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Määnin sat on the passenger seat of Mrs. Börns and waited for Tommy who had walked into S-Market Vörå a few minutes ago. It was quite late in the evening. The parking lot was dark and mostly empty of other cars. The bright lights from the store reflected in the puddles on the asphalt. Raindrops kept tapping the roof of the car in a constant but uneven rhythm. Määnin was subconsciously contributing to it by tapping his fingers on the center console while keeping his eyes focused on the store's entrance. He only wanted to see Tommy walk back out.After another minute or two, his wish was granted. The neutral expression softened and a tiny but real smile sneaked onto Määnin's face when he saw Tommy again. The cold glow of the store framed him from behind almost perfectly.
"Tommy,"
Määnin breathed out the name before he could even think about it. He liked the sound of it. But, way too soon the moment got shattered and his smile replaced with a frown when he saw how someone walked out of the store after Tommy, quite clearly following him.
From where he was, Määnin couldn't quite make out who the other person was. That is, until Tommy's arm was grabbed and he got forcibly turned around. Right then, the person following Tommy got caught in the bright light, and Määnin was able to recognize him. Håkan, of course. Tommy had complained about him many times in the past.
Right outside the store, Tommy wanted nothing more than to walk across the quiet parking lot to where Määnin was waiting for him. He had walked past Håkan in the store and was perfectly aware that he had been followed outside. Still, Tommy did his best to ignore the other man, no matter how hard it was for him to keep his mouth shut.
"Why are you still here?"
A quiet, almost threatening voice growled behind him. Tommy's shoulders tensed right away, but he bit his lip and tried his hardest to bite back the words that were threatening to break out.
"You should have left a long time ago."
Tommy was able to pick up on just how much Håkan detested him. But then again, that was nothing new. Håkan had kept telling Tommy to fuck off from Vörå for as long as he could remember. Tommy drew in a sharp breath from between his clenched teeth and kept biting his lip, almost hard enough to draw blood. He pulled himself free and started walking again.
Don't say anything. Don't stop. Just walk straight to the car. To Määnin. Then you'll be okay.
It wasn't fair that Tommy was constantly being pressured into leaving. He didn't want to go anywhere else, he loved Vörå and couldn't see himself settling down anywhere else. He would live and die there.
Against his better judgement, Tommy stopped but still kept his back turned. Had he been any wiser, he would have kept walking instead of choosing to pour fuel into whatever fire burning right behind him. And the next thing he knew, some words were already spilling out of his mouth before he could stop them.
"I'm a Vööbåo who loves Määnin..!"
Tommy tried defending himself from Håkan.. and turned around to face him.
"Why do you care so much about what I am or do? Don't you have a life of your own?"
Every single word had some extra bite to it, as if to hide just how effortlessly Håkan was getting past all of Tommy's defenses. Unfortunately, Håkan knew exactly that Tommy was nowhere near as thick-skinned as he always tried to pretend.
"Because there's no space here for people like you,"
Håkan said just like he had said at least one too many times before. And then he pushed Tommy back with a forceful shove in the chest. Tommy stumbled back a little but didn't lose his footing. Inside the car, Määnin felt some anger flare up inside him. But before he could do anything more than to dig his fingernails in his jeans, Tommy had seemingly collected himself and kept making his way to the car, without turning to look back if he was still followed. But Määnin could see that Håkan remained where he was, letting Tommy go. Maybe he was aware that he was being kept a close eye on and didn't want to deal with Määnin's fury.
Tommy kept his eyes cast down as he approached Mrs. Börns. This didn't change even when he opened the door and got in. He didn't say anything, either. His silence was really unusual and worrisome. It was easy for Määnin to see how he was trembling.
"What was that about?"
Määnin broke the silence, even if he already knew the answer. With Håkan it was always only about one thing.
"Let that asshole run his mouth. There's no one else in this car except us. It's just you and me, Tommy."
"He.."
