Work Text:
The thrill of the knife biting into their skin and the sudden downpour of red that left the jagged, ugly cut in their forearm felt more real than anything that had currently happened in the past few days.
With the SOUL tucked away in some dingy corner doing whatever-the-fuck it is they do, Kris has some time to theirselves, time that they need, especially since they’ve been going crazy without being able to do this.
The knife makes yet another jagged, ugly line in their wrist.
They couldn’t tell you when they started, they just remember the first thrill, the rush, the control they felt over themselves, being able to latch onto something real, like pain, while the entire world seemed to crumble around them.
Toriel snooped, of course she did, what kind of mother doesn’t know what their child does in the middle of the night? But as per usual, Kris managed to shake her off their trail via their reclusively, exploiting their mother’s respect for their personal space to defile themselves in peace.
They hated themselves for the inability to stop. For the addiction to this rush, to seeing their skin discolor as the blood ran down, blooming almost like a stubborn weed lodged between the concrete.
They loved the rush, how it made them feel real, how it grounded them in a world where their childhood memories were corrupted by the disappearance of their old friends, by the abandonment they felt by their parents and brother, how they could feel on the outside what they felt within.
They barely noticed that they had formed three more of those disgusting lines on their disgusting body until a knock came on the bathroom door.
“Hey dumbass, you in there? needta wash up real quick.”
Shit. how could they have forgotten Susie? Perhaps the thrill of self-mutilation had made them forget that they had guests over.
“…second.” was all they could manage out before hastily attempting to hide their wounds in their sleeve, their knife returning to the safety of their pocket.
”bout time, Krispy.” Susie flashed one of her little smirks as she playfully pushed past the smaller human, her short tail somehow whacking them on her way past.
Kris hated being called that, not for the reason one would think, moreso that it was a genuine affection towards them, something they felt they didn’t deserve.
”you uh, like to take reeeeaaaally long in here, y’know?” Susie washed her hands, the motions sloppy, yet focused. “I wonder what you do in here, dumbass.” Kris tensed up, their hands reflexively balling into fists at their sides, they looked away ashamedly, which didn’t go unnoticed by Susie.
”uhm. dude? I was joking… are… are you ok?” Susie reached up, going for a gentle grabbing of Kris’s arm, one that they stiffly pulled away from, mumbling under their breath “s’nothing.” “bullshit.” Susie’s response was immediate. “I can tell when something’s wrong, I’m not that dumb, y’know.”
Kris attempted to walk away, only to get snagged by Susie. “Hey! don’t walk off now!” Kris attempted to yank themself free, only for Susie’s grip to tighten.
”…Dude… is- is that..?” shit. no, nonononono. She can’t know, she can never know. And yet… “m-mhm.” Kris decided not to lie, maybe getting this entire thing over with would help. “Are you ok? do I uh… need to call.. anyone?” Kris shook their head.
”Forget it.”
”Tell me what’s wrong.”
”Can’t.”
”Kris-“
”please. Susie.” Kris was surprised by desperation in their voice, it never occurred to them how badly they needed this to stay a secret. “Why?” Susie arched an eyebrow. “For all I know, these could be leftover from-“ “I did it.” Kris was still looking away, but they felt as if they were still too close to Susie, their entire body seemed to burn with shame at the admission, ashamed that they were bringing someone as important to them as Susie into their issues.
”Can I ask why?”
”please.”
Susie rose her friend’s arms up, examining the cuts lining their skin, messy, jagged, obviously made with haste. “Dude. This is bad.” Kris nodded, attempting to look at Susie, their crimson eyes scanning for any sort of disappointment or anger, surprised to find only concern.
Before they knew it, Susie had them sat on the edge of their tub, gingerly poking at the fresh cuts with a tissue to sop up all the remaining blood. “Kris… I-“ “m’sorry.” Kris was crying now, still too afraid and ashamed to face their friend fully. “No. hey.” Susie reached out, awkwardly pawing at Kris’s cheek in an attempt to comfort them. “It’s… well… no, it’s not ok. I just…” she paused, still cleaning up Kris’s wounds, “why?” Kris recoiled, their tears flowing more freely. “Hey, hey…” Susie stood, pulling Kris with her into a hug.
”You don’t have to say nothing you don’t want to, alright?” Susie was stern, but, still incredibly gentle, Kris couldn’t help but find themselves at ease. “Can… we go to my bedroom?” their voice was a bit raw from the crying, and Susie immediately scooped them up into one of those carries that Kris saw in old movies, the kind where the knight in shining armor whisks away the princess from danger, the kind they watched… with… Dess.
