Chapter Text
Strips of morning sunlight filtered in through the dark curtains, illuminating the room in a soft, golden glow. Flickies chirped outside, the only sign of the world waking up from the isolated cabin in the woods.
Shadow awoke sluggishly, dragged out from his dream. Flashes of blue fur, green eyes and bright smiles danced behind his eyes as he blinked them away, gaze blearily focusing on the cold, empty space in the bed beside him.
The blissful fantasy shattered like glass as he gradually gained consciousness, painful memories flooding back all at once and the deep heaviness in his chest that he’d become accustomed to settled like it did every morning when he woke.
The only time he felt at peace these days were in his dreams, where he wasn’t aware of his state of consciousness and would re-live some of the best memories of his life. It would never last long, though; following him waking up in the morning, the immediate crashing of his emotions, a forceful reminder every day and night, in dreams and wake, of what he’d once had and lost.
Waking up was always the worst part of his day.
More often than not, Shadow woke up wishing he hadn’t. He wished he could just live in his dreams forever, or just simply die peacefully in his sleep so the last thing he saw was the entity of his dreams, the very reason behind his constant heartache.
This morning in particular was especially difficult for him to even open his eyes, let alone get out of bed. Shadow rarely kept track of the date anymore, but somehow every year that slowly passed by, he happened to remember this day every time.
As it was on this day, one hundred and thirty-eight years ago, the last time he saw him.
Shadow grudgingly sat up, scooting to the edge of the bed and letting his legs hang over the side. He gazed down at the floor, and—not for the first time, and certainly not the last time—questioned his own existence.
Immortality was a curse. Having no choice but to live on while he watches his loved ones age and die, one by one. He knew it was a bad idea to get close to anyone, knowing this would be the outcome, yet, some people were so persistent on attaching themselves to him, he couldn’t help it.
Sometimes he regrets it. Having already lived through the traumatic death of his sister long before he outlived everyone else, he knew he never wanted to go through that pain again. Consequently, it’s his own fault for letting himself get close to them.
But most of the time, he’s glad it happened. As depressed and remorseful as it makes him, he wouldn’t give up the times he spent with them for anything.
He was worried he’d eventually forget them as the years passed. But even after one hundred and thirty-eight years, he still remembers all of them.
Maria, Rouge, Amy, Cream, even Tails. And of course, Sonic.
The blue blur. The hero of Mobius. Fastest thing alive. Shadow’s biggest rival.
And the love of his life.
It’s been one hundred and thirty-eight years since he last saw him. And he would do anything just to see him again.
Some days were harder than others. He got by fine most of the time, but other times, he really struggled. Particularly on days like today, the anniversary of Sonic’s death.
He thought that time would fix his broken heart. That he would move on after enough time had passed. But even after so many years, it still hurt all the same. He still missed him.
The pain got better, sure, but it never went away. It was harder the first few years, the wound still fresh, his mind plagued by nothing but memories everywhere he went. It was excruciating.
As time went on, the pain dulled from unbearable agony to a low ache. He stopped waking up in tears. He no longer spent hours each day staring blankly at the wall. He began leaving the house more, even if it was to wander aimlessly through places where his friends used to exist.
He was still hurting inside, but it was tolerable.
More years went by, and one by one, the rest of the Mobians he had spent years of getting to know and forming relationships with, passed away.
Until eventually, he was all alone.
As an introvert, Shadow preferred being alone than in the company of others most of the time. But it wasn’t until he was actually, completely, truly alone for the first time since waking up from stasis and meeting this chaotic group of Mobians that he realised that maybe being all alone isn’t as nice as he thought. At least, when they were still around, he had the choice if he wanted to spend time with them or have time to himself.
Now, he has no choice.
Rouge wasn’t there to chatter on and gossip while he listened silently, appearing uninterested although he always liked to hear what she had to say. His best friend who was always there for him when he needed her.
Amy wasn’t there for them to bond over their shared love of pop music. Their friendship was unexpected to him, but once he got used to her, he always appreciated her presence. Her sweet personality was infectious.
