Chapter Text
Cameron’s at a crossroad. Everything he’s been taught and believed is being torn up. He was always supposed to be like everyone else, and he’s tried everything he could to be like them. He knows there's something different about him - and he knows what it is- that prevents him achieving this. Now he’s being told maybe he doesn’t have to hide like that. It’s strange. He’s never been happier. Even though he knows its not true, and the friends responsible for making him so happy really don't care for him. He’s left out all the time, and it should bother him more than it does. Truthfully he’s just happy when he is. Maybe soon they’ll realize he’s changing, and can be free just like them. Hopefully. Despite everything, he still doubts he can let go like them. They don't have something stopping them like he does. If he just ignores the feeling, then he’ll be able to do it right. Be like the rest of them.
The Dead Poet Society meetings are some of the very few moments where he feels at peace and truly happy. Except tonight. Tonight, Charlie brought along girls. Something he wouldn’t have a problem with if he was only told. Charlie didn’t say anything to the rest of the members, yet expected everyone to be fine with it. At first, Cameron was wondering if he was over reacting and didn't really have a reason to be upset, until he saw the rest of the poets' reactions. Everyone was upset at Charlie for risking their anonymity and compromising their safe place. Meeks suggested they build a fire, which gave everyone a chance to interrogate Charlie on what the hell he was thinking.
“Charlie-” Neil was the first one to confront him.
“It’s Nuwanda”
“Nuwanda, what is going on?”
“Nothing, unless you object to having girls here.” Charlie dismissed before turning to walk back. Cameron was shocked that no one objected. Everyone just seemed to be curious. The only one who seemed to oppose the idea was, well, Cameron. He couldn’t put into reason why, besides maybe getting caught.
Charlie quickly shot back “You just keep your mouth shut, jerkoff, and there's nothing to worry about.” Neil tried to diffuse the two of them as everyone entered back into the cave. Except Cameron.
Honestly, it took longer than expected for someone to point out Cameron being missing.
“Wait- we’re missing one. Where’s Cameron?”It was Charlie who pointed it out. As it got later in the night, he got more and more annoyed or “suffocated” by the girls, so he was looking for any way out at this point. At least that's what he told himself.
“Is that the angry ginger one?” One of the girls asked, not waiting for a response. She continues, “ Yeah, I don't think he came back after you guys left to collect wood.”
“You didn’t think to mention that?”
“He’s your friend. I thought you knew” she shrugged it off, immediately going back to how things were and leaning on Charlie.
“Where do you think he went?” Charlie stands up away from her.
“Relax Charlie, he probably just went back to the dorms-” Meeks responded before getting interrupted by Pitts.
“It’s not like you to care either.”
“I never said I did. I do need some fresh air though.”
“Oh! I can go with you!” A girl volunteered herself.
“No thats quite alright! I’m sure any of these fellas would be glad to talk to you while I’m away.” He left as quickly as he could, leaving everyone else confused as to what that was. He just wandered around for awhile, finding himself behind the cave and spotting a familiar face sitting on a rock. Approaching the boy he commented “Was wondering where you went off to” startling him.
“What are you doing out here? Don’t you have girls to entertain?" Despite his attitude, he makes room for the other boy to sit with him.
“They were too entertained, and needed a break. So I volunteered myself to leave- for their sake.”
“If you were going to end up ditching them, why bring them along?”
“Why do you care so much?”
“I dont know- We’re not supposed to-”
“Oh my god! Just shut up about what ‘we’re supposed to do’!” The other boy doesn't respond and just gives a slight shake of the head. “I don't understand you.” Frustrated, he gets up to walk away.
“No one asked you to.” Charlie couldn’t make sense of any of this. He swirled around to snap back.
“You’re out here with us- pretending to believe us, but you're still just stuck in your ways! I mean, come on! What do you want! There has to be some reason you’re here! So do it! Carpe Diem for hell's sake!”
“You don’t get it, and that's fine! I’m not asking you to! I’m not like you all, okay!”
“Come on! You’re either with us or you’re not! And right now, it's looking like you're not! So the least you could do is tell us why! Why are you like this?” Neither one expected it to blow up this much. Normally they’d yell a couple insults at each other and either someone, like Neil, would shut them up, or they’d figure it wasn’t worth it. This time, there's no one to stop it, and every minor inconvenience has built up to be so much more. Cameron specifically reached his breaking point. Moving a couple steps towards the other, he yells out what he would only ever keep to himself.
“I have to! He would kill me! I have to be just like everyone else, even though everyone can tell I’m not. I have to- they can all tell something is wrong with me, so I have to prove that it's not true. I have to- I can’t be like you. He’ll kill me.”
“Who will kill you? What do you mean ‘everyone can tell somethings wrong with you?’ What’s wrong? As far as I can tell-”
“Don’t do that. You know. Even if you never thought about it, or didn’t realize before, you know. On some level, you’ve known since you met me. I know how this works.” And its true, he does. For some reason, Charlie won’t admit it.
“Well I don’t! You’re being really confusing, man!”
“Forget it.” Cameron tries to shove past him. “You wanted to know my deal, now you know.” The other boy grabs him as he walks past.
“Cam-” the name was said softer than either anticipated. Looking at each other, it was a moment of clarity and somehow communicated all that needed to be said. Yeah, Charlie knew, but there was no hatred there, instead it was something else. Breaking the moment, Cameron pulled away again. Only to fail again. Charlie grabbed his arm and did something that shocked
them both- kissed him. The other boy stood there shocked for a moment before pulling away and slapping him, because now Cameron realised what was in the other boy's eyes earlier:
pity.
“No, you don't need to -you don’t get to do that.” Confused and disgusted Cameron ran off. Just as confused, Charlie stood there for a while. However confused he was earlier, it's now so much more. Although, he knew if he stayed out here for much longer the others would notice. He’s sure the other boy went back to the dorms now, so he figured it would be safe to return to the cave. At least it won’t be long before they need to head back, and he could think over what the hell happened.
He didn’t really speak for the rest of the meeting. The others could notice something was wrong, but he didn’t have enough energy to pretend otherwise. Once they were leaving, however, Neil approached him.
“We heard yelling- didn’t hear anything specific, but what was that? And then you ignored everyone once you came back?”
“I don’t know Neil.” Neil accepted this as a later conversation, and just walked next to him on the way back. Charlie and Neil have developed specific tells for each other that have become almost subconscious by now. It didn’t quite fill Neil in on what happened, but far more than was meant to. When they got back to their rooms, Charlie didn’t know what to do. He stood outside for awhile before trying the door to his and Cameron's room, only to find it locked.