Archive of Our Own

it’s a sweltering hot day, and dohoon is sitting on top of an orange scaffold abandoned behind a shed. jihoon stands on the concrete in front of him, dohoon’s legs on either side of him and a hand resting on his shoulder. neither of them want to go home. 

dohoon takes a long drink from his bottle of sparkling blue soda, some spilling from the corner of his mouth and onto jihoon’s shoulder. it’s sticky, and the artificial blue dye leaves behind a stain on jihoon’s shirt, but jihoon finds that he doesn’t mind all that much.

jihoon takes a sip from his own bottle of soda. the cold fizz is refreshing on his tongue in this heat, and his eyes flutter closed for a moment. he lowers the bottle afterwards, screwing the cap back on before tilting his head back to look up at dohoon above him.

“hyung,” he starts, “if we’re still single in ten years, we should marry each other.”

dohoon chuckles, resting his other arm on jihoon’s shoulder too.

“you just finished school. why are you already worrying about that?”

jihoon pouts a bit at not being taken seriously.

“i was just thinking about it,” he says softly. “i like spending time with you. it wouldn’t be much different, right?”

dohoon hums, seemingly considering it for real now.

“sure, then.”

“really?”

“yeah, why not?”

dohoon playfully splashes some of his soda onto jihoon, purposefully this time. jihoon flinches, but he’s caged in by dohoon’s body and can’t get out of the way. he cringes as the blue stickiness runs down his arm, but as it reaches his fingertips, he brings it to his lips and licks it off before it drips onto the concrete beneath them. 

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

“i was thinking…” dohoon starts, swinging his legs, “if we’re going to the same university, do you wanna just move in with me? so you don’t have to stay in those shitty dorms.”

jihoon blinks.

“really?”

“yeah, of course. my old roommate transferred last semester, so there’s an empty room. why would i pick anyone else but you?”

jihoon blushes slightly, nodding in agreement. 

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

a week before the semester starts, under the scorching sun, jihoon packs his things and moves into dohoon’s apartment. he stands in the center of his emptied childhood bedroom, a little overwhelmed. 

“i can’t believe you’re moving out,” jihoon’s mother says from the doorway, a little teary. she holds her arms out to him, and jihoon lets himself be held like a child once more.

“it’s just dohoon,” he reassures her. “you’ve known him since forever. i’ll be okay.”

his mother doesn’t say anything to that, but she holds him tighter.

jihoon’s sister is sitting in the living room, watching as everything happens. she grins when she sees dohoon carrying some of jihoon’s boxes.

“take care of him!” she calls out. “or don’t!”

jihoon squawks indignantly. she and dohoon both laugh loudly. 

dohoon wipes the sweat from his brow, and he and jihoon go back to carrying boxes upon boxes into the car. they’re filled to the brim with too many clothes, mostly.

“do you really need this many pairs of pants?” dohoon asks.

“i have to look cool!” jihoon whines. 

dohoon looks at the boxes a bit skeptically. 

“you might have to put another rack outside the closet for these. i’m not sure if they’ll fit,” he says. 

“that’s okay!” jihoon replies cheerfully.

dohoon is sweating quite a lot in the summer heat, jihoon notices. he goes inside, grabbing a bottle of blue soda from the fridge, and hands it to dohoon. dohoon breathlessly thanks him before quickly screwing off the cap and drinking the cold soda down much too fast. some spills from the neck of the bottle, and jihoon watches as it runs down the column of dohoon’s throat, dyeing the neckline of his shirt a bright blue.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon and jihoon sit on the floor in jihoon’s new room, putting together a shelf. jihoon has already filled the closet, but the room itself is empty save the bed in the corner. 

dohoon has tightened so many screws he feels as though his wrist is about to fall off, but finally the shelf stands on its own. the two of them carry it to the corner and jihoon claps excitedly when he sees it all set up. 

he places a single plushie on the shelf for now, for good luck. he’ll properly arrange it later.

“can you help me put this together too?” jihoon asks, bringing out a box that was recently delivered. dohoon opens it, finding a clothes rack.

“oh, you were serious about it,” he says, sighing.

“of course i was!”

despite the complaints, dohoon helps jihoon put the rack together. thankfully, it’s much easier than the shelf. once that’s done too, jihoon beams.

jihoon pushes the rack toward the wall and opens one of the cardboard boxes lining the edge of the room. he carefully unfolds each pair of pants and hangs it on the new rack. dohoon halfheartedly watches, sitting on jihoon’s empty bed and scrolling on his phone.

jihoon takes his time, moving things between the closet and rack until he’s perfectly satisfied. once he’s happy with how it looks, he turns to dohoon.

“what do you think?”

dohoon raises his eyebrows, a little skeptical, but he nods approvingly.

“not bad.”

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

jihoon gets back to the apartment one evening after buying a couple packets of ramyeon from the convenience store. 

“hyung, i’m back!” he calls out, setting two packets on the kitchen counter and putting the rest in the pantry. he hears footsteps approaching shortly after.

dohoon picks up one of the ramyeon packets, checking what kind it is, before setting it back down and nodding.

“i’ll make these for us.”

“okay!” jihoon grins, taking a seat across the counter.

dohoon gets to work preparing the ramyeon, and jihoon pulls his phone out to scroll instagram while he waits. he watches dance reels mostly, saving a few to try out later, and intermittently looks up from his phone to watch dohoon.

dohoon is completely focused on the ramyeon, and jihoon finds it a perfect opportunity to just look. without thinking much, jihoon opens his phone camera and takes a few photos. he gets a few before dohoon looks at him with raised eyebrows, hearing the shutter sound, and holds out a hand to cover his face from jihoon’s camera.

“yah, why are you taking pictures of me?”

jihoon just giggles and puts his phone down. dohoon lowers his hand once he sees that and goes back to attending to the ramyeon, and jihoon opens instagram once more.

once the ramyeon is done, dohoon walks around the counter to where jihoon is sitting, and snatches the phone from his hand. jihoon gasps.

“let me see the pictures you took,” dohoon says, opening jihoon’s camera roll.

dohoon expects to be upset by what he sees, but instead he nods upon seeing the photos, pleasantly surprised. 

“oh, these are good, actually,” he says. “like a boyfriend vibe. i like them.”

jihoon smiles, taking a bowl out of the cabinet and helping himself to the food.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

“hyung, which ones should i get?” jihoon asks, pointing at two bags of mixed gummies on the wall at the convenience store. “i like these ones,” he says, pointing at the bag on top, “but the other ones are good too. so whatever you want.”

“i like those too,” dohoon says. “the blue ones are the best, though. there are always so few in each bag.”

jihoon grabs all five bags off the rack and starts inspecting each one, looking for the one with the most blue gummies. dohoon nearly bursts out laughing. 

finally, jihoon selects a bag, looking proud of himself. dohoon ruffles his hair, taking the bag from his hands and going to the counter.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

the weather is slowly cooling down as autumn approaches and classes begin. dohoon arrives at the apartment while jihoon is listening to music and folding his laundry. jihoon looks up from the shirt he’s folding, seeing a bright smile on dohoon’s face. instinctively, he returns the grin.

“what’s up?”

“there’s this cute guy in my photography class,” dohoon starts. “honestly, i just took the class cause i thought it’d be an easy elective, but thank god i did. he literally looks like a model!”

jihoon tries very hard to keep the smile on his face.

“oh, really? what’s his name?” he asks, trying to be supportive.

“shin junghwan,” dohoon replies. “he’s older than me, but that’s kind of hot, don’t you think?”

jihoon pretends that piece of information doesn’t affect him.

“oh, you’re into that?” he asks casually.

dohoon hums noncommittally. 

“anyway. i didn’t even get to the important part yet,” he says. “he asked me out! just to the convenience store to have some ramyeon, but still… do you think he likes me?”

jihoon’s eyes widen.

“oh… maybe he was being friendly?”

dohoon seems to consider that.

“hm, you’re right. maybe he was just being friendly,” he agrees. “but who knows, it could still lead to something!”

jihoon hums and goes back to folding his clothes. dohoon goes to his room. jihoon picks up a shirt from the dryer and starts folding it, but he frowns when he notices faint blue stains on the shoulder and sleeve. he folds it anyway and sets it aside.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon sits at a white table outside the convenience store across from junghwan, a bowl of ramyeon in front of each of them. the weather is finally pleasant enough for them to be outside for more than just a few minutes, and the leaves are slowly but surely turning golden. 

“you’re so pretty,” junghwan says.

dohoon tears his eyes away from the trees, his ears flushing red as he looks at junghwan.

“me? have you looked in a mirror? you literally look like a model!”

junghwan laughs.

“i am a model,” he says. “just as a side gig for now, but i’m hoping to get more opportunities soon.”

dohoon nearly drops his chopsticks. junghwan laughs more, a bit teasing.

“you’ll be seeing me in magazines soon!”

“i can see that…” dohoon says, still a bit awed.

“anyway, i just wanted to get to know you better,” junghwan says. “we have to take pictures of each other for class, right? thought we could be partners for that. i wouldn’t mind having pictures of you in my camera roll, you know.”

the blush on dohoon’s face spreads further as he nods in agreement.

“i’d like that, too.”

junghwan smiles, and they both go back to eating their ramyeon. 

a few minutes later, a golden maple leaf falls into dohoon’s hair. junghwan reaches out, gently picking it out of dohoon’s hair, and places it on the table between them.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon and junghwan meet again at a bakery.

“i have somewhere to be later,” junghwan says, “but we should have time for a little cake, right?”

dohoon nods. they both stare at the display for a while, deciding what to get.

junghwan wrinkles his nose at all the autumn-themed pastries.

“pumpkin does not need to be in this stuff!” he complains.

dohoon laughs and leans closer to take a better look at them. the pastries are beautiful, but he knows the excessive pumpkin spice will make him sick.

they eventually settle on one slice each of vanilla and chocolate cake and find a seat at a table near the window. dohoon pouts when he sees his boring white slice, nothing compared to the beautifully piped leaves and acorns on the seasonal specials, but he digs in anyway. it tastes good and that’s all that matters.

“let me have some,” junghwan says, reaching out his fork. dohoon angles his plate so junghwan can reach it better.

“oh, it’s good,” he says, humming. dohoon reaches over to taste some of junghwan’s chocolate cake too.

“i like yours too,” dohoon says. they look at each other, reading each other’s eyes, and place both cakes in the middle of the table so they can share.

dohoon takes a little of each cake on his fork and puts it in his mouth together, nodding approvingly. junghwan raises an eyebrow and does the same. 

soon enough, both cakes are finished. as they leave, junghwan sees the marble cake in the display case and chuckles, pointing at it.

“we could’ve just gotten one of those instead.”

dohoon grins.

“no way. this was way more fun!”

junghwan smiles fondly at dohoon before checking the time on his phone and frowning.

“i have to leave or i’ll be late,” he says.

“don’t worry! i had fun today. see you later!”

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

as october begins, jihoon wakes up early one morning and dials his friend kyungmin.

“kyungmin-ah, happy birthday!” he exclaims as soon as the line connects. he hears kyungmin chuckle on the other side.

“thank you, hyung!” kyungmin replies. jihoon can hear the smile in his voice.

“you’re eighteen now, aren’t you? congrats on becoming an adult! what’re you gonna do today?”

“well, i still have school,” kyungmin grumbles. “but i’ll hang out with my friends afterwards. probably go to the arcade or something.”

jihoon hums.

“how’s school going?” he asks.

“it’s okay,” kyungmin says. “it was more fun last year when you were here,” he pouts. jihoon chuckles.

“study well so you can be here with me next year! you’re planning to major in dance too, aren’t you?”

“of course!” kyungmin replies. “what else would i do?”

“we should dance together again sometime,” jihoon says, reminiscing on how often they used to practice together in school. “it’s been so long.”

kyungmin hums in agreement.

“we should.”

the line stays quiet for a moment after that, until kyungmin breaks the silence again.

“so…” he starts, “are you and dohoon finally dating now?”

jihoon bites his lip.

“no…” he says quietly. he knows kyungmin will be disappointed.

surely enough, kyungmin seems upset by that.

“hyung, you said you’d ask him out over the summer!” he scolds.

“i couldn’t do it right,” jihoon says. “i’m sorry. i tried.”

“whatever that means.”

jihoon can practically hear kyungmin rolling his eyes.

“how long are you going to wait for him, hyung?” kyungmin asks. “how many more years of this?”

ten, jihoon thinks. ten years. he doesn’t answer.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon stands amidst the flame-colored trees, camera in hand. junghwan poses easily, golden autumn sunlight streaming down on his hair and lighting him up in beautiful warm tones. dohoon holds the camera up to his face, checking if the composition looks good before snapping a few photos. 

occasionally, he checks the assignment requirements on his phone before switching angles. looking at him through a camera lens, dohoon thinks it makes perfect sense that junghwan is a model. he’s so, so stunning. between shots, dohoon snaps a few photos on his phone just for himself.

when he feels he’s done, he calls junghwan over to check the photos. junghwan goes through them one by one, telling dohoon which ones best fit the requirements and which ones he should retake.

“see, your rule of thirds one is good. but for your leading lines photo, the lines aren’t really leading anywhere important,” junghwan says, before turning around and running a bit until he’s far enough away for dohoon to get a good shot. junghwan stands in the center of the path, framed by the two rows of autumn trees.

“take a wide shot!” junghwan yells. dohoon does as he’s told, keeping junghwan in the center of the composition, trees receding into the distance around him.

junghwan runs back, reaching for the camera so he can see the photo.

“much better. you should get full points for these,” he says. “now let me take pictures of you.”

dohoon lets junghwan pose him however he’d like, blushing slightly when junghwan fixes his hair, which had gotten messy from the breeze. junghwan is the model between the two of them, so dohoon trusts his vision. he does his best, even as his gaze keeps drifting towards junghwan’s face instead of the lens. the golden hour sunlight spilling onto the blazing leaves heightens the beauty of the scenery, and it’s not difficult for junghwan to take good photos.

eventually, junghwan puts the camera down. dohoon goes over to see, leaning against a tree as he takes the camera in his hands and looks through the photos. gosh, they look professionally taken. he blushes slightly at the attention junghwan put into taking such beautiful photos of him.

