Chapter Text
Marco knew for certain that his life had been irrevocably changed when he met Jean Kirstein. Kirstein, who hid his distaste behind snarls, had a temper so thin it rivaled the fabric of reality, and a confidence so pronounced that it might’ve been confused for arrogance. Despite all his faults, Jean was just like the others. Just like him. He was cowardly, ambitious, and a person who saw things for what they were without ever trying to sugarcoat the situation.
A natural born leader he was, because he could see the reality they were living in. Marco wished some of that reality would rub off on him. Like stale bread crumbs littered on his shirt that stuck no matter how hard he tried to brush them off. That, for once, he could see the truth of the world in all its unfiltered and grisly mess. But he was an idealist, always putting good faith in front of reason. Naive too, for thinking that there existed real good in everyone. Maybe if he was more like Jean, he wouldn’t be held down by the very people he considered his friends.
Held down like a rabid dog, crying for his life between choked sobs. Pleading like a sinner with his knees pressed against the tiles of Trost’s once occupied homes. He should fight. He should be filled with hatred and a venomous spite but all he feels is despair and confusion, a puzzle too complex to solve and with too many missing pieces.
Bertholdt.
And Reiner.
Why them?
With talks of titans and breached walls, Marco hasn’t had time to truly think. Titans are people and those very people are hiding among them. But why?
Why them, why him, why all this unnecessary violence?
A million questions rush into his skull and yet he can’t formulate any answers in response. It’s all foreign, especially the way Reiner handles him. Gone are his reassuring words and friendly touches. Now all that’s left is an aggressive beast with claws. Marco tries to call out for help but a hand muffles his screams and pushes him down further. His chin knocks against the tiled roof violently. A throbbing pain blooms from his chin that leaves his eyes watering.
A figure graces his eyes. Annie glides down in front of him, blades pulled and ready for a fight. She was ready to save him. Maybe she thought a titan had gotten to him. Her eyes examine the situation.
“Annie!” Marco cries out in hope.
Forced onto his feet by Reiner, he struggles to pull away. Reiner has him in a hold, arms caged and rendered useless. Marco can’t muster up enough strength to fight back in this position.
“Annie, help me shut him up!” Reiner calls out as he tightens his hold on him.
Reiner and Annie are bickering among themselves now. Marco can barely hear himself over the ruckus, the panic that settles in him is too much to bear. His arms strain with how tightly they’re being held back. An ache settles on his back as Annie holsters her blades.
Annie’s trembling hands are at his chest now, reaching to undo the straps of his ODM gear. He pushes back to try and get away. His hands try to wriggle free. His fingers feel like they’re losing circulation. It’s no use and he knows it but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t at least try. Annie is quite possibly the saddest he has ever seen her. With her big distressed eyes, that dart towards and away from his own with each hurried movement of her nimble hands.
“Annie, please…” Marco pleads, tears trail down his face.
Annie’s hands freeze in place. She looks up at him with her unblinking wide crystalline eyes. He notices the thin glint of tears that gloss her eyes. Morning dew on evergreen leaves. Just like the trees back home.
“We can move past this. I-It doesn’t matter what I heard. I’ll forget it,” Marco sniffles, “It’s all nonsense, please!”
Small hands falter. They retract from leather buckles. Annie’s hands lay in front of her, clawed in hesitance. She clenches her jaw and her thin lips curl downwards before they open.
“You assholes got me into this mess.” Annie begins with a grimace.
“Annie, we’re warriors—“ Reiner tries to remind.
“I don’t give a shit,” Annie raises her voice, “this is your fault, this whole mess, everything!”
Her hands motion around as if to punctuate the end of her sentence. Bertholdt stands besides Reiner. His face is etched with worry but he doesn’t intervene. He only stands by, an unwilling spectator caught between two sides is what he is.
