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Hester Leggatt thought of herself as a logical woman. She prided herself on her ability to keep a cool head and make the best of difficult situations, but she had recently discovered that this skill very much did not extend to her personal life.
She had managed to keep her feelings for Colonel Bevan hidden for a rather long time, but ever since she had gained a promotion and begun to work under a different commanding officer, she no longer had an excuse to deny her affection for him. She had grown used to ignoring the unprofessional thoughts that she could never quite banish, and she had become even more used to seeing him every day.
Now that she worked for a new department, she truly recognised how unusual her working relationship with her superior had been. Precious few officers liked to acknowledge their female colleagues for anything other than taking orders, making the tea, and being easy on the eyes, but Colonel Bevan had even begun to consult her on her opinions after a year of working together. She felt as if she were back at square one in her new role. She missed feeling respected, she missed being able to use her judgement, and most of all, she had to admit that she missed John.
Jean Leslie was far too observant for her own good. She soon noticed that Hester was a little out of sorts, no longer her scarily efficient self, and when she realised that the same had happened to Colonel Bevan, she put two and two together and for the first time realised that there might be some substance to the rumours about them that pervaded the typing pool.
She had wasted no time in convincing Hester that she couldn't wait around to be happy, and that if she wanted to pursue something with Colonel Bevan then she simply would have to ask him to dinner herself.
The scheme had been a success, and their dinners had quickly become as regular an occurrence as they could manage with their inconsistent schedules. She had even started having dinner at John's flat, an event which still felt unbearably intimate after years of pretending her desire for the man was merely a deep respect for him professionally. John's cooking was wonderful and so was his company, and she found herself wishing she didn't have to return to her boarding house when it got late.
Once Jean had vowed to punish John by any means necessary should he react badly, Hester had explained to him that she was a transsexual, and to her shock, he confessed the same to her. Somehow neither of the two had realised or even suspected despite all the time they had spent working together, and that knowledge made Hester feel rather proud. She knew she wasn't a great beauty. After all, being nicknamed 'The Spin' and having more than one person liken her face to that of a frog had a way of making sure she knew that she wasn't exactly an English rose, but the reminder that her womanhood was never questioned had kept her in a good mood for days.
All her fantasies about John had been rendered incorrect, but that only meant that she was able to create new ones. Unfortunately, that opportunity had made her increasingly distracted by inappropriate thoughts regarding her…well, her John. They were yet to label their relationship, and they sat in an awkward spot between colleagues and lovers. They kissed often, and it still gave her a thrill weeks after the first time she had bent down to meet his lips, but she couldn't help imagining what it would be like to go further.
She was something of a novice on that front, but she wasn't a complete beginner. When she was much younger she had thought of herself as very grown-up when she and Tom stumbled into bed for the first time, but looking back she realised that she had only been a girl. The few intimacies they shared had been awkward, and even a little painful at times, but they were also terrific fun, and she wanted that with her John. She was yet to find a way to tactfully bring it up in conversation, however.
Hester liked to think that she and John understood each other without having to speak, having become used to communicating through facial expressions in meetings and gestures of care when one decided that the other had been working for too long without a break. She wished it could be as simple as that when working out their relationship, but she knew she had no choice but to discuss her emotions. It had been a very long time since she had been completely honest with someone, open about her whole life - her identity, her interests, and her fears. The thought of Bevan deciding that she wasn't who he thought she was scared her, even though she knew she had no logical reason to worry. Her girls in the typing pool had assured her that anyone with working eyes could see that John adored her, and she trusted them despite their youthful naivety.
She turned over the thought of intimacy with John in her mind for a few weeks and she eventually decided that she would simply have to ask him what his thoughts were. It weren't as if they were of marriageable age, so there wasn't a question of propriety, and thankfully their bodies didn't pose an issue either, therefore Hester couldn't tell why she was so convinced that John would be offended. She came to the conclusion that it might be because she was so used to being an inferior, despite his respect for her, that the idea of being proactive was still frightening. John had been receptive, pleased even, when she had taken charge in the past, so she tried her best to believe that he'd take her suggestion well.
