Chapter Text
Father…please…just once…look at me…
…..Fa…th…er…..
Mordred Pendragon's final thoughts were of her trying one final time to grasp onto the light that enchanted her from the moment she first witnessed him(her). The Perfect King that she desperately loved with all her heart and just as desperately hated.
That very same love fueled hatred and the curse inlaid in her armor by her mother forcing her freshly dead body to rise once again and to strike down her beautiful Father. Thus completing her destiny of bringing down King Arthur and ending the last age of Fantasy.
….
……..
…How annoying…
Those were Mordred Pendragon's/my first thoughts as the memories of my first life returned to me. You know how it's a cliche that people's lives apparently flash before their eyes when they die? Yeah it didn't quite happen like that for me.
It was only when my heart finally stopped beating and the curse my Mother lovingly inlaid in my armor activated did I get my life review. I can only guess that since as a homunculus I didn't have much life to review or flashback in the first place that I got a little extra. I thought to myself as I stared at the smoke covered sky.
Even now the kingdom was still burning around us. Me and my men really were motivated in burning it all down I suppose.
This sucks. I got completely hoed on the whole reincarnation deal. I grumbled internally. When other people reincarnate they either start over immediately, at a young age, or at least at a key moment in their lives to completely turn their fates around. I think sourly. Me? I only get to remember my past life as I'm already fucking dying. This shit is so rigged. I rant internally. As I have nothing better to do before my brain also shuts down in a few minutes.
And even if that weren't the case I really doubt I could get up with the way this dumb spear is lodged in me. That's how you know this was completely rigged from the start. Father has a goddamn divine spear that tore through my enchanted armor like paper and all I got myself is a sword that never accepted me.
Although I did take him(her) down with me. So I frankly think that should count as my win because of how much of a disadvantage I had. Also reminder I'm fucking 8 years old(chronologically) and Father was in his mid thirties. I showed out.
Done (coping)Hyping myself and making myself feel better I think of other pressing matters. This is the world of one Kanoko Nasu right. That should mean I should be recorded in the throne of heroes right? …How exactly will that work? Will I just be stuck in my specific section as fragments of myself get summoned in the multiverse? Will this specific me get summoned and regular Mordred is the main spirit in the Throne. In which case maybe I should plan for the potential wars I get summoned to.
Hopefully it's not the Grand Order because that sounds like a huge hassle to deal with even if I'm not Ritsuka depending on how early I get summoned. And Apocrypha isn't that bad honestly, yay on me for watching it all with the homie that one night and my gacha addiction for playing FGO for years. I ruminate to myself as my eyes grow more hazy and the sky starts to fade. Should I start making plans now?
Screw it I've never been much of a schemer past life or not so regardless of where I potentially get summoned I'll just play it by eear. Besides I do have Instinct so it shouldn't turn out too badly. I finally decide before I feel it. No….
Feel HER
My Mother. The infamous Witchqueen of Brittania…Morgan le Fay.
Maybe it's our blood connection. Maybe I'm just going more loopy as my life fades but I'm sure of it. Mother is nearby.
My guess is proven as while my sight has begun to fail me. The one thing that's always been on my side in this life time and time again my instincts still alert me to her presence and then my basic ability to sense Mana picks up her presence near me.
No, not near me…near Father. Not moving an inch just staying there watching.
Moments pass before slowly the presence begins to move…to leave…Not once coming closer to my location.
Mother you...you really live up to your reputation. I think more glumly as now I can't even see. It's…its truly over isn't it.
If I could still stand…could still spea…No it doesn't matter anymore. Next time…next time……….I won't live and die only to…hold nothing again. As the sweet slumber of Death once more embraces me.
…
……yet……
Someone……….wanted otherwise……….
..............◇♡♤□●●▪︎▪︎♤♡●○☆..................
Right as my Mother passed my body, sparing it only a single short glance. An unreadable expression on her face. For the first time ever.
I.
Speak.
Up.
"Wow that's very hurtful. It seems that to the very end I was nothing more than a tool and pawn huh Mother. You don't even have the decency to pick up my body." I say as I slowly lean up. My eyes formerly sightless now once again clear. And beholding the shocked still form of my mother's back.
I groan as I try to get onto my feet only to spit up blood as my movement irritates my wounds or well wound. As everything else is paltry in comparison to Rhonomyniad even now still piercing my body.
"How…" Morgan says, as she fully turned around and was more shocked at the sight of me. Which to be fair makes sense who wouldn't be shocked at a speaking corpse.
"Well…let's just say Wrath and spite are excellent motivators." I grin darkly as I once again attempt to stand up only to fail again. Scowling I decide I'd have an easier time if I got rid of dear Ron first.
