Chapter Text
He looked down at his hand. Well.. the hand. It was still hard to recognize this body as his own some days. He grimaced. He felt like he was gonna hurl, until he remembered that he hadn’t eaten for the last week so he couldn’t. Whoops. My bad. He thought. Jason caught a glance at himself in the mirror. God was that how he looked? Like a fucking skeleton wearing a suit of meat and tendons? He was disgusting, how could anyone even bear to look at him. He punched the mirror, shattering it. Blood splattered across the glass and the hand. His hand, he had to remember that. Even if it didn’t feel like his body, it was still his. He still had to take care of it. “You’re not invincible Jason, no one is.” Artemis’s words danced across his brain, the same way one might run over hot coals. “Get out of my head” he growled at himself. But it was too late. His mind wandered through the past. His friends sitting around his kitchen table playing uno, the outlaws getting lost for three days on an abandoned island before they realized they were in Gotham bay, Roy smiling down at him with that fucking dorky grin. These were his memories right? They are mine so this is my brain? Unless that is another trick… Jasons head hurt. Well really his life hurt, but he couldn’t fix that. He could fix the headache, with a shit ton of alc and maybe a cute girl, or boy, who knows where the night might take him. Jason grinned, tonight was gonna be great. We as soon as he bandaged up the hand.
Tonight was not great. In fact it kinda sucked. He hadn’t needed to flirt in so long he had simply forgotten how. The girl he was trying to hit on was cute, and she was into him, like really into him. Like pretending to be dumb and laughing too much into him. But he had flubbed it, hard. He ended up rambling about how Damian likes LEGOs but doesn’t want anyone to know? That throughly embarrassed him so he left the bar, only half drunk. Time to call a friend to pick him up and give him more beer, or hopefully something stronger. He opened up his phone and pressed the top contact that popped up. It didn’t matter who he called. To his delight and dismay. It was Roy Harper. His voice was all watery through the phone.
Roy: “Hey what’s up? You don’t usually call this late.”
Jason: “Uhhh, not much, just kinda struck out at the bar, looking for somewhere to sulk. Got any room at yours?”
Roy: “You can’t come here.”
That hurt Jason’s feelings.
Roy: “Its my week with Lian”
Jason: “Ahh, okay, yeah, I guess I’ll call someone else…”
Roy: “No I can talk, she’s asleep, or at least she should be. She takes after her mother a bit too much for my liking sometimes...”
Jason: “Idk man, I think I’ve just been outta the game for a bit too long. You know? She was really cute too. And she approached me, so you know she was interested.”
Roy: “Damn, how cute we talkin, like cute cute or like oh fuck cute?”
Jason: “Well, you know my type, so I’ll leave it up to you.”
There was a pause. Roy knew Jasons type because he was Jasons type.
Jason: “That came out wrong…”
Roy: “Look it you wanna get back together there are better ways of going about it.”
Jason: “No. I…. No I just kinda feel like shit man. Like really fucking bad. My head hurts and I haven’t eaten in a week. Fuck I don’t think I have slept this entire month. My hand isn’t my hand.”
He hadn’t meant to say half of that, but oh well.
Roy: “Okay, I’m gonna call Dick, I don’t want you alone right now”
Jason: “No- Fuck- Godamnit Roy, I just want… I don’t know, just don’t call Dick, I don’t need his fucking mother hen act all up in my business. Just… just let me be sad alone right now. I can’t die anyway so you don’t have to worry about suicide...”
Jasons voice trailed off at the end of the sentence.
Roy: “Why… Jason are you okay? Where are you?”
Jason: “I am walking home from the bar”
Roy: “At night, in Cherry Hill.”
Jason: “Its not like I can die.”
Roy: “Bro I don’t want you to get mugged! Death is the least of my worries when it comes to you. Oh. My. God. You’re a walking ATM.”
Roy said it so matter of factly. He seemed genuinely worried about Jason. Which was odd because there was no reason to worry about him. He was fine.
