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Kiara wasn’t an idiot, contrary to what some might believe. She knew that the circus members probably weren’t all human. She also knew acknowledging that fact out loud would most probably end very very badly for her. Which was complicated when she was pretty sure they all knew she knew except maybe sweet puppy Pierrot. It was a fine dance they were all doing, one where if she missed one step she would be the one to fall on a knife. Still she liked being around the circus. It made something she couldn’t quite describe settle inside her. She felt an overwhelming sense of ‘home’ there. So, she tried to make herself as small, but useful as possible. Helping Pierrot set up for his shows when she visited, or doing other small mundane tasks. Sometimes she’d help Harlequin, though she’d quickly learned to have Pierrot nearby if she was trying to do anything to help the green menace. They both usually ended up otherwise distracted if left alone. A light flush made its way across her cheeks. Nothing had gone beyond some very heavy petting. Despite being a walking sexual harassment lawsuit Harlequin was very respectful when she managed to put boundaries up. More than anything she just liked being around him. He was fun. She wished he and Pierrot would get along better though.
There was something there, between them. Something she felt nowhere near qualified to poke at, but still tried to bring up gently from time to time. Harlequin was always quick with a distraction, and Pierrot was just as quick to brush it off. Still they seemed not to fight as much in front of her any more. They seemed to realise it made her uncomfortable, and sad. She’d take it for now, maybe when she got a little closer they’d allow her to help. Much as she loved her two boys, she had to say she enjoyed hanging out with Doctor the most. She thought he was fascinating. He seemed to return the fascination in kind. She let him take whatever samples he wished from her…within reason. She was curious about his experiments as well, often asking questions, or just observing while he worked. Yes. Despite his large size he was a calming presence. His tent was a good place to hide out when the world outside got too overwhelming.
She tried to avoid Ticket Taker where she could. She’d help if asked, but generally speaking tried to stay quiet and out of the blue suited man's way. She liked him, but she got the feeling it wasn’t mutual. He was intimidating, but he tolerated her presence. Still she got a little jolt of pleasure when he entrusted her with a task, no matter how small. Jester probably should have had a similar effect on her but…She found herself drawn to him like a magnet. It was frustrating but she couldn’t place why exactly. There was no denying he was charismatic as fuck, even when he was putting someone down….scratch that especially when he was putting someone down. She’d never heard anyone make an insult sound like a compliment quite like he did. Despite that it was obvious that he cared deeply. He would do just about anything to keep those he cared for safe. It was touching and beautiful to watch, especially seeing how gentle he was with Pierrot. Then there were the quiet moments. The moments she knew she wasn’t supposed to see, it was like glimpsing something forbidden. Seeing The Jester at rest. Reading, or working on a crossword puzzle. Laughing at something Ticket Taker had said. It almost knocked her off her feet the first time she had heard that. Then there were times he would get this distant contemplative look. She knew that look. She’d felt that look. It made her desperately want to reach out, but she knew she wouldn’t be welcome. So…she watched, or turned her attention to those who did want it. It tore her in two every time she made herself look away.
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She wouldn’t remember later what finally broke in her to be brave and stupid enough to talk back to The Jester of all the circus members. All she remembered truly was that something in her had snapped, broken like fragile glass to cut herself on, and oh boy did she go and cut herself on it. She’d been helping Pierrot and Harlequin set something up. Jester had made some sort of condescending remark, because it was ALWAYS condescending when it came to her. She was usually so good at ignoring it, brushing it off for Pierrot's sake. This time though, something just…the tone, what he said. It had rocked her, bringing up an old hurt she had thought she’d healed from.
She had never stopped smiling. It would take a lot to knock it off their face, at least in public. It was strained though as she had frozen in her task staying rooted in spot staring at Jester. Her chest had hurt, and it had taken a considerable amount of control not to clutch at her chest nervously. It hurt, this hurt, but she would never show how much it did. What had she done so wrong to make Jester, Ticket Taker HATE her so much. That could be the only reason they STILL treated her like a pest. She’d tried to wrack her brain for reasons. Scanning over their limited interactions as much as possible. She could definitely see a few places where she had fucked up, but nothing that should have made them disregard her so thoroughly. "I'm never gonna be good enough for you, am I?" A question that held so much emotion, so many small little truths. “I love this place. I wouldn’t BE here if I didn’t. I Love Pierrot, and Harley, and Doctor. I even love Ticket Taker and even you, you ASS.” She straightened, and took a step forward, frustrated tears in her gaze.
