But I think that, at least momentarily, we should be asking ourselves just how both of the boys managed to end up unconscious?
CCT: Usually only one of them ends up in that state.
CGA: Oh Dear
CGA: Perhaps We Should Meet In The Common Room
CGA: I Just Stepped Over Them Earlier
CGA: Perhaps I Should Have Moved The Bodies Or Put Them In A Locked Room
CTT: I'm sure we all would have done the same thing. Except for Terezi, who would no doubt have stopped for a good sniff first.
CGC: SH3'S R1GHT, 1 WOULD H4VE
CGA: Well I Will See You All In A Few Minutes
CGC: YOU M34N YOU 4ND L4LOND3 W1LL M33T UP W1TH M3 1N 4 F3W M1NUT3S >:P
CGA
closed memo.
CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC] RIGHT NOW opened a memo on board C4N TOWN'S F1RST HUM4N H4NG1NG!
CGC: 4S YOU KNOW, D4V3 H4S R3FUS3D TO 4TT3ND THREE M34LS 1N 4 ROW
CGC: 4ND TH4T TH3 PUN1SHM3NT FOR TH1S K1ND OF 1NSUBORD1N4T1ON 1S TO B3 H4NG3D BY TH3 THRO4T UNT1L H3 1S D34D
CGC: OR UNT1L TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR G3TS BOR3D BUT L3TS F4C3 1T TH4T'S N3V3R GO1NG TO H4PP3N
CGC: 4NYW4Y
CGC: YOU'R3 4LL 1NV1T3D TO COM3 4ND W4TCH!
PAST tentacleTherapist [PTT]
TWO HOURS AGO replied to memo.
PTT: Are you actually going to go through with this, Terezi?
CGC: Y34H, H3'LL G3T B3TTER
PTT: He might not appreciate being ripped from his bed in the middle of the sleep cycle just for this.
CGC: H3 BROK3 TH3 L4W, L4LOND3
CGC: H3 N33DS TO B3 PUN1SH3D TO STOP H1M FROM R3OFF3ND1NG >:]
PTT: That's all well and good, but you wrote the law and surely you worked in a loophole specifically to avoid hanging Dave.
CGC: WHY WOULD 1 W4NT TO AVO1D H4NG1NG SOM3ON3?
PTT: My mistake. I'm sure you would have made a wonderful legislacerator had your planet survived.
PTT: I have never met anyone quite so dedicated to their calling in life, and I assure you that my mother was quite dedicated to hers.
CGC: YOUR F3M4L3 HUM4N LUSUS W4S N3V3R 1NVOLV3D 1N L4W 3NFORC3M3NT
PTT: Her calling was to break every record that involved imbibing liquor set anywhere or anywhen in all of paradox space.
CGC: SH3 SOUNDS F4C1N4T1NG BUT NOW YOU'R3 JUST TRY1NG TO D1STR4CT M3 FROM TH3 PO1NT
PTT: I'd never.
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG]
NINETY THREE MINUTES AGO replied to memo.
PCG: SO ARE WE GIVING STRIDER ANY WARNING ABOUT THIS OR WHAT?
PCG: BECAUSE I'M ALL FOR STRINGING HIM UP FOR BEING AN ASSHOLE BUT ISN'T THERE MORE SPORT IN GIVING HIM A RUNNING START?
FUTURE turntechGodhead [FTG]
EIGHT HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FTG: hey just so you know
FTG: not cool bro
FTG: bros dont let bros trigger happy girlfriends hang them
FTG: especially not with an actual fuckin noose
PCG: THIS IS PROBABLY THE KIND OF SHIT I NEED IN WRITING.
FTG: seriously
FTG: youre going to play that card
FTG: oh shit i dont know jack about earth things
FTG: how should i know egging on the murderous bitch is against the rules of brohood
FTG: you broke the rules man
FTG: sacred rules
FTG: bet youre going to say you didnt know that was a thing either
FTG: sacred rules of brohood
FTG: well it is
FTG: and just so you know
FTG: encouraging her to hunt me the fuck down
FTG: so she can hang me from the fuckin ceiling like its the wild wild west all over again
FTG: breaks those rules
FTG: sacred rules
PTT: You're very cranky about all this Dave.
FTG: hey rosie
FTG: shut the fuck up
PTT: you had a front row seat
CGC: 1'VE ONLY S3T UP ON3 ROW OF S34TS
FTG: you
FTG: as for you
FTG: just a heads up
FTG: that i am not happy with you right now
CGC: Y34H W3LL TH4T'S FUTUR3 M3'S PROBL3M
CGC: R1GHT NOW 1'V3 GOT 4 TR41TOR TO H4NG >:]
CGC
left memo.
PCG: HA-FUCKING-HA. I'LL GIVE IT ANOTHER HOUR BEFORE I LEAVE MY BLOCK FOR CAN TOWN. THIS SHIT I HAVE TO SEE.
PTT: Should I meet you on the way, Vantas?
PCG: LALONDE, I DON'T EVEN CARE. THIS IS GOING TO BE THE MOST ENTERTAINING SHIT TO HAVE HAPPENED IN PERIGEES. I'LL BRING THE FUCKING PUFFED CORN KERNELS.
FTG: fuck yall
FTG left memo.
CGC: J3GUS FUCK, FUTUR3 D4V3 1S TOUCHY
CGC: S33 4LL OF YOU B1TCH3S SOON
CGC
closed memo.