Cream wasn’t there for him to join on quiet afternoons, where she would show him around her garden and make flower crowns with him. He had picked up gardening as a hobby thanks to the time he spent with the young rabbit he was always so fond of.
Tails—the fox that after some time, Shadow grew close to—wasn’t there for him to randomly join him in his workshop and help him with his projects in either a comfortable silence or chatting away about nerd stuff while Sonic just rolled his eyes fondly. The quality time spent between the three of them together is one of the things Shadow surprisingly misses the most.
And then of course, Sonic.
Cocky, annoying, stupid, beautiful Sonic.
There was no Sonic to race or spar with and bicker over who won. No Sonic to challenge him, push him to his limits or annoy the crap out of him. No Sonic for him to hold hands with on the way back home even after nearly kicking each other’s teeth in. No Sonic for him to cuddle into every night and wake up still in each other’s arms every morning. No Sonic to comfort him through his night terrors, to help him during panic attacks. No kisses shared between whispers in the dark.
He felt like he never fully appreciated what he had until it was gone.
Shadow walked down the familiar overgrown path, flowers in hand. Lavender, for it had always been his favourite; Sonic would always gift it to him after knowing that fact. It soothed him, the scent a reminder of quiet moments shared between the chaos. And sunflowers, because they always reminded him of his lover. Tall and unapologetically vibrant, always standing out, bringing warmth with him wherever he went.
The closeknit trees finally opened up into a wide space. Shadow paused momentarily, inhaling deep as he gazed out at the hundreds of graves spread out before him in the late morning sun. This specific cemetery existed at the edge of the woods, on the outskirts of town, a place Shadow had become well acquainted to over the years.
He continued on, passing several headstones until he reached the one he was looking for. He glanced at the other headstones surrounding it as he slowly passed by, catching glimpses of the familiar names engraved. Finally, he stopped in front of the one sitting in the middle of this distinctive section of graves.
Sonic the Hedgehog.
Shadow stared down at the headstone. It was one he’d visited so frequently over his many years of existence, but over the past decade or so rarely visited except on days such as Sonic’s birthday, death day, or their wedding anniversary.
Sonic had wished to be with all his friends; therefore, they were all buried alongside him, with the hero in the centre, surrounded by the people he loved most.
Shadow knelt down, carefully setting the flowers at the base of the headstone. The lavender’s soft purple contrasted gently with the bright, bold sunflowers.
He then lowered himself to sit beside them, leaning his back against the warm stone. He angled his face towards the sun and closed his eyes.
He stayed like that for a while, listening to the gentle rustle of leaves and birds singing in the trees above. Distant memories drifted through his mind; soft laughter echoing through the years, the brush of fingers over his own, the silly arguments and quiet reconciliations that always followed. There was an ache in his chest, but also a peace in knowing he’d loved so fiercely, even if it meant hurting now.
He found himself smiling softly, threading his fingers through the grass, feeling the earth beneath his gloved hands.
“Hey, Sonic,” he murmured. “It’s been a while. I hope you’re still taking care of everyone up there, like you always did.” He let his fingers brush over the soft petals. “I brought our favourites, just like always.”
He let out a soft huff of laughter, finally opening his eyes. “I know you’d probably tease me for talking to a stone, but sometimes this is the only time I ever really talk. Being alive for over two hundred years gets rather lonely after a while. And sometimes, I feel like this is the only way you can hear me. Or the only way I can continue to exist without going insane. I still miss you, even after all this time. You’d think I’d get used to it after so many years.”
He sighed. “But I don’t think I ever will.”
A gentle breeze blew by, ruffling his quills.
“Sometimes, I forget the sound of your voice,” he admitted, the words catching in his throat. “It used to echo in my head every day. I could hear it in my dreams. But lately…it’s harder to remember. It’s like time is trying to erase you, bit by bit, and I can’t let it.”
His gaze fell to the flowers by his side.