Before she could say or do anything else, Pierrot had a hold on her arm. Harlequin had covered her mouth. She felt a jolt of annoyance. “Ah, it seems our pet has had her brain fried from working in the sun too much.” Her gaze narrowed as she bit the green menaces hand. It only made him press against her mouth harder. She’d definitely be paying for that later. “I’ll take her to Doctor get her cooled off.” She would have fought against that, but a glance at Pierrot out of the corner of her eye made her give in. She could never resist the puppy look he gave her. So she let Harley drag her towards Doctor’s tent, while Pierrot stayed behind supposedly to do damage control.
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Doctor had been right. It was nice to get out and decompress, enjoy a hobby again. She felt a little guilty when she told Pierrot that she wouldn’t be making it to the circus to see him today. He always looked so much like a kicked puppy. She smiled a little at the thought of making it up to him later. She’d been practicing making little Brazilian snacks, and trying to learn Portuguese. She was nowhere near fluent yet, but she might actually be able to have a small conversation in the language. She’d also work on setting aside some things for the others. Just wanted to get an apology card for Jester and Ticket Taker for her outburst. She knew they probably wouldn’t accept it, but it was worth a shot. She felt bad for not having better control of her emotions. She didn’t regret everything she said but, no matter how frustrated or justified it might have felt, it was her responsibility to keep her own emotions in line, to not snap.
She shook off thoughts of apology for now. She couldn’t lose focus on what she was doing. Fire was pretty unforgiving if you didn’t pay it proper mind. She ran the fire baton along her arms feeling some of the hair there singe and prickle, feeling the warmth as she moved through the motions of the fire dance, as she swallowed flame and spit it back out. This was a dangerous hobby and one she might not have ever gotten into if she hadn’t seen the class do a demonstration one evening. Somehow she found dancing with the flames, the ever present threat of burning, relaxing. “Well done Kiara. You’ve improved so much since your first class.” She beamed proudly. “Thank you teacher.” She responded with a slight curtsy slipping back into line with the other students. “Alright, I think it’s time we end for today. Does anyone want to do the fire walk?” Kiara volunteered along with a couple of other students, watching as the coals were set up.
This had been the most intimidating part when she had first started learning dancing with fire. She had figured out quickly that this was probably the easiest thing to master though as long as you didn’t overthink it and kept calm. She started over the coals calmly, her footsteps light, her mind calm. Nothing existed in the moment but her and the fire beneath her feet. That’s how it should have been anyway. Her concentration was thrown off as she heard a whisper. “Whose that strange guy? Why’s he all covered up? Tch, One of them circus freaks.” Oh no. Did Pierrot or Harley come to find her? She'd have to intervene quickly if that were the case. She opened her eyes and glanced to where she saw the other students looking. She was genuinely taken off guard seeing a familiar figure clad in purple there.
She felt one of the coals slip under foot with her next step, and she tried digging in instinctively to keep from falling. It failed and she slipped forward on the burning rocks, feeling an outstretched hand scrape against them. She hissed and immediately rolled herself off of the hot pathway. Fuck, her hand was pretty burnt. Her feet were a little singed as well. It looked like her hand had gotten the worst of it though. Someone ran over with a first aid kit, and her eyes scanned for Jester. Somehow it only made her more tense when she couldn’t see him. After assuring everyone she would head to her doctors she limped off. She waited til she was certain that there weren’t eyes on her. She paused, leaning against an ally wall to give her feet a break. “Ive thought I’ve told you before it’s unbecoming to lie visitor.” She huffed out a sigh. “I didn’t lie. I’m sure Doctor would find what skin does when burned fascinating.” She glanced up trying to keep her face impassive as she glanced up at Jester. She wasn’t quite able to meet his gaze. “What makes you think he’d have anything for you dear visitor?” She shrugged, still leaning against the wall to keep pressure off of her feet. “I trust him. And if he doesn't have anything to help…Pain means I’m still alive.”
