Chapter Text
Tina huffed quietly as she leaned back in her chair, the soft creak beneath her barely registering through the pleasant haze clouding her thoughts. The longer she sat there, the more everything around her seemed to fade into the background. Everything blended together until it became nothing more than an indistinct hum, leaving only the steady rhythm of her heartbeat echoing in her ears.
It was strangely calming, even as the warmth spreading through her body left her feeling restless. Her eyes wandered almost instinctively toward the man sitting beside her, finding him exactly where she expected. Foolish sat comfortably in his chair, absentmindedly rolling the cigarette between his fingers.
She already knew what everyone thought about them. Rae's laughter immediately surfaced in her mind, followed by Miyoung's teasing grin as the two of them insisted, once again, that she and Foolish would make the perfect couple.
Lately, it seemed impossible to escape the conversation. Nearly every girls' night somehow found its way back to him. Someone would point out the way he always looked like a lovesick puppy near her, someone else would tease her for smiling whenever his name came up, and before long they were all making jokes about when the two of them were finally going to admit they liked each other.
Tina had perfected the routine by now. She would roll her eyes dramatically, laugh them off, and insist they were reading far too much into everything. Once they caught the smile she could never quite suppress, she blamed it on how ridiculous they were being. Deep down, though, she knew that excuse had stopped being true a few months ago. The idea of them together had lodged itself somewhere in the back of her mind, quietly growing despite every reason she gave herself to ignore it.
She had dismissed it at first because it had seemed simple enough. Foolish was attractive. Painfully attractive, if she was being honest with herself. The girls all agreed, which made it easy to convince herself that the strange flutter she felt whenever her phone lit up with his name was perfectly normal.
Whether it was the alcohol warming her stomach or simply the effect he always seemed to have on her, Tina found herself shifting a little closer without thinking. Her eyes wandered over the familiar lines of his profile, lingering longer than they probably should have. She had gone through every reason they would never work together so many times that she could have recited the list from memory.
He lived too far. They were too different. She would be crucified online. If they ever broke up, the whole group would be split. Ever since she had integrated him more closely, her friends had built closer relationships with him, and she’d hate to be the one to break that up. Not to mention their whole brand was basically together, it’d be obvious if they ever split up, which would lead to only more scrutiny. And worst of all, he probably didn’t like her back.
That possibility settled heavily in her chest every time she let herself imagine something more. She never knew where she stood with him. Some days, she could have sworn he was flirting with her. She looked at all the old clips of them talking, trying to find the lovesick look in his eyes. On nights when she really couldn’t sleep, she found herself scrolling through months of old messages, searching for something to prove what she was feeling. Only after she looked back, every conversation that had once felt full of signs that he liked her suddenly looked perfectly innocent. That’s just how he always was.
Her thoughts drifted to the stream they had done together just the week before. Throughout, he found small moments, excuses really, to be close to her. Small touches, his hand on the small of her back. But as fast as they came, the faster he dropped his hand. And when she wanted to twirl him, he was the first to drop his hand.
Those reminders should have been enough to keep her grounded. They should have pulled her back into reality. Instead, they got foggier as she looked at him.
Her attention followed the cigarette as it turned one last time between his fingers before he finally lifted it toward his lips. His fingers were long and steady as they rested near his face. The dim lighting softened the sharper edges of his features, catching against the light stubble dusting his jaw. There was something unfair about the way he looked without trying.
He didn’t spend time at a vanity doing his makeup or even take the steps to have proper skincare. Instead, he used whatever was gross 100 in one he had and spent a few minutes fussing over his hair before throwing a cap on and calling it a day.
Her gaze slowly climbed higher until it met his eyes. They were darker beneath the low light, framed by lashes she had always been a little jealous of, and even from where she sat, she could see the familiar spark of amusement dancing within them. It was only then that she realized he had already caught her staring.
Tina blinked, her thoughts stumbling over themselves as a crooked smile spread across his face. His brows lifted ever so slightly, the smile growing wider.
"Yes?" he asked, his voice warm with barely restrained laughter. The chuckle slipped through anyway, filling the comfortable silence between them. No matter how many times he tried to hide his amusement, he had never been particularly good at it, especially not with her.
Her lips pushed into a small pout as she looked away for only a second before meeting his eyes again.
"Are you really that tired?" she asked, hopeful warmth blooming in her chest. Lately, it had become harder not to notice that he seemed to indulge more of her little requests. It was never anything dramatic. He had always indulged her. But after a few weeks of restlessly analyzing the two, she took greater notice of the small things, and lately, there seemed to be more moments.
