Chapter Text
The last thing Barry Allen expected was a drunk Leonard Snart in Saint’s and Sinners. Yet, here he was. He really only needed to ask Snart to borrow the cold gun because how else is he supposed to stop a walking volcano meta.
“Snart,” Barry whisper shouted as he slid across him in the booth.
“Barrrrrrrryyyyy, heeyyyyyyy howww did you get herrrreeee? How did I not see youuuuu your so fffffasssstttt.” Snart gasped then put his finger to his lips, “Shhhhhhhhhhh.”
Barry starred confused, “Are you drunk?” Snart pouted and shock his head. “Okay you definitely are. Where’s Mick or Lisa? Can they get you home? Wheres your phone i’ll call them…” Barry rambled.
“You talk a lllotttt,” He giggled, “its cute.”
“I, uh I what”
“Shhhhh Barry, I’m trying to flirt with Barry.” He shifted to rest his head on his hand leaning seductively but he miscalculated and his head hit the table with a thud.
Barry winced, “Are you okay?”
“mmmmhmmmm”
“Okay get up I’m taking you home” Snart didn’t make an effort to move. Barry guided him with his arm around his waist and headed outside.
Barry stopped them in an alley looking around before swooping up Snart and running him back to Barry’s house.
Barry ran them to his room grabbing a trash can that Snart soon puked in. “Sorry,” he muttered to the man as he sat him on his bed. He rubbed Snart’s back but quickly withdrew standing up, “I uhm I’ll go get you some medicine and water…uhm I’ll be back.”
When Barry came back with water and medicine Snart was naked. “Oh!” He turned to face away, “uhm sorry…i have some water and stuff. Uhhh why are you naked?”
Snart grumbled, “Hate sleeping jeans.”
“What?” He turned to look at him in confusion. Snart was still naked and now Barry was staring like a creep. “Ah uhm.” He moved to his dresser and pulled out a graphic tee with the words ‘What doesn’t kill you mutates and tries again’ along with Dna strand designs. He threw the shirt at Snart before diving back into his drawer and pulling out a pair of flash PJ pants, “Here.”
The shirt was tight on his arms but loose around the waist, the pants bunched at his feet and hung low. Snart struggled to get them on in his drunken mess and Barry had to intervene before he fell.
“Much better.”
Snart grumbled, “soft.”
“Okay buddy let’s get you to bed.” Barry moved Snart over to the bed and tucked him in. “You can sleep here I will crash on the floor.”
Before Barry could move to get blankets for himself Snart grabbed his wrist mumbling, “Stay.”
“I uh okay.” Barry moved to lay next to Snart trying to make space between them but it was helpless. The bed was too small for two people, they were smushed together Barry half falling off the bed until Snart pulled him closer and snuggle into his chest. “Wow who knew. Leonard Snart master thief, a cuddly drunk.”
Snart murmured into his chest griping tighter to Barry. Barry’s ears were flushed bright red and his heart was throbbing faster. Until eventually Snarts soft sleeping sounds drifted him to sleep.
– – – – – – –
Snart awoke to sunlight filtering through a room he did not recognize, next to a warmth. Sh*t did he have a one night stand last night??? Was he that drunk he stayed. The warmth moved back an inch and recognization flooded through Snart. Oh sh*t. OH SH*T. Did he f*ck the flash! Oh sh*t! Oh f*ck! Stop brain stop! Enjoy the moment while it last. Okay good brain. Barry’s hair was wild and mussed. He looked properly and utterly sun-kissed. His brain faltered when Barry murmured and pulled him closer. Oh. Oh. Oh sh*t. Gay. Gay. Gay panic. Oh sh*t. Oh sh*t. Oh sh*t.
A loud thud pull him out of his thoughts while startling Barry awake. “…snart?”
“Barry?!” There was a loud knock on his door.
“Sh*t!” Barry jumped up but his legs were curled up with Snart’s and the both tumbled to the ground. Snart’s was laying on the floor, while Barry’s tumble left him straddling Snart’s hips. He looked down at him, face turned fully red. Snart looked up at Barry, he was wearing simple boxers and a loosely buttoned shirt.
The door thudded open, “Barry!” Joe froze at the sight of the two of them.
“Joe! Uh hey…uhm.”
“…”
“Joe?”
“Barry could I talk to you for a second.” Joe nodded towards the door before walking out.
Barry sighed and dropped his head Snart’s chest grumbling. “Barry.” He only mumbled in response. “Barry.”
He finally lifted his head looking at Snart and completely ignoring the compromising position they were siting in. “Sorry. Its just,” he groaned, “Joe has always been like this and now i’m about to get a 45 minute lecture which will be boarder line homophobic which will only end up with him trying to push me more towards Iris which is super weird but he did this when I first told him I was bi and whenever i would date a guy. Which made everything really weird cause Iris is my sister and also she's a lesbian which I don’t know if Joe knows but either way it super weird and oh my god! You can’t tell anyone I told you that Iris is a lesbian she will actually murder me and only a few people know and oh my god why cant I shut up-” Barry hid his head in shame.
“Barry!”
He lifted his head, “Yeah?”
“Calm down. Deep breathes.”
“Mhm.” He nodded.
“I won’t tell anyone about Iris although I sure Lisa would love that information and with Joe it seems like he needs some karma.” A large smirk formed on his face.
“Oh god are you planning a murder?!”
“NO! Even if I was I wouldn’t tell you.”
“Oh that makes me feel sooooo much better.” Barry’s voice dripped with sarcasm.
“Oh relax. My idea is genius.”
“Your ideas are usually escape plans, snarky banter, and stealing things.”
“I can come up with other ideas. You just don’t spend enough time with this amazing brain of mine.”