Reiner’s grip falters in response to Annie’s outburst. He must not be able to fathom that Annie, of all people, would outwardly oppose him with such ferocity. Marco takes the opportunity to get away, he throws himself away from Reiner with all of his meager strength and stumbles forward. His knees buckle and he drops down besides Annie. His ODM gear crashes along with him, a resounding metal clash rings out.
Reiner grunts in frustration and goes to grab him but Annie intervenes. Her hand jerks towards her blade with a near inhuman speed. Reiner's surprise is evident in the way he takes a step back. His feet fumble on the tiles but he regains his lost footing quick enough.
“What are you doing?” He asks.
“I don’t know…” Her grip loosens ever so slightly.
“Hand him over. I’ll deal with it.”
“No.”
“What?”
“I said no.” Annie repeats.
She unsheathes her blade and holds it in front of her defensively. Her other hand seems to motion Marco to stand back and stay down. Reiner scoffs at her act. His face holds an expression so alien to Marco, one that Marco can’t ever recall seeing. Reiner without a smile on his face. Reiner with a hatred burning so brightly in his eyes it seems to blind him of reason.
“He’s a devil, Annie. The sooner you realize that, the sooner we get home, the sooner you see your fath—“
“He’s not a devil and you know it,” Annie counters, “We’ve done worse! But I can fix this.”
“Let me fix this my way.” She adds, her hands lower as if to placate him.
Reiner at that moment is an enigma. Annie doesn’t want to fight but she’s prepared to. Bertholdt finally intervenes and offers Reiner a gentle hand on his shoulder. He gives him a reassuring squeeze and simply says “Reiner” in his soft voice, urging him to understand. And he seems to.
“Just this once Annie.” Reiner complies, his eyes have glossed over slightly in resignation and his demeanor is much more calmer. More like the Reiner Marco truly knows.
Annie nods hesitantly. She holsters her blade and takes a step back, as if she were testing the waters, maybe she thinks that Reiner will break their truce. That he would just as soon end her rebellion and Marco’s existence for the sake of his own need.
Silence elapses for a while, with just the rumbling footsteps of the many titans serving as their backdrop. Faint screams and crashes reverberate throughout the ruins of Trost. Marco stands then, on wobbly knees. Adrenaline wanes off of him. He brushes the dust off from his clothes and tries to compose himself.
“Reiner—” Marco begins.
Maybe now that Reiner has calmed down, he’ll actually listen to him. They can talk about this whole situation and—and Marco isn’t sure what could follow. He just wants things to return back to how they were.
The rumbling sounds closer, no longer just a background of irrelevant noise. A titan peeks out from the corner of a nearby building. Tiles tumble to the ground and shatter onto the floor as the ground shakes. Their attention is quickly turned towards the imposing footsteps and Bertholdt is surprisingly the first to act.
“We should move.” He suggests with alarm.
Marco stands in place, afraid that if he moves Reiner might change his mind. Or that the titan might be tempted to run at them. It could be an abnormal one. The others have already prepared themselves to flee. It’s only Marco that hasn’t moved.
Reiner pushes past Annie despite her meager protest and pats Marco’s shoulder, motioning him to move. It’s like they’re friends again, just sharing friendly touches to motivate each other. But that illusion is gone and Reiner seems to be in the business of pretending that he isn’t a monster.
Marco stands in shock. Confused. Just one second ago he seemed hellbent on stopping him, on stripping him of his only defense against the titans. He seemed very well determined to murder him or doom him to a fate similar to that.
Reiner pats hims again, shaking Marco once more and startling him out of his thoughts.
“Marco, we have to go. C’mon what are you standing around for?” He questions.
Reiner has the gall to be worried. The reassuring nod Reiner gives him does little to ease his nerves. He must think that Marco’s fear stems from the titan approaching them and not from the one standing in front of him.
Annie looks at him and gives him a look that says “let it go.” And he does because he trusts her judgement more than he does his own at that moment. So Marco simply offers Reiner a nod of understanding and gives him a small weary smile. The sweat that pools at his hairline suggests otherwise.