Tommy finally made the effort to speak and took one, unsteady breath.
"He told me to leave Vörå. Like always. But I.. I don't want to go anywhere."
The anger Määnin had felt only minutes ago, tried to raise its head once more. Despite this, he did his best to stay calm for Tommy.
"We're not going to,"
he swore firmly, earning a glance from Tommy.
"Vörå is our home and always will be. If someone should leave, it's him."
After forming some kind of contact with Tommy, Määnin pulled him closer into a tight, grounding embrace. At least as well as the limited space allowed him to. Tommy leaned into it after only a fraction of hesitation. He didn't know if Håkan was still there. And he didn't want to know, either.
As if he'd sensed what was going through Tommy's mind, Määnin said:
"No one else's opinions matter inside this car, right, Toms? It's just us against the world in here."
Tommy nodded and nuzzled his head a little firmer into Määnin's chest.
After he'd listened to Tommy's steadying breaths for a few minutes, Määnin rubbed his back and said:
"Let's switch seats."
Tommy then pulled away with a confused look on his face.
"Why? I can still drive."
His voice, however, lacked the usual confidence. Maybe because of this it didn't take much for Määnin to convince him. Määnin got out of the car and walked around while Tommy scooted over the center console.
"Let's get out of here, Toms,"
Määnin then said after he'd taken Tommy's place on the driver's seat.
"Where.. Where are we going?"
Tommy's voice was barely louder than a whisper, but at least it was mostly steady.
"Home.. We're going home."
The drive back home was mostly spent in silence as both men were lost in their thoughts. The air was thick with the smell of a pine air freshener and damp denim. All blended with a scent that could only be described as Määnin. Tommy leaned his forehead against the cool window and looked at the raindrops still running down on it, leaving varying tracks on the glass. He could faintly feel Määnin place a hand on top of his. Tommy smiled at the window and the dark landscape on the other side of it. He might not have been able to say how much that gesture meant to him, so he could only hope that Määnin knew it already.
After they'd returned home and gotten into the safety and warmth of the apartment, Tommy stopped to kick off his sneakers.
"Määnin.. I'm.. I think I'm going to take a quick shower,"
he then said and already took the first steps toward the bathroom door.
"Want me to come with?"
Määnin asked. And as tempting as it did sound, Tommy shook his head.
"I won't take long."
The moment Tommy had gotten to safety of their bathroom, he leaned his back against the door for a short while and just focused on his breathing. He only moved once his heart wasn't threatening to burst right out of his chest. He took off his clothes and left them on a messy pile on the tiled floor.
After stepping under the shower and turning on the warm water, all he could do was sit down and pull his legs close to his chest. He'd only sat still and let the water wash over him for a few minutes when he could feel how his walls started to break. There was something so comforting about it that he just couldn't stay strong any longer. At least his tears would easily get hidden, and hopefully the occasional sobs would be drowned out by the steady sound of running water.
Tommy had lost all track of time, but eventually he got pulled out of the deepest corner of his mind by a knock on the door.
"I thought you said you weren't going to take long.."
Määnin already begun to say but the words died down as he stepped into the bathroom. It was almost filled with steam. In the furthest corner, still sitting under the shower, he saw Tommy who was resting his head on his knees and just letting the water rain over him.
"You.. You okay, Toms?"
Määnin asked. He didn't get an immediate answer and wasn't even sure if Tommy had heard him.
"I'm so tired.."
Tommy finally sobbed as he lifted up his head a little. His eyes were still obscured and cast down. Unable to see them, Määnin found himself focusing on the soaked strands of hair sticking to Tommy's forehead, instead.
Tommy wasn't talking about being just physically tired, Määnin knew that. There was much more to it, too. Määnin stepped even closer to the shower corner and reached in to turn off the water. When Tommy still didn't move, Määnin grabbed Tommy's towel before returning to the man.
"You need a hand?"