“do you like them?” junghwan asks, tilting his head slightly. dohoon can barely make out words, feeling junghwan’s heavy gaze on him. junghwan notices dohoon’s silence and smiles, leaning in slightly. dohoon almost drops the camera but doesn’t move away, and junghwan gently pushes him up against the tree, pressing their mouths together in a kiss. junghwan’s lips are burning hot and a little cracked against dohoon’s cool lips.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

“should i ask him to be my boyfriend?” dohoon asks jihoon one afternoon, as they each sit with a bowl of ramyeon in front of them. 

jihoon’s expression shifts immediately, though subtly. 

“i don’t know, are you really sure he likes you like that? i thought he was just trying to be friends,” jihoon suggests. 

dohoon laughs. 

“jihoon-ah,” he starts, still chuckling, “he kissed me. i’m pretty sure he’s not just trying to be my friend.”

jihoon schools his expression into the blankest face he can manage. 

“he… kissed you?”

dohoon flushes pink, nodding just the slightest bit. jihoon doesn’t say another word for the rest of their meal.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon finds jihoon sitting at the kitchen table late at night, typing on his laptop. he frowns; he remembers seeing jihoon sitting in that same position a few hours ago, too.

“jihoon-ah, did you eat?” he asks.

jihoon finally looks up, his eyes tired. he takes a look at the clock and sighs.

“no…”

dohoon clicks his tongue, already unlocking his phone and opening a delivery app. he orders a few things jihoon likes, as well as something for himself, before taking a seat at the table. jihoon has already gone back to typing.

“what are you working on?” dohoon asks, curious. jihoon doesn’t look up.

“not now, hyung.”

“okay. sorry.” dohoon pouts to himself, letting jihoon work. maybe he’s just stressed.

he decides to scroll on his phone instead to pass the time, the apartment silent except for the sound of jihoon’s typing. he glances over occasionally, but jihoon doesn’t seem to notice. 

when the food finally arrives, dohoon goes to get it and then sets it on the table between them.

“jihoon,” he says, “you can work on that later. eat.”

jihoon nods slowly, finally shutting his laptop. the two of them eat in silence.

“thank you,” jihoon says quietly, looking at the empty boxes after they finish eating. he doesn’t make eye contact.

dohoon hesitates for a moment before brushing jihoon’s hair out of his eyes. 

“goodnight,” he says, standing up to leave. “don’t stay up too late, okay?”

jihoon just hums.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

“hyung,” dohoon starts, “will you be my boyfriend?”

junghwan doesn’t say anything for a moment; he just looks sorry. dohoon is confused and a little embarrassed. did he read this all wrong?

“dohoon-ah,” junghwan says eventually, sounding apologetic, “i’ll be leaving after this semester. something better came up, and i’d be stupid to stay here.”

dohoon stays silent, waiting for him to continue. junghwan cups dohoon’s cheek in his hand.

“i don’t want to promise you something i can’t give,” junghwan says softly. “i’m sorry. i enjoyed our time together a lot.”

dohoon’s eyes search his, looking for any sign of a compromise.

“we can’t even date for a little? just until you leave?”

junghwan smiles at him a little sadly.

“that’ll only make it hurt more, dohoonie. don’t make me do that to you.”

dohoon nods, accepting his words even as it stings a little. he’d really hoped for this to go somewhere, but oh well. he stares at his hands in silence for a moment before looking up at junghwan once more.

“just for today, then?” he asks softly. “please?” 

junghwan’s eyes soften. he presses his lips against dohoon’s, and dohoon tries to move closer to the warmth of junghwan’s mouth.

when they pull away, junghwan threads his fingers through dohoon’s hair gently.

“keep in touch with me, dohoonie,” he says. “even after i move away.”

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon sits alone in the apartment, staring blankly at his locked phone in his hand. after a while, he opens up his chat with jihoon. the most recent messages are from a few hours ago: a collection of mirror selfies and jihoon asking which one he should post on instagram. 

dohoon taps on the message box, typing and deleting his words over and over again. he doesn’t know what to say. finally, he decides to settle on something vague; jihoon can ask if he wants.

jihoon-ah

are you busy

after a moment, he sends one more message.

i like the third pic btw

dohoon doesn’t get a response for a few minutes. jihoon must be busy, then. oh well. he closes the app, looking for something to distract him. he goes through his folder of games and picks a random one, just anything else to think about. he lands on sudoku.

he’s almost halfway done with a puzzle when he gets two notifications in quick succession.

yeah, but we just got a five minute break

what is it? are you okay?

dohoon smiles, somehow. just a little. of course jihoon would immediately worry. he pauses the timer on his puzzle and starts typing a reply.

it’s nothing. don’t worry

sorry to bother

he goes back to playing sudoku, quickly finishing the one he’d started. still no response from jihoon. he must’ve gone back to practice.

dohoon solves two more puzzles before opening the chat again, typing what he’d meant to say from the start.

he didn’t want to be my boyfriend.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

jihoon grabs his bag after dance practice, sighing and wiping the sweat from his brow with his forearm. 

he blindly reaches for his phone, finding three messages from dohoon on the lockscreen. he bites his lip when he reads them, not sure how to feel. something lightens in his chest for a second before immediately getting crushed down by guilt for thinking such a thing.

he starts the walk back to the apartment, startled by how cold it’s gotten. he walks a little faster than usual. when he gets inside, he finds dohoon laying across the couch, his feet hanging off the edge.

“hyung,” jihoon starts, “i’m sorry.”

dohoon doesn’t look.

“what happened?” jihoon asks. he is curious, after all. as much as he hates to admit it, it had seemed like junghwan was interested in dohoon.

“he’s moving away,” dohoon says softly. he looks so defeated.

“look, i know we didn’t know each other for all that long, but i thought…” he says, trailing off. “i just thought maybe it could be something.”

“maybe,” jihoon agrees, vaguely. “but maybe you’re just meant for better than him.”

dohoon sighs.

“don’t just mope around,” jihoon says, grabbing dohoon’s wrist. “come with me. we’ll have some fun and you’ll forget all about him.”

even though it doesn’t fully reach his eyes, dohoon smiles back.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon wakes up to a few text messages from junghwan.

i’m sorry, dohoon-ah

please don’t hate me. i hope we can still be friends

you’re a wonderful person

dohoon swipes them away without answering; he’ll think of what to say later.

he goes to the kitchen and toasts a slice of bread. he almost burns himself on the edge of the pan, but thankfully nothing happens.

after spreading some butter on the toast, he eats it in silence, staring at the golden fall trees out the window. it’s eerily quiet; jihoon must still be sleeping.

dohoon takes the last bite, and after placing the plate in the sink, he goes back to his room. he stares at the messages from junghwan for so long they’re burned into his vision when he closes his eyes.

he finally sends a reply after thinking over it for far too long.

i’d like to be friends, too

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

the month comes to an end, leaving a crisp chill on its way out. jihoon sits on a bench in the courtyard with a lollipop lazily hanging from his mouth. he steps on the dry leaves beneath his feet, listening to the crunching sounds they make. the air is chilly, but it soothes him after the long hours of dance practice.

he’s grateful for getting such important parts, don’t get him wrong, but it’s stressful too. he sighs, letting his head fall back against the backrest.

a few minutes pass with jihoon in that position before dohoon spots him like that on his way back from class. dohoon stands behind him, his face upside down in jihoon’s vision. jihoon immediately sits up straight, startled, the lollipop nearly falling from his mouth. dohoon bursts into loud laughter.

“why would you do that!” jihoon whines, pulling the lollipop out of his mouth. dohoon only laughs harder.

“what are you doing?” dohoon finally asks after a minute.

“nothing,” jihoon replies. “just didn’t feel like going home yet.”

dohoon nods.

“well, i’m going home,” he says, nodding in the direction of their apartment. “so see you later.”

jihoon reaches into his pocket and pulls out another lollipop.

“here.”

dohoon takes it with a bright grin, unwrapping the candy as he continues along the path. jihoon can’t help but chuckle as dohoon leaves, watching him put the lollipop in his mouth.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

the days are starting to get colder as november sets in, and dohoon stands in front of the mirror, putting on a scarf.

“where are you going?” jihoon asks, looking up from his phone.

“it’s junghwan’s birthday,” dohoon replies, adjusting his bangs now.

jihoon tilts his head in confusion.

“didn’t you two stop seeing each other?”

“well, we’re still friends, i guess. he called me over.”

jihoon’s expression sours.

“don’t you think he’s leading you on? if he’s inviting you over and kissing you but won’t date you?”

“he doesn’t kiss me anymore,” dohoon says. “and i can take care of myself. what’s your issue, anyway?”

jihoon looks away, a little embarrassed.

“sorry, hyung. have fun.”

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

junghwan eyes the box of cookies in dohoon’s hand as he opens the door.

“hey, i told you not to bring anything!” 

“don’t lie, i know you have a sweet tooth. here,” dohoon says, handing the box to junghwan.

junghwan takes a good look at the box and hums.

“thank you, then. you remembered my favorite kind?”

“of course i did.”

dohoon steps inside, noticing a few of junghwan’s friends sitting on the couch. junghwan opens the box of cookies, taking one for himself and handing one to dohoon before setting the box in the living room. the others all immediately reach for the cookies.

“happy birthday, hyung,” dohoon says, once junghwan returns his attention to him.

“thank you, dohoon-ah,” junghwan replies. “when’s your birthday, hm? january, right?”

dohoon nods.

“january 30th.”

junghwan looks thoughtful.

“i’ll be gone by then,” he says. “so happy birthday in advance.”

“that’s almost three months away,” dohoon laughs.

“but still!”

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

it’s pouring rain, but jihoon is nowhere to be found. dohoon sits on the couch, watching something on tv, vaguely worried about jihoon’s whereabouts.

about fifteen minutes later, jihoon walks into the apartment, fully soaked from head to toe but a wide grin on his face and a shopping bag in hand.

“where the hell were you?” dohoon asks, clicking his tongue as water drips onto the floor from jihoon’s clothes and hair.

“i went to the convenience store,” jihoon replies, a little sheepish. “i wanted gummies. didn’t know it was gonna rain this hard.”

dohoon rolls his eyes, taking the bag from jihoon’s hand and pointing him towards his room.

“go change before you get sick.”

jihoon nods. he comes back a few minutes later in fresh clothes, but his hair is still wet. he finds dohoon sitting on the couch again, eating the gummies already.

“hey!” jihoon whines. dohoon laughs, holding out the bag for him to take.

“your fault for being stupid.”

jihoon pouts, taking the bag from him. 

“it’s fine! it literally doesn’t matter. i’m fine.”

dohoon nods skeptically.

jihoon looks in the bag, narrowing his eyes at the complete lack of blue gummies. he looks over and finds them all in dohoon’s palm.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

a few hours later, jihoon pouts.

“my throat hurts.”

dohoon rolls his eyes.

“just rest before it gets worse,” dohoon says, urging jihoon towards his room. jihoon goes to his room, dragging his feet, and lays in bed.

“you idiot,” dohoon scolds, “this is what happens when you spend all your money on clothes that look cool instead of what you actually need. didn’t i tell you to buy a raincoat?”

jihoon just chuckles, not the slightest bit regretful.

“it was fun!”

he sneezes right afterwards, and dohoon groans.

dohoon goes to the kitchen, leaving jihoon to stare at the ceiling, but he comes back later with a cup of hot water with honey and lemon.

“here,” he says. “drink this. you should be fine when you wake up.”

jihoon wordlessly takes the cup and drinks it, handing it back to dohoon when it’s empty.

“thank you, hyung,” he says softly, snuggling into the covers. dohoon pats his head once before leaving.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

“jihoonie,” dohoon starts, “i saw the cutest guy at the library today.”

jihoon looks up from his phone. dohoon continues talking.

“he was just studying, but i had to go talk to him. and he was drinking, like, kale juice or something, but everyone’s a little weird, right?”

jihoon nods slowly.

“and,” dohoon continues, excitement building in his tone, “i asked him to meet me at the café for a date. and he said sure!”

“already?” jihoon asks, raising an eyebrow.

“listen,” dohoon says. “i know. but he’s so sweet.”

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

“how do you even do that?” dohoon asks, stepping into the apartment and finding jihoon practicing choreography in the living room. “do you not have bones?”

jihoon doesn’t respond, dancing till the song ends, before meeting dohoon’s eyes with a grin. his hair is lightly stuck to his forehead with sweat.

“i’m a jellyfish!” he says, waving his arms like tentacles. dohoon laughs.

“what are you practicing for, hm?”

“my dance showcase is coming up soon,” jihoon responds. “it’s in like two weeks.”

dohoon thinks for a second.

“oh. can i come?”

jihoon’s eyes light up.

“you would?”

dohoon almost looks confused by that.

“why wouldn’t i?”

jihoon gives dohoon a small smile and pulls out his phone to check the exact date.

“it’s december 12th,” he says. “a friday.”

dohoon pulls out his own phone to check, and then nods in agreement.

“i’ll be there!”

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon and hanjin step into the café, relieved by the warmth after being out in the chilly air for so long. they stand in line, discussing what they’re going to order.

“what are you gonna get?” hanjin asks.

“ah, usually i’d get an iced tea with a shot of espresso,” dohoon replies, “but it’s a bit late for that much caffeine, don’t you think?”

hanjin nods in agreement; the sun has already begun to set.

“i’m not gonna get coffee either, then,” hanjin says. “plus it’s a bit cold for iced drinks. should we get hot chocolate?”

dohoon considers it for a moment and quickly agrees.

once it’s their turn, dohoon orders a hot chocolate for each of them. when it’s ready, they go over to a table in the back corner, taking a seat.

hanjin dips a finger in the whipped cream on top, bringing it to his lips. dohoon licks it straight from the cup.

“so good,” hanjin says. “i’ve been trying to cut down on sugar these days, but whatever.”

dohoon laughs.

“weren’t you drinking kale juice the other day?”

“it’s really not that bad!” hanjin defends.

“i believe you,” dohoon says, taking a sip.

“no, seriously!”

dohoon feels his phone buzz in his pocket. he ignores it, but when it buzzes a few more times, he pulls it out, groaning. once he opens it, though, his expression shifts from annoyance to something more fond.

“who is it?” hanjin asks, curious.

“my roommate jihoon,” dohoon replies, typing out a short message. “there are no snacks left in the pantry, apparently. i told him to go figure it out.” 

hanjin giggles at that and dohoon follows suit. 

“he’s so whiny!” dohoon complains. 