“Okay, Reiner.” He agrees but the words don’t sound right on his tongue. They sound fake. Artificial and every other synonym that follows.
Marco adjusts his gear, tightening the leather straps where Annie had loosened them. His hands shake and fumble with the buckles. He forces his hands to stabilize and get to work. Another thundering step sends all four of them moving. They fly to the rooftop of a nearby building. This one is higher and out of view from any average wandering titan.
Marco catches his breath when his feet hit the roof of the building. No one would blame him for breaking down then and there, right? It certainly feels like his reality has been crushed from the inside out. Annie hovers over him, eyeing him up and down from time to time. He can’t pinpoint her expression.
“Not a word. This never happened.” She tells him in a hushed tone.
He nods fervently. His safety in exchange for his secrecy. A deal that he won’t break because admitting the truth wouldn’t convince anybody. And then there is the matter of Reiner and Bertholdt. Reiner would silence him, he wouldn’t even need a weapon to do so, and there’s no knowing what Bertholdt is capable of.
Marco wants to so desperately head home. Back to the safety of Jinae, where his family lives. There the wind is much softer and clearer. Jinae isn’t as grand as Trost. It’s quaint and smells of fresh blooming flowers, not of blood and destruction like Trost currently does. He wants his mother to hold him in her arms just once more. For her to tell him that this is just a nightmare, or a play, or a cruel prank.
Bertholdt stares at him from across the rooftop. Reiner is preoccupied, keeping an eye out for any stray titans. He has a calm expression on his face as he observes the streets below. Bertholdt’s lanky figure approaches him with a grim expression.
“Marco.”
“Hm?”
“Don’t tell anyone about us.”
“I won’t.”
“How can I trust that you’ll keep your promise?” Berthold challenges, “What’s at stake is greater than you can even imagine.”
“I will. Unlike you, I’m honest about what I say and do.”
Bertholdt scrunches his face in distaste at that response.
“We didn’t choose to—” Bertholdt is interrupted by Reiner exclaiming in surprise.
Bertholdt abandons their conversation, his mouth shuts abruptly after. Reiner is motioning and pointing towards Wall Rose, at the very hole he made. Marco cranes his neck to get a closer look.
“He did it,” Reiner shouts with his hands in the air, “He sealed the wall!”
And Reiner is correct. Eren, or well his titan form, must’ve succeeded because he can see the large stone boulder covering the hole. A flare shoots up into the sky soon after, the sign of a successful mission. It’s over. Their mission to seal Trost is no more. Bertholdt and Annie look at Reiner with a shared look of apprehension. His uncharacteristic happiness at what he previously feared is weird.
At that very moment, Marco came to understand the horror of his situation. Given time to think, if even for a second, is a blessing. Reiner’s talk of devils struck him as odd, he spoke of him like he was a different species, like Marco was below him. Could it be that maybe they were different? Different people from different places, like birds with all their varied colors and beaks. After all, the two of them must’ve come from somewhere. Or three, Reiner seemed quick to trust Annie.
From outside the walls, his brain supplies. There are people beyond the walls. Aren’t there? Maybe all of them can shift too. For everyones sake, he hopes they can’t.
Marco swallows his words, bites his tongue with an intensity so fierce that he winces. He should keep his mouth shut, that’s what he promised after all. If he lets on that he might know more, there’s no guarantee that he’ll make it out alive.
“Why aren’t you smiling?” Reiner swivels his head around towards Bertholdt. Then towards Annie and then towards Marco.
“We won!” He adds with a wide smile. Teeth and all.
Marco feels himself growing paler and sicker by the minute. He can feel the blood draining from his fingertips as it leaves a cold numb residue as a farewell gift. It doesn’t surprise him much when his face smashes against the flat rooftop.
“Marco!” Reiner’s voice screams out in worry.
His voice echoes around in Marco’s skull. Back and forth against the enclosed walls of his brain. His consciousness fades into a milky void as his eyes close shut and his body gives out.