Jason: “Thanks, that makes me feel better Roy.”
Roy: “Hold on, I’m sending Tim to get you.”
Jason: “Wh-buh-bro I said I am fine! Don’t get my fucking family involved in this. God you’re such a nuisance.”
Roy: “Too fucking late Jay, he’s already en route.”
Jason: “GruhhhhhhhhhhhhahhhahaHAHAHHHAHAAAAHHA!!! Okay, talk to you later I guess.”
Roy: “Love you jay, get home safe.”
Jason: “Love you too, bye.”
Tim found him within a minuet of Jason hanging up. “What’s up loser.” Tim was probably expecting the joking older brother act, but Jason just didn’t have it in him tonight. “Fuck off Tim, I want to be alone.” Tim looked taken aback at first. “Did you seriously use a grappling hook while dressed like that?” Jason judged Tim’s designer jeans and flannel combo. Both were heavily pre distressed. Clearly trying to hard to look like he wasn’t trying. Jason had done that too when he was Tims age so he couldn’t really say anything. Jasons boots made a satisfying clop clop sound as they walked. Tim was twisting his hands. He clearly wanted to say something, but was trying to keep it in. Which was odd for Tim. Usually he was so composed. Jason hated being next to Tim. It only reminded him of what had happened to him. Chronologically, Jason was two years older than Tim, but biologically, he was at least a year younger. It hurt to be reminded of the time he had lost. Of how he wasn’t really human. It was why Jason kept getting tattoos and going out to bars. He wanted to prove that he could, that he was 100% definiatly older than Tim. Even if they looked the same age. Well, if Tim wanted to say something, he could break the silence himself. Jason didn’t even want him here so he had no reason to interact at all. It took a block and a half before Time finally said something. “What did you get this time?” Get? Jason was confused. “Since when are you interested in alcohol?” Tim looked at him, quizzically, “No, your hand, it is bandaged, but that isn’t the family standard gauze, so tattoo…?” Jason barked out a laugh causing Tim to jump. “No, I punched a mirror earlier, I just grabbed what was near by. Plus that shit is way too expensive. The cheep stuff works just as well.” Tim’s eyes were the size of dinner plates by the end of the phrase. “It’s your week off, why were you out fighting near a mirror… Did you punch your own mirror?” Jason ignored Tim, he would see when they got back to Jasons place anyway so what did it matter. All the food he had left on the kitchen table to go bad, even though Alfred had been nice enough to drop it off for him. God Jason was such an asshole. Alfred did not deserve that treatment. Maybe Dick and Damian and Bruce, but not Alfred. “Hey Jason, could I get a sec with the coat….?” Jason glared at Tim. Why the fuck was he trying to take his coat. “What? Are you cold?”
“Yes Jason its below freezing. I didn’t bring any of my winter stuff because Roy sounded urgent. You’re more resilient to the weather than I am. So can I please borrow your coat. At least for the next block.”
Jason sighed and handed over the coat.
“Why did you grab such a light coat?” Tim was wringing his hands again. Oh, that was him trying to warm up his hands. “I don’t feel temperature any more” Jason said quietly. He ignored the look on his fake brother’s face. “Okay, but you can still get hypothermia, even if you don’t feel the temperature, you should be more careful, not less.” Tim was giving him the fucking look. Like he was a detective and he had just found a good mystery book. It was the same look Bruce got when he was hyper focused on a case. Jason grumbled and pulled the boy into the corner store at the end of the block. “Warm up, do you wanna snack?”
“Do they have anything vanilla flavored?”
Jason gestured to the plastic partition, “Yes I am sure they do, just look for it.” He was getting sick of this kids shit. He went to the talk through, “Uhh y’all got cigs?” The woman behind the counter glowered at him. “ID?” Her voice sounded like Bruces gravel driveway under Jasons motorbikes. Jason pulled out his wallet and passed the ID through. The woman let out a hrumph, “You sure look young for your age.”
