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“You know, you’re really cute when you eat Jisungie,” Minho teased, pushing the bottom of his socked foot against Jisung’s leg as they sat on their slightly worn down couch. The TV hummed with some nature documentary they had put on but his words drowned out the host.
“What?” Jisung asked, although it came out slightly garbled due to being mid chew. A full mouth never stopped him from running though.
“You’re just really cute when you eat. Your cheeks they uh,” Minho paused as he thought, his eyes doing their usual thing of flicking upwards as if the answer was written on the ceiling, “they remind me of chipmunks! No, that's not quite right.”
While Minho mused, Jisung forced himself to chew and swallow as fast as possible to argue back. But before he could Minho had come to his conclusion. “No you’re like a hamster.” He smiled to himself, clearly pleased with his theory.
“I’m not either of those things! Those are tiny little animals and I'm a human boy. If either of us were to be an animal it would be you Minho Hyung.”
“And what would I be?”
“A cat. Duh.”
“Well that doesn’t change the fact that you look like a hamster each time you eat.”
“In what way?” Jisung asked, unwilling to take another bite before getting his answer.
“When you take a bite your cheeks swell up just like hamsters when they eat.”
Jisung looked down at his food, feeling vaguely self conscious as he picked at his dinner. Minho seemed to notice the change before he leaned across the couch all into Jisung’s personal space.
“I mean it when I said that you’re cute when you eat. Don’t feel so embarrassed.” He gave Jisung the reserved soft smile he kept for him, his front teeth slightly visible as his lips stretched. To seal the deal and curve any of Jisung’s nerves he placed a delicate kiss on both of Jisung’s cheeks which turned the younger boy pink. Jisung hid his face in Minho’s shoulder as the older boy laughed while wrapping his arms around Jisung.
“You’re so cute it’s killing me.”
-
“You’re so cute,” is all Jisung can focus on, the sound of memory Minho’s voice as the unbearable pain surged through his body spreading from the mutilated chuck of flesh that had been his upper thigh. Three hours ago he and Minho had been eating and laughing on the roof of an abandoned building waiting for the rest of the group to return from a scavenge.
It was rare that they had alone time anymore with the constant need to keep watch on each other’s backs. So Jisung had relished in some alone time where he could just exist pressed up against Minho. Feel his steady heartbeat directly under his head and feel that he was still alive. Maybe he should have waited until they had more eyes scanning the room and then maybe he wouldn’t be convulsing in said boy’s arms as the plague spread up towards his brain.
The moments after the bite were beginning to grow fuzzy in his memory. He remembered the sounds of Minho’s screams, of being dragged away and ultimately lying on the floor in Minho’s arms as he actively died. He didn’t remember Minho chaining his leg to the wall nor the way his hands shook as they caressed his slightly slack face knowing it was the last time he would ever get to touch his Jisung.
Unaware Jisung, with what little control he had of his arms was trying to push him away, weak pleas unable to get past his lips to run away from him, to leave him before he hurt him. Jisung knew he only had so long before the virus spread to his brain and took the last bit of humanity from him.
The idea of Minho seeing him stripped of everything that made him Jisung, his Jisungie, hurt worse the dying. He had made peace with that the moment the apocalypse happened.
Still as much as he cried and tried to move him, the older boy seemed to cling to him harder, his own tears dripping down Jisung’s back. It got to the point that he gave up, falling slack in Minho’s arms and trying to concentrate on the sound of his voice, from the sweet words he’d tell Jisung during their turns to watch.
“I love you,” were the last ones he remembered before Jisung was gone.
-
Minho could only watch the last bit of humanity burn out in Jisung’s eyes before he was able to let go of the boy. He watched those once bright eyes fade to a dull black as the sparkle was snuffed out. He sniffled, as he squeezed Jisung’s hand one last time before crawling away clutching at his stomach in pain. Minho made it just far enough away from Jisung’s still body and chain radius before collapsing on the ground. The reality of what happened in the past few hours began to catch up to him.
It had only been that morning, where he had sat with Jisung, laughed with him and shared a bag of berries. The sweetness that still lingered in his mouth felt sour as he turned his head to wistfully look at Jisung. From the angle he had, Minho could almost tell himself he was just sleeping. But the lack of rhythmic movement of his chest reminded him of his new reality.
Minho would never wake up to a world with Jisung in it.
A switch seemed to flip in his head, as he picked himself up off the floor. Minho couldn’t let the rest of the group down as he moved to start the fire and begin cooking the reserve meat that he and Jisung were meant to do before taking their morning picnic. Minho grumbled to himself as he started up the fire wincing in pain with each movement that he brushed off. Instead of worrying about himself he glanced over at the sleeping Jisung and smiled to himself.
Poor sleepy boy , he figured he could let the younger boy rest some more while he tended to the fire. The others surely wouldn’t mind.