Tommy didn't respond but finally lifted up his head and reached out in Määnin's general direction. Määnin met him more than halfway and pulled him, being careful enough that Tommy wouldn't slip on the wet floor. Once Tommy was safely on his feet, Määnin put the towel around him and even dried him off while Tommy just merely existed and let it happen. He was simply focusing on breathing and how good he felt in that moment, with Määnin taking care of him.
Once he was mostly dry, Määnin wrapped the towel around him and led him out of the bathroom.
"Where are we going..?"
he just about managed to ask, each word heavy with sleep that was already sneaking in. He hoped he could just go to bed and sleep through the night without any interruptions. Which was why Määnin's next words were the best ones he'd ever heard.
"I'm taking you to bed. You look like you need it."
Määnin wasn't exactly wrong. Tommy quietly held onto two of his fingers and allowed himself to be led straight to the bedroom. It was quiet and pleasantly dark. Tommy was barely able to make out the silhouette of Cadillac who was already asleep on the foot of the bed.
Tommy let the damp towel fall off his hips and land on the floor as the two got in bed together. There was no bravado left in him, just some shameless vulnerability and the need to be physically as close to Määnin as possible.
Moments after they'd settled down on the bed, Määnin wrapped his arm around Tommy and pulled him close. It was still raining outside, both of them could hear the raindrops hit the window, but it didn't matter. In the bedroom they would stay comfortable and safe. Tommy immediately leaned in closer, getting straight in Määnin's personal space and snuggled tightly against him, focusing on the warm feeling of the body by his side. Out of the two of them, Tommy had always burned brighter but he knew that he could always rely on Määnin when he needed it the most.
"No one's going to get to us here,"
Määnin promised in a whisper as Tommy's eyelids fell shut. It was most likely the last thing Tommy heard just before he fell asleep. His breathing was gradually slowing down. His arm was slung across Määnin's bare chest, fingers loosely brushing against the bed sheets.
The next morning was slow and lazy. About two hours after waking up, Tommy was slumped over the coffee table in their living room, his head resting on his crossed forearms. It was far from a comfortable position. He was staring at a blank page of his notebook, had been for some time now, and slowly twirled a cheap blue ballpoint pen between his fingers. The loud, charismatic vocalist who always knew how to take the stage was completely missing right now; he just looked and felt exhausted, squeezed dry of what little energy he'd had left after yesterday.
He had an empty coffee mug next to him. On the couch by his side was his cap. He'd taken it off and run a hand through his hair multiple times since then. As a result it was now a fluffed up mess. It was clear that Tommy had almost furiously tried to focus on songwriting but Håkan still lingered somewhere in the back of his mind and kept stressing him out.
"I don't think there's anything more to write about cars,"
Tommy complained to Määnin who just came back from the bathroom.
"I mean, we've sung about the Volvo and the Cadillac. We've sung about hangover, and I don't know how many unique songs we could even make about Vörådagan. My brain is completely empty. I give up."
Tommy groaned and let the pen fall from his hand.
"Maybe you're just tired, Toms. Yesterday was.. a lot, and now you've been sitting there for two hours."
Määnin didn't tell him to get back to work. Instead, he sat down next to Tommy. Then, with a slowness that felt so familiar, he reached over and ran his fingers through Tommy's hair.
"Mmh.."
Tommy sighed in what sounded like a half hum, half moan. He was still feeling a little lost and confused as his mind was still trying to run despite tripping all over itself. He breathed out, leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes. His tense shoulders relaxed almost instantly.
"You know, you'll figure out the new song eventually,"
Määnin reminded him calmly.
"You always do. And, if all else fails, you can always sing more about me,"
he added with a smirk and lightly elbowed Tommy.
"That has never been a problem to you before. Or you can make a song about our cat. Cati-cati-cati-cati-ca-catillac."
Tommy smiled at this and again leaned against Määnin. Suddenly he felt a whole lot better.