“doesn’t seem like you mind, though.”

“i don’t,” dohoon agrees. 

the two of them go back to sipping their drinks. 

before they leave, dohoon picks up a small bag of chips from the counter while hanjin waits near the door. once he pays for it, he catches up with hanjin. 

“so overpriced,” he complains, pouting. 

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

“i got these for you, idiot,” dohoon says, tossing the packet of chips onto the counter.

jihoon looks at him with sparkling eyes.

“thank you, hyung!” he exclaims, popping the bag open and putting a few chips in his mouth. “i thought you told me to figure it out myself. where’d you get them?”

“the café,” dohoon replies. “i was already there, so.”

“aren’t the snacks there so expensive though?” jihoon asks, still munching.

“well, you asked for them,” dohoon says.

jihoon grins, bright and mischievous.

“oh, you love me,” he teases, squishing dohoon’s cheek. “you really love me!”

dohoon just laughs, reaching out to ruffle jihoon’s hair. jihoon makes a noise like a puppy.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon is alone in the apartment when he gets a text from hanjin.

hyung, it’s the first snow today. do you wanna watch it with me?

dohoon’s eyes widen as he types out a reply, saying he’ll be there. he goes to his closet to put on the thickest coat he has, since they’ll probably be out for a while. before he leaves, he sends jihoon a quick text saying that he’ll be out.

once he arrives at the park, he finds hanjin sitting on a bench. dohoon quickly makes his way over and sits down right next to him.

“hi, hyung,” hanjin says, smiling sweetly. “the snow should start soon,” he says, looking at the weather forecast on his phone.

the two of them sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes before the first snowflakes begin to fall from the sky. no matter how many times dohoon has seen snow, the magic never really wears off, and he watches the flurries with childlike excitement. hanjin holds out his hand to catch a few.

“so pretty,” hanjin gushes, bringing them closer to his face to see.

dohoon fishes for his phone in his pocket, opening the camera. he takes a few photos of hanjin with the delicate snowflakes in his palm. hanjin grins widely as he shows off the snowflakes, his face flushed pink from the cold.

“you’re prettier,” dohoon says. hanjin shyly covers his mouth with his hand.

more snow has accumulated, and dohoon smiles as he takes a few more photos of hanjin with little snowflakes in his hair. 

“here, give me,” hanjin says, holding out his hand. dohoon passes him the phone, and hanjin takes a few pictures of dohoon in the first snow. he shows dohoon, who nods in satisfaction, before flipping the camera and taking selfies of the two of them together.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

after dance practice, jihoon gets home shivering, his nose and cheeks flushed red from the cold. it’s not very late yet, but it’s already dark. he steps further into the empty apartment, peeling his coat off and hanging it up for the melting snowflakes to dry, and he turns on the heater.

he’s starving. he heads to the fridge, looking for leftovers he can reheat, but as he digs through the shelves, he comes across the last two bottles of blue soda from the summer. his eyes linger on them for a moment before he continues his search for food. 

he eventually finds something to eat and places it in the microwave, still shivering slightly. he checks his phone, finding a message from dohoon on his lockscreen.

i’ll be out, hanjinie wanted to watch the first snow with me

jihoon swipes the message away without opening it and stares at the microwave for the remaining few seconds. once the timer runs out, he brings it to the table and sits down, grateful for the hot food. he eats in silence, watching the flurries of snow through the window.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon finds a spot in the auditorium, arriving just in time. the lights are off a few minutes after he’s in his seat, and he feels a little awkward. he never went to any of the dance performances last year; he’s only here for jihoon.

soon enough, the performance starts, and everything fades into darkness except for the dancers on stage. dohoon can’t hide the grin that spreads across his face when the group of people next to him gasp as jihoon moves to the center. yeah, that’s right! 

he’s surprised too, seeing jihoon front and center despite being one of the youngest, but he thinks it’s totally deserved. even to an untrained eye, jihoon stands out among the other performers.

dohoon knows he shouldn’t, but he quickly pulls his phone out and takes a short video, just a few seconds. it’s rare seeing jihoon like this.

as each performer takes a bow after the performance ends, dohoon snaps one last picture of jihoon on stage, his eyes bright with excitement.

when dohoon meets jihoon afterwards, jihoon looks like he’s still riding the high of the performance. his hair is lightly stuck to his forehead and his cheeks are flushed from exertion, and he’s smiling so widely it looks like his face will split into two. dohoon immediately pulls him into a hug.

“you did so well!” dohoon exclaims, ruffling jihoon’s hair as he pulls away. “like seriously, you were insane up there,” he says, still awed.

jihoon’s smile turns a little bashful.

“thank you, hyung.”

“come on, let’s get some food! you must be hungry,” dohoon says, grabbing jihoon’s wrist. “it’s on me!”

jihoon grins brightly, letting dohoon lead him away.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

hanjin sits in front of his vanity, touching up his makeup. dohoon is next to him, scrolling on his phone, occasionally looking up to watch.

once hanjin reapplies his lip gloss, he turns off the mirror light and looks at dohoon, a coy smile on his face.

“wow, so cool,” dohoon says, locking his phone. “you do your makeup really well.”

hanjin grins.

“do you want me to do yours?”

dohoon’s eyes widen for a second before he nods. he switches seats with hanjin and turns the light back on, looking at his reflection in the mirror. hanjin starts getting his makeup products out again.

“you have really nice eyebrows,” hanjin says, combing through them with a spoolie. “so thick. i don’t even need to fill them in.”

dohoon hums. hanjin opens his foundation compact, frowning slightly. 

“i don’t have your exact shade,” hanjin says, “but i’ll make it work. it’s close enough.” 

he applies a thin enough layer for it to look natural, and nods approvingly. 

“you can’t even tell.”

hanjin applies some blush to the back of his hand before picking it up on a brush and stippling it across dohoon’s cheeks, building up a natural flush of color. he brings the blush down a little further than he usually does on himself.

“do you want freckles?”

“freckles? yeah, sure, why not?”

hanjin nods and starts dotting little specks across dohoon’s nose and cheeks. dohoon keeps his eyes trained intensely on hanjin, who seems a little flustered by dohoon’s gaze.

“yah, stop looking at me like that!”

dohoon chuckles and finally looks away.

once the freckles are done, hanjin pulls out a small eyeshadow palette. dohoon has to resist the urge to roll his eyes as hanjin tells him to close, open, close them again, but he complies regardless. 

a few minutes later, dohoon looks in the mirror again, surprised by how defined his eyes look now. he gives hanjin a thumbs up. 

hanjin rummages in his drawer and pulls out three different lip tints: a peach, rose, and berry-toned one. 

“which one?”

dohoon laughs. 

“i don’t know?”

hanjin pouts. 

“you’re no fun. come on, pick one!”

dohoon takes another look at the options before selecting the rosy gloss. 

“good choice,” hanjin says, twisting the cap off and leaning in to apply it. dohoon’s breath hitches as the cold metal wand touches his lips.

once hanjin sets the makeup into place, he steps back and looks at his work with satisfaction before squishing dohoon’s cheeks affectionately. 

“so cute,” he giggles. dohoon smiles at him. 

“it’s all thanks to you.”

hanjin grins, picking his phone off the table and opening the camera. he takes pictures of dohoon from every angle to capture his masterpiece. 

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

“you’re so pretty,” jihoon blurts out when dohoon enters the apartment, the words slipping out of his mouth before he can think better of them. fuck. he usually manages to not say stupid shit like this, what’s wrong with him today?

“yeah? i was at hanjin’s place, and he wanted to do my makeup,” dohoon explains, framing his face with his hand. “does it look nice?”

dohoon looks… overheated. he has fake freckles scattered across the bridge of his nose and a natural-looking flush painted onto his cheeks, making him look like he’s been running around in the summer heat even as it’s the dead of winter outside. his eyes look a little sharper than usual, too.

jihoon’s gaze falls to dohoon’s lips then, tinted a soft rosy pink. he doesn’t let himself look for more than a second, but the image is burned into his mind.

god, jihoon wants to kiss him so bad.

“do you want me to take pictures? i mean.”

“hanjin already did, and i took a bunch of selfies too, but yeah! it’s not often that i get to look like this, so the more the better.”

jihoon swallows, framing dohoon in his phone camera, trying to take good enough photos to do him justice. all jihoon can think is that dohoon looks like summer.

far too many photos later, jihoon lowers his phone, giving dohoon a small smile.

“it looks really good on you.”

dohoon beams.

hours later, dohoon chuckles when he can still feel the weight of jihoon’s gaze.

“does it really look that good?”

“yes…” jihoon replies, a bit sheepish at being caught staring. it’s not like he can lie.

“huh,” dohoon says. “maybe i should learn to do my own makeup then.”

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

hanjin brushes his thumb across dohoon’s lower lip, feeling it slightly cracked from the frosty winter air. he clicks his tongue.

“hyung, your lips are so dry,” he scolds.

dohoon nearly rolls his eyes.

“well, yeah, it’s winter. that’s just how it is.”

hanjin doesn’t accept his excuse. he digs in his bag for a moment and pulls out a half-empty tube of lip balm, prying the cap off and squeezing a bit out before bringing the tube to dohoon’s lips. the lip balm is sheer with a slight hint of pink to it. 

dohoon makes an exaggerated kissy face while hanjin applies it and hanjin lightly smacks his shoulder.

“much better,” hanjin says afterwards, putting the cap back on. he makes eye contact with dohoon once more and presses a quick peck to his lips, giggling afterward when dohoon’s eyes widen in shock. dohoon notices the faint shine that has transferred to hanjin’s lips.

“here,” hanjin says, handing the tube to dohoon. “you need it more than i do. plus, i have more.”

dohoon accepts it without a word, stuffing it in his pocket.

“you better use it,” hanjin says sternly. “don’t just leave it lying around.”

“yes, hanjin,” dohoon responds, rolling his eyes. hanjin smacks his shoulder again for good measure.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon arrives at a new year’s party with hanjin on his arm. as soon as they walk in, someone hands them a pair of glasses with ‘2026’ awkwardly fitted onto the front, and the two of them laugh as they take them. 

hanjin tries them on first, quickly pulling out his phone to check how it looks in the front camera. he snaps a few selfies before handing the glasses to dohoon, who wears them next, chuckling in embarrassment. hanjin flips the camera and takes a few pictures of dohoon, too. dohoon strikes a few poses for the photos but pulls the glasses off immediately after hanjin puts the phone down.

hanjin takes the glasses back and hooks them onto the collar of his shirt, and the two of them walk around a bit. they stop at the snack bar and take more sweets than they can carry in their hands before they find a spot by the window to watch the fireworks while staying warm. 

“weren’t you trying to eat less sugar?” dohoon asks, playfully narrowing his eyes as he looks at the absurd number of cupcakes in hanjin’s hands.

“oh, come on, it’s new year’s!” hanjin retorts. “can’t we have a little fun?”

dohoon laughs.

“i think you should just have fun all the time,” he says. “you’re pretty. you don’t need to do all that.”

hanjin’s cheeks flush at the flattery. he dips his finger in the bright pink icing of a cupcake and wipes it on dohoon’s nose, giggling. dohoon bats him away, but he’s laughing too. hanjin bites into the cupcake, and dohoon follows, taking a bite of his own.

as the colorful sparks fly in the sky above them, hanjin leans into dohoon’s shoulder and points out all the prettiest ones as dohoon cranes his neck to see them better. a while in, hanjin seems to get distracted by something, looking behind him, but dohoon is too busy watching the fireworks to notice.

eventually, hanjin turns back to dohoon.

“hyung, who’s that?” he asks, pointing behind him. dohoon looks over.

standing across the room, with a slightly pained smile, is han jihoon. jihoon turns away quickly once dohoon notices him. 

dohoon turns back to hanjin.

“oh, that’s jihoon,” he replies. “my best friend,” he explains with a fond smile.

“it seemed like he was looking for you,” hanjin says. “i think you should go with him.”

dohoon frowns.

“but i wanted to spend the new year with you? it’s almost midnight,” dohoon says, a little worried.

hanjin smiles at that, but he still points at jihoon.

“go find him,” he says, wiping the cream away from dohoon’s nose. “i’ll be right here after.”

10…

9…

dohoon still hesitates, but hanjin pushes him slightly.

“go!”

dohoon quickly makes his way through the crowd during the countdown until he reaches jihoon. jihoon is extremely surprised upon seeing dohoon walking toward him.

“what about— i thought—” jihoon stutters out. dohoon just shushes him.

4…

3…

dohoon impulsively pulls jihoon into a hug at that very moment. jihoon freezes for a second, but quickly relaxes into the embrace. the clock strikes midnight.

“happy new year, jihoon-ah,” dohoon whispers.

“happy new year, hyung.” jihoon whispers back. “i hope we can be friends for a long, long time.”

“of course, jihoonie. why wouldn’t we?”

dohoon hears jihoon sniffle into his shoulder. he holds him tighter and gently threads his fingers through jihoon’s hair.

after a long time, jihoon finally lets go, his eyes still a little teary.

“you should go back…” he says, looking over to where hanjin is sitting. dohoon looks over too; hanjin is smiling at the two of them in a way dohoon can’t quite read. when he and dohoon make eye contact, he simply shakes his head no.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon isn’t really sure where he and hanjin stand after what happened during that party a few days ago, but he sits on the floor wrapping a polaroid camera and instant film in gift wrap anyway. he tries to wrap it as neatly as he can.

he gets out a sheet of paper to write a note too, but he eventually decides against it. he’ll see how it goes first.

he arrives at hanjin’s place, gift in hand. hanjin opens the door with a soft smile.

“happy birthday, hanjinie,” dohoon says, presenting hanjin with the gift.

hanjin grins, taking the box into his hands.

“thank you, hyung.”

hanjin sits on the carpet and starts unwrapping the camera neatly, without tearing the wrapping paper. he gasps when he takes the camera out, covering his hand with his mouth.

“this is perfect!” he exclaims. “it’s just my type. you know me so well.”

dohoon smiles. hanjin takes the camera out of the box and connects it to the charger.

“hyung,” hanjin starts after a moment of thought, as if debating whether to say it or not, “i really like you, but i think we should just stay friends.”

dohoon can’t say he’s completely surprised, but it stings a little regardless. he covers his face with his hands and groans softly.