He feels his head cushioned by something as he turns in his sleep. Waves of wind run over his body, beckoning him to awaken. He blinks his eyes open and is greeted by a blue cloud-filled sky. Marco rises into a sitting position, holding his head cautiously as he does. There is a residual pain in the back and side of his head. Annie is sitting next to him with her legs pulled close to her. Her head rests on her knees and she carries that same disinterested look he has grown accustomed to.
Marco looks around and figures that he is currently sitting on top of Wall Rose. He can see the barely visible figures of other people also standing on the wall. Whether they’re Garrison or Training Corps members is difficult to tell from where he stands.
“What happened?” He asks Annie.
“You fainted. Reiner had to carry you back.”
“Reiner, really?”
Annie simply nods and continues staring ahead into space. She must also be taking in the gravity of the situation. Marco goes to stand and as he does he discovers what has been cushioning his head. It’s a neatly folded jacket. But whose jacket?
The question answers itself when his eyes catch on Reiner and Bertholdt. They are conversing in hushed whispers a distance away from him and Annie. Reiner’s jacket is missing so it must be his. He tries to listen in on their conversation but he can’t make out anything from where he is. He settles for a sigh and cradles his head once more. The stress or shock of this all must be getting to him.
His index and middle finger probe his forehead where he feels the pain most. His fingers come back stained in dried flakes of blood. He must’ve hit his head when he passed out. He squints in pain and finally goes to stand on his own two feet.
That sickly ache returns and settles in his stomach. He needs to get away from them and maybe take a breather or a moment to forget this all happened. He walks some feet away from Annie and she stirs at his movement. Her eyes trail him as he walks away but she makes no move to follow him.
Walking away calms him for a bit. The wind rustles his ears, blocking his thoughts inadvertently, making it difficult to focus and numbing his ever active brain. He takes deep breaths in an attempt to calm his beating heart and succeeds by a minimal degree. Down in Trost he can see the tell tale smoke of titans evaporating. With the wall sealed, it seems they’re trying to eliminate all the titans that remained trapped within.
Marco peers over the wall, his feet meters away from the edge. An almost cynical thought consumes him, that he might’ve remained down there if it weren’t for Annie and his own hopeless pleading. It feels surreal to believe that people can become titans. Dread pools in his stomach once more and he is tempted to throw up.
Someone shouts. Then two other voices follow. Marco angles his head to the noise, worried that the trio might be in danger or in a fight. But they’re fine, lost in conversation and too busy deciding what fate Marco will truly meet. So he turns the other way, away from Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie. He finds three very familiar hyper-active figures running towards him.
“Marco!” Sasha screams with a smile on her face.
Jean runs after her with an annoyed expression.
“Sasha, wait up!” He complains.
Connie is right next to her, waving at him with a grin.
Marco jogs over to them. Considering everything that has been going on, he hasn’t had time to consider their safety. But seeing them now, alive and cheerful, is a blessing. A smile worms its way onto his face and he feels lighter just being in their presence.
Sasha is running alarmingly fast and right at him. Marco slows down a bit in front of them and Sasha jumps at him. He exclaims in surprise but goes to catch her nonetheless. She hugs him back with her strong arms, nearly choking him. Marco pats her shoulder repeatedly, trying to motion her to loosen up.
“Marco! We thought you died or something! Jean kept saying you were fine but I didn’t trust him.” She rambles.
“I missed you too, Sasha,” he wheezes out, “Now please let me go.”
“Sasha back off. You’re choking him!” Jean says, exasperated at her behavior. He tries to peel her off of Marco but she doesn’t budge.
“Jean over here doesn’t care about you like we do, we’re your best friends right?” Sasha cries out.
“Sasha isn’t lying. Jeanbo wanted to leave you behind!” Connie interjects with a shit-eating grin.
“Quit spreading lies!” Jean shouts as he pulls Sasha away.