Halfway through cooking Jisung had woken up, the sounds of the chain dragging across the floor were piercing but Minho paid him very little attention focusing on the task at hand of preparing the rest of the goat they had.
“Jisung you can eat later. I’m not done with dinner yet,” Minho groaned, having listened to Jisung’s incessant rambling for the past hour. He was barely intelligible but Minho knew Jisung well enough to pick out what he wanted. He was almost done with dinner when Seungmin walked back in the door before promptly screaming, startling Minho and Jisung.
“Minho what the genuine fuck?” He gestured towards Jisung but Minho just rolled his eyes.
“Well hello Seungmin, would it kill you to be nice for two seconds?”
Seungmin ignored his sarcasm. “Minho this is NOT what Chan had in mind when he let you take Jisung for his last moments.”
“I took care of him, I don’t see the issue?” Minho tilted his head, looking up from his task at hand to properly look at Seungmin for the first time. His face was puffy from crying and slight red patches were blooming on his face from frustration.
“Tying him to our shelter wall isn’t taking care of him. Putting a bullet in his head the second he lost his humanity is taking care of him. You know once it reaches his brain he’s as good as gone. It’s cruel to keep him like that.” He waved his hand in the direction of Jisung, unable to look at that corner of the room.
Minho frowned at him. “He’s harmless look. He can’t move any closer and he’s really not that loud, plus we can just feed him the scraps of meat that we are unable to use. It’ll be fine.”
To prove his point, Minho threw some of the scrap meat towards Jisung who dropped to his knees, his withered hands reaching for it immediately like a dog. Seungmin cringed at the sound of him eating, the unnatural crunching of bones between his teeth had him slapping his hands over his ears to try and block it out. It took a few minutes as Minho watched Jisung eat, his cheeks puffing up as he took each bite. A small smile sat on his face while Minho gazed at him, fondness in his eyes. Once he was done eating, Jisung simply laid down with his back facing the two boys.
“See Minnie, he's completely harmless.”
“Minho,” Seungmin started, his voice breaking a little, “This isn’t healthy. For either of you. Watching him like this will kill you, it’ll kill Chan.” He was silent for a moment before adding, “it’ll kill me.”
“Seungmin,” Minho started before he was cut off instantly.
“No Minho, I can’t listen to you defend this. I’m getting Chan because I hope that at least he can talk you out of this ridiculous idea.” With that Seungmin practically ran out of the shelter, the sound of his retreating footsteps stung in Minho’s heart. But he didn’t have the energy to chase after the puppy. He was surely reporting back to Chan by now.
He knew Chan would try to convince him to leave, let him do it instead, even if Chan’s own hands would shake more than Minho’s. When Changbin had been bit Chan had sobbed for hours, unable to wash the splash of blood that had covered his hands. It wasn’t until his tears had smeared off most of it that he had let Seungmin and Minho clean him up.
Minho had known Chan didn’t have it in him to put another bullet in his friend’s skull. Not after the third one. And if Minho could do anything, it would be to prevent him from having to do a fourth or fifth one.
-
It wasn’t long before he heard footsteps outside the shelter, approaching cautiously. The fire had long died out, and the food he had made was wrapped up for Chan to take back to the group. A final apology for the rest of the group.
Chan entered slowly, his face dropped at the sight of Jisung who was up again and walking around. His footsteps were followed by the scrapping of the chain against the concrete. It had begun to give Minho a headache as he sat waiting, but he couldn’t bring himself to yell at Jisung to be quiet. The boy just needed to expel some energy by pacing.
“Minho,” Chan started softly, walking closer to the boy while his eyes flicked towards Jisung every few steps to check where he was. “Minho, you need to come home with me.”
“I am home Chan. This is our shelter, our home. You just have to bring everyone back with you.”
Chan just shook his head slowly, as he reached where Minho was sitting against the wall. “No Minho, it can’t be our home anymore. Not with him here. It’s not safe.”
“But Jisung’s part of our family. Nowhere that we go will be home without him.” Minho argued back, for the first time since he had left Jisung he felt tears begin to well up in his eyes. Arguing with Chan always made him emotional. It hurt to see anything negative cross Chan’s face.
“I know it’s hard.” Chan switched tactics trying to take Minho’s hands on his own. “But we can always come visit him. Will that make it easier? I swear I’ll bring you back whenever you want to see him?”
“No, that's not enough. I can’t just leave him. Hyung he’s scared to sleep by himself. He’s never slept alone since we lived together. He’ll get scared and he’ll cry and he’ll wonder where we are and why we left him. He’ll feel so abandoned hyung I can’t just leave him.” Minho was rambling as he clutched Chan’s hands squeezing them so hard his own knuckles turned white.