“oh, dohoonie,” hanjin says, smiling sweetly, “we haven’t even been dating that long. why do you look so sad?”

dohoon just shakes his head.

“hey, don’t cry. it’s my birthday,” hanjin pouts exaggeratedly. 

“i’m not crying,” dohoon mutters pointedly. he really isn’t.

hanjin laughs. dohoon finally drops his hands, meeting hanjin’s eyes again.

“let’s stay friends?” he asks hopefully.

hanjin smiles genuinely at him.

“of course. don’t get all sad on me and cut me off,” hanjin says, teasingly. “i’d really like to be your friend still.”

dohoon smiles at that.

the camera should be charged enough to turn on by now, so hanjin disconnects it from the charger and loads the film into it. he scoots closer to dohoon and points the camera at the two of them, telling dohoon to pose. he clicks the shutter and waits for a second before taking one more.

the printed photos slide out of the camera, and the two of them wait for them to develop. hanjin picks one for himself and hands the other one to dohoon with a gentle smile.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

“jihoon-ah, do you think i fall for people too easily?” dohoon asks one night, laying across the couch and staring at the ceiling. “i just want someone to love me, you know? is that too much to ask?” 

jihoon looks back at him from the other end of the couch with an unreadable expression.

“i don’t think so,” he says quietly.

“then why doesn’t anyone stay?”

jihoon is a little hurt, but he brushes it off quickly enough.

“maybe you just haven’t found the right person yet.”

“i really liked hanjin, though. at least he still wants to be my friend, but still.”

jihoon hums.

“do you think junghwan would’ve been my boyfriend if he stayed?” dohoon asks after a minute. “i keep thinking about it. things were going so well…”

jihoon really can’t stand this conversation anymore, but he forces himself to mask it to the best of his ability.

“maybe, but you don’t know that. did you even know him at all? all you two did was go on a date or two and kiss.”

dohoon is a little taken aback by the bitterness that slipped out in jihoon’s voice.

“yeah, well, that’s the whole point of dating. we would’ve gotten to know each other better if we had more time,” he says, matching jihoon’s tone.

“but that didn’t happen. and i don’t think he was right for you, anyway.”

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

jihoon feels a bit guilty while he folds his laundry the next day. dohoon had left earlier that morning, leaving him alone in the apartment. he pulls the last shirt out of the dryer, still warm, and folds it neatly, placing it on top of the stack. he buries his nose in the clothes afterwards, soaking in the warmth and scent of fresh linen, and then puts them back in his closet.

he goes back to the laundry room to turn the light off, but when he catches sight of dohoon’s heaping laundry basket, he decides to do dohoon’s laundry as a favor. maybe that’ll make him feel less guilty. 

he dumps the clothes into the washing machine, pouring in detergent and a bit of baking soda, and turns it on. once it starts rumbling, he turns the light off and goes back to his room while he waits the hour or so for it to finish. he’ll probably learn some new choreography, he thinks.

jihoon learns the choreography to quite a few of his favorite girl group songs before he hears the washing machine play its little tune. he quickly transfers the clothes into the dryer and then goes back to his room. 

about ten minutes later, he suddenly realizes he just put everything in the dryer without checking if it needed to be taken out or not. oh, well. it should still be fine, right? surely nothing would shrink too much, he thinks. he goes back to dancing. 

once the dryer is done too, jihoon starts to fold the warm clothes. everything seems to have held up well, thank god. 

but he bites his lip as he pulls a blue shirt with white lettering on the front out of the dryer. ah, shit. it’s noticeably smaller than it was before. he folds it anyway, placing it in the middle of the stack so dohoon hopefully doesn’t notice immediately. 

once everything is folded, jihoon places the stack of clothes on the couch and scrolls on his phone for a bit. 

“yah, han jihoon, why’d you do my laundry?” dohoon asks when he comes back, eyeing the folded pile of clothes suspiciously.

jihoon doesn’t say a word. dohoon looks through the clothes in the stack one by one before pulling out the shrunken blue shirt. oops.

dohoon purses his lips and sighs, unfolding it.

“you should’ve taken this one out of the dryer,” he chides. he quickly takes his shirt off and drops it to the ground, pulling the freshly washed blue shirt over his head. jihoon looks away pointedly, but out of the corner of his eye, he sees the golden tan of dohoon’s skin anyway. he tries to ignore the heat rushing to his cheeks. 

once dohoon has put the shirt on properly, jihoon looks once more. it’s a little tighter than it was before, shorter sleeves hugging his arms and a sliver of his midriff showing. jihoon’s head spins for a moment before he gets it together and meets dohoon’s eyes.

“sorry, hyung,” he says softly. “it still looks really good. like a baby tee now.”

dohoon rolls his eyes.

“whatever. at least the rest is alright,” he says, looking at the pile again for a moment. “thank you.”

dohoon takes the clothes to his room and comes back a moment later, picking the shirt off the ground and tossing it into the basket. 

“are you… not going to change back?” jihoon asks.

“huh? no, this is alright. i don’t mind.”

jihoon swallows and takes a deep breath.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

as the last days of january die out, dohoon’s twenty-first birthday finally rolls around. he checks his phone as soon as he wakes up, finding birthday wishes from several of his friends. he swipes most of them away to reply to later, but the one on top is from hanjin.

happy birthday hyung!!!

can i come over i have a gift

dohoon smiles, but he hesitates before replying. he’ll have to ask jihoon first.

it’s a friday, so neither of them have any classes. he gets dressed and walks into the kitchen, finding jihoon intently piping blue frosting onto a cake. jihoon shrieks when he sees dohoon.

“oh my god, get out! you’re ruining my surprise!”

dohoon laughs and immediately backtracks into his room, pretending he saw nothing. he sits on his bed, replying to his friends’ texts, thanking them for the birthday wishes. he still doesn’t open hanjin’s message.

a while later, jihoon opens the door, finally inviting him to come to the kitchen. dohoon follows him, smiling widely when he sees the decorated cake sitting on the counter.

“did you make this?” he asks.

“i bought it from the bakery,” jihoon says, blushing slightly, “but i decorated it myself. sorry if it’s a little messy.”

truthfully, it doesn’t look professional in the slightest. the dollops of cream are all lopsided, and the lines on the letters “happy birthday dohoon!” are a bit shaky, but that only makes dohoon like it more. it’s so charming, he thinks. 

“good thing you didn’t make the cake yourself,” dohoon teases, chuckling. “at least we know it’s edible then.”

“hey!” jihoon whines, pouting angrily. dohoon just chuckles and ruffles jihoon’s hair.

“just teasing,” dohoon reassures him. “thank you so much, jihoonie. it’s so cute. you decorated it well.”

the smile reappears on jihoon’s face, glowing at the praise.

jihoon tells dohoon to take a seat before sitting down himself. jihoon digs a fork directly into the cake, not bothering with cutting it, and brings the fork to dohoon’s lips.

“happy birthday, hyung,” he says, feeding dohoon the bite of cake. dohoon swallows, smiling as jihoon cuts another bite of cake with the fork, bringing this one to his own mouth. jihoon hums at the taste.

“it’s good,” he says.

“really good,” dohoon echoes.

jihoon gets up to finally grab another fork, and he hands it to dohoon. the two of them eat the cake bit by bit, even as it’s much too early in the morning. when they can’t eat any more, dohoon covers it, saying they’ll finish it later.

once the cake is set aside, jihoon pulls out a small jewelry box, presenting it to dohoon. dohoon gasps audibly once he opens it, seeing a silver bracelet.

“i’ve always wanted something like this,” he says, still shocked. “how’d you know?”

jihoon just giggles, a little sly.

“do you like it?”

“i love it, jihoonie!”

jihoon looks incredibly pleased as dohoon wraps the bracelet around his wrist, securing the clasp. dohoon stares at the silver gleaming beautifully in the light.

“i’m never taking this off.”

jihoon pats his head.

“i’m so glad you like it,” he says softly.

dohoon takes the box to his room and then sits back down, checking his phone again and finding even more birthday wishes. jihoon steps out to get their mail, returning shortly later with an envelope addressed to dohoon.

“this one’s for you,” jihoon says, handing the letter over.

dohoon can’t see the sender name from here, but looking at the stamp of a golden maple leaf in the corner, he immediately knows who it is. he smiles.

“thank you,” he says, taking the letter and setting it aside. he’ll read it later.

“by the way,” dohoon continues after a moment, “hanjin wanted to come over. is that okay?”

jihoon’s face scrunches up for a second before returning to normal.

“yeah, but later. let me take you out first.”

dohoon nods, finally opening hanjin’s message to reply.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

jihoon and dohoon sigh in relief as they feel the warm air surrounding them once they enter the arcade. they unzip their coats and jihoon pulls some coins out of his pocket, enough for the two of them. they walk around the machines, deciding where to play first. 

they play various games against each other. their competitive streak quickly takes over, and they find themselves spending more and more coins to keep playing. eventually, after one last heated round, they reach the claw machine.

“let me try,” dohoon says confidently. 

“it’s all yours.”

dohoon tries multiple times, failing repeatedly and banging on the glass in frustration. jihoon stands at his side, laughing, and dohoon shoots him a glare every so often. jihoon only ruffles dohoon’s hair at that, not taking his irritation seriously in the slightest. 

finally, a plushie lands in the chute, and dohoon practically starts jumping up and down in excitement. 

“i won! i won!” he nearly yells. he picks up the toy and brings it closer to his face to see it better. it’s a squishy blue jellyfish with a winking face. 

“here,” he says, handing it over to jihoon. jihoon looks it over once, grinning before handing it back.

“it looks just like me,” he says. “it just needs a mole by the eye.”

dohoon hands it back to jihoon immediately. 

“it’s a jellyfish,” he says, as if stating something incredibly obvious. “you have to have it.”

jihoon’s jaw drops and he tries to place the plushie back in dohoon’s hands.

“no, no, it’s your birthday. why are you giving me a gift?”

dohoon still refuses to take it, so jihoon tucks the plushie under his own arm and stands in front of the claw machine. he wastes quite a few coins, sighing and nearly giving up, but on his very last try, he wins a plushie. it’s quite small compared to the jellyfish, but it’s still something. he hands it to dohoon, beaming.

“a baby wolf,” he says. “its eyebrows are just like yours.”

dohoon raises his eyebrows, preparing to be offended, but when he looks at the plushie he can only agree. he laughs. 

“thank you, jihoonie,” he says, as they both zip their coats back up, ready to leave.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

“happy birthday!” hanjin exclaims as soon as dohoon opens the door. “how’s my favorite hyung doing?” he asks teasingly.

“don’t flirt with me after breaking my heart,” dohoon playfully scolds, giggling. hanjin laughs too as dohoon lets him in.

once they’re both inside, hanjin presents dohoon with a little felt bird with a scarf wrapped around its neck. dohoon gasps a little childishly as he takes the bird into his hands, turning it over to see it from every angle.

“i don’t know, it made me think of you,” hanjin explains. dohoon smiles sincerely.

“i really love it. thank you so much,” he says, already looking for a spot on the counter to make its home.

hanjin takes a seat at the table and dohoon goes to the kitchen to cut a slice of cake for him. he and jihoon had destroyed it a bit, digging their forks into it haphazardly, but dohoon is able to cut a neat piece from it still. he places hanjin’s slice on a plate before taking a fork and digging back into the mess of cake left over, taking a few more bites. 

when dohoon goes back to the table, plate in hand, he finds hanjin and jihoon in conversation, jihoon’s eyes crinkled up as he smiles widely. his heart warms.

jihoon looks up with wide eyes when dohoon approaches.

“you didn’t tell me he was this fun!” he says. “he’s my new best friend.”

hanjin giggles shyly, covering his mouth with his hand. dohoon rolls his eyes affectionately.

“i always told you he was awesome. you must’ve been ignoring me.”

jihoon blushes in embarrassment and looks away, not responding to that. he turns back to hanjin.

hanjin tastes the cake once dohoon places it in front of him, looking delighted at the sweetness. dohoon takes a seat with the two of them.

“do you want some cake too, jihoon-ah?”

“not really,” jihoon says, giggling. “almost made myself sick eating so much this morning.”

dohoon smiles fondly, and the three of them chat for a while as hanjin eats. dohoon gently strokes the felt bird’s wing, almost absentmindedly. what a wonderful birthday, he thinks.

before hanjin leaves for the night, he digs in his bag, pulling out the polaroid camera dohoon gifted him. he snaps a few shots of the three of them together.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon wakes up one morning to nothing but the color white outside his window. after a sleepy moment of wondering if he’s still on earth, he realizes it must’ve snowed all night. 

he steps into the living room, finding jihoon wrapped in a blanket, watching something on tv.

“we’re snowed in, huh?”

jihoon looks up and nods.

“yeah. what do you wanna do today?”

“i don’t know,” dohoon says. “i was hoping you had plans.”

“well, i don’t have plans either,” jihoon replies. “come sit.”

dohoon takes a seat next to jihoon, and jihoon offers dohoon part of his blanket. dohoon eagerly accepts it, snuggling into the warmth.

he turns to the tv. he watches the show for a while, but he soon finds himself looking at the gentle flurries of snow outside the window instead. a few minutes later, he feels jihoon leaning against him. he looks at jihoon, who smiles up at him sweetly.

“cold,” jihoon says. dohoon pets his hair affectionately.

after the moment passes, dohoon’s gaze returns to the window, his fingers still in jihoon’s hair.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

jihoon is alone in the dance studio, sitting with his back against the mirrored wall and his water bottle in hand as he takes a short break. when he hears a buzz, he picks his phone up from where it was propped up against a chair.

oh, it’s kyungmin. he opens the chat, finding a video and some messages below it.

hyung, is this good enough or do u have feedback

my performance is soon and you’re the best dancer i know

jihoon smiles, pressing play on the video. kyungmin is incredible, of course, but jihoon watches with a critical eye, wanting to get kyungmin’s moves as perfect as possible. 

after watching the video a few times, jihoon goes back to the chat, typing out a response.

are u still at the studio? it might be easier if we video call

jihoon gets an incoming call a few seconds later. he grins when kyungmin picks up, recognizing the school’s dance studio.

“hi, kyungmin!” he greets cheerfully. he’d been quite tired, honestly, but seeing kyungmin’s face for the first time in a while is enough to boost his energy. 

kyungmin grins, waving excitedly, before setting his phone down and starting the music again. he runs through the same choreo jihoon had seen in the video.

once kyungmin sits down again, phone in hand, jihoon starts speaking.