“And stop calling me that!” Jean smacks Connie upside the head.
Marco laughs in response as Sasha is pulled off of him. She swats Jean away and Jean’s expression sours exponentially.
“I’m fine. Nothing happened to me. Jean was right, no need to worry so much.” He assures.
“Sure doesn’t look that way.” Connie notes, pointing out the blood on his forehead.
“What happened?” Sasha asks.
“Just a scrape.” Marco replies.
Jean stares at him with a downturned smile. His worry is obvious and Marco isn’t sure why. If it were anyone else, he’s not sure Jean would pretend to care so much. Jean walks closer to him and grabs him by the shoulder.
“I’m glad you’re okay. Ignore what those idiots said.”
“I really was worried,” Jean admits, “Even if I didn’t show it.”
Marco gives him a smile in return. A smile that tells him he understands.
“I also never got to thank you for saving my life.” Jean continues.
“Me?”
“Yeah, you distracted that titan before it got to me.” He clarifies.
“What gives?! I never got a thank you.” Connie complains as he crosses his arms against his chest.
Jean scowls and gives Connie a deadly glare.
“After what you said I don’t think you deserve an apology.” Jean spits out at Connie.
“Hey—”
“You’re welcome. It was nothing though, anyone would have done that.” Marco interrupts Connie, stopping him from starting an argument.
“Stop being humble Marco.” Jean chides.
Sasha and Connie share a look with each other and make no effort to hide the ridiculous expression that blooms when their eyes meet. Marco is tempted to question them but Jean pulls him aside before he can ask. His hand is still resting on his shoulder but this time it curls around his bicep. Jean even moves closer, enclosing their conversation further.
“Are you really okay? You seem a little off.”
“How so? I’m fine, just a little lightheaded.” He assures.
Jean squints at him as he tries to decipher his lies.
“You looked a little out of it when we were approaching you…”
Marco places his hand on top of Jean’s.
“I’m good. I wouldn’t lie to you if it was something that truly mattered.” Marco offers a gentle smile.
Jean bites his lip in worry, debating what response to enact, but Jean lets it go surprisingly so given his temper. Jean goes to take off his jacket and hands it over to Marco. Marco accepts it without complaint. Jean pulls on his sleeve, bringing it closer to his knuckles.
“At least let me get that blood off of you, it’s making me nervous.” He mutters.
Jean uses the sleeve to rub at Marco’s forehead. He carefully scrubs the blood away. Jean’s thumb is pressed to his head and he methodically cleans it with gentle rubs. His finger strokes are uncharacteristically controlled, like brush strokes on a fine canvas. Marco winces slightly and Jean retracts his hand when he finishes his work.
“All good?” Jean asks as he re-adjusts his sleeve.
“Yup.” Marco feels for his head again and notices that the pain has subsided substantially.
“Thank you Jean.”
Jean grins at him and takes his jacket back. He pulls it over his shoulders and pats it down into place. Marco mourns the loss of his touch. That familiar happiness settles in his heart. The rapid beating of his heart, the warmth that spreads on his face, and the clamminess that spreads to his hands are all Jean’s fault. Well, not his fault moreso an effect of him, like catching a cold from a cough.
The worse part is, this feeling always seems to come at the oddest of times. Whenever the light catches on the slope of Jean’s nose, or when Jean is nice to him, or when they have those late night conversations at the bunks. Marco clears his throat awkwardly and hopes Jean didn’t catch him staring. Sasha and Connie are some distance behind them, looking. They’re not even pretending that they weren’t eavesdropping. Those too wide grins on their faces don’t budge a bit.
“Marco! You’re awake!” He hears Reiner call out.
Marco jumps at the abrupt noise. All three of them have made their way over. Annie, Reiner, and Berthold. Jean looks at Marco with betrayal.
“Awake? I thought you said nothing bad happened?” He questions.
“Well—” Marco tries to defend himself.
