Work Text:
when you look from above, at the bigger picture, you can notice that i haven't changed at all, have i?
i have beaten myself down to submission when i snapped out of insanity, and i molded myself into what a kind, nice and good person is supposed to be like, but that's not change. that's a facade.
i promised to become a kind, nice and good person. and i have fooled myself for years that i've genuinely changed. that i became a better person. i am no longer insane, i don't view others as those beneath me, i don't put myself on a pedestal, i sincerely believe everyone deserves to live. sure.
i know way too much for me to be good, i think. i think way too much, too. the life i lived and the circumstances of my upbringing have molded me into something human looking, of course, but lacking greatly in humanity within. i honestly thought some ..."people" deserved to be tortured, some deserved death, not everyone deserves a comfortable life. those were my true thoughts, yes, but that was in 2022, i was insane, no sound mind in sight, and i have changed, it's been 4 years, i'm different, i'm better, nicer, kinder.
...some utter scum of the earth does deserve to be tortured, killed and not have a comfortable life, though. this is me saying. the me from 2026, from right now, with years of therapy, medications, unfathomable help behind. it's a tough pill to swallow; whatever. i know i'm better than i was and i know i'm right. i might've been a bit radical back than, but i wasn't entirely wrong.
my sense of justice and my morals might be skewed and grey, but they're correct. i can't see this ever being played out in reality, though. but just in my head, in my neat little fantasy where justice rules all,
i was right.