After finishing a day's work, grateful that she could see the sunlight instead of being cooped up in the basement, Hester took the Tube to her boarding house and did her best to make herself look glamorous. She may not have had the makeup skills that her young colleagues did, but she knew how to highlight her pretty features and make herself more feminine. She put on her newest stockings and a pale blue dress that she didn't often wear, given that it had a slightly lower neckline than she usually favoured. As she put the hairpins into her hair to create a slightly less severe version of her usual updo, she tried hard not to think about how she was trying to seduce her former commanding officer. They didn't work directly with each other anymore, yet it still felt scandalous. Despite the fact that male officers would invite unsuspecting secretaries to sit in their laps with alarming regularity, she didn't want to entertain the idea that her own relationship with an officer was inappropriate. Their lives were scandalous enough by nature of their very existence, she didn't need more reasons to worry.
Once she was satisfied with her appearance she made her way to John's flat, and was greeted with a smile. John took her coat and then leaned up on his toes to kiss her cheek, while Hester kindly leant down to make things easier for him. She longed to turn her head and capture his lips, but this was an operation that must be conducted carefully if she were to keep her dignity and achieve her end goal. She chose a record from John's expensive collection, careful not to disturb the model trains he used as makeshift bookends, and soon the sound of Bing Crosby's voice played as John finished making the dinner.
When the plates had been cleared, a chore John insisted on doing to ensure Hester would not return to her previous role of servitude, Hester took his hand and they sat down on the sofa together, listening to the record play. She was mesmerised for a moment by the rotation of the disc, but she snapped herself out of it and decided that there was no time like the present to broach the rather delicate topic. She clasped her hands together, rubbing her thumb back and forth, the method she always used when she needed to keep herself in the moment. Before she had a chance to say a word, John had noticed her fidgeting and asked, "Hester, are you quite alright?"
She quickly nodded, forcing her hands still and replying, "I was just thinking, don't worry." She took a deep breath and added "In fact, I'd like to speak to you about something." She tried her best to hide her nervousness in case John should think she had bad news, but John's eyebrows still raised, creasing his forehead in a way that endeared her.
"What is it?" He replied, settling himself more comfortably for what he expected would be a serious conversation. He gently squeezed her hand, and she tried to ignore the warmth of it as she spoke "Well, John, I like our current arrangement very much, but I was wondering whether you you had ever considered our relationship becoming, well, more intimate?"
At that, John relaxed. He had expected Hester to announce that she had grown tired of him, not for her to declare her desire more openly than ever before. "I can't say I haven't thought about it," he admitted. "I am a red-blooded man, after all."
Hester blushed at his admission, very glad that she wasn't alone in her fantasies, and somehow a little surprised that John spoke so openly about his appreciation for her. She knew he thought she was lovely to look at, but it was still strange to hear him say it after they had spent so long being consummate professionals. "Oh, thank goodness. I was a little worried you'd be shocked."
"Why would I be?" John replied, shifting to look at her better. We're both far too old to be worrying about things like this."
"It's just…you know it's been so long since I've done anything like this," she admitted. "I feel like a nervous young girl again."
"I wonder what it would have been like if we had met when we were much younger." Just as the words left his lips, he remembered Tom, and he shut his eyes, tipping his head back in embarrassment. "I didn't mean….I'm sorry," he said quickly, trying to smooth things over. "I'm really not very good at this."
"It's quite alright." Hester reassured him, ignoring the familiar pang of grief. They didn't speak any more of their younger selves. In fact, they didn't speak much at all. Instead, Hester found herself curling into John's side, his arm wrapping around her as she rested her hand on his soft belly. They remained there until the record ended, then Hester reluctantly got up, her knees creaking as she stood. Once the record was back in its sleeve, she turned to to look at her John. She still wasn't used to seeing him out of uniform, so his woollen jumper and unbuttoned collar were a welcome change to his mustard tie and epaulettes. The joy she got from just a glimpse of his throat made her feel a bit Victorian, but before she could admire John for any longer, he raised an eyebrow and broke her out of her reverie. "You're staring, dear."
He'd never called her that before. It made her smile, and she almost forgot to be embarrassed at being caught. John smiled back, and Hester held out a hand to pull him up and into her embrace. "I'm afraid I can't help it now that I have the chance," she smiled, looking at his forehead. She wasn't quite sure why looking into his eyes made her feel so uncomfortable, but that was a constant in her life, and she wasn't about to dwell on it and ruin the moment.
