Chapter Text
Jason would be lying if he said he didn’t know how he got here. If he said he didn’t know what actions in his life lead him to this.
He did.
He stood in front of the Wayne manor gates. A duffel bag swung around his shoulder. A grim look in his eyes and dread boiling over in his stomach.
The hum of the cars engine yet to die down. Roy refusing to drive away before he made sure the other made it into the mansion.
He wasn’t sure if this is what he wanted. Maybe it was. Maybe he had subconsciously wanted it to have come to this. He would like to believe he didn’t.
But his head wasn’t exactly famous for being screwed on right. For not making a fool of him. Regardless there was no turning back now. These where the consequences of his action.
He had hoped he wouldn’t have to face them. But alas. Life was a cruel bitch.
He couldn’t bare to impose himself onto his best friend a day longer, it was horrid enough that Roy was the one who had to find Jason in the state he did. Drag him out the tub. Nurse him back and then house him for the past three weeks.
It was selfish of Jason to do what he did. It would be even selfish er for him to continue plaguing Lina's environment with his problems. Taking her fathers attention off of her. Hogging up Roy's bedroom. Rotting away in the man’s sheets.
“You sure about this?”
Jason had never been more unsure of a decision in his life.
Which says a lot considering he was lured to his death so easily
Jason turned facing the other who had climbed out of the car and was not standing next to him. Sensing his hesitation.
Jason didn’t give him the time to reassure him about how it ‘really was no trouble if he stayed longer’ before responding
“No.”
Roy gave a soft smile taking his cap off and placing it onto Jason's head. A silent reassurance.
“Call me.”
“I will”
They hugged.
He almost wished it wouldn’t end. Not because he liked hugs. Not really. People being this up close in his personal space made him uncomfortable.
But he liked how Roy smelled.
He didn’t wanna go. He didn’t wanna see Bruce. Didn’t wanna explain himself.
He pulled away, giving his best friend a last nod before stepping towards the gates intercom.
He pressed at the button
the buzz echoing
[Wayne manor Alfred Pennyworth speaking]
It quickly becomes a blur. Answering. Watching the gates open
walking down the drive way
past the fountain
up the steps
having the door open before him
a well hidden puzzled look on the Buttlers face at the duffel bag. At Jason's overall deminor.
They both know something is wrong. They both know He’ll lie if the other questions it.
he can feel Roy’s eyes on the back of his neck. He knows the man if going to stay waiting outside for the next 15 minutes before he is certain Jason isn’t making a run for it.
He knows he has lost the man’s trust.
An odd feeling stirs within him every time he comes face to face with his15 year old self's memorial. The room stopped in time years after his resurrection. He sometimes wonders if Bruce would be upset if he reorganized. If the erased the carefully sealed memory of his dead son. The son he is never getting back.
Or maybe he expects him to. He isn’t sure what would cause the man more pain, changing the room or leaving as is.
He doubts it really matters. He’s much to lazy to change it anyway. He dose not spend enough time at the manor to have any reason to need the room changed.
Maybe he likes the small reminder of the calmer days. The simpler once. The once where the boy could stand the man.
They wouldn’t fight as much.
They would be arguing about Jason’s Physics results.
He plops the duffel onto the bed. The soft red blanket covering the duvet molding on impact.
Would Bruce have made his apartment into a memorial much the same as his room if it had worked?
That would be stupid.
“What are you doing here?”
Tim stood just outside the door. Brow raised.
“Mind your business.”
the boy stared for a moment longer before continuing on his way.
Jason didn’t miss the sound of the bedroom lock clicking on
He unpacks the duffel.
He doesn't have much to unpack.
Just enough to signify he is staying a couple days.
Neatly folded clothes go into the draws
a couple belonging to Roy.
The man had gathered some of Jason's things from his apartment for him. He refused to let him do it.
Maybe that’s another reason he left. The Harper residence was much to baby proof. And the ginger bastard could always hide behind having a small child to justify it. Deny he was treating Jason as if he would jump off the balcony if he dared leave it unlocked.
It was annoying
Jason couldn't bring himself to start a fight over it.
Roy shouldn’t have to deal with his mess.
It was guilt.
Or maybe it just wasn’t that big of a deal. It wasn’t as if he was wrong…
Jason hadn’t felt the fiery anger boiling out of him in a while.
As if suddenly nothing really mattered that deeply.
He had been struggling with feeling lately.
Had he done it to feel?
“Todd”
The eleven year old stood at his door way. He had a suspicious look on his face. A brow slightly arched. Eyes squinted.