“I still feel you all the time. In the sun, the stars, the wind, even the water. You’re everywhere. The house is still full of memories of you. I’m afraid that if I change it too much, or create new memories there, your presence will vanish, and…I just can’t let you go.”
A small, bittersweet smile tugged at his muzzle.
“I’ve lived too long, Sonic. Longer than anyone should. The world’s changed so much I barely recognise it anymore. I wonder what you’d do, what you’d think, if you saw the world as it is today. I know I don’t come here as much these days, mostly because I’ve been trying to finally put the past behind me.” He shook his head fondly. “You’re impossible to get over, Faker.”
He paused, voice growing quieter. “I wish I could’ve joined you back then. I would give up everything if it meant growing old and dying alongside you. I know I…promised you I would protect the world after you were gone, but there is nothing left for me to do here.”
He let out a shaky breath. “I know you’d be proud of me, for everything I’ve done, and for sticking it out for so long. But…” He swallowed thicky. “I don’t know how much longer I can do this for.”
For a long while, he didn’t move. Just sat there, letting the sunlight warm his quills.
He looked back up to the sky. “You used to say that souls don’t really die, they just find new ways to live. I hope you were right. I hope that wherever you are, you’re running free. Maybe you’re going on new adventures, with all your friends. I hope you’re happy. And whether it’s today or another two hundred years from now, I hope I’ll see you again someday. I love you, Sonic. Always have, always will.”
Finally, he pushed himself to his feet, brushing dirt from his gloves. He placed a hand on top of the headstone, taking one last look at it. For a fleeting second, he almost imagined he could hear Sonic’s laughter in the wind. He smiled wistfully.
“Say hi to Maria for me.”
With that as his parting words, he turned, his fingers lingering on the stone for a second longer before falling away as he headed back into the woods.
He pondered what he would do for the rest of the day as he strolled back through the forest in peaceful silence. He didn’t normally do much on Sonic’s death day other than talk to his grave and reminisce about his time with the hero. He figured today would be no different.
It doesn’t seem right, Shadow thinks, that he’s spent more time without Sonic than with him. He’s lived for two hundred and eighty-seven years (including the fifty years in stasis), and only a portion of that time was with the love of his life.
He knows he’ll never love again.
Despite Sonic insisting that Shadow must move on and find love again after he’s passed, Shadow knew it was impossible. Sonic was it for him.
He’ll never find another like him. He didn’t want to.
If he can’t have Sonic, then he doesn’t want anyone at all.
He breathed in the fresh air as dirt and leaves crunched beneath his air shoes, ears twitching as he listened to the serene sounds of nature around him. His heart felt heavy, as it did every time he visited that cemetery.
He wondered if the ache will ever fade, or if remembering would always be this bittersweet. Still, he wouldn’t trade those memories for anything, even if they hurt. Each visit reminded him that love and loss went hand in hand; one could not exist without the other.
He was just nearing the hidden trail that would lead him off the main path and to his house when he heard it.
Laughter.
It wasn’t just any kind of laughter. It was a specific, loud, unique laughter with a mischievous sort of edge to it, like the person it belonged to had a knack for teasing others and getting into trouble. It was infectious, the kind of laugh that made anyone who heard it want to join in.
A very familiar kind of laughter.
Shadow paused mid-step, his breath catching. For a moment, he wondered if his mind was playing tricks on him, especially after what he’d just been thinking about mere minutes ago. But as he listened, the laughter rang out again, unmistakeably real, carrying on the wind.
The sound was so specific and recognizable, that even though Shadow hadn’t heard it in many, many years, he knew that no matter how long it’s been, he could never forget it.
But he also knew, that despite how similar it sounded, it was impossible for it to be the exact same laughter.
Yet…he couldn’t help himself.
He broke off into a sprint in the direction the noise was coming from, the world narrowing down to that single, echoing sound. His ears twitching to follow it, he weaved through the trees and swerved around bushes, finally coming to a stop at the top of a small hill. Further away, at the bottom of the hill, a colourful group of Mobians mingled together. They appeared to be having some sort of gathering; a table full of food, chatter and laugher filling the air, the atmosphere nothing less than bright and cheerful.