“He gets that a lot.” Tim chirped. “Can I get a KitKat?”
“Chill pipsqueak, I’m helping your boyfriend with his cigarettes, then your snack. What kind you want?”
“What’s the cheapest” Jason shot back. The woman glared at him. She grabbed a random pack off the wall and scanned it in. “That’ll be $14.”
“Great can I get a KitKat as well.” Jason added on to the order. The woman grabbed one. “That’s a total of $16.50” Jason passed over cash and exact change. “Bye” and he pulled Tim out of the store with him.
“Hey, wait, my KitKat!”
“Right here, god you’re sheltered. That woulda been like a dollar cheeper if you coulda just kept your mouth shut.” Jason trudged down the middle of the road. It was a bit too late to walk on the sidewalk. “Tim, here, now.” Tim looked unsure about walking in the middle of the road, but did not complain. Jason was getting more and more annoyed with him. They fell into silence. The only noise was the street lights and the occasional breaking bottle. It was a nice and quiet night. “Jason…” Tim sounded timid. “What” Jason snarled. That was a bit mean of him. Tim took it in stride apparently because he launched into his question immediately. “Why didn’t you say anything when she called us boyfriends, is that another rule I don’t know?”
“No Tim, I just wanted to get out of there is all.”
“Okay… What else did you lose from the resurrection” God why the fuck was Tim so smart.
“None of your business” Jason refused to look at Tim until the reached his apartment.
Tim opened the door to Jasons apartment and his nose scrunched up. “God, Jason what the fuck.” Jason then remembered other people could smell. “Sorry” He felt embarrassed, not that he should be. It was a privilege for Tim to even see the inside of his apartment. But he should have remembered that humans can smell. The truth was he hadn’t cleaned the place in over a month, the trash was overflowing, and the air was completely still. He walked over to the window to open it so the smell could escape. Then started cleaning up. Tim flicked the main light on. Right another thing about him that wasn’t quite human. He liked to keep it off because then he didn’t have to see the absolute mess he was living in. Tim stood in the doorway, observing. “Do you have a heavier jacket” Tims voice broke over the sound of Jason half heartedly cleaning. Jason moved to the closet, “Not in here, but if you look around you’ll find it.” Tim pointed to something slumped over the back of the only chair in the room. It was also the only furniture in the apartment. “Is that it.”
“Yup” Jason smiled, he had been looking everywhere for it yesterday. He grabbed it. Tim grabbed it from him and put it on. “Hey! That’s-” Tim cut him off “Do you want my help, or am I going to have to tell Bruce about this” On the word this he gestured to the entire apartment. Jason paused for as long as he could. He knew it was probably a joke or some sort of prank, but frankly he could use the help “you can help…”
Tim worked on the kitchen Jason worked everywhere else. Honestly that was not quite fair of Jason. The kitchen was definitely the worst part of the mess, with the rotting food and all. But Tim didn’t seem to mind. After a good 45 minuets everything was cleaned up and put away. “Okay, thanks for helping me clean, what are you doing?” Tim was holding a broom and mop, and a bunch of cleaning supplies. “Where did you get those?” Jason was pretty sure he did not have any of that stuff. “I asked the neighbors. Mrs. Shelly is quite nice, you would like her. Or actually maybe her bright personality would burn you to death.” Jason was surprised. Tim usually wasn’t snippy with people, this was the meanest Tim had ever been. “You vacuum the carpet, I am going to start with the deep clean in here. Once you are done with the vacuum give it back to Mrs. Shelly and take the bags out. I should be done with the Kitchen by then so you can mop in here after. We will work on the bathroom last, I am sure it is like ten times worse than in here.” Jason nodded. Typically he would have protested any plan from Tim, but he was a bit dumbfounded at how far Tim was taking this. “Isn’t this a bit far for a prank Tim. Like I appreciate that you helped, but haven’t you gotten your kicks, like 45 minuets of cleaning, that’s a lot of time...”