So that's exactly what I did. With my shocked mother as the only witness I grit my teeth and yank and pull Rhonomyniad out of my stomach. The sheer agony involved nearly made me pass out(Truly dieing) from the pain.
Yet I persevered and endured before finally with a shout I dislodge the spear and threw it at my mother's feet. "I may not be Father but isn't only right that since Father is…indisposed the son should return what was borrowed." I grin madly. As I take a step forward as Mother takes a worried step back.
"Right…Vivian" I faux whisper leaning forward as if telling a secret. That name of course gets an intense reaction as Mother's magical energy comes to full bare on my tattered body. As I nearly fall to my knees.
"Explain. How do you know that name" The undisguised threat in her voice and intense suspicion in her eyes only made me smile more madly.
"My my. Now that's an interesting look you have there Mother. But shouldn't you be saying something else to me?" I ask through gritted teeth but my smile remains. As I stand tall against the pressure.
"What?"
"Just two words."
"Thank you" I say sarcastically. This causing her to snort as a laugh bubbles from her throat.
"You've really grown more audacious haven't you…Mordred" She finally says my name. As the pressure reduces and she seems no longer as tense yet the suspicion I see in her eyes didn't abate but only grew stronger.
A suspicion I have no interest in dispelling.
"You die a couple times and it really puts things into perspective and leads to a few realizations." I say casually.
"And what exact realizations would that be?" Mother asks. As I lower my head and go quiet.
"Mother did you know …I hate you. With every fiber of my being. I hate you." I said quietly. Seemingly now calm with my head down. Not allowing her to see my face.
"...You're well within your right to do so but didn't you already hate me."She says after a pause. I blinked slowly at that…her tone…softened a little?. Something one wouldn't be able to catch or tell…but I had my years of experience living with and being raised by her.
"But I have a question…do you really know why I hate you mother? I sincerely doubt you do?" I asked as my head rose back up and I gave a gentle smile in the same calm tone. A smile yet the audible sound of screeching metal straining against metal as my gauntlet clad hands clenched gave away the storm raging fiercely inside my heart.
…This question rendered my Mother silent as she humors me and she thought about it. Pondering the question a bit as she thinks up then says a multitude of reasons I might have.
I shake my head with the same smile still on my face.
All completely wrong. And I tell her so, which only makes her more interested in my answer.
For you see this hatred and wrath burning in my veins is oh so freshly lit. A reason that over the course of my short life as Mordred I didn't grasp until just now. As I remembered everything I knew from before. As I understood. It had nothing to do with her manipulating me though that still annoyed me. For creating me and using me as a weapon against Arthur. From grooming me from birth to be the sword that slays Father.
While all valid reasons weren't enough to make me hate Morgan as I now understood exactly what she is. And the struggles of her conflicting roles and personalities. The injustice she's suffered since birth. So none of those things could make me truly hate her so.
No…There is only one reason why I so deeply hate Morgan.
A reason I now freely share.
"...."
Then I turn around and start walking slowly towards the golden mistwall nearby that's been calling out to me ever since I got back up. "Thanks for humoring me."
"...ha...haha...hahahahaha…HAHAHAHAHAHAHA" My mother begins to laugh and laugh madly. The pitch and tone grow all the more twisted and manic as she laughs herself hoarse. Eventually I hear her falling to her knees as she continues laughing.
Yet I continue to walk.
"Haha...Mordred." She laughs out. "Is that your reason for hating me?" She asks rhetorically.
"Mordred oh Mordred…you are truly my child." She says as her mad fit of laughter slows yet still doesn't end. As the words I whispered to her just a moment ago echoed in her mind again and again.
"The reason is simple. Till the very end Father refused to acknowledge me. My wrath,my rage,this entire Rebellion. It failed to enter his heart. He faced me with nothing but indifference even as he struck me down and I in turn struck him.
All this is the result of your scheming.
And yet
And Yet!
…I curse you mother. I curse you with Truth. May you never know peace.
You the witch queen anxiously plotting for the throne. You the wise fairy of the lake who offered him counsel. You who tricked him into breaking the codes of chivalry. You who gave him Avalon. You who time and time again plotted and schemed his demise and downfall....You who gave him the very weapon he used to strike me down. You who helped time and time again in his journey to reunite and heal Britannia. You who helped me once again remind this land of the horrors and desolation of war.
Father knowing all this…still loved you Mother. He saw you as his Dark mirror, a mother figure, a dangerous foe…but most of all even after all this he still saw you…as his beloved big sister.