A soft laugh escaped him as he shook his head. "We can watch something if you want."
The smile that spread across her face came so quickly that she didn’t even try to hide it. Tina was already pushing herself out of her chair before he had even finished speaking.
"Really?"
The excitement in her voice came out brighter than she intended, but by then it was far too late to pretend she had not been practically waiting for him to say yes. She turned toward her desk, already reaching for her mouse as she mentally sorted through the endless list of shows they had abandoned halfway through and movies they had sworn they would watch together someday.
Her hip caught the corner of the desk with a dull thud.
"Oh, shit."
The bowl of mulberries tipped over the edge before she could catch it. Tiny purple berries bounced across the wooden floor in every direction, some rolling beneath the desk while others scattered all throughout. Tina winced as she rubbed the sore spot on her hip, an embarrassed groan escaping her lips while she stared at the disaster she'd managed to create in the span of two seconds.
"Ow..."
When she looked up from her hip, Foolish was already kneeling across from her. His shoulders shook ever so slightly, and although his lips were pressed together in an obvious attempt to stay composed, the corners of his mouth refused to cooperate. The laugh sitting in his chest was practically visible, threatening to escape with every passing second. She narrowed her eyes at him.
"Why are you laughing?" She scoffed.
"I wasn’t." He said as he licked his lips, trying to stop the grin from spreading. She glared at him before a laugh finally slipped free. It started quietly, almost under his breath, before growing louder as he gave up trying to hide it.
By the time the last mulberry had found its way back into the bowl, Foolish rose to his feet with it balanced carefully in one hand before setting it back on the desk.
"How about," he said, looking over at her with an amused smile that had still not completely faded, "you drink some water and then go to sleep?"
She let out the most offended gasp she could manage.
"I'm not even drunk."
"No?" He grinned with his eyebrows raising.
"No."
"You just spilled the mullberries, again."
"It was an accident!"
"I know." He said with a chuckle. "You still need to drink water though."
She scoffed as she turned back toward her computer, clicking absentmindedly through Spotify until music spilled softly from her speakers. She hummed along under her breath as she scrolled through playlists, hardly paying attention to what she was choosing.
When Foolish returned a moment later with a glass of water in his hands, Tina couldn’t help but eye his hands. They seemed to make the glass look so much smaller. She giggled to herself at the thought.
"What?"
"Nothing."
She bit back another smile before stepping closer, reaching out to hook both hands around his forearm.
"Dance with me."
She adjusted the volume to be much louder before smiling up at him, despite the complaints they would probably get later in the morning for blasting music at midnight again. He looked from her face to the glass in his hand.
"You should probably drink this first." He said as she shook her head, petulantly. He gently pressed the glass into her hands anyway, waiting until her fingers had wrapped around it before letting go.
She sighed dramatically, making sure he could see exactly how inconvenienced she was, before taking one tiny sip.
"There." She grinned before shoving the glass back toward him. He accepted it with another quiet shake of his head, setting it carefully on the counter before turning back toward her.
Instead of joining her, though, he simply stood there. His arms crossed, she hated herself for noticing his arms first. A familiar smile lingered on his face, his attention fixed entirely on her as she swayed to the music. His smile dropped slightly as he saw her frown.
"What?"
"You're supposed to dance." She chided before closing the distance between them in two quick steps. She reached for his wrist, her fingers curling around it as she tugged him toward the middle of the room.
He came willingly, laughing under his breath as she attempted to spin him. She managed exactly half of the twirl before her own feet betrayed her.
The room tilted as her balance disappeared beneath her. His arms caught her almost immediately, steady and instinctive, one settling around her waist while the other found her shoulder before she could hit the floor. Another laugh escaped him, quieter this time, vibrating softly through his chest where she had collided with him.
For a brief moment, neither of them moved. She could feel the steady rise and fall of his breathing beneath her hands. His skin was warm beneath her fingertips. Far warmer than she had expected.
Despite the blaring music, Tina found that it seemed to drift into the back of her mind, disappearing like her warnings of the danger of acting on her whims.
For a long moment, neither of them made any effort to pull away.
His arm still rested around her waist, firm enough to keep her upright but careful enough that she knew he would let go the second she stepped back. She should have done exactly that. Instead, she remained where she was, close enough to catch the faint scent of his cologne.
She tilted her head back to say something, only to find him looking down at her with an expression that made her heart stumble over itself. His brows were drawn together ever so slightly in concern, but there was still that familiar softness in his eyes, the same quiet warmth she had spent months convincing herself meant nothing.
She should step back.
Instead, her eyes drifted downward.