That familiar sound Shadow had heard a minute ago was gone.
Still, he scanned the Mobians below, searching almost desperately for the source of that laughter. The figures all blurred together as he tried to pinpoint any one of them that stood out, the one his heart insisted must be there.
None of them did.
No vibrant blue fur, no spiky quills, no brilliant green eyes.
No contagious laughter.
Shadow huffed, shaking his head at himself, disappointment settling in his gut. What did he expect? Of course he wasn’t going to see him. It was impossible.
He turned around with his head low, about to leave and finally go home, frustrated at himself for ever having such a foolish thought, for getting his hopes up for something he knew to be impossible. He must’ve been so lost in the memories that he thought he heard it in real time.
A whoosh of air, the sound of feet hitting the ground at an alarming speed before a force crashed into Shadow, knocking him down. He landed on his rear in the soft grass, disoriented.
“Shit, sorry man!”
Shadow blinked at the gloved hand suddenly thrust into his face. He raised his own without thinking, about to grasp the one extended out to him, before he got a look at the face behind it.
The face was hard to see at first, the sun behind it momentarily blinding Shadow, before the stranger moved their head slightly to the side, directly in front of the sun, blocking the light so his features finally came into focus. He was a hedgehog, if those spiky blue quills were anything to go by. Bright green eyes twinkled mischievously down at him, a wide, crooked grin spread out across a peach-coloured muzzle, which matched the fur on his arms and chest.
The glow of the sun behind his head made him seem angelic, a golden halo encircling him, lighting him up physically in all the ways Shadow knew he was internally.
For a second, Shadow was convinced he was dead. He had died, and now the love of his life was reaching out to him, to take him to the afterlife, reunited at long last.
He cautiously took the hand still offered out to him. He felt it, the pressure of their gloved hands pressed together very much real, as he was pulled to his feet.
Once he was standing face to face with the other hedgehog, their hands still grasped, the angelic illusion dissipated. The golden glow around the stranger muted. Shadow realised he was still standing there, on the grass atop the small hill, surrounded by trees. The group of Mobians were still clustered at the base of the hill, their voices drowned out by the fog clouding his mind.
Nothing had changed.
Which meant he wasn’t dead.
His next bet was that he must’ve hit his head really hard and now he was hallucinating.
But the feel of the other hedgehog’s hand in his was still there and tangible. He stared at him, waiting for him to disappear, to wake up to all of this being a dream.
The other hedgehog’s grin never dimmed.
“Sorry about that! Are you alright?”
Shadow’s rapidly beating heart only increased in velocity at hearing that voice. Slightly raspy with a teasing lilt to it, sounding like he’s always seconds away from laughing.
He knows that voice all too well, how could he think he’d ever forget it?
There was no way this was actually happening.
The way too familiar blue hedgehog tilted his head at Shadow’s lack of response, smile never fading but switching to confused. His eyes flicked down to where their hands were still clasped before flitting back up to his face, his grin returning to bright and friendly, as if unphased by Shadow’s odd behaviour.
“I’m Sonic, Sonic the Hedgehog!”
Shadow dropped his hand as if he’d been burned. He took a step back, eyes widening. He raked his eyes up and down the other, taking in every detail of him. Every single feature matched perfectly.
“No. No, you’re not.”
The blue hedgehog frowned, confused smile sliding back into place.
“Huh?” He placed his hands on his hips. “Are you okay, man? You look like you’ve seen a ghost or somethin’.”
Shadow took another step back, his breaths coming out in quick, sharp bursts.
“This is impossible—you’re not—” Shadow didn’t finish. He kicked his air shoes to life, spinning around and skating away in a flash of gold.
He escaped into the forest, pushing himself as fast as he could, taking himself further away from that strange hedgehog who claimed to be someone who hadn’t been alive in over a century.