“you’re so good, kyungmin-ah! you’ll definitely do well in your performance,” he says. “we can work through it a bit more for minor polish but you’re doing great already.”

kyungmin beams at the compliment. 

“thank you, hyung!”

jihoon can’t help but smile at that.

“okay, the first thing i noticed, for this part,” he demonstrates, moving his arms, “i think the hand movements could be a bit sharper.”

kyungmin listens intently.

“and the next part could be a bit more fluid for more of a contrast, yeah? to capture the feeling of the music.”

kyungmin nods, getting up to try it again with jihoon’s feedback. once he finishes his second run through, jihoon grins at him.

“that’s already much better!”

jihoon gives him more feedback on the details, and kyungmin applies it each time. kyungmin improves quickly.

after multiple repetitions, kyungmin sits down for a moment to catch his breath.

“hyung, can i see what you’re working on too?”

“of course!”

jihoon sets his phone down, angling it so kyungmin can see well, and goes back to what he’d been practicing earlier. he gives it his very best; kyungmin hasn’t seen him dancing in a while, and he needs to live up to expectations. 

“ah, so good,” kyungmin says, clapping when the music stops. “as expected from the one and only han jihoon.”

jihoon giggles, a little shy at the praise, and sits on the floor once again.

“i’m gonna go home,” kyungmin says, yawning.

“me too,” jihoon says, but neither of them make a move to end the call.

“how are things going with dohoon?” kyungmin asks after a minute of silence. 

jihoon sighs.

“same as always.”

“are you even trying, though?”

jihoon’s face twists at that, a little hurt.

“you don’t get it,” he says. “dohoon’s always dating someone.”

“is he dating someone right now?” kyungmin asks, genuinely curious.

“no…” jihoon replies.

“then why don’t you tell him before he gets into another relationship with someone else?”

jihoon closes his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath.

“i’ll try. it’s hard.”

“it really isn’t,” kyungmin says. “i know he’s stupid but he would definitely say yes.”

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

jihoon sits on the sofa, scrolling on his phone while a show plays in the background. he’s a little confused; dohoon should’ve been home an hour ago, but he’s nowhere to be found. ah, well. maybe he just got busy.

a couple minutes later, jihoon hears the sound of keys in the front door. he looks towards the entrance, waiting to see dohoon.

“you’re late,” he says as soon as dohoon steps inside. “what, did you find another guy to date or something?”

dohoon doesn’t deny it immediately; instead, his cheeks flush with the slightest hint of pink. jihoon nearly drops his phone.

“well, we’re not dating or anything,” dohoon says, “but i was hanging out with someone new, and maybe if it goes well…”

jihoon bites the inside of his cheek so hard it almost bleeds, but he keeps his expression blank.

“yeah? what’s his name?”

“choi youngjae,” dohoon responds. “he’s so pretty.”

jihoon hums.

“i took a picture when he wasn’t looking. do you wanna see?” dohoon asks.

jihoon doesn’t want to see at all, honestly.

“yeah, sure.”

dohoon pulls out his phone, opening his camera roll to show jihoon the most recent photo. jihoon feels a little sick.

youngjae is beautiful, jihoon thinks. he stares at dohoon’s phone for a moment, taking in the sight of youngjae’s side profile framed by the trees with newly budding flowers behind him. the wind has made his hair the slightest bit messy.

dohoon locks his phone again, smiling, a little lovestruck.

“i know i don’t exactly have the best track record, but i feel like maybe this could go somewhere,” dohoon says, a hopeful look in his eyes.

“i believe you,” jihoon says quietly.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

hours past midnight, jihoon sits at the kitchen table, laptop open in front of him. he was writing a paper earlier, but his attention has long since drifted.

he wonders if maybe he should let dohoon go.

how many times can he watch this happen? every season passes him by, and every time he wishes for things to be different, and yet they never are. dohoon finds a new lover. jihoon feels his jealousy slowly eat away at him. rinse. repeat.

maybe it’s for the best if he lets it go. if he lets dohoon date whoever he wants and stops caring about it. gosh, if only his brain would comply with such a thing.

sometimes, he wonders if dohoon really doesn’t know, or if he truly just doesn’t love him back. because how could dohoon not know? jihoon has been in love for as long as he can remember. of course, dohoon is a little dense, but surely he would’ve noticed by now, right?

watching dohoon chase after people time and time again is starting to take a toll on him. he buries his face in his hands, letting out a quiet, defeated whine. it sounds too loud in the silence.

jihoon can’t understand why this is so difficult. dohoon just wants to be loved, and jihoon just wants to love him. why is it not that easy?

he’s pulled out of his thoughts when he hears footsteps approaching.

dohoon groggily steps into the kitchen, his eyes tired and hair messy from sleep. he pours himself a glass of cold water, drinking it quickly and filling the cup again. jihoon watches as dohoon swallows, his full attention on dohoon’s throat. the screen on his laptop has long since gone dark.

looking at dohoon like this, feeling his heartbeat speed up, jihoon knows he’s doomed. 

there is no way he can ever get over dohoon. loving him has been woven into every fiber of his life.

once dohoon’s thirst is quenched, he places the cup back on the counter, giving jihoon a small smile. he looks like he was just pulled from a deep sleep, his eyes heavy but filled with warmth. jihoon wants to kiss him. he wants to kiss him so, so bad.

“kiss,” jihoon blurts out, before quickly shutting his mouth. holy fucking shit. what the fuck is wrong with him?

dohoon raises an eyebrow, but he doesn’t look disgusted; just curious and a little sleepy.

“you want a kiss?”

jihoon stays extremely still. dohoon cracks an amused smile, stepping closer.

“goodnight,” he whispers, pressing the softest kiss to jihoon’s hair.

jihoon’s cheeks heat up, impossibly red.

“goodnight, hyung,” he whispers after a moment.

dohoon has already turned his back, halfway to his bedroom. jihoon wants to cry.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

jihoon turns twenty as march slowly comes to an end. dohoon wakes up to the sound of birds chirping and looks around blearily. it’s a saturday, so he’d like to sleep in more, but he rolls out of bed anyway and makes his way over to jihoon’s room.

he opens the door, seeing jihoon still in bed, phone in hand.

“happy birthday, jihoonie,” dohoon calls out. jihoon looks toward the doorway and grins.

“thank you, hyung!”

“is there anything you wanna do today?” dohoon asks.

“hm? not really,” jihoon says. “come sit!”

dohoon sits on the edge of jihoon’s bed, and jihoon’s face turns pink as he looks up at dohoon. jihoon quickly looks away, going back to his phone.

“who’s that?” dohoon asks.

“kyungmin,” jihoon replies. “he said he wanted to be the first one to wish me, but i told him you beat him to it.”

dohoon laughs.

“aren’t you sleepy?” jihoon asks after a moment. “it’s so early.”

dohoon yawns right on cue.

“i am,” he says.

“lay down, then,” jihoon says, patting the bed beside him.

jihoon scoots over a little so dohoon can get comfortable under the blankets. the bed is a little small for two people, but they make it work.

jihoon watches as dohoon closes his eyes. he looks peaceful. jihoon is a little sleepy too, especially after dance practice yesterday, so he sets his phone on the nightstand and lets his eyes flutter shut even as the sunlight shining through the window gets brighter. they both fall asleep just like that.

a few hours later, dohoon wakes up, a little confused at first. it takes him a moment to realize where he is, and jihoon’s eyes open too when he feels dohoon moving.

“what time is it?” dohoon asks, his voice rough from sleep.

jihoon grabs his phone off the nightstand, tapping the screen once to see the time, and laughs.

“it’s like noon!”

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

after sleeping half the day away, the two of them get dressed and head into the kitchen, looking for something to eat. jihoon sighs, finding absolutely nothing.

“let’s go out,” dohoon suggests.

“where?”

“wherever you want. it’s your birthday, after all! my treat.”

jihoon grins at that, sitting down to put his shoes on.

“wait a minute,” dohoon says, before going back inside his room. he comes back a minute later, something jingling in his hand.

“close your eyes,” he says, grinning. once jihoon’s eyes are shut, dohoon takes jihoon’s hand in his and opens his fist, placing the item inside. “guess!”

“a keychain,” jihoon says, running his thumb along the key ring.

“well, obviously,” dohoon says, rolling his eyes even though jihoon can’t see. “what kind?”

jihoon feels the knitted tentacles between his fingers and raises his eyebrows in recognition.

“a jellyfish!” he exclaims, opening his eyes. he brings it closer to his face to inspect it. it’s a light blue, with a cute little face and ruffles along the edge of the bell. jihoon’s grin widens the longer he looks at it, and he gasps when he notices the tiny black dot under its right eye.

he sets it down and stands up to pull dohoon into a hug. he almost trips since he only has one shoe on, but he latches onto dohoon in time.

“it’s so pretty,” he whispers into dohoon’s shoulder. “i like it so much. it’s just my style.”

“i’m glad you like it, jellyfish boy,” dohoon says, pulling away to ruffle jihoon’s hair.

jihoon takes his shoe off again and goes over to clip the keychain onto his bag.

“isn’t it so cute?” he asks, beaming so hard his eyes turn into crescents.

“it’s perfect,” dohoon replies, returning jihoon’s smile. 

jihoon looks at it for a minute more before taking the keychain off the bag and clipping it onto one of his belt loops instead, looking in the mirror.

“i wanna show it off,” he says. “i’ll put it on my bag when we get back.”

dohoon pulls out his phone to snap a few pictures. jihoon starts posing as soon as he realizes the camera is on him.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

spring has fully set in now, and the days are getting warmer. jihoon wanders around campus aimlessly during his break between classes. there’s a pleasant breeze running through his hair and causing the cherry blossom petals to fall to the ground like snow. he picks a few petals out of his hair as they fall upon him.

as he walks further along the path lined with cherry trees, he spots dohoon standing in the middle of the way. jihoon almost starts running up to him before noticing the phone in dohoon’s hand pointed toward youngjae, who is standing between two cherry trees, petals scattered delicately throughout his hair. 

jihoon quickly turns around and starts walking in the other direction before either of them see him. it’s a good call, considering that it starts raining shortly after. he starts running towards the nearest building for cover as the rain falls onto his skin, only stopping once he’s under the canopy. he crouches on the ground, watching the cherry trees sway in the wind, more petals falling along with the raindrops.

a minute later, he sees dohoon run by, tugging youngjae along by the sleeve. jihoon looks away.

he waits a while longer for the rain to die down before heading to his next class.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

“the cherry blossoms were pretty today, weren’t they?” dohoon asks as he steps into the apartment. jihoon is sitting on the couch, absentmindedly scrolling on his phone, but he looks up once he hears dohoon’s voice.

“hm? yeah, they were,” he replies. “did you go see them?” he asks, feigning ignorance.

“i went to see them with youngjae,” dohoon says, smiling a little giddily. “got a lot of good pictures.”

“oh? let me see,” jihoon says, gesturing for dohoon to sit next to him. dohoon plops down on the sofa and pulls out his phone, quickly unlocking it and finding his camera roll. he scrolls through a few photos before tilting his phone for jihoon to see.

jihoon glances at the picture of youngjae smiling sweetly at the camera, flower petals in his hair and a soft blush on his cheeks. youngjae is horribly pretty, jihoon thinks.

jihoon swipes through the photos, finding quite a few more shots of youngjae taken from different angles. his eyebrows furrow and he tilts his head slightly, looking at dohoon.

“he didn’t take any pictures of you?”

“oh,” dohoon says, as if only realizing now. “no, he didn’t. it started raining before he could. but it’s not a big deal.”

jihoon doesn’t seem satisfied. he looks out the window; it’s not raining anymore, and it isn’t too dark yet. before he can overthink it and waste any time, he stands up, grabbing dohoon’s wrist, and starts running out of the apartment as soon as he can get his shoes on.

“yah, han jihoon, what do you think you’re doing?” dohoon yells.

jihoon runs without stopping until they reach the pathway lined with cherry blossoms. he looks between the trees, deciding which two are the prettiest, and urges dohoon to stand between them. dohoon’s cheeks are slightly flushed from the run.

“let me take your picture,” jihoon says quietly.

jihoon takes his own phone out of his pocket and aims the camera at dohoon, who is smiling prettily at him, almost a little shy. jihoon takes more pictures than he’ll ever need.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

youngjae corners dohoon after class the next day.

“dohoonie, can you send me the pictures you took yesterday? they were so pretty, i wanna post them on instagram!”

dohoon looks up from his phone, a little surprised to see youngjae waiting for him right outside the building, but he breaks out into a smile within a second.

“yeah, sure! hold on,” he says, opening his camera roll. youngjae peeks over his shoulder.

dohoon selects all the pictures he took of youngjae under the cherry blossoms, sending them to youngjae’s phone.

“i’ll just send you everything and you can pick out your favorites, is that okay?”

“that’s perfect. thank you!” youngjae says, pulling out his phone and opening the message with the pictures.

“they’re so beautiful,” he says. “you take such good pictures.”

dohoon beams.

“only because my subject is so pretty,” he flirts.

youngjae suddenly pouts.

“i didn’t get any pictures of you though,” he says, worrying his lip. “i wish it didn’t rain.”

youngjae looks at the cherry blossoms in the distance, frowning. most of the petals have scattered to the ground, leaving the trees halfway bare compared to the full blooms from yesterday.

“it’s okay, youngjae-yah,” dohoon says. “my friend jihoon took pictures of me with the cherry blossoms after it stopped raining yesterday.”

youngjae’s expression shifts.

“oh,” he says. “that’s alright then.”

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon and youngjae sit in the back corner of the library, studying while rain pelts onto the window behind them. the dark rain clouds are an all-too-familiar sight these days.

“youngjae-yah,” dohoon starts, “can you help me?”

youngjae looks up from his textbook to the assignment dohoon is working on and looks over it for a minute.

“i’m not even taking that class,” he responds.

“yeah, but you know this stuff, don’t you?”

youngjae sighs, rolling his eyes affectionately.

“yeah, i do. here,” he says, holding out his hand for dohoon to give him the paper. dohoon grins far too brightly.

“thank you!”

youngjae brings his palm to his forehead when he reads what dohoon has written down, and dohoon’s cheeks flush in embarrassment. 

“sorry,” dohoon apologizes, before youngjae can say anything else. youngjae just laughs.