John leaned up and kissed her, properly this time, and she let out a small noise of enjoyment. She was still a little shy about showing her pleasure, but she was having too much fun to worry about it tonight. Before long they stumbled back to the sofa together, and as they kissed, John dared to move his hand up her skirt. As he unclipped her stockings from the suspender belt, his hands moving gently to avoid damaging them, Hester wished he'd done it before. She'd imagined it before at work, them both finally giving in to the tension and christening the desk, so to speak, but she knew that they both respected the sanctity of his office far too much to do such a thing.
Once her stockings had been rolled off with the care only someone who'd worn them before could manage, she set to work on removing John's jumper and unbuttoning his shirt further. Unfortunately for Hester, John liked to wear a vest, so she was still denied a view of his bare chest, though she did get to see his hair amusingly messy from the jumper being hurriedly pulled over his head. She gave the vest a look of disapproval as though it personally offended her, and John held his hands up in surrender. He smiled and pulled the vest over his head, revealing the bindings he wore. Now that she knew about them, she had made a mental note to make sure he never wore them for too long, but now was not the time to make sure he was taking care of himself, there were far more important things at hand, like touching the warm bare skin underneath.
With his shirt folded on the coffee table so he wouldn't have to iron it in the morning, John led Hester to his bedroom, not wanting to spend this momentous occasion in his living room where there was a large window overlooking the road. While he knew that nobody would look in and see them, he felt that his bedroom was more romantic. Hester brought out his sentimental side, and as he looked at her, Hester finally wondered how she had ever doubted that her John's feelings were genuine.
Her bare feet sunk into the soft carpet, a satisfying feeling that she was unused to given the wooden flooring in her own bedroom. She reached to try and unzip her dress, wanting to be a tease, and as she struggled, she wished she hadn't left her Zip Aid at home. John didn't let her flounder, however, and after a moment, he took a step closer.
"May I?" he asked, and when Hester gave in and nodded, he placed a hand on her lower back and slowly unzipped the back of her dress. The warmth of his hand grounded her, and she registered for the first time that this was real, that she was about to make love to Johnny Bevan. She slipped the dress from her shoulders and stepped out of it carefully, leaving her in her suspender belt, knickers, and brassiere. She turned to face John slowly, and his appreciation of her ample form was clear. She ignored his desire for a moment, instead holding up her dress and calmly asking "Do you have a clothes hanger? I'd rather not crease this."
"Oh, er, yes, of course," he nodded, walking to the wardrobe and handing her a wire hanger. Once her dress was safely in the wardrobe, she turned to John and leaned down to kiss him again. When they broke apart, Hester saw that John's line of sight was focused rather intensely on her chest and she smirked, feeling rather proud of herself that even still clothed she had an effect on him. "John, would you give me a hand? I'm not as flexible as I used to be." The latter claim was true, her joints seemed to protest more every day, but she was perfectly capable of undressing herself. She just enjoyed the feeling on John's hands on her and couldn't quite find the words to tell him as much. John obliged with a smile, returning to her back and fumbling with the clasp. It didn't take him long to work it out, and as he pushed the straps from her shoulders, Hester took the cups in her hands to avoid disturbing the carefully placed padding and placed the garment on the chair in the corner of the room. When she straightened up, John reached out and ran his hand along her chest.
Despite the reverent touch giving her a shiver down her spine, she suddenly felt too aware of herself and decided to make a self-deprecating comment before John could do the same. "I do hope you're not disappointed that I'm not quite as blessed as I appear," she said quietly. John's hand stilled and his gaze rose to her face, though not her eyes. "Why would I be disappointed?" he replied. "You're wonderful as you are," he added, punctuating his words with a gentle squeeze of her soft chest. "Besides, I have more than enough for the both of us," he said, almost without thinking. Once he realised what he had said he shut his eyes for a moment and said quietly, "Why did I say that?"
Hester wasn't about to let John get off track. "No, it's sweet," she insisted. "May I…see them?"
John hesitated for a moment, then slowly began to remove his bindings. Hester just watched as more of the wonderful man before her was revealed. She wanted nothing more than to touch him there, but she let him go at his own pace. She could tell he was less confident in his skin than she was, and she doubted that he had bared himself to anyone for a long time, if ever. Finally the bindings slid away and he dropped his arms to his sides. As Hester gazed at his chest she smiled, stepping towards him and taking him by the shoulders. She sat him down on the side of his bed and then took a seat next to him. She kissed his cheek swiftly, and then pushed him back a little, leaving her at an angle where she could caress one breast while placing the nipple of the other in her mouth and nipping it gently.