“Jason, you may not believe me when I say this, but… you are my brother. No matter how much you hate that, or how much you don’t believe it, I will always help you clean your apartment. Not as a joke, but because I care about your well being.”
“Great so you think I’m a slob” Jason couldn’t help the venom in his voice. Tim ignored the comment and began to work on the sink. Jason plugged in the vacuum and began to roll it around the floor until it stopped making the crunching sounds of picking up dirt. He emptied it into a trash bag. “Which door is Mrs. Shelly?”
“To the left”
Jason knocked on the door. A portly older lady opened the door a moment later. “You must be Jason. Your brother said you needed help with cleaning. I am glad I could lend you the stuff.”
“Here” Jason shoved the vacuum and a twenty into her hands. “For the stuff we’re using.” Mrs. Shelly looked at the cash for a second before seemingly deciding it was too much work to argue with Jason. “Okay dear, well I am always here if you need help in the future okay.” She closed the door. Jason took the bags out. When he came back in Tim was already in the bathroom. “Why…… Jason? Why is the bathroom the only clean part of the apartment?” Tim asked stepping out into the main room. “Oh I got the mop already, just gave it back to Mrs. Shelly, what took you so long with the bags?”
Jason lied “Just zoned out a bit is all.” He could not let Tim know that he spent 10 whole minuets crying, even though he couldn’t define why he was hurting. “I spend a lot of time in the bathroom.”
“Even though you don’t bathe…”
“I bathe!”
“From the looks of it maybe twice a week at best.”
Jason had learned the hard way that people cared about how often you bathed, so he had gotten into the routine of doing it every Sunday and Wednesday. He didn’t really sweat anymore so it was more of a way to keep up appearances. Sure he had forgotten this week, but still. “As long as I don’t smell offensive I don’t see the point, it’s just another step in the day to day bullshit I have to do.”
Tim’s face stayed impassive. “Can I look at your wrist? I want to make sure you closed the wound properly.”
It felt like Tim was the older brother all of a sudden. “My wrist is fine.” Jason looked down and let out a soft oh. There was a gash from the heel of his palm up to his mid arm. “You punched through the mirror, the reason there was so much blood was because you cut open an artery. I’m shocked you are still alive.” Tim looked sad. “I’m not…” Jason paused before deciding he needed to tell someone anyone “I can’t die. I don’t really need to eat or sleep, I barely breathe. I can see in the dark and my hearing is a lot better. It didn’t make me physically stronger. Though I am starting to worry that my body might never age. Sometimes I can hear these… voices, like ghosts or something, just in my head. I can’t understand them… I don’t think I am human anymore.”
“So not a vampire?”
“Well, I still need to eat and sleep, just way less. Like I haven’t eaten yet this week and I still feel fine, more or less. And I still breathe, and I can like go in the sun and shit.”
“But you can’t die”
“At least not from loss of blood. I think it’s because that is how I died last time. I was still alive when Bruce found me, but only for a few seconds, I don’t even remember him being there, just that I felt his hands for a sec before I woke in the fucking pool.”
“Okay, let’s get your arm stitched back together. Sit.” Tim tapped the chair. Jason sat down and Tim pulled out a first aid kit. “You are always prepared, where even was that” Tim smirked and started to sew causing Jason to cry out “Fuck! Warn me.”
“So you still feel pain. But you didn’t notice the gash on your arm.”
“If I see it happening I can register that what is happening hurts me. It was something I was taught by the league of assassins. Same thing with smell actually. They want to make sure you can lie in wait for ever without getting distracted by pain or smells or sounds or really anything.”
“Done”
Jason face shot down to his arm, “That was fast.” Tim smiled. “I’ll be back next week to check your blood pressure and levels, If you still need blood, I will bring a transfusion as well.” Tim moved to leave, but paused by the door, “Hey Jason?” His voice was soft again, no longer leading the mission of getting Jasons life back on track. “I think you should get a bed. You can not continue to sleep in the bath tub.”