“it’s okay,” he says, closing his own textbook. “we’ll have you at least somewhat competent at this before we go home.”

dohoon smiles again, scooting his chair closer to youngjae.

“you’re too kind. i’ll buy you a coffee after this.”

“you better,” youngjae grumbles, before giggling once more. he starts off by erasing everything dohoon has written, and then starts explaining the assignment from the beginning. dohoon listens intently, trying his best to remember everything youngjae says; he doesn’t want to make this more difficult than it needs to be.

dohoon successfully gets through the first page with youngjae’s help. youngjae beams, ruffling dohoon’s hair, when they hear a sharp crack of thunder and the power goes out.

dohoon turns to look at youngjae properly, marveling at the way the dim light from the window paints his face in shades of soft blue. so pretty. he feels warmth rush to his cheeks when he notices youngjae looking at him the same way.

he leans in just the slightest amount, and youngjae leans in too. dohoon’s heart speeds up when he realizes they’re about to kiss, but the power comes back as soon as it went out, and youngjae just coughs a little awkwardly instead, dropping his eyes back to the worksheet. dohoon is a bit embarrassed.

when they’re both done with all their work, they pack up their stuff and head outside. practically no one else is outside; it’s still raining, though not as hard as before, so everyone is inside for shelter. they walk a little faster than usual so they don’t get drenched.

“why do you look so awkward?” youngjae asks, a few minutes in.

“i just— i thought—” dohoon stutters.

youngjae rolls his eyes, understanding immediately, and pulls dohoon closer, pressing a quick kiss to dohoon’s lips. dohoon relishes the warmth of youngjae’s lips against the cold rain pelting against his skin.

“yah, dohoon, it’s not like i don’t wanna kiss you,” youngjae says once he pulls away. “there were just too many people there.”

dohoon grins, a little shy.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

jihoon kneels on the grass at the park, taking a big bite out of his sandwich during a break between classes. dohoon is seated on the park bench next to him, watching the birds fly by.

a sparrow lands on the ground near them, and jihoon tears a small piece from the corner of the bread, tossing it into the grass. the sparrow starts to nibble on it, and soon a few others join. jihoon watches, taking another bite from his sandwich.

the two of them watch the birds peck at the bread crusts for a while before jihoon spots a familiar face. he turns to dohoon.

“hey, isn’t that hanjin?”

“huh? oh, yeah,” dohoon says.

“should i call him over?”

“sure, why not?”

jihoon waves in hanjin’s direction, trying not to scare off the birds. thankfully, hanjin notices, his eyes brightening as he cuts through the grass to reach them. he’s careful to walk around the spot where all the birds are eating.

“hi, hanjin,” jihoon calls out. “are you busy?”

“no, not really,” he replies. “why?”

“we have nothing to do, so we were just sitting here,” jihoon explains. “do you wanna sit with us? we’re just watching the birds.”

hanjin grins, wordlessly sitting on the bench next to dohoon.

“have you been feeding them bread?” hanjin asks, a little worried. 

jihoon looks confused by his tone.

“yeah, why?”

“that’s not good for them,” hanjin chides. “here,” he says, digging in his bag and pulling out a little container of sunflower seeds. he opens it, putting two in his mouth before scattering a handful into the grass. the sparrows quickly flock to the seeds, nibbling away.

“why do you even carry those around?” dohoon asks.

“they’re healthy,” hanjin replies, eating another.

dohoon rolls his eyes.

“so, how are things going with you two?” hanjin asks after a moment.

“pretty good,” dohoon replies. hanjin looks between dohoon and jihoon.

“are you seeing someone new, hyung?” he asks, trying to poke at the subject.

“actually, yeah!” dohoon says, his face lighting up. “choi youngjae, from the vocal department. do you know him?”

hanjin shoots jihoon a pained look. jihoon quickly averts his gaze, staring at the last bite of his sandwich instead.

“i don’t think so,” hanjin replies softly.

“oh, what a shame,” dohoon says. “he’s so nice.”

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon leans against the counter as youngjae cuts open a watermelon under the rays of bright afternoon sun streaming in through the window. when youngjae’s hair falls in his eyes, dohoon gently reaches out to tuck it behind his ear.

he watches intently as youngjae scoops the watermelon. juice spills across the tabletop, sweet and sticky. once the watermelon is fully scooped out, youngjae drinks the leftover juice straight from the rind before quickly wiping down the table.

“let’s go!” youngjae says, grabbing the bowl of watermelon and urging dohoon to follow. dohoon hurries after him until they reach the park and youngjae finds a spot on the grass for them to sit. the weather is nice; it’s a warm spring day with a pleasant breeze. 

dohoon stretches out on the grass, his legs in front of him with one knee bent. he reaches for the bowl of watermelon, bringing a piece to his mouth. 

“oh, it’s really sweet,” he says, still chewing. “crisp, too. you picked a good one.”

youngjae giggles. 

“of course i did! watermelon is my specialty, you know.”

dohoon takes another piece, and youngjae reaches out for one too. dohoon watches as youngjae chews, and he finds himself absentmindedly thinking that youngjae looks like a little guinea pig when he eats. how cute. youngjae playfully narrows his eyes when he notices dohoon staring.

once youngjae swallows the piece he’s eating, dohoon looks at him with mischievous eyes. 

“catch!” he says, before throwing a piece towards youngjae. youngjae tries to catch it in his mouth, but he misses, the watermelon hitting his shirt instead. it leaves red tracks against the white cotton as it falls, but thankfully youngjae grabs it before it hits the grass and puts it in his mouth. 

“yah, kim dohoon,” youngjae scolds, pouting. “ruined my shirt and for what?”

“sorry,” dohoon says, grinning sheepishly. “do you wanna try doing it to me instead?”

youngjae rolls his eyes and throws a piece to dohoon, but his annoyed expression is quickly replaced by a grin when dohoon easily catches it. youngjae throws a few more, and only one gets left behind in the dirt.

they both go back to eating normally afterwards. the watermelon is so juicy, dripping all over them and into the grass. dohoon tries to lick the juice from his fingers before it makes too much of a mess, but he whines when it drips down his wrist, soaking his bracelet. 

“what happened?” youngjae asks.

“my bracelet’s all sticky,” dohoon pouts. “and it’s my favorite one.”

youngjae takes dohoon’s wrist in his hand, turning it over so he can see the bracelet better.

“it should be fine if you wash it,” youngjae says. “just make sure you dry it properly so it doesn’t tarnish.”

dohoon frowns slightly but nods.

“it’s pretty,” youngjae adds. “where’d you get it?”

“jihoon gave it to me for my birthday,” dohoon says, his eyes lighting up once more. “i always wanted something like this and he got it for me without even asking… he knows me so well it’s crazy.”

“ah,” youngjae says, finally letting go of dohoon’s wrist. “jihoon’s your roommate, right?”

“yeah, and my best friend too. we’ve known each other since we were just kids.”

youngjae hums, popping the last piece of watermelon into his mouth. 

“that’s nice.”

dohoon beams.

youngjae moves to stand up, picking up the empty bowl, and dohoon follows. 

“it was good, right?” youngjae asks.

“the best,” dohoon replies. “i’m never eating a watermelon again unless you pick it out for me.”

youngjae giggles, ruffling dohoon’s hair, and starts walking. dohoon walks with him until they have to part ways.

once dohoon is alone, he walks a little slower, looking through the windows of all the streetside shops. he admires the flower bouquets, mannequins, and display walls lined with plushies. 

his eyes widen when he catches sight of a guinea pig plushie near the top of the shelf; he can’t help but think it looks just like youngjae. he steps inside and buys it, rather impulsively. he justifies it to himself, saying that youngjae’s birthday is at the end of the month, so he can gift it to him then. 

dohoon makes his way home shortly after that, swinging the bag with the plushie in it while he walks.

“what’s that?” jihoon asks once dohoon steps inside the apartment. 

dohoon pulls the plushie out of the bag, grinning.

“a guinea pig,” he says. “it looks just like youngjae, i swear! i’m gonna give it to him for his birthday.”

jihoon hums. dohoon makes his way to his room, placing the plushie on his desk, and goes into the bathroom so he can clean his bracelet.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

jihoon is so, so overheated. it’s still only may, but he’s dead tired from dance practice that went on for too long, and the walk back to his apartment is unbearable. he practically collapses once he’s inside, the air conditioning soothing his reddened skin.

he wants nothing more than a cold drink. he opens the fridge and sits there in front of it for a moment before rummaging through the shelves, looking for a drink. but the only thing he can find is the last two bottles of year-old blue soda. he picks up one of the bottles, turning it around in his hand once, but sets it back on the shelf. he can’t bring himself to drink it.

he sighs, opening the freezer instead. he pulls out an orange popsicle and bites into it quickly, letting the cold soak into him as the ice melts on his tongue. he eats the popsicle cross-legged on the floor in front of the open fridge door.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon and youngjae are sitting on a bench in the courtyard, each with a glass of ice-cold lemonade in hand, as they talk about everything and nothing alike. 

“doesn’t that cloud look like a jellyfish?”

“it’s way too hot for spring, isn’t it?”

“how have your vocal lessons been going? you should sing something for me!”

youngjae looks around once before singing a few lines from one of his favorite songs. the song itself isn’t really dohoon’s style, honestly, but it sounds so pretty when youngjae sings it. dohoon stares at him all the while, smiling encouragingly. such a sweet voice.

dohoon claps excitedly once youngjae finishes. 

“ah, you’re so good!”

youngjae giggles shyly, the tips of his ears turning a bit red.

dohoon brings his straw to his lips, taking a sip of his lemonade. the ice has mostly melted, and condensation drips down the sides of the glass. he shivers when he feels it drip onto his thigh through the rip in his jeans.

“what was that?” youngjae asks, laughing.

“it was cold!” dohoon whines. “and i didn’t expect it!”

youngjae is still laughing, but he reaches out to ruffle dohoon’s hair.

a few minutes later, dohoon spots a familiar face walking down the path.

“it’s jihoon,” he says. “should i call him over?”

youngjae raises his eyebrows.

“yeah, sure. if you want.”

“yah, han jihoon!” dohoon yells. “come here!”

jihoon looks around in confusion for a second before spotting dohoon. his face breaks out into a wide grin, though it becomes slightly strained once his gaze falls on youngjae. despite that, he walks over towards the two, the jellyfish keychain swinging on his bag with every step.

“are you alright?” dohoon asks, noticing jihoon’s slightly odd expression.

“ah, yeah,” he says, absentmindedly threading his fingers through the jellyfish’s tentacles. “just a bit hot.”

“sit with us!” dohoon invites. jihoon looks at youngjae once more before shaking his head.

“sorry, i have dance practice soon. i can’t stay.”

dohoon nods, before holding out his half-empty glass of lemonade. 

“here, it’ll help you cool down,” he says. “sorry i don’t have more.”

jihoon smiles, taking it in hand and finishing it in a few gulps.

“thank you, hyung,” he says, smiling as he leaves towards the path once more.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

“hyung,” jihoon starts, drawing out the word, “should we go outside? i just checked the weather and it’s perfect.”

dohoon closes his laptop immediately. he’d been looking for literally any excuse to not write this paper right now.

“yeah, sure,” he replies.

the two of them walk at a leisurely pace, soaking in the warm sunlight. once they reach the park, jihoon spots a duck and he slowly walks over to it, careful not to scare it away. dohoon follows him.

“hi, baby!” jihoon coos, crouching down beside the duck. dohoon spots its partner a little while away, waddling towards them, and he crouches down too, waiting for it to come closer.

jihoon giggles when the ducks quack loudly, pulling out his phone to snap some pictures. 

“so cute,” he gushes. dohoon hums in agreement.

after a while, the ducks wander off.

“let me see,” dohoon says, peeking over jihoon’s shoulder at his phone. jihoon immediately opens up his camera roll, showing dohoon the pictures.

dohoon laughs. half of them are blurry, and jihoon seems to realize, letting out an embarrassed chuckle. but he grins when dohoon swipes to a clear photo timed perfectly while the duck was mid-quack, its little beak wide open. 

“oh, this one’s really good,” dohoon says, impressed. jihoon playfully bats his lashes, smiling.

jihoon puts his phone back in his pocket and they continue walking along the path, watching the ducks slip into the water. they reach the other side of the park when dohoon spots youngjae walking up to him, blinking in surprise.

“oh my gosh, hi!” dohoon exclaims, once youngjae is within earshot. youngjae grins.

“the weather is so nice, isn’t it?” youngjae says.

“it really is! we were having such a nice time.”

“do you wanna come with me? we can watch the ducks!”

“ah,” dohoon says, glancing in jihoon’s direction and rubbing the back of his neck.

“today’s perfect for a date, isn’t it? come on, you can hang out with your friend some other time!” youngjae continues, reaching for dohoon’s hand. dohoon doesn’t take it.

“sorry, youngjae-yah,” he says, genuinely apologetic. “i’m not going to ditch jihoon. the weather should be nice for the rest of the week, so let’s go on a date soon, yeah?”

youngjae nods.

“that’s alright,” he says, turning to leave.

dohoon only then notices that jihoon is nowhere by his side. he looks around for a second before finding him sitting on a bench, dragging his foot through the mud.

“why’d you go?” dohoon asks, taking a seat next to jihoon. jihoon looks up, a bit surprised.

“oh, i just thought you’d go with him,” jihoon says softly. “why didn’t you?”

dohoon pouts.

“i came here with you, didn’t i? why do you think i’d ditch you?”

jihoon just hums. dohoon stands up once more, holding out his hand for jihoon. jihoon takes it, his eyes catching on the silver glinting on dohoon’s wrist.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

a few days later, the weather is still perfect, and dohoon asks youngjae out on a date. the two of them walk hand in hand along the path lined with trees. youngjae laughs when the wind messes up dohoon’s hair, but he reaches out and gently smooths it back down.

“should we get something to drink?” dohoon suggests.

“yeah, sure!” youngjae replies, turning in the café’s direction and dragging dohoon along.

the two of them step inside the building, and youngjae goes up to the counter to order for them both.

“iced tea with a shot of espresso, right?” youngjae asks, looking in dohoon’s direction.

“yes, please. thank you!”

youngjae comes back a few minutes later, a drink in each hand. he sits across from dohoon, placing a drink in front of each of them. dohoon grins before bringing the straw to his mouth and taking a sip.