“Marco here fainted, must’ve gotten too excited when the wall was sealed!” Reiner joyfully supplies.
“You fainted!?” Jean, Sasha, and Connie exclaim in unison.
Marco frowns slightly.
“Thankfully, Reiner was able to help.” Berthold says, staring Marco directly into the eyes.
Marco stares back. Clearly Bertholdt means to intimidate him, or at the very least remind him of the secrets he promised to keep.
“Yeah, thank you Reiner.”
“You really think I would’ve left you there?” He rhetorically asks.
Marco would answer yes if he could. But before he can even think of answering, an older garrison soldier approaches them. She waves at them and quickly makes her way over.
“You’re all training corps?” She asks as she examines their uniforms.
They nod and she continues.
“We need all hands on deck. Clean up duty,” She specifies. “So get down there and help out.”
Her order resonates as she leaves. Presumably to gather all the other soldiers resting on the wall.
“I don’t get why we have to help. Haven’t we done enough. They have us fighting titans and then expect us to pick up the dead.” Jean complains.
“We can’t just leave the bodies.” Marco reprimands.
Jean’s face grows red in embarrassment.
“You’re right…let’s just get this over with then.” Jean holds the back of his neck in shame. He slightly stretches to ease his nerves.
“It probably won’t take too long.” Sasha adds.
“You just want to get this over with so you can eat.” Connie says as he nudges Sasha with his shoulder.
“Not true.” She defends but her rumbling stomach suggests otherwise.
Connie snorts. He and Sasha say their goodbyes and leave together to head back towards Trost. A trail of gas is left in their wake.
“Marco, how about you come along with me and Bert.” Reiner offers.
“Just in case you decide to faint again.” Bertholdt supplies.
He turns to look at Jean. Jean is already staring at him, assuming that they’d go together.
“I was thinking about going with Jean, maybe he could join us.” He offers.
“Fine by me,” Reiner accepts, “Are you thinking of joining us, Annie?”
“No.” She replies.
It seems that she is back to her usual self.
“Then that settles it. Let’s get moving.” Reiner makes his way over to the wall and jumps off, his ODM gear spurs to life as he does.
Bertholdt waits for Jean and Marco to follow. Marco looks towards Jean and gives him a reassuring smile.
“This won’t take too long. Before you know it, we’ll be in the interior working for the king.”
Marco’s one great skill, one that he personally prides himself on, is being reassuring. The look Jean gives him is enough to keep him alive for a century.
“And think of the money too. One of these days I’m going to get you off of your high horse.” Jean jokes as he jumps from the wall.
Marco follows him and so does Bertholdt. Annie leaves shortly after, trailing off on her own path when they get closer to the ground.
The wind rustles his hair and he glances at Jean. At the way his face cuts through the sky and how he weaves through the buildings with such elevated skill. Entranced and smitten, Marco realizes what he feels for Jean, why he’s so happy every time they talk. It’s love in its most simplest form. It would be impossible to catalogue it as anything else.
Marco nearly flies into a building because of all his staring. He narrowly dodges and steadies himself, landing on a rooftop with a skip and then lowering himself to the ground.
Bertholdt lands beside him, like he was trailing him. He probably was. He’s looking at him with an almost pitiful expression. Marco hopes that Bertholdt wasn’t watching him. Marco can feel a burn rising out from his collar, embarrassment creeping upwards towards his cheeks. Bertholdt was definitely watching him. He looks away before Bertholdt can say anything.
The worst part is that Bertholdt’s eyes also seemed to understand him. Maybe he also loves someone, but Marco can only wonder who. Marco turns the corner to find Reiner and Jean in a conversation. They both wear grim expressions.
Marco takes a good look at Trost. Blood and dirt is splattered on the sidewalks. A decaying body stands crumpled by the side of a building and it's missing an arm and a leg. Marco covers his nose from the smell and his eyes water from the sheer pungency.
Marco feels his soul break bit by bit.