Work Text:
The warm afternoon light was shining trough the office window, inside only the sounds of a typewriter could be heard, steady and rhythmatic, the slander fingers kept moving until they heard the tower bell ring the passed hour. Albrecht looked up from his position to the clock on the opposite wall, it was late afternoon, 7 o'clock, and Friedrich still didn't show up. He knew that he had to train, now more then even since the winter championship was coming up, regardless he felt a bit mad that he couldn't spent more time with him. Over the course of the months Friedrich had became what he could describe as his best friend, although he wasn't sure if Friedrich regarded him the same, sure he knew he cared about him, but Friedrich seemed to be so outgoing with everybody, and everyone seemed to be, in a certain way, captured by his charm. Albrecht had to admit tho that his charm didn't consist of being a witty person but more of smile and his overall appearence. He resembled just what the country wanted, an Aryan, and he knew that that look came with favouritism. Although Albertch could tell that some boys at their institution look down on Friedrich for that, he himself didn't share their feeling. Sure sometime he wished he looked just a bit more like Friedrich, a bit more strong, taller, so maybe, he thought, he could be closer to a version of a son his father wanted. Also, he liked to use this excuse to justify his admiration for his best friend body, even tho, he knew, deep down, that that wasn't the case. More then one afternoon had he spent alone with what he was feeling, ultimately he already knew what it was, but he didn't like to dwell on it, mostly because he felt that he had already spent most of his life dwelling on it. It had all started long ago, way before he had met Friedrich, when he had joined his first summer at the Hitler-youth camp, where he had spent his first weeks away from home and with other boys his same age, in close quarters for days on end, and then the same thoughts would come to his mind when his father first enrolled him in a boarding school, where he would have been gone months from home. At that time tho, the boys that had cought his eyes were not his friends, and he didn't fear that his attraction would've runied their relationship, that be because there wasn't one, apart for the pure camaraderie one. This time tho he had formed a close bond with Friedrich, and a beautiful friendship had bloomed, and he, for nothing in the world, wanted to ruin it, even if that meant having his feeling oppressed for the rest of his life. Also, there were many reasons why he should kept his feeling to himself. Firstly, they were absolutely wrong, he knew it, he had learnt it his whole life, and he knew everybody felt disgusted by the thought of homosexuality, so they must be wrong, although he knew he couldn't ask nobody for help, so in the end he came to the conclusion that if he wasn't able to remove his feeling from himself then at least he wouldn't act on them; secondly, even if he trusted Friedrich with everything, he didn't want to dare and try his luck, the best case scenario was that he would stop being friend with him, or to beat him even, that still wasn't the wrost option, in the wrost case scenario instead he would have told a superior, which then of course would call his father, and he really didn't want his father involved in this; more often then not his father had talked about homosexuality, admist the other topic of conversetion related to his work, and on how this people deserved to be exterminated, that they were a danger to society and the right values, and of course he also pried himself in the many ways his job had help to clean Berlin from those people, and he feared his father, mostly because he knew his ways and he knew nothing would stop him to harm him, not even the fact that he was still his own son; lastly one of the biggest reason why he shouldn't tell Friedrich how he felt, was that Friedrich wouldn't have reciprocated the feeling, and so his stupid confession would've brought only problems. Admittedly all this reason vanished when he heard a knock on the door and soon after Friedrich was coming in the room, by that time, outside got dark and only the bright yellow lamp on his desk was a source for light, and as Friedrich entered in, the lamp bathed him in a beautiful amber light, that made his hair appear made of gold and his skin glow, and in that moment a beautiful smile appeard on his mouth and Albertch could do nothing but reciprocate that smile, while his stomach felt has he was being eaten alive and his mind felt lighter, almost blank; and just like that he would've loved to stand up and go and give a peck on Friedrich's lips; and just like that he had ammited to himself that he wanted to kiss him, and that scared him more than any thought he had ever had, and so he did what best he could do, or rather he oppressed his feeling and return to write the uncompleted articole on his typewriter.
"Sorry for beign so late, you know how it is lately..." The voice of the blonde fill the otherwise now silent room. He felt that something was wrong with his friend, but he couldn't really pinpoint it, tho, the confirmation that something was at best upsetting him come when Albrecht backed up with a simple hum his statement. "What are you working on?" Friedrich knew that Albrecht found it hard to talk about his struggles, often feeling not understood, tho, he did not want them to fall in silence, even if it had passed just a little bit of time since he had talked to him, he already missed Albrecht voice, he admitted to himself without shame.
"Nothing really important you know. Just writing the editorial for this week."
"Mmh, ok. And what about you private writings, did you had time to do something?"
"No." Albrecht lied, he had found time to write things, especially he had found time to write a poem, something simple, not to much complex. In it, he had wrote about their friendship, because in a world so sour as the one they were living in, it was the only sweet thing left. Still, he didn't feel that it was the right time to let his best friend read the poem, maybe one day, he thought, when he didn't feel his internal turmoil eating him alive. For the time being he wanted the room to fell silent and peace to regain it's control over his mind.
Their boots crunched on the heavy snow, making it all to difficult to walk. They had snuck out of the castle, they both needed fresh air and some peace of mind after all that had happen in those few days. They had already talked a bit, about how Albrecht could steer the situation in his favour, although they both knew that when his father had set his mind on something, nothing could make him change it, expecially if it was such an important matter as this one. For a moment Albrecht mentally laughed, for the first time in his life he had all of his father attention for himself. But then that moment passed as soon as it came, and he refocus his attention on the person, who in the past months, had occupied his thoughts. He knew now, that in a way or another he had little time left with him, and now it seemed like the perfect opportunity to share a little piece of his heart with him, expecially after how close they had been in that bathroom.
"Hey, Friedrich" At the call of his name the boy hummed and turned his whole attention to his friend. "I have something here, admittedly I had it for a long time, but now I thought it was the right time to show you."
"What is it?" Friedrich said, as Albrecht slipped a pice of paper in his hand.
"Just look at it."
And so Friedrich did as he was asked. Once he opened the paper he saw a poem, and soon he started reading it.
A ode to my undoing
Tremors and turmoil,
that’s what my world had been;
never had heaven seemed,
so crystalline.
Love and bloom,
all growing inside of me;
what a fool had I been,
the beginning of my doom.
All of my being
had then fallen into your domain,
a trap that brought me no bane,
your love so freeing.
I sat there and thought of you,
my dearest friend of all;
your love, such a cure,
that to you I'd always crawl.
He did not know how Friedrich would have reacted, to the exposure of the deepest part of his soul, still he wanted him to know, since he felt their time was almost up. To all the time it took Friedrich to read, Albrecht had decied to keep his head low and eyes to the ground, he had felt so brave when he had sliped that poem into his jacket before going out, so brave when giving it to him, but now, all that bravery had consumed itself, and he hung his head low. He knew that Friedrich, by that time, had finished reading, tho everything was still laying eerily quite around them, so much so that not even their breaths could be heard. Then, he heard a movement to his right and soon after he felt two strong arm hugging him as tight as possible, and he felt he could have done anything but exchange that gesture. They stood there, with their upper bodies pressed so close that they almost became one, so close that they could smell the odor from each other skin. So close that they could hear each other heartbeat. And then Friedrich, who had never been good with words, had said the most important words Albrecht had ever hoped to hear: "I love you."