“thank you,” he says, his eyes bright. youngjae smiles, taking a sip of his own drink.

“we should’ve come here the other day too,” youngjae says. dohoon smiles, a little sheepish.

the two of them talk for a while. dohoon’s almost finished with his drink, but youngjae still has about half of his left when dohoon feels his phone buzz. he stops mid-sentence, fishing for his phone in his pocket. 

“what is it?” youngjae asks.

“jihoonie texted me,” dohoon says, looking at his phone. “asked me to stop by the convenience store before i went back.”

youngjae scoffs, his face twisting visibly.

“it’s always jihoon this, jihoon that with you. if you like him so much, why don’t you just date him instead?”

dohoon looks up, completely stunned.

“what— i don’t—”

youngjae interrupts him.

“i’m tired of feeling like i’m competing with him,” he says, bitterly. “i wish you luck, but goodbye.”

youngjae stands up, taking his drink with him and leaving dohoon alone at the table. dohoon’s eyes follow as youngjae leaves.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon browses the convenience store shelves for a couple packets of ramyeon and the gummies jihoon wanted. he quickly pays and walks out, not a single expression on his face. he’s still in a state of shock.

when he steps back into the apartment, jihoon greets him with a bright smile, but it instantly fades into worry when he notices the blank stare on dohoon’s face.

“i got the gummies you asked for,” dohoon says.

jihoon takes the bag and sets it on the counter, looking back at dohoon.

“are you okay?” he asks, tilting his head slightly.

dohoon hesitates for a moment, before the emotions start to hit him finally.

“he broke up with me.”

jihoon’s expression flickers before he takes dohoon’s hand in his own and sits at the counter, urging dohoon to take the seat next to him.

“i’m sorry,” jihoon says. “why? did something happen?”

dohoon debates whether or not to tell the truth.

“he just said we weren’t… compatible,” he replies.

jihoon hums. he threads his fingers into the back of dohoon’s hair, letting dohoon lean into his shoulder. he lightly scratches at dohoon’s scalp to soothe him.

“it’s okay, hyung,” jihoon says softly. “i think he just wasn’t the one for you.”

dohoon’s eyes narrow slightly at that, but he lets it go. he lets jihoon take care of him for this moment.

a moment later, jihoon opens the bag of gummies sitting on the table. he reaches in, pulling out a blue one, and brings it to dohoon’s lips, watching as dohoon chews and swallows. he takes another one, orange this time, for himself.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

jihoon would love to stay in bed all day considering how dark the clouds are outside, but alas, he has things to do. he sighs, rolling out of bed and going to fix himself up. 

by the time he’s out of the shower, it’s raining heavily. he sighs louder this time and looks for something to wear. he decides to just dress warm enough to not catch a cold, and an umbrella should be enough, right? he never did buy a raincoat… 

he flinches when he hears thunder as if in response and groans.

he searches his closet one more time for a raincoat despite knowing damn well he doesn’t have one. he closes the closet door and looks at himself in the mirror for a moment before going into dohoon’s room and checking dohoon’s closet. dohoon is nowhere to be found, but surely he wouldn’t mind, right? it’s not like he has anywhere to be today.

soon enough, he finds a raincoat and cheers internally before putting it on. but as he goes to shut the door, he spots something laying in the back corner of the closet. despite knowing he shouldn’t, jihoon crouches down to take a better look at it, recognizing it as the guinea pig plushie dohoon had bought a few weeks ago. his face twists.

why is dohoon still keeping that thing? he and youngjae already broke up.

before he can think about it, jihoon finds himself grabbing it, quickly shutting the door and going back to his own room. he dumps the plushie on the floor and leaves once again. 

when he walks past the living room on his way out, he finds dohoon sprawled across the sofa. dohoon smiles when he notices jihoon, but his eyes narrow shortly after.

“hey, isn’t that mine?” he asks, eyeing the raincoat jihoon’s wearing.

jihoon looks a little shy but not guilty in the slightest.

“you’re not even going anywhere! why can’t i have it?”

“you can,” dohoon says, rolling his eyes. “but why are you even going out in this weather?”

“well, some of us have class,” jihoon says, a little harsher than he intended. he clears his throat and speaks again after a moment. “sorry. didn’t mean it like that.”

dohoon just laughs.

“stay safe!”

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

a few days later, the rain has completely cleared up. dohoon walks home from class under the bright afternoon sunlight, surprised by how there seems to be no trace of the rainstorm at all.

when he enters the apartment, he finds jihoon sitting on the couch, on a video call with someone. jihoon’s expression turns shocked when he notices dohoon’s arrival.

“who are you talking to?” dohoon asks.

jihoon coughs a few times before composing himself.

“just kyungmin,” he says, his voice a little quieter than usual.

“oh, can i say hi?” dohoon asks, walking over to where jihoon is sitting. “hey!” he says cheerfully, waving at kyungmin through the screen. kyungmin looks far too amused, but he waves back.

“hi, hyung!”

dohoon steps back again, finally noticing jihoon’s expression.

“you look so shocked. were you talking shit about me or something?” dohoon asks playfully. he hears loud laughter on the other side of the line.

“i wasn’t!” jihoon protests.

dohoon jokingly narrows his eyes but lets it go, going to his room.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

the days get hotter and hotter as the end of may approaches. youngjae’s birthday is tomorrow, dohoon remembers. he opens his closet, his heart panging dully as he looks for the guinea pig plushie he hastily shoved in there after the breakup. it’s not like he can give it to youngjae now; he just wants to see it. 

he looks for a minute, searching through the pile of clothes on the floor too, but it’s nowhere to be found. he frowns, but eventually thinks it’s probably for the best. there’s no point in making himself sad for no reason.

he goes to the kitchen to get something to eat, finding jihoon already standing at the counter with a bowl of cereal. he smiles when dohoon walks in.

dohoon pours himself a bowl of cereal too and goes to sit at the kitchen table. jihoon follows, taking a seat across from him. for a few minutes, they simply eat in silence.

“youngjae’s birthday is tomorrow,” dohoon finally says. jihoon tilts his head slightly, encouraging him to continue.

“i had plans and all,” dohoon says. “and i know it’s not like i haven’t spent my exes’ birthdays with them before, but this time i think he really hates me.”

jihoon frowns.

“really? i thought he just said you two weren’t compatible. he didn’t even wanna be friends? like hanjin?”

right. dohoon forgot he lied about that.

“i guess not,” he replies sheepishly.

“you shouldn’t worry about him then,” jihoon says, surprisingly firm. “it’s his loss. why are you being all sad over him?”

dohoon can’t help but crack a smile at that. maybe jihoon is right. he’s a little tempted to ask about the guinea pig plushie, but he doesn’t know how to bring it up, so he just keeps his mouth shut and finishes his cereal in silence.

that night, dohoon gets a little curious anyway, pushing the door to jihoon’s room open just slightly and looking inside. jihoon is sleeping peacefully, the moonlight illuminating him and casting long shadows across his face. dohoon watches him for a minute before noticing the plushie dumped at the side of the bed.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon is sprawled on the sofa, scrolling through his camera roll. what a mess. he takes too many pictures, doesn’t he?

it doesn’t take long for him to land on the photos of youngjae under the cherry blossoms. he swipes through a few and zooms in on youngjae’s face, subconsciously smiling at youngjae’s sweet expression and the petals scattered in his hair. he vaguely wonders if the pictures are still on youngjae’s instagram, but he doesn’t check. he sighs, minimizing the photo again and scrolling further back.

soon after, dohoon finds the photos of hanjin he took during the first snow. hanjin’s cheeks and nose are pink, and he’s grinning widely, holding out a few barely-visible snowflakes in his palm. dohoon has to zoom in to see them properly, but they’re beautiful like stars despite their size. he swipes to the next picture, seeing more snowflakes decorating hanjin’s hair.

he scrolls further back to last autumn, finding the photos he took of junghwan under the golden leaves. there are only a few on his phone; most of them are on the camera, but oh well. there are just enough. junghwan’s expressions are effortless and the late sunlight paints him in golden tones, making him glow. dohoon zooms in on one photo, smiling to himself when he sees junghwan’s lips pink but a little cracked.

they’re all so pretty, dohoon thinks.

he groans and locks his phone, burying his face in his hands.

but why doesn’t anyone stay?

his thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the door opening. he looks up, and jihoon walks in, running his hand through his hair and setting his keys down.

dohoon drops his hands and just stares for a moment. 

“han jihoon,” he says, slowly, feeling the words in his mouth. 

jihoon smiles at him, a little questioning but sweet.

“yes?”

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon sits at the counter, watching jihoon slice some fruit.

surely there must’ve been something there for youngjae to be upset enough to break up with him, right? youngjae never struck him as someone irrationally jealous.

dohoon lays his head on the countertop and traces shapes on the granite with his index finger, trying to revisit every memory of jihoon from the last year. the first thing that comes to mind is the new year’s party; he bites his lip when he remembers jihoon crying into his shoulder that night. he feels so stupid.

he remembers jihoon’s reaction to seeing him in that little blue shirt, too; he almost chuckles when he finally realizes. oh. that’s why he was acting so weird.

in hindsight, jihoon had never really taken it well when dohoon dated someone new, either. always so ready to downplay any semblance of a relationship. 

‘maybe he’s just being friendly?’ 

‘he wasn’t right for you.’ 

‘did you even know him?’

and when he thinks back to last summer, sitting atop that orange scaffold as jihoon asked to marry him in ten years, he wonders if he’s been cruel. heartless, even. how could he have ever thought it was casual?

in his peripheral vision, he sees jihoon nibbling on the corner of a peach slice, his eyes lighting up when it’s sweet. jihoon immediately reaches over the counter, holding it in front of dohoon’s face instead. dohoon looks up at him in surprise before opening his mouth, letting jihoon feed him.

“so sweet,” dohoon says, his mouth still full. jihoon beams with pride.

“right?” jihoon agrees, popping the next piece into his mouth. he holds out another one for dohoon.

dohoon accepts the slice, but he can’t bear to look at jihoon any further. he lets his gaze fall back to the granite countertop instead, trying to find shapes in the flecks. look, that one kind of looks like a face. two asymmetrical little dots and a slanted line beneath.

the two of them eat the peach in silence. dohoon doesn’t reach for any more, but jihoon leaves one last slice on the plate before leaving for his room.

dohoon stares at that last slice for a few minutes, realizing for the first time that jihoon truly loves him. how stupid could he have been to look elsewhere for so long? 

dohoon unclasps the silver bracelet from his wrist and holds it in front of his face, letting it swing like a pendulum. his eyes follow the movement for a moment before he gets a little dizzy. he winds the chain around his finger before letting it unravel and wrapping it around his wrist once more.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

after dinner, dohoon stares at the dishes piling up in the sink. he tries to come up with an excuse to do anything else, but he can’t think of anything and just sighs, turning the tap on. jihoon is sitting in the living room, curled up on the sofa while he scrolls instagram. 

dohoon starts scrubbing at a bowl in the silence, letting his mind wander as his eyes fall upon jihoon’s side profile, lit up by the colors on his phone screen. 

jihoon’s bangs gently fall in his eyes as he tilts his head down. dohoon has seen jihoon just like this countless times over the last year; he almost doesn’t remember what it was like living in this apartment before jihoon moved in.

dohoon thinks back to last summer, under the scorching sun, drinking that sparkling blue soda. he almost laughs when he thinks about what jihoon had really meant back then; why wouldn’t he just say that? they could’ve avoided this whole year of heartbreak.

he rinses the bowl and puts it in the rack to dry, picking up a plate to wash next. jihoon seems bored with scrolling, his eyes wandering restlessly and finally landing on dohoon. he grins, his eyes crinkling up warmly before his focus shifts back to his phone once more.

pretty, dohoon thinks. a little childlike, still, but undeniably an adult now. dohoon fondly remembers how round jihoon’s cheeks had been just a few years ago, still not fully believing the sharp angles he sees on jihoon’s face now. somewhere in dohoon’s brain, jihoon had remained frozen in time as the kid he’d grown up with. 

dohoon sets a plate on the drying rack before his eyes return to jihoon. as he traces jihoon’s side profile with his eyes, he finds himself noticing, for the first time, that jihoon is no longer the kid he once was.

why had it never crossed his mind? he wonders if he was just blind to the possibility, constantly searching outward for love when jihoon was always right in front of his eyes.

he’s been so stupid. how could he possibly miss it?

dohoon cringes when he remembers all he had done back then was splash blue soda on jihoon.

he washes a few more dishes. a cup slips from his hands when jihoon laughs at something on his phone, but he catches it against the sink. 

dohoon rinses the remaining dishes, barely sparing a glance at them except to check that they’re clean. his eyes stay trained on the little expressions on jihoon’s face, the way he constantly tugs at his own hair, the way little giggles slip out of him despite trying to stay quiet.

dohoon’s heart pangs the slightest bit when he thinks about all the time they lost. how would things be different if he’d just understood what jihoon was trying to say back then? dohoon knows, clear in his heart, that he would’ve never said no.

“hyung,” jihoon calls out, finally breaking the silence, “come watch this when you’re done.”

subconsciously, dohoon finds himself smiling. he carefully sets the last plate on the rack before walking over to the sofa, brushing jihoon’s hair out of his eyes before leaning closer to see the screen better. he watches the video, trying to focus, but his attention is elsewhere.

the last few bottles are still somewhere in the back of the fridge, aren’t they? dohoon suddenly realizes. it had gotten too cold to drink them, and they’d both forgotten. he wonders if they’re still any good.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon is so, so afraid.

what is he supposed to do? he pulls at his hair late at night, sitting in front of his laptop and overthinking everything. he stares at an empty tab, not a clue what he wants to search for.

he almost feels like he’s fourteen again, taking an ‘am i gay?’ quiz under the covers in the dead of night while his parents were asleep in the next room. (the answer had been yes, by the way.)

but this is so different. there are no sketchy online quizzes to tell him what he’s supposed to do when his childhood friend has apparently been in love with him for years and he’s starting to realize he feels the same but he doesn’t want things to change either.

because everyone had left. everything had changed. when dohoon looks back on his entire life, the only constant there is han jihoon. what will he do if one day things change once more, and jihoon is gone too? if all that’s left of him is nothing but photographs?

dohoon shuts his laptop, not bothering to power it off, and sighs. he buries his head under the covers, hearing jihoon’s door click shut across the hall.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon leaves the café, iced drink in hand, when he spots someone waving him over. he curiously looks in their direction and realizes it’s hanjin, with a smoothie cup of something green in his hand.