Kris’s head hit the pillow as Susie deposited them into their bed, immediately climbing in next to them, pulling them close in a more-comfortable-than-they’d-like-to-admit embrace. “Hey.” Susie whispered, her breath fanning over Kris’s face. “mmh.” was their only response.
Susie let out a deep sigh. “My um… my dad left. when I was a kid.” Kris perked up immediately, their crimson eyes meeting Susie’s “I’m-“ “not yet, I’m going somewhere with this.” Kris nodded, nestling further into Susie’s embrace. “My mom got into alcohol after that, it was a goddamn miracle I was able to enroll in school with her help.” Susie looked down at Kris, who had found themselves resting their head on Susie’s chest. “I’ve had to fight for myself since the day I was born. but…” Susie pulled the smaller human up close, their face inches from hers. “I’ll keep fighting. not just for me, but for you too.”
Their lips met. The same rush that Kris had been craving, the one that had long diminished since they first started cutting, came back in full force, and they couldn’t help themselves, delving into Susie’s lips like it was the only thing in the world, deepening the kiss until they were sure there was nothing else around. Susie let out a small, surprised gasp before reciprocating, their tongues meeting, delving past each other, the sloppy deepening of not only the kisses, but the embrace, their arms roaming each other’s backs and sides, Kris’s shorts being pulled down, Susie’s jacket coming off, her shirt being pulled off as well.
Kris pulled back, tongue lolling out of their mouth, panting like a dog. Susie was equally disheveled, her breath coming in short bursts as well. “fuck… haah…” Susie smiled “feel… at least… a-a little… a little better?” Kris nodded, nuzzling into the monster girl’s neck “better.” they agreed.
”…thank you.”
”I’m not finished yet.”
”…”
”i-if that’s ok with you.”
”it is.”
”go for it?”
”go for it.”
Susie’s fingers slid beneath the waistband of Kris’s nondescript underwear, pulling it down revealed that they were already soaked, like a leaky faucet, or an ice pack left out in the summer heat. “you really want this, dumbass.” Susie stated, her voice tinged with aroused amusement.
“are two fingers ok?”
Kris nodded
“I uh… I’d feel better if you said it out loud.”
”two fingers are ok.”
Susie plunged two fingers into their channel, eliciting a moan from the enby, who immediately went to cover their mouth, their eyes fluttering shut. “m-mmgh…” they stifled their moans successfully as Susie began to pump in and out, her other hand awkwardly balled at her side. “th-this is ok, right?” “m-mh-ah!-mhm…” This seemed to embolden her, as she went faster, her fingers making a lewd squelching as she fingered Kris, her Kris.
”don’t… ah… don’t stop…” Kris tried not to squirm, their legs instinctively spreading to welcome Susie’s probing fingers. Susie leaned in, going in for another kiss, her other hand reaching into her own pants.
It seemed to last an eternity, this moment, just Kris and their former best friend, now something more, having sex in their bed, while everything around them seemed to fade away. It wasn’t unlike the thrill they felt while cutting, although this wasn’t nearly as self-destructive, something they felt grateful for, someone they felt grateful for.
Kris felt themselves teeter on the edge of a metaphorical cliff, so close to orgasm, and brought there by someone they trusted so dearly, how could they not indulge? Susie looked so beautiful like this, managing to pleasure herself and them, she was so selfless, so heroic. Just the kind of monster they needed, yet were too stubborn or broken to admit to admit it.
Kris came undone with a broken, stifled cry, moments later, Susie did the same, and they collapsed together onto the sheets, Kris immediately curling up to Susie’s chest, the plush flesh there not particularly examining breasts, something Kris noted, even in their blissed out state. Perhaps it was that way because Susie resembled a reptile, perhaps it was just monster anatomy, perhaps Kris was looking too far into this after they just had sex for the first time. Oh shit, that was their first time.
”Susie…” they muttered, voice tired, yet undeniably satisfied.
“yeah, dumbass?” Susie’s fingers, either covered in them or her, tangled in Kris’s hair, ruffling it playfully.
”that was… you were…”
”amateur?”
”amazing.”
Kris smiled, a genuine, adoration-filled smile as they hugged Susie.
”Thank you.”
”for..?”
Kris sighed.
”for making me feel loved.”
Susie smiled back.
”anything to keep you from… well, y’know.”
Kris let out a chuckle, they felt alive for the first time in ages, that sense of grounding reality that they so craved was right here, in Susie.
”well my mind’s certainly off of it.”
”good”
Kris blinked a few times, finally yawning. The sex took a lot out of them, and they were content with laying here, with Susie.
”I… I love you.”
”I love you too, dumbass. Don’t go scaring me like that again, got it?”
”mhm.”
They had forgotten all about their knife, about the rush, the blood, and their hatred for themself, because they had Susie, and that was enough.
”g’night…”