Mother, I hate you…because even with everything you've done he loved your wretched self…yet he never once was able to share any of that same love with me!!!" As I finally looked up at her and she witnessed the nasty sneer engulfing my face. And understood and recognized…An ugly hatred and jealousy similar to that which eternally burned in her own heart the moment she learned Father was to be king. A hatred borne of maddening jealousy over that which could never be hers/A hatred borne of maddening jealousy over that which could never be mine.
Father's Love/The Crown
…I am truly the child of the Witch Morgan Le Fay.
As her pale hands fell onto the bloodstained earth the mad laughter slowly stopped. Right as I approached the purple mist wall.
"Where…where are you going?"
Huh...I guess she can't see it. It's just for me…how nice.
Silent for a moment I answer. "Hopefully somewhere where I can rest and fill my lonely heart. Or at least find some measure of peace before this body completely breaks down."
….
……..
"Haha…hahahahahaha." She laughs.
"You foolish child you were born without love, lived without love, and shall die without love. Filling your lonely heart? Finding peace? Such things are utterly impossible for a child as cursed as you." My mother sneered. "I created you to be a weapon, a tool to fulfill my ambitions, nothing more." She finished with a cruel smile trying to find witchlike joy at the pain those words caused me...or rather would have once caused me. But now I know better. Thus her smile falls rather quickly when I ask her a single question.
The most important question of both of our lives I'd imagine.
"Utterly impossible you say. Heh" I laugh, shaking my head "Isn't my current state the same?" I answered back.
"…"
"And nothing more you say…that is also interesting. If that's really the case why aren't I a complete clone of Father." I ask knowing I won't receive a real answer.
"What?"
"I said. Why. Aren't. I. A. Complete. Clone. Of. Father."
"…."
She won't answer me and I don't think she can answer. Why does her supposed weapon have so much free will? Why do I have her blood and was born from her if I was meant to be nothing more than a pawn. Why wasn't her plan always for me to kill Father instead of me taking the throne. That's the interesting thing…Mother planned for me to rule not her.
I guess her feelings for me are almost as complicated as her feelings for Father.
How pathetically amusing you are Mother.
Yet…all this no longer matters and I have no interest in discovering the answers."I Hate you Mother" I repeated again. "The same way you Hate Father" I added knowing she'd understand my final curse. My final truth.
"…Mordred?" She said shocked.
"Farewell Mother…may we never meet again" As I finally pushed through the wall of mist and entered never to be seen again.
…
…..
……..
"…………Hahahahahahaha" Morgan laughed again and again and again.
until her laughter shiftef and turned into desperate screams of pain. of joy. of loss. of despair.
As she bitterly sobbed. On that silent battlefield.
Completely
And
Utterly
Alone
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Well if nothing else…this is a nice change of scenery. Mordred remarks internally. And it truly was especially in comparison to the burning hill of Camlann.
This place, this new world that she'd found herself in. It was breathtaking…Though this place feels kind of…off. It felt broken. Is that why I'm here…to fix to save this world. Mordred wondered…If that's the case whoever summoned me made a big mistake. While Mordred the Saviour sounds nice it ain't exactly in my wheelhouse. My talents lend more towards killing and destroying than saving.
"…Eh, whatever. I'll deal with it as it comes." Mordred said aloud, giving up thinking about it further for now. "Wow, when did I become such a chatterbox? Man the other knights would be so shocked that Sit Mordred the Silent is such a chatterbox ." I laugh to myself.
Mordred The Silent they called me. If that's not indicative of how withdrawn I was I don't know what is. That and the excessive-
Dodge
My instincts screamed out to me. And I heeded their warning. In a blur of Crimson lightning I rolled onto my side and then backed up rapidly to create distance. Managing to just get out of the way of an axe swing aiming to cut off my ability to ever speak again.
Facing the unexpected foe I tense up…and grit my teeth in pain as even though I didn't get hit. The sudden movements and my instinctual use of Mana burst aggravated my injuries. Reminding me that even through whatever the process of getting me here entailed it didn't actually fix my body. Just offered a buffer and a good deal of relief.
Said relief fading rapidly from my actions as my tattered body twitched and spasmed in pain. I think quickly to myself. Okay good to know no more Mana burst until I figure out a way to heal myself. Another attempt at pushing myself like that and I'm done for good.
Moving onto other important matters I analyze my current foe as he slowly approaches. Some type of knight on horseback with an axe…Hmm if I throw Clarent and slice through the horses legs? I then clenched my hands on…Nothing.
Dammit I dropped behind Clarent and left my armor. I realized as I heard a wild neigh come from the horse as it lunged at me. As the also knight spun their axe in tandem with the horse.
Cursing I'm forced to jump backwards. Though I'm not done yet as I immediately lunge forwards catching the knight off guard as I try to punch him off his steed to reduce his mobility. This sadly failed as he blocks the hit with his shield although the force of my hit still sends him and his horse back a few steps giving me more room to breath.