John was taken aback at this turn of events. He had planned to stay in his bindings should he be lucky enough to see Hester like this, and at best he had imagined his chest would be ignored. He never imagined that she would like it so much, and he felt a little dazed as he braced his hands behind him to make sure he didn't collapse in pleasure. He let out an undignified noise as teeth made contact with his nipple, and Hester broke away for a moment to give him a hungry grin. She switched her attention to the other side then, sucking and licking as if she were completely unaware of her lover's brain leaking out from his ears. After only a few moments John seemed unable to create a coherent thought, and he tried to pull Hester's head from his breast without pulling her hair. He pulled a hairpin loose and it fell quietly to the floor, forgotten in the heat of the moment. Hester smiled and took his chin in her hand, fingers pressing into the softness underneath as she kissed him.
"You still have too many clothes on, it's making things rather difficult for me." Hester's efficiency tickled John, and he let out a chuckle as he leaned down to take off his socks. He stood up to step out of his comfortable trousers, and then his boxers followed. He placed them down neatly and then turned to Hester. He was trying best not to look embarrassed, but Hester couldn't work out why for the life of her. Johnny was a gorgeous man, thought it was perhaps a little unfair that he was bare and she wasn't. She stood to remove her remaining underwear, resting a hand on her lower back as she did, and reached for the clip of the suspender belt, but her hand was caught before she had the chance to get to work. "Let me." Before she could argue, John had sunk down to make his task easier. The sight of her former superior knelt before her gave her a rush of power that only made her desire spike further. She had never felt such a thing before, and with what remained of her logic she filed away a reminder to explore that in the future.
John took far longer than was necessary to remove the belt, and eventually Hester raised an eyebrow at him. That look was enough for him to move his hands away so Hester could finish the job. As he looked up her hands moving with practised efficiency, he said, "You can't blame me, I've never seen one of those before."
"Haven't you?" asked Hester, surprised.
"I used to wear a corset, not all of these modern pieces," explained John. "I don't miss them at all, they only seem to have become more complicated."
"John, you're talking too much."
Hester's words silenced her lover, but his mouth soon dropped open again as her knickers slid down her smooth legs, baring her completely to him. Her desire was obvious, and it made the wetness between John's own thighs increase. "Good lord." Johnny Bevan's grasp of the English language wasn't the strongest at the best of times, let alone when he was in the presence of Hester, naked and wanting him no less.
Hester sat down and took John's hand, helping him back onto the bed. "How would you like to do this?" she asked, nerves becoming more apparent.
John thought for only a moment, looking across at the beautiful stout woman before him and returning to his knees. His intentions were obvious, and Hester smiled, grateful that he was so unbothered by her nature. She spread her legs either side of him, not wanting to let him escape so easily, and then she remembered his poor knees. They wouldn't appreciate him kneeling for any period of time, so she reached for a pillow which he took gratefully.
He braced his hands on her strong thighs, teasing her with his thick fingers at first. The warmth of his fingertips on her inner thighs was novel, and did nothing to make her more patient. Her breathing got shallower, and after a while, she tilted his head up to look at her. She made her disapproval clear with one of her looks, and John gave her a nod, finally reaching into a drawer and procuring a rubber. As he carefully rolled it onto her she shivered at the first contact, overwhelmed in the best way. She wondered how long they had been living in that drawer waiting for this moment, but that was a question for later.
John pressed a few chaste kisses to her thighs before finally having mercy and taking her into his mouth. The warmth was like nothing she'd ever experienced before, and at this rate she felt as though she wouldn't last long at all. The sight of John doing his best to please her made her smile, and he seemed to be something of a natural, which made her curious about his past. He got a little too enthusiastic too fast, coughing and spluttering for a moment, which made them both pull a face. John reached for a handkerchief to wipe his mouth before returning to the job at hand, this time blindly stroking at her chest with his free hand. Hester's fingers found their way to the base of his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair and guiding the pace, something he didn't seem to object to. It was taking a lot of her strength to keep her hips still, but she resisted, not wanting to hurt her John tonight.
Before long, Hester knew she had to stop him or she would be out of commission, unable to return the favour. "John, please," she managed, coherence feeling like a Herculean task. She rested a solid hand on his shoulder, and he pulled away to look up at her, confusion in his expression. "It's too much," she explained. "I don't want all this to end so soon."