CURRENT grimAuxiliatrix [CGA] RIGHT NOW opened a memo on board We Need To Talk About Boundaries
CGA: And Please Can We Keep This Conversation In The Present
CGA: Past Selves Should Avoid This Memo As It Does Not Concern You
CGA: Future Selves Should Restrain Themselves As They Already Know How This Pans Out
CGA: I Feel We Need To Discuss The Events Of The Last Two Earth Weeks
CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG]
RIGHT NOW replied to memo.
CTG: were not doing this shit kanaya
CTG: i told you eight minutes forty seconds ago
CTG: ill sort it out on my own
CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC]RIGHT NOW replied to memo.
CGC: D4V3, I'M SORRY, OK4Y?
CTG banned himself from replying to memo.
CGC: ...
CGC: S33?
CGA: Yes I Do See
CGA: It Has Only Been Two Days Since You Publically Humiliated Him
CGA: And You Should Know By Now That Dave Is Quite Touchy When It Comes To The Subject Of Public Ridicule
CGC: 1 W4SN'T R1D1CUL1NG H1M, H3 BROK3 TH3 L4W
CGC: 1F YOU BROK3 YOUR OWN L4W 1 WOULD H4V3 PUT YOU TO D34TH
CGA: I Do Believe You Terezi And Please Humor Me
CGA: But How Would You Have Put Me To Death
CGC: PROB4BLY JUST WOULD H4V3 ST4BB3D YOU
CGA: Rose
CGC: TH3 S4M3
CGC: TH3N YOU'D B3 4 M4TCHING S3T
CGA: What About Karkat
CGC: 1 DUNNO
CGC: PROB4BLY SUFFOC4T3 H1M W1TH ON3 OF THOS3 SUP3RFLUOUS SOFT HUM4N H34D R3STS
CGC: OR DROWN H1M 1N TH3 LO4DG4P3R B3C4US3 H3 T4LKS 4 LOT OF SH1T
CGA: The Mayor
CGC: J3GUS FUCK K4N4Y4, WHY WOULD 1 K1LL TH3 M4YOR?
CGC: WOW YOU'R3 FUCK3D UP
CGA: Gamzee
CGC: 1'D CHOK3 H1M W1TH MY B4R3 H4NDS
CGA: And Yet You Chose To Hang Dave From The Pipes In Front Of Everyone On This Meteor
CGC: LOOK, 1'M SORRY H3'S SO UPS3T BUT 1T'S NOT L1K3 1 H4V3N'T K1LL3D H1M B3FOR3
CTG unbanned himself from memo.
CTG: you went out of your way to make it a shitty time tz
CTG: i was up there forever before rose stepped in
CTG: and dont try telling me you had no idea i was having a shitty ass time
CTG: and i know you were bitchin about it it later
CTG: rose told me
CTG: you were crying and flipping off the fuckin handle because you thought it counted as a just death
CTG: so dont sit here and play dumb now
CTG: you went out of your way to fuck me over
CTG: in public
CTG: so i think im fuckin entitled to be a bit touchy about the whole thing
CTG banned himself from memo.
CGA: Hes Still Quite Upset About It
CGA: Terezi, it's Rose. You need to apologise to him and it needs to be a genuine apology. Not a 'sorry for making you upset', a 'sorry for ever thinking it was a good idea'.
CGC: BUT 1T W4S 4 GR34T 1D34 UNT1L H1S N3CK SOM3HOW D1DN'T SN4P
CGA: He's not seeing the humor in it yet. He might eventually, but not today. I haven't seen him myself since I checked in on him last night. Go find him and apologise.
CGC: 1F H3 W4S R3ALLY SO UPS3T BY 1T, H3'D T3LL ME
CURRENT tentacleTherapist [CTT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CTT: No, he wouldn't tell you. What makes you think he would just come up to you and say 'Terezi, I've spent the night sulking and crying because you both physically and mentally tortured me in front of everyone'.
CGC: H3'D T3LL M3 B3C4US3 W3'R3 HUM4N D4T1NG, 4ND 1'M PR3TTY SUR3 YOU C4N T3LL TH4T K1ND OF TH1NG TO WHO3V3R YOU'R3 HUM4N D4T1NG W1THOUT F34R OF B31NG CULL3D.
CTT: Yes, but you're forgetting the most important part of this situation.
CGC: WH1CH 1S WH4T?
CTT: He's a boy and boys are notoriously stupid.
CGC: OH
CGC: H3'S NOT DUMB THOUGH, H3'D KNOW 1 W4S LY1NG
CGC: 4ND 1T W4S SO MUCH FUN UNT1L 1T GOT CR4ZY
FUTURE turntechGodhead [FTG] 134 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.
FTG: just so you know tz
FTG: its pretty much the poptarts that seal the mad apology you lay on me after this conversation
FTG: the strawberry ones
FTG: blueberry wont get you anywhere
FTG left memo.
CTT: Case in point.
CGC left memo.
CTT: What do we do if they both miss dinner?
CGA: Spend A Delightful Evening With The Mayor And Karkat
CGA: And Why Are You Still Talking To Me Here
CTT: Because, Kanaya, you are all the way over there and I don't thinking shouting across the room is very civilised.
CGA: Well I Will Join You Momentarily
CTT: Stop trolling Terezi. Dave said they'll be fine so you don't need to walk her through this.
CGA: Just A Few More Minutes Of Advice
CTT: Kanaya.
CGA: Yes Rose?
CTT: Please close your husktop and join me on the couch.
CGA left memo.
CTT left memo.