She studied Jester over, forcing herself to meet his amethyst gaze for just a moment, before flicking her gaze away again. She cradled her bandaged hand to her chest for a moment. “I’m sorry….that I snapped the other day. I was frustrated, but that isn’t an excuse. I should have had better control of myself." She chanced a glance up at him again. "Hmm? I suppose I should expect such behavior as human. At least you had the grace to admit your wrongs." She caught he hadn't said he'd forgiven her. She brushed it off. An apology didn't have to come with forgiveness after all.
Still she stared at him, "Sometimes you remind me of fire." She commented idly. She didn't know what happened after that. One moment she was starting to push off the wall to continue walking. The next she found herself pinned to the brick by her throat. Her injured hand held in Jesters, claws digging through the bandages. "How bold of you dear visitor, first you apologise then you dare to insult me again." Her eyes widened, whimpering as her injured hand curled against the pain reflexively. She brought her free hand up to the hand around her throat, trying to loosen it a bit so she could at least draw air to speak. The pressure let up somewhat and she sucked in as much of a breath as she could. "Wasn’t…an…insult." She managed to rasp out.
Her feet hit the ground, she hadn’t even realized he'd picked her up. She sucked in some deep breaths coughing somewhat. He still had her injured hand in his grasp. She didn't try to struggle free, instead meeting his gaze, again. “I could…show you it’s not if you like.” She winced as she felt claws pierce burnt flesh. “There’s a spot. I-” She swallowed. “It’s just a little ways past the circus, you’ve probably seen it but I-It’s out of the way. If what I say…show you doesn't convince you. You’d be an easy spot to get rid of me…I wouldn’t run. I know there would be no point.” The grip on her hand slackened somewhat. She didn’t relax. “Very well. You’ll go get patched up back Doctor, and then you may ‘show me’ how that is supposed to be a compliment.” She let out a breath when her hand was released, stumbling slightly as Jester started walking again. Fuck. If she wasn’t in pain before she was now, there was red leaking through the bandages on her hand. She cradled it close to her and did her best to limp keeping up with Jester, biting the inside of her cheek the whole way to keep from whimpering. Come on, she’d been in worse pain before. She couldn’t think of anything at the moment, but she was sure of it.
She paused just outside Jester's tent when he did, eyeing him warily. “After Doctor patches you up, you will come to my tent.” She nodded, turning stifly to go into the cyan colored tent, “And little mouse,” She froze, “I will know if you try to run.” She paled and nodded again. “I won't." She squeaked weakly, before disappearing inside the cyan tent.
….I’m doing a lot of skippage pls forgive me T_T……
It was getting to be evening when she finally paused outside of Jester’s tent, taking a steadying breath. Her feet were tender, but no longer hurt at least. Her hand still stung, but it at least had ointment on it now and a fresh clean bandage. Doctor warned her she would need to do physical therapy with it, or it would get too stiff to use. Which was…great, she was really looking forward to that. She grimaced briefly, well hey, maybe she wouldn’t have to worry about that soon enough. Heh. She steeled herself, “Jester? I’m here.” She winced at how timid she sounded. “Enter.” She did so but stayed close to the opening of the tent, watching as Jester finished telling Ticket Taker something. She jumped when the Ticketer's gaze landed on her, giving a timid wave. He said something she didn’t quite catch then swept out of the room, knocking her shoulder on the way by. She was pretty sure that was on purpose.