John nodded, taking Hester's hand and sitting down on the the bed again. The pillow was returned to its rightful place, and the rubber was placed in the bin, before Hester turned to her man and remarked "If only I'd known you could do that earlier." "It's been a very long time, I wasn't sure I still had it in me." John looked a little bashful, but Hester rolled her eyes. "Clearly it's like riding a bicycle, you never forget." The simile seemed to pass John by as usual, but at least there was no clumsy rephrasing like he usually offered in these moments.
Hester took a deep breath and then asked the question that had been on her mind for longer than she would ever admit. "John, can we…can we make love properly?" Hester's uncharacteristic hesitance made John smile, and he nodded. "I thought you'd never ask." He stood up and left the room without a word, puzzling Hester, but before long he returned with a towel. Hester stood, letting him lay it out, then John handed her another rubber, their fingers brushing together as she took it. John laid back on the bed, seemingly more confident as the night went on, and Hester took her time admiring him as she opened the packet and prepared herself.
John handed her a small pot of Vaseline, an impressive find given rationing, and she settled onto the bed in a position which wouldn't hurt her joints too much. She dipped her fingers into the jelly, and looked at John, making sure he was ready. He gave her a nod, and she placed a strong hand on his thigh so he couldn't flinch too much at the cold substance. She began with one finger, letting him acclimatise and trying to make the slight wince on his face melt away.
When John was ready for another, she went slowly, not wanting to hurt him. Eventually she was using three fingers and rubbing in little circles with her thumb, holding his leg still with her free hand. When she was satisfied he was ready, she withdrew. She used a little more Vaseline on herself, wiping her hand on the towel afterwards. John reached out and took her hand, and he tried to sit up to kiss her. Hester was having none of this however, and she pushed him back, positioning herself over him, a better angle for them both. Once they broke apart, Hester looked at him intensely. "Are you ready?" She asked. They only had one opportunity to do this for the first time, and Hester Leggatt wanted to make the most of it.
"Please, Hester." John replied, clearly running out of patience. His Hester was all too happy to oblige, and she braced herself carefully as she guided herself in slowly. She gave him some time to acclimatise, but it didn't take long for Hester to start chasing her own pleasure, speeding up into a more satisfying rhythm. She wanted to make sure they both benefitted, and so she tried to move a hand between them to return to rubbing circles on his clit, but that was a little ambitious and she lost her balance, letting out an undignified noise. "Don't laugh," she ordered, but she couldn't help but start giggling herself. Suddenly everything was a lot less frightening, and the lovers smiled at each other, returning to their previous rhythm. This time Bevan took charge of his own pleasure, slipping a hand between them and matching Hester. He remained silent, however, and this wasn't good enough for her. "Johnny, let me hear you," she said, deliberately ignoring the hypocritical nature of her words, as she was also holding back, some small voice of shame still shouting in the back of her mind.
John was clearly trying to be more vocal, and the little sounds she made were charming. Seeing him approach climax was far better than ever imagining it, especially with the knowledge that she alone made him feel this way. "Oh, John, I won't last much longer." Those were the first real words in some time, and they made John smile again, clearly trying to get to the same point. A few moments later Hester cried out, reaching her peak. She tried to keep going so that John wouldn't be left wanting, but it soon became overstimulating. She withdrew when she couldn't take it any longer, and with the last of her strength she began to use her fingers to aid him. John let out a low moan as he finally finished, and he suddenly felt boneless. Hester smiled, ridding herself of the condom and trying her best to stay upright as she made her way to the bin. When she returned, John shifted enough for the towel to be moved, and she placed it on the floor, for once not caring enough to fold it. She was still giddy with endorphins, and she wanted to hold her John as they fell asleep.
John held out his arm, wrapping it around her as she climbed into the bed, a look of abject adoration on his face. "My word, Hester." He said, trying and failing to find a way to summarise his feelings for the remarkable woman beside him. "You were rather wonderful yourself, John." She smiled, tiredness rapidly settling in and making her far less buttoned up than the formidable aura she usually tried to maintain.
By morning they would both ache, trying to locate their clothes and get to work in a timely manner, but just for tonight, there were no ranks in sight, merely Hester and John. They fell asleep in each other's arms, and the dilemma about their relationship had finally been resolved. They could certainly no longer call themselves just colleagues, and they certainly wouldn't want to.