He was questioning Jason’s sudden presence at the manor.
“Al Ghul” Jason responded unimpressed, not sparing the turd another moment longer before continuing his unpacking.
The Sneakers went on the floor by the dresser
tooth brush and hygiene products inside the small but comfortable bathroom attached to the bedroom. The worn out tooth brush joining the one already being kept here. The contrast between the rugged brisks and the practically unused once making him question why he bothered bringing his own
turning he was faced with the tween now standing in his bathroom doorway.
It was a silent irritation further moving onto his territory.
“what?”
“What is the meaning of this abrupt… visit?”
“What’s it to you?” Jason scoffed shoving Damian out of the way by ways of pushing his hand into the others face until he stumbled back
It was a little tempting to trauma dump onto the eleven year old but if they where to make it a competition he wasn’t actually positive he’d win. Having Talia as a mother was not a walk in the park
besides Damian shouldn’t be worrying about his older brothers suicidal ideations
“Is father expecting you?”
“No.”
Bruce and him had not left off on goof terms the last time they had seen each other. He felt pathetic having to crawl back here of all places.
But it was the only place Roy would agree to release him into without Jason needing to be upfront for his reasoning behind the visit.
The only place he would be welcomed into yet not trusted.
He would have eyes watching him regardless.
He shouldn’t have come here
if Bruce finds out why he’s here he’ll be put on suicide watch. He’d have to face Dick’s reaction. He’ll have to justify his actions. Why his life was oh so much more miserable then theirs. Why he was in so much more pain then them. Why living felt like such a chore-
“Are you even listening to me Todd?” A petulant voice brought him back to his surroundings
the irritation was now in his personal space.
“what?”
“t-t Typical…. I demand an explanation of why though out blessed us with his presence?”
He stepped away flopping onto the bed. He missed when Damian though he was to good to speak to father’s “lesser” children
He couldn’t even lie to the kid because he was far to much in every bodies business to let inconsistencies fly. Especially when the situation was already deemed suspicious.
“i- I need something. Here.”
The brat didn't wait a beat before continuing
“Free accommodations?”
“No.”
“Are you homeless Todd? Has your crime lord career washed up?” the boy had a rather smug look on his face as he hovered
“No.”
“gas leek?”
“No.”
“Are you here to steal something?”
“No.”
“Are you mortally injured?”
“No.”
“Do you have cancer?”
“No.”
“Are you dying?”
“only on the inside.”
“Are you pregnant?”
“No.”
“Is someone trying to kill you?”
“No.”
“Are you trying to kill someone?”
yes
“No.”
“Are you not actually you but an Evil clone out to do no good?”
“I wish.”
“… Is it case related?”
“No”
He groaned burying his face in his palms
“You know I won’t leave till you answer.”
fuck my stupid baka life
should have bleed out in that stupid fucking bathtub
an idea sprouted in his brain. He pulled back his hands staring up at Damian.
“It’s because I love you.”
Now it was Damian’s turn to cringe.”What?”
“I lOOOOoooveeEEe you soooo much Damii and I miss youuuu!” He exclaimed launching himself at the boy
“GET OFF OF ME!”
“ don’t you love me Dami? I am your brother am I not?”
“Your a nuisance! An unwanted irritable nuisance!”
he dogged kicking Jason in the chin as he made a run for it
“I expect this behavior from the likes of Richard not you. You are clearly unwell and I advice you get rest.”
“So you do care- hey-But Damian- You didn’t say you loved me backkk!” He whined down the hallway watching the green blob hurry away
“Come back, don’t you want us all to be a big happy family? don’t you think it'll make dad sooo happy to see us getting along?!”
He didn’t get a response.
Jason snickered straightening out as he pulled his head back into his room
“Jason.”
FUCK.
Did he hear him calling him dad?
He didn’t wanna turn. See the man’s face. Look at him…
he turned
“Bruce.”
“What brings you here?”
He stared. he already had the man's face engraved in his memory. each wrinkle and pore memorized. each face expression neatly sorted on a shelf in the back of his head. Head seen them all. Disappointment. Anger. confusion. Betrayal. Displeasure. Rage. Fear. Terror.
“...What is with you people?”
The only response he allowed Bruce to get in was a raised brow before he continued-
“I swear to good! Are you all in kahoots or what? I am HERE! Get with the program!
I hate you! You ruined my life!”
the slammed the bedroom door shut flopping onto the bed
he could have probably handled that better. But hey argument avoided? Kinda?
He wasn’t ready to talk to Bruce yet. He needed more time.
He wished he could fall asleep and never wake up