I'm really fucked up aren't I. If I was in proper shape that single hit would've been enough to pulverize him.
I'm not given much more time to think before the horse lunges again but this time I'm more ready. I lean under the knight's swing and the horses charge and before it completely passes me I punch out.
Hitting the horse directly on its side as it yells in pain. And I back up before the knight has a chance to do anything. Sending even further away they pausse. That hit seemed to them both more cautious in approaching me as i proved that my hits can hurt them even if a little bit so they don't immediately lunge at me again. Instead they slowly circle around and watch me closely. Buying me a few precious seconds to think and strategize.
Well well well. First day here and I'm already in a Life and Death struggle. No weapons, no armor. Just my broken body…and all the remaining Mana I can safely muster...
…Wait…I got it....
Smirking to myself I start to put my plan into action.
"Okay bigboy…Let's Dance"
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So do all people here burst into golden smoke and leave golden energy behind? Or was that just him. I think to myself after killing Mr Axe knight(and his horse). A fight that I nearly lost if not for my near suicidal final attack. That frankly if not ending me but should've knocked me out but...That mist...that golden energy did something to me. I can feel as it rests within me and yet it feels almost dormant. Like it needs to be fully activated to show its full effects.
Though that doesn't matter. I won. Even though I don't look so triumphant. Looking more akin to some of the fallen corpses I've seen and probably smelling far to similar too.
Even so...I have to laugh.
"Haha..hahahahahaha." And I laugh madly. My first battle in a new world and I'm completely spent. My body aches badly every now and again from pain. My hands…I can't even feel them as they twitch and spasm still pulsing with my faint echoes of my lightning. And I have just the faintest feeling that if I don't find a way to properly patch myself up in the next couple hours. Thats it I really will just drop dead.
I love it. The pain, the exhaustion, the growing feeling of death approaching. All signs telling me…that I'm not dead yet. Not the most majestic or pretty sight to see I imagine but hey life's all about it's ups and downs anyway.
I am a bit sad though. I kind of wanted to keep that axe but I can't carry it in my current state. My current lack of weapons was irritating and a fuckoff giant gold axe seemed like a fun time. Maybe I'll double back later and get it. Who knows it could be the start of my own personal armory. I think to myself as I walk or more like limp in a random direction. Though not so random as I feel a certain pull.
.....
I don't know how long I've been walking or how much time passed before I make it. To an empty clearing with an unlit campfire. Though my attention isn't on the campfire. It's on the shimmering golden light hovering above it.
Finding a nearby log I sit on the ground and rest against it. Resting my eyes as a sense of peace comes over me. Though not completely falling into the land of dreams as that would be mighty dangerous in my current state.
Hovering in between the waking world and the dreaming. I begin to recall…to remember. Not a lot but a little bit of a conversation I can't fully recognize but feels very important comes back to me.
Sincerity for Sincerity. My Strength for your Heart. I refuse to once again give my everything over to someone for their motives and goals and be left not holding anything again.
So if you want me...I want you.
….
………
•●●□♤♤♡♡■□●●○
...Oh Hello there little voyeur.
I end my little recollection and come back to full wakefulness as I tilt my head. My eyes remained closed, as I still leaned back against the log.
"It seems every hour I stay here I further prove my Mother wrong. Everyone wants a piece of me it seems." I say into the cool air still not opening my eyes.
"So..." And here I open my left and stares hard at the figure she'd long since felt was watching from afar. As they seem to fade into existence a few feet away from her. Appearing on the opposite side of the fire. It's light doing strangely little to reveal the identity of the one underneath the hood.
Mordred's own little stalker. They'd been watching her ever since she exited the cathedral no...a little before she left the cathedral actually.
"…What business do you have with a dead man like me?" I finally ask. My rather calm and even bored sounding tone did not do much to hide the danger in my words. Any sudden moves, even something said the wrong way and I'd pounce. Striking at the masked figure with everything my dilapidated and ruined body had left to bear.
"…"
Sensing the implicit warning the figure remains silent for a moment. Staring at Mordred as Mordred stared back with one eye open.
Breaking the silence, the masked figure finally speaks."Greetings one from...far beyond the fog. I come with no hostile intentions " A female voice emerges from underneath the hood. The now revealed woman continues as she reaches up and slowly pulls off her hood. "My name is Melina...and I'm merely here to offer you an accord".
"Hmmm…that sso"I say as I open up both of my eeyes.The now named Melina in turn gave her full attention and doesn't budge an inch. To an extent even matching Mordred's own smoldering gaze and not shying away for even a moment. Oho I think I like her. I grin "Then tell me miss Melina…all about this accord of yours"
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