There was no way it was him. Sure, he looked exactly like him, sounded the exact same, even happened to have the same name and seemed to match him in speed by the way he’d crashed into him. But it was impossible.
Sonic the Hedgehog has been dead for over a hundred years. He and all their other friends, they were all long gone. Shadow has been alone for a long time. How was it that he had just met his doppelganger, that not only looked like him, but seemingly shared every single characteristic of his Sonic down to his literal name and trademark speed?
Shadow knew that if he doesn’t wake up at any moment, he just had to have been hallucinating.
He didn’t stop running until the trees blurred into streaks of green and brown, until his chest burned and his breath came ragged through his clenched teeth. The forest thinned, opening up to a quiet stream near where his house resided. Only then did he stumble to a halt, boots skidding in the dirt as he braced his hands on his knees.
He stared down at the rippling water, his reflection trembling on its surface, crimson eyes wide and wild.
“Get a grip,” he muttered. His voice came out hoarse. “You’re losing it.”
His mind replayed every detail; the flash of cobalt blue, the way the sunlight caught on his quills, that voice carrying effortlessly through the trees. It had been too real. Too vivid.
He pressed a shaky hand to his chest, feeling the quick, uneven rhythm of his pulse.
It wasn’t him. It can’t be. He’s gone. He’s gone…”
He closed his eyes and sank to his knees, the grass cool beneath him. He wanted to cry, but he couldn’t; it had been so long since he’d cried over Sonic. It felt wrong to be this upset over century old wounds again.
Had Shadow been alone for so long he’d started to crack? Was he finally losing his mind?
Shadow had spent the past nearly two hundred years by himself, trying to get over the deaths of his loved ones and move on, and while he had mostly succeeded in doing so, he’d be lying to himself if he said it didn’t still hurt sometimes. Grief and depression are both things that get better over time, but never truly go away. They always linger, haunting the souls that were unfortunate enough to experience them, and occasionally decide to show up in full force just to torture them.
Shadow had been alone this whole time because he was afraid. Afraid of loving and losing people all over again. After doing it for the first time, he figured he’d rather not experience that pain repeatedly for all eternity. Even if Sonic made him promise…
So, he closed himself off to the rest of the world. He still went out and about, fearing that he’d actually go insane if he remained locked up in his secluded home in the woods all the time. But he refused to get emotionally close to anyone again.
And perhaps all those years of solitude were finally catching up to him. He was finally losing his sanity, starting to see ghosts.
He clutched at the white fur on his chest, the other hand sinking into the earth beside him. He breathed in deep, inhaling the fresh air and the scent of nature. His ears focused on the birds and crickets chirping from the trees, the gentle babbling of the flowing river in front of him. Eventually, the rapid beating of his heart beneath his fingers began to slow.
Finally, he opened his eyes and gazed down at his rippling reflection in the water. For a second, he could’ve been fooled into thinking he was staring at his lover; his own appearance somewhat of a resemblance to Sonic’s, the blue tint of the otherwise clear water only fuelling the illusion.
A tiny, yet fond smile appeared on Shadow’s lips as he remembered how everyone used to think he and Sonic looked identical, how often the two of them got confused for the other. Even though it was ridiculous because they look nothing alike.
But now…
Sometimes, he sees Sonic in his own reflection, hears some of the first words he said to him echo through his mind.
“I found you, Faker!”
A single tear rolled down his cheek, dripping off his muzzle and splashing into the river.
His mind replayed every detail of the encounter he had with that other hedgehog just minutes prior; every feature of him perfect and exactly the same as the hedgehog he once knew.
It couldn’t be real. His mind refused to accept it.
Hope was a dangerous thing, he’s learnt. Something he refuses to feel these days, as it only ends in disappointment.
Not for the first time, he cursed his genetics for keeping him alive for so long. He wished, back at the graveyard, that he could just sink into the ground with his lover and all their friends and finally be put to eternal rest.
He wondered just how much longer he has to go on like this for.