“you still drink that?” dohoon asks once he catches up, in lieu of a greeting. hanjin scoffs.

“of course i do, i need to be healthy!”

dohoon laughs, looking down at his own drink with decidedly too much sugar in it. he walks along with hanjin; he’s not exactly sure where they’re going, but he sticks along anyway.

“so, how have you been?” hanjin asks.

dohoon thinks whether or not to talk about what’s weighing on his mind these days. is it weird to talk about these things with an ex? maybe, but they’re friends now… surely hanjin wouldn’t mind, right? he decides to go for it.

“hanjinie,” dohoon starts after a moment, a little scared, “i think i love him. jihoon, i mean.”

hanjin laughs softly, amused but not unkind.

“really? you think so?”

dohoon is a little embarrassed by the reaction. 

“i do,” he says, his voice small.

“oh, dohoonie,” hanjin coos, “what have you been doing?”

dohoon looks at him, mild confusion coloring his face.

“you know, i really thought you’d figure it out at that new year’s party,” hanjin says, “but i guess you’re just a little stupid, huh?” he lightly knocks on the side of dohoon’s head.

dohoon’s cheeks flush hot in embarrassment.

“i know,” he says.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon lays in bed late at night, staring at the ceiling. the neighbors are throwing a party for god knows what, and the noise is really starting to piss him off. 

he rolls around on his bed, trying to ignore it the best he can. after a while, however, it finally goes quiet. dohoon silently thanks god, rolling over and trying to sleep.

but no matter how hard he tries, sleep does not come. after a few minutes of tossing and turning restlessly, dohoon finds himself staring at the ceiling once more, overthinking this time. god, why won’t his brain just let him sleep?

dohoon still feels guilty about jihoon. he still doesn’t know when he’ll do something about it: soon, hopefully, before his conscience eats him alive. but as stupid as it sounds, he’s so worried, too. he and jihoon have been friends like this for as long as he can remember. isn’t it scary for such a big thing to change?

but all those nights he laid in bed, just like this, thinking of everyone who ever left him, jihoon had been with him all along. jihoon had always stayed, despite every breakup, every new lover. he has the patience of a saint, dohoon thinks, almost chuckling before he feels guilty once more. he needs to do something about this soon. 

even now, it’s not like he can truly keep things the same as they always were, anyway. he can’t magically forget that jihoon loves him, try to preserve their friendship the way it was when they were kids. it’s too late for that.

but really, how different could it be?

when he thinks about jihoon being his boyfriend, dohoon can’t really see what would be different at all. they’d kiss, maybe. but other than that? they already live together. they already go to each other first for everything. in a way, jihoon has already been his boyfriend for years.

suddenly, the music next door starts again and dohoon groans out loud, kicking at his blanket. he moves to the opposite side of the bed, letting his head hang upside down off the edge.

he has to bite back a chuckle when he hears a loud sigh, followed by footsteps. soon enough, he hears the door to his room opening.

jihoon enters the room, calling out dohoon’s name, but he bursts into laughter when he sees the position dohoon is in.

“couldn’t sleep?” he asks through giggles.

“of course not,” dohoon replies, his voice a little funny from hanging upside down.

“me neither. let’s sleep later, then,” jihoon says. “come with me.”

dohoon lets jihoon lead him out of his room.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

the two of them sit side by side on the couch, watching some show that neither of them really care for. jihoon’s eyes are starting to close, but he startles awake every once in a while. dohoon stares fondly at the sight.

“just sleep, jihoon-ah,” he says quietly.

jihoon pouts.

“but i wanted to stay up with you,” he says.

“i’ll be right here,” dohoon says, taking jihoon’s hand in his own. “just sleep.”

jihoon nods, his eyes fluttering shut. dohoon slowly traces shapes onto the back of jihoon’s hand, lulling him to sleep. jihoon falls asleep soon after, and dohoon gently guides jihoon’s head to rest on his shoulder. he bites his lip, trying not to move; jihoon’s hair tickles a bit.

dohoon watches the drama for a while longer, but it’s quite boring, and he feels himself drifting off too. soon after, his breathing evens out.

an hour or two later, dohoon cracks an eye open, finding the tv still on and jihoon still soundly asleep against his shoulder. he doesn’t want to, but he lightly shakes jihoon, waking him up.

“let’s go to bed,” he says, once jihoon’s eyes open the slightest bit.

“don’t wanna,” jihoon mumbles.

dohoon ignores him, standing up and turning off the tv before making his way to his room, tugging jihoon behind him. his bed is bigger than jihoon’s, and trying to get jihoon into his own bed in such a state is probably hopeless.

dohoon quickly climbs into bed before patting the space beside him for jihoon to get in too. jihoon follows suit, his movements sluggish.

they’ve slept on the same bed before, of course, but dohoon finds himself more aware than ever of the few inches of space between them.

“sleep well, jihoonie,” dohoon says, playfully blowing jihoon a kiss. jihoon giggles childishly.

in the morning, dohoon wakes up with jihoon’s arms wrapped around his waist.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

jihoon comes back from dance practice one evening, his cheeks flushed and his hair damp with sweat, and a wide grin spreading across his face.

“hyung!” he calls out, brushing his hair away from his forehead. “i’m gonna shower right after this, promise, but watch this,” he says. he launches into a quick tutting sequence, his hands practically moving at the speed of light. dohoon would think it was sped up if he were watching it through a video and not in real life.

“what do you think?” jihoon asks afterwards. “i’ve been working on it for days, but i couldn’t get it clean until now.”

jihoon is still beaming, his eyes bright and a little crazy. all dohoon can manage for a moment is a few blinks; he’s still stunned.

“so cool, jihoon,” he finally says. “how do you even do it?”

jihoon’s grin turns a bit more bashful at that, and all dohoon can think is that jihoon feels like home. in that fleeting moment, he wants nothing but to kiss jihoon.

(he’s startled by how normal that thought feels.)

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon leans against the counter, watching jihoon. jihoon’s dressed nicer than usual; dohoon doesn’t know why, but he doesn’t mind the view in the slightest.

the clothes are nice, but dohoon finds his gaze lingering on jihoon’s face instead. jihoon is so beautiful with that perpetual smile on his face.

“you look pretty today,” dohoon says finally.

“oh? thank you, hyung,” jihoon replies, grinning brightly.

“dressed up for someone? got a date?” dohoon teases. jihoon’s expression immediately sours a bit at the accusation.

“i’m not like you,” he says.

dohoon gasps, mock-offended for a moment before bursting into laughter.

“my mom just sent me some money and i wanted to try some new clothes. that’s all,” jihoon explains.

dohoon nods and the two of them settle into a comfortable silence once more.

“let me take some pictures,” dohoon says, breaking the silence. “come here.”

he takes jihoon’s hand and searches for a spot with good lighting. once he finds a spot by the window, he points and tells jihoon to stand there. jihoon follows, a little shy. sunlight filters through the window, gently painting soft shadows across jihoon’s face.

“so pretty,” dohoon murmurs, pointing his phone at jihoon and snapping a few pictures. jihoon smiles bashfully at the camera.

“wait, jihoon-ah,” he says after a moment, setting his phone on the table and unclasping the gold lock necklace he’s wearing, “wear this. it’ll match your outfit.”

“gold isn’t even my color,” jihoon complains, but he quickly shuts up when dohoon gently fastens the necklace around his neck. dohoon lightly tugs at the lock to center it before lowering the zipper on jihoon’s shirt the slightest bit, so the necklace is seen better. jihoon’s ears flush hot.

dohoon steps back to take more photos. he captures every last detail: the glint in jihoon’s eyes, the brightness of his smile, and the gold lock resting against his sternum.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon hasn’t worn that blue shirt since the day jihoon shrunk it in the wash, but he finds it at the bottom of his closet and decides to wear it today. he pairs it with light blue jeans and looks in the mirror; it’s not exactly his usual style, but he thinks he looks hot, honestly. the fit shows off his body just enough to be tasteful. 

he rummages through a drawer for a moment, finding the tinted lip balm hanjin had given him a few months ago. he chuckles a bit; he hasn’t touched it even once since that day. hanjin would probably be pissed if he knew.

(in his defense, he does use lip balm. just not the one hanjin gave him.)

he turns back to the mirror, pleased by the soft wash of glossy pink tinting his lips. after he sets the tube down again, he admires himself in the mirror once more. he bites his finger and winks at his reflection coyly, grinning afterward.

jihoon is busy in the kitchen, but dohoon feels eyes on him as soon as he steps out of his room. dohoon makes his way to the other side of the counter, raising an eyebrow when jihoon stares at him without saying a word.

“hyung,” jihoon starts, his voice oddly even, “i’m sorry for shrinking that shirt. i’ll buy you a new one. but please go wear something else.”

dohoon pouts exaggeratedly.

“why? don’t i look hot?”

jihoon grinds his teeth, pulling his eyes away from the stretch of the fabric over dohoon’s chest. dohoon notices and smirks, satisfied, stretching his arms in a way that looks just natural enough. he doesn’t miss the way jihoon’s gaze drops to the exposed skin of his midriff.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

the two of them walk around in the hot sun. jihoon has no idea why dohoon dragged him out here; it’s not like the weather is pleasant in any way. 

“jihoon-ah, will you take my picture?” dohoon asks. 

“of course, hyung.”

jihoon pulls out his phone and dohoon strikes a pose. jihoon’s breath hitches when he takes a proper look at dohoon for the first time since stepping outside; dohoon’s cheeks are flushed from the heat and a sheen of sweat covers his neck. to make matters worse, dohoon lifts one arm over his head and toys with the hem of his shirt with the other, exposing more of his abdomen. jihoon swallows and clicks the shutter.

dohoon poses some more and jihoon obediently takes more photos, his mind not fully there. finally, dohoon comes over and looks through the shots, far too pleased with himself. 

“thank you, jihoon-ah!” he says brightly. he sends the photos to himself, waiting for his phone to buzz in his pocket, and then deletes them from jihoon’s phone just to tease. he pretends not to notice jihoon instantly retrieve them from his ‘recently deleted’ folder. 

“don’t have too much fun with those, jihoonie,” he teases. jihoon flushes red.

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon grabs the last two bottles of blue soda from the fridge and calls out for jihoon.

“let’s go outside,” he says once jihoon arrives.

“it’s so hot though,” jihoon pouts, but it quickly fades when he notices the two bottles in dohoon’s hands.

“like we haven’t gone out in worse weather?” dohoon asks, laughing. he grabs jihoon’s hand and drags him outside. the two of them run and run until they reach the familiar abandoned shed. the orange scaffold is nowhere to be found, but a red truck is parked in the back instead.

jihoon and dohoon take one look at each other before wordlessly agreeing to climb into the truck bed. dohoon hops in first, and jihoon follows right behind him.

once they both settle in across from each other, dohoon grins and hands jihoon a bottle of blue soda. jihoon laughs.

“it’s been a whole year,” he says. “will it still be any good?”

“i don’t think soda goes bad,” dohoon replies. “but if it did, let’s just shake the bottles and let them explode,” he adds, giggling.

jihoon chuckles and opens his bottle, taking a sip and letting the sharp fizz flow down his throat. he drinks till the soda threatens to spill from the sides of his mouth. it’s perfectly cold and bubbly, just like last summer, as if it were preserved in time.

he finally lowers the bottle and notices dohoon staring at him, his gaze unusually intense. is dohoon waiting for him to say if the soda is still good?

“it’s good,” jihoon says, feeling a bit weird with dohoon’s eyes on him. dohoon finally looks away, opening his own bottle and taking a drink.

jihoon watches as dohoon tilts his head back, gulps down the blue soda, and finally wipes his mouth. dohoon looks at him with an unreadable expression.

“you know, i really wanna date someone properly,” he starts. “but it never works out for me. don’t you wonder why?”

jihoon’s eye twitches at the topic, but he keeps his expression neutral. dohoon keeps talking.

“like, me and junghwan never really dated at all. hanjin decided we were better off as friends. and youngjae…” dohoon trails off, pouting. “but i really liked them, you know.”

he barely cares about the words he’s saying anymore; he’s much more concerned with the way jihoon tries to hide the jealousy blooming on his face. once it’s undeniable, dohoon bursts out into loud laughter, a bit mocking but not unkind. jihoon just stares in confusion.

once dohoon’s laughter dies down, he looks at jihoon with a teasing grin.

“you just don’t want to see me with someone else, is that it?”

jihoon’s eyes widen in shock. he doesn’t say anything for a moment. he feels as if his whole world is crashing down.

after a minute of silence, dohoon is still looking at him expectantly. jihoon doesn’t know what he’s meant to say.

“i’m sorry,” jihoon whispers. “i’m sorry.” he looks down at the bottle in his hands.

dohoon’s smile turns unbearably fond.

“so selfish,” he teases, reaching out to tuck jihoon’s hair behind his ear. he doesn’t sound upset in the slightest. if anything, he sounds incredibly affectionate.

“what was the plan, anyway? keep me single for ten years so you can have me?”

jihoon flushes hot in embarrassment, knowing exactly how stupid and irrational it sounds. but dohoon only giggles fondly.

“you know,” dohoon starts, “if you wanted me so bad, you could’ve just asked me out back then.”

jihoon looks at dohoon again, eyes wide, unable to form words. dohoon’s expression softens.

“i would’ve said yes.”

-ˏˋ ☀︎ ˎˊ-

dohoon leans toward jihoon, far too close, and jihoon is a nervous wreck. his eyes dart from side to side as he giggles like a schoolboy, and dohoon fondly shakes his head. 

jihoon finally calms himself enough to close his eyes and lean in for their foreheads to touch, but it’s dohoon who has to close the distance between them with a kiss. it takes everything in jihoon to not giggle in delight.

it’s the most innocent of kisses, shared between two boys who have loved each other for longer than they knew what love was. the summer heat deepens as the distance between them narrows, and jihoon thinks he’ll melt in it.

when they finally pull away, dohoon playfully splashes his blue soda onto jihoon’s shoulder, and suddenly jihoon is nineteen and caged between dohoon’s legs in front of an abandoned orange scaffold once more. jihoon lets the soda drench him in bright blue.