It happened so slowly that she hardly noticed herself doing it. One moment she was looking into his eyes, and the next she found herself watching the curve of his mouth. His lips parted as though he was about to say something else, but whatever words had been forming never came.
God. She needed to stop staring at his lips.
He leans his head down, thinking she said something, and Tina hates how that small action is so attractive to her. His lips move, but Tina can barely hear them, too focused on the heat from his body and hers. Too concentrated on how his lips look. Despite everything telling her it was wrong, her lips brushed against his.
The kiss was so soft she almost convinced herself she'd imagined it. For one endless second, he didn't move.
The haze clouding her thoughts vanished all at once, replaced by a sharp wave of panic that crashed through her chest. Before she could pull away, before she could stumble over some apology she wasn't even sure how to begin, she felt him kiss her back.
Yet it was enough to send a rush of warmth through her so suddenly that it stole every coherent thought she had left. Her heart pounded painfully against her ribs as she leaned into him without thinking, one hand sliding upward until her fingertips rested against the side of his face. His skin was warmer than she'd imagined, the light stubble along his jaw scratching softly against her fingertips. She couldn't stop touching him, and for a moment it seemed like he couldn’t stop his hands from moving.
Her other hand drifted from his jaw to his chest, and then she moved lower. The movement seemed to snap him back to himself. His hand left her waist, and his hands were at her shoulders, moving her off. The sudden absence of his warmth felt colder than it should have.
"What?" she breathed, the word barely louder than a whisper.
Foolish swallowed hard. She watched the movement in his throat as he looked anywhere except at her. "You..." He stopped himself, closing his eyes for the briefest second before trying again. "You need to go to bed."
The words hit her like a bucket of cold water, sobering her up immediately as panic rose in her throat.
"I know what I'm doing," she answered immediately, though the words tangled together enough that even she could hear how unsteady they sounded.
His expression softened, but he still didn't meet her eyes as he spoke. "Tina." He said her name so quietly it made the panic in her body rise further. She could feel the tears already blurring her vision. "You're drunk."
"I'm not."
"You've had a lot to drink."
"I know what I'm doing!"
"You don't," he said gently, finally lifting his eyes to hers.
His words left her feeling hollow. Every hopeful thought she'd entertained over the past few months unraveled at once, each one replaced by a fresh wave of humiliation that settled heavily in her stomach.
"Tina," he said quietly, his voice carrying the same patient gentleness he always seemed to have with her, "please."
She bit the inside of her cheek, taking a slow breath through her nose in a desperate attempt to steady herself. She refused to cry. She absolutely refused. She had already embarrassed herself enough for one night.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled at last, her voice barely louder than the music still drifting through the speakers behind them. It came out thinner than she intended, climbing in pitch as she struggled to keep it steady. His expression softened almost immediately, concern and, strangely enough, a hint of confusion replacing the tension that had settled across his features.
"No, you don’t have to be sorry.” He immediately said, and she bit harder on the inside of her cheek, knowing he was just trying to make her feel better since she was about to cry and he probably didn’t want to deal with another one of her meltdowns.
A selfish part of her almost wished he would get angry. Yell at her. Tell her she'd been an idiot for thinking he liked her.
It would have been easier somehow. Easier to resent him than to stand here while he treated her with the same quiet kindness he always had. Even now, after she'd made everything awkward, he was still trying to protect her feelings.
"It's not like I don’t want-" he began, searching for the right words. She couldn't listen to them. She didn’t want to hear him let her down gently.
"Can we just watch TV?"
The question burst out before she had the chance to stop herself. She forced a small smile onto her face, hoping it looked more convincing than it felt. If they could just move on, maybe this moment would become something they never talked about again. Maybe tomorrow they could pretend it had never happened.
"Tina, just let me-"
"I won't do it again." The words tumbled over one another in a rush. "I don't know what I was thinking. It was stupid. Just... forget it happened, okay? We can just watch something. We don't have to talk about it."
She watched him draw in a slow breath, his shoulders rising before falling just as gradually. His jaw flexed, and she noticed him swallow again, the movement in his throat strangely familiar after catching herself watching it so many times that evening. For a brief second, she thought he was going to argue, to insist they talk about it anyway.
Instead, he offered her a smile. It was small and gentle. And just tight enough that she could tell it had taken effort.
"...Yeah," he said quietly, but she could hear the frustration in his voice. "Yeah, we can do that."
She managed a nod before turning toward her desk, pretending to scroll through streaming services while blinking a little harder than necessary. The colorful rows of movies blurred together on the monitor, none of the titles staying in focus long enough for her to actually read them.