“I know you care about him.” Chan was crying now, looking at the splintered version of Minho before him, “But staying here will kill you. I know you, you won’t leave to do anything important without him and both of you will die in this room. If you come with me I promise we will come and visit Jisung and we’ll bring him enough meat to keep him alive. I just can’t let you stay here by yourself.”
Minho had stopped crying, but he still clutched Chan’s hands.
“You know me hyung. And you know I can’t leave here without him. Even if you drag me out I’ll just find my way back here.”
“Minho…” Chan’s voice cracks a bit at the second syllable, unable to ask again because doesn’t think he can handle being told no again.
“Tell Minnie and Lix I’m sorry,” Minho whispered, pulling Chan’s face closer to his. Seeing the desperation mixed with resolve in his eyes shattered Chan’s barely patched together heart.
“How will they forgive me when I walk back there without you?” Chan whispered, pressing his forehead against Minho’s slightly cold one. “It’s already killing us without Jisung, how can I lose you too?”
Minho doesn’t respond to his question, letting the two sit in each other’s presence in silence. Even Jisung in the background had stopped wandering. The only sounds were the quiet sobs of Chan and the wind that blew outside.
Eventually Minho moved, his hands twitched before he was pushing Chan away gently. Startled, Chan reached back for him, trying to reconnect their hands. “No. You have to leave now, it’ll be dark soon and Seungmin and Felix will worry.”
“But I’m worried about you right now,” Chan pleaded.
“Don’t worry them more by losing yourself as well. Please Chan go back to our family. Let them know I love them,” Minho paused, waiting for Chan to get up.
It took a few minutes, as his eyes scanned Minho’s face, as if trying to persevere every detail one last time. It was probably the last time.
Chan sighed, standing up with a somber expression on his features before moving towards the door, defeated. Minho’s heart hurt at the sight.
“Chan, before you go can I see you smile one more time? I didn’t get to see Minnie smile before he left.”
He paused looking back, clearly struggling as he lifted the corners of his lips into a vague shape of a smile. It didn’t nearly reach his eyes nor ever fully look like a smile but it warmed Minho’s heart. He copied Chan, stretching his lips in a crude smile as he waved goodbye. “Tell Minnie I’m sorry as well.”
Minho tried not to listen to the sound of Chan’s footsteps fading away or the sobbing that followed. He instead let himself peel off his shirt to examine the nasty wound he had gotten while bringing Jisung back. Maybe if he hadn’t gotten injured he would have let Chan drag him out of the shelter and away from his Jisung. But, there was no future for him outside these walls. At least not one long or fulfilling. No his purpose was within these walls and laying just a few feet away. Seeing how docile Jisung was, Minho risked moving closer.
Every time he moved he heard the chain move as Jisung inspected the disturbances. But each time he settled back down upon realizing it was just Minho moving around. After what felt like days, but was probably only a few hours, Minho was close enough to touch Jisung. If he wanted to he could stretch his hand out and grab onto the other boy’s cold one.
He knew it was the pain pushing him, as the adrenaline had worn off hours ago, to reach out and hold his hand. A last comfort as he lay dying next to his best friend. But he also wanted to lay next to Jisung as long as he could stand the pain. Even if Jisung wasn’t fully Jisung it was still partly him. It behaved like him. It looked like him, with those big precious eyes and round face Minho so loved. It felt like him, as Minho reached for Jisung’s hand. Even if it was cold and the skin was peeling, it was Jisung.
Minho closed his eyes as he gripped the boy's hand, not unlike how he had grasped Chan’s hands earlier. He saved the touch before opening his eyes back up as he found Jisung sitting up looking down at him, at their hands connected.
Curiously, like a cat, he lifted their hands up to his head but he didn’t bite. Just stared with those big eyes at where their skin connected. Minho’s tanned skin against Jisung’s green tinged skin. There was a softness Minho knew in that gaze. And when he didn’t try to bite through his skin he knew. Minho used his other hand to drag himself closer, his movement starting Jisung slightly but he didn’t move far.
Using much of his last strength he moved until he was laying in Jisung’s lap. The boy let him, not moving, just watching until Minho was curled up against the other boy like they used to do every evening. Even if he was colder than his usual space heater self, Minho felt relaxed. The pain felt less intense now that he was with Jisung.
He let go of the boy's hand, instead letting him caress his face softly. Jisung leaned into his touch and Minho felt himself smile. Not like the forced one he tried to give Chan, but a real smile.
“Jisung? Can you hear me?”
He only blinked at Minho which made his grin grow wider.
“I know you’d still be in there. I knew I couldn’t ever dream of leaving you.”
His heart thudded softly at the feeling, softer than he knew it should though.
“And I won’t ever leave you.” He lifted his hand back up to Jisung’s mouth, pushing the skin up past his lips.
“It’s okay Jisungie,” Minho reassured him, his vision beginning to dim. “I always said you look so cute when you eat that it would kill me.”