She was distracted from that when Jester stepped up to her, “Well dear visitor shall we go see what you have to show me?” She nodded and turned to lead him. It was odd, having him at her back. She could feel the hair on the back of her neck standing on end, innately aware that there was a predator behind her. Still she did her best to lead him to a clearing that was just out of view of the circus. Some of the trees around it, although having new growth now had some charring on their trunks and branches. Ash was layered on the ground like soft snow. “Well, I’m failing to see, how comparing me to fire is not an insult Visitor.” She kept her mouth shut and kept walking till she was in the middle of the clearing, crouching down and swiping gently at the ash around her. She stayed like that a couple of more minutes. “You’re stalling.” She looked up then. “It’s beautiful, you’re beautiful. Mesmerizing.” She started, standing again and wiping the ash from her hands off on her pants. “You draw people in. You bring warmth and light to the people you care about. I’ve seen it.” He tilted his head at her. She could never quite read his expressions, but she wasn’t dead yet. She swallowed and continued. “If someone gets too close you can burn them. If they don’t pay you proper mind or respect.” Her heart was racing, but she felt strangely calm. “More importantly without fire…nothing new could grow.” She gestured for him to come over to where she was. “It’s true, fire can be destructive, can hurt, it can leave scars that wont heal but…” She gestured to the spot she had cleared flowers and little sapling poked up from the ground, fresh clean, and new. Healthy. “It makes way for something new, nourishes it so it can grow.” She met his gaze, doing her best to hold it. “I don’t know what exactly happened to you and the others. I know you’ve been hurt, broken, but you’ve managed to pull yourselves together. You pulled everyone together. Created something new and beautiful.” She took a hesitant step closer. “That’s what I meant when I compared you to fire.” She held his gaze for a couple of more minutes, before casting her eyes down submissively. She fiddled with her hands a moment, waiting. “So….should I have prepared my will before I came out here with you?” The joke was strained as she tried to fill the silence.
“Perhaps.” She jumped as she felt hands curl around her neck gently. “Tell me, visitor. You say we are broken. What does that make you for wanting to get so close? You are aware you can be cut on broken things yes?” She tried to take a slow breath to keep her heart from racing, as she felt the tickle from purple tresses as he leaned over her. So…this was it? Everything in her wanted to fight back, to run, but she had promised. Still she wouldn’t face this with her eyes closed. She tilted her head up to look at him, a flicker of defiance lighting her eyes. Her breathing was steady, calm, despite her rapid heart-rate. She’d give him an answer even if he wasn’t really asking, “Maybe I like the risk of getting cut.” She shot back, playful, defiant. She jumped as she felt one of his hands move from her throat, and move through her hair. Gooseflesh broke out along her skin as claws scraped against her scalp. “Jester what-” Her eyes widened as the opening of his mask was pressed against her lips. What- She gasped as her hair was pulled, and she felt his tongue slither past her lips, tangling with her tongue, and sliding a little down her throat. Her hands fluttered up uncertainly, hovering in the air. Stuck somewhere between trying to push him away, or hold onto him. It took her a moment to realise that she couldn’t breathe. Fuck what. She couldn’t pull away. He wouldn’t let her. Her lungs were SCREAMING. She was going to pass out at this rate. Her eyes sought out Jester’s pleading with the glowing amethyst gaze. ‘Please, please,please.’ Her vision started to tunnel when he finally released her.
She sucked in a gasp, her knees giving out as she desperately tried to restore oxygen to her brain. “So you can be made speechless. I have to say you look good on your knees little mouse.” She started to turn a glare up at him when she noticed he was holding something…A leash? Confusion lit her features as she followed it down to where a collar sat around her throat. What?! When had?! Her gaze shot back up to Jester, who now had one hand resting behind his back, the other holding the leash…HER leash loosely. “If you’re going to be with us little mouse you’ll need to be better trained. I’m afraid Sweet Pierrot, and Harlequin have been much to gentle on you thus far, so Bil and I will be taking over for a bit.” Wait What?! Before she could open her mouth to say anything a tug from the leash brought her stumbling to her feet. “You needn’t worry about that shabby apartment of yours either. I sent Bil to take care of breaking the lease for you.” WHAT?! When…How did they even know where she lived?! She knew Pierrot and Harley followed her often enough, but she didn’t think they would have told Jester, or Ticket Taker…would they?
“Isn’t ot generous to take care of such insignificant things for you pet.” She didn’t have time to respond…but then she wasn’t really expected to was she? “Shall we head home and share this wonderful news with the others.” Once again, she could tell he wasn’t asking. Still she followed behind silently when he gave a gentle tug on the leash. So many emotions were swirling inside her, she wasn’t uite sure what to focus on. Confusion, anger, frustration, fear, acceptance…excitement…guilt…wonder…A bit of disgust with herself. An actual little bit of gratitude and hope. And…a warm feeling in her abdomen that she would deny if asked. What was wrong with her?! Perhaps…she was a little broken as well. It hardly mattered now as she followed Jester back to the circus grounds, back….home.