Before Barry could reply Joe’s voices cut through, “Barthowmoy Henry Allen, come out before I drag you out of there.”
“I’m bisexual!” Snart laughed at Barry snarky remark.
“Not what I meant and you know it!”
“Coming!” Barry turned back to Snart, “Okay what was your plan.”
“Joe thinks we’re f*cking nasty-”
“I wouldn’t say that-”
“So we tell him we are.”
“Uh what? But we aren’t??”
“Live a little Barthowomel. Tell a lie. Have some fun. Fake date me so we can watch Joe remarkable reactions. Give him a little karma.”
“I uh but-” Snart grabbed him by the shirt and kissed him making sure to bite his lips leaving them red. He moved lower giving Barry hickeys and leaving bites. “Ah uhm. Snart my uh healing is going to kick in these aren’t going to last long.”
Snart pulled away to admire his work, “Good. Joe will know it just happened.”
“Oh uh yeah uhm right.” Barry scrambled off of Snart gesturing to the door, he nodded shooing him out before Joe broke down the door.
Barry shuffled out to a very agitated Joe. “Uhm hey Joe.” He chuckled a little out of nervous energy, “Uhm good morning, it's a beautiful day, isn't it?”
“What the f*ck Barry!”
“I uh what??”
“Want to explain to me why the F*ck Leonard Snart is in MY f*cking house!!!” Joe finally turned to look at Barry, who was coved in hickey’s and ruffled up, “Oh and even f*cking better! Your f*cking this loser! I was fine with you being a f*g but I would have never picture your were such a f*cking sl*t for dick to f*ck Snart!!!”
“What did you just call me…”
Joe got up into his face, “You heard me.” Then he turned and walked out of the house.
Barry stood there, frozen. Until Snart came back out dressed back into his clothes from last night and stood next to Barry staring at the empty spot. “Okay now I will admit I am planning a murder.”
Barry looked back at him tears were welling in his eyes, “I…I…he…”
Snart pulled Barry into a hug, letting his head falling onto his jacket he sobbed into it. “I know. I’m sorry.” Leonard rubbed his back in soothing motions.
— — — — — — —
When Barry finally stopped crying he looked up at Leonard, “Sorry.” He wiped his face and Snart’s jacket where he left snot and tears.
“Its okay Barry.” He looked at Barry’s still sad impression before adding, “Tell anyone about this and you will have a slow death.”
Barry laughed, “Awe too scared to admit you careeeee. Worried about your reputation?”
“Yeah, yeah. Get all out. I care about you…or whatever.” Leonard started walking down stairs. Barry smiled, he cares. Oh. Oh. He quickly followed behind, before he could acknowledge that thought, when they traveled to the kitchen.
“Why are we in the kitchen…Oh god are you planning on murdering me with a knife. Thats very cliché of you.”
“Wow you have me stay the night and aren’t even planning on feeding me??!” He clutched at invisible pearls, “How rude.”
Barry snorted out a laugh, “Yeah how rude of me. Didn’t you hear i’m the rudest person in central city.”
Leonard chuckled in response moving over to the coffee machine. “Okay what do you want?”
“Uh what?”
“Breakfast Barry?”
“What NO! You’re my guest I will cook!”
Leonard shook his head, “Barry you just had a very…distasteful argument with your father figure. I’m cooking. It’s fine.”
“But-”
“No but’s. I got this.”
“But your like probably super hung over and it’s my house and you don’t know where anything is and-”
“Barry! Let me cook or I swear I will freeze you to the floor.”
Barry grumbled out a quiet, “okay.”
“Great! Now how do pancakes sound?” He pulled out the pancake mix moved over to where Barry was sitting at the bar counter.
“You can actually cook?” Leonard didn’t reply he only scooped some mix and flick it at Barry’s face. “Hey!” Len laughed at Barry’s powdered face before moving around the kitchen to grab the rest of the ingredients. “Should I be concerned with how you know where everything is?”
“I don’t know Barry do you want to know who ate all your mini marshmallows or do you want to be concerned.”
“I knew it! I knew that was you! You sneaky thief!”
Leonard laughed pulling out a pan as he finished whisking, suddenly the door bell ringing echoed throughout the house.
“Huh weird no one usually visits now. I’ll be back.” Barry slid out of his chair heading to the door. When Barry left the room Len pulled out his phone.
6 New messages
Lisa: Lenny are you coming home tonight
Lisa: Lennnyyyyyy
Lisa: Mick said you would be home tonight
Lisa: Are you okay?
Lisa: Are you safe? Do I need to hunt you down?
Lisa: If you don’t answer by morning me and Mick are going to murder
Leonard: I’m fine Lise. Crashed at a friends. Meet at jitters in an hour.
Lisa: A FRIENDS? You don’t have friends
Leonard: 🖕*Middle finger emoji*
Lisa: Finally learning how to use emoji’s old man 🥹 *teary eye emoji* ITS A MIRCLE
Leonard: Jitter’s in an hour.
Lisa: Yeah yeah ok old man
Leonard put his phone away and started cooking the pancakes. Meanwhile Barry answer the front door to Wally.
“Wally? Hey what are you doing here?”
“Hey Barry! Uhm Joe said something about wanting to get breakfast with me and Iris, ‘bonding time’ or something like that.”
“Oh sorry Wally Joe isn’t here. He kinda left…well stormed out is the better term…”
“Oh sh*t why?”
“It’s uh a long story…”
“Does it have anything to do with the hickeys on your neck.”
Barrys hands rushed to cover his neck as his face turned bright red, “Uh noooo…maybe…yeah.”
“Is everything okay? If he stormed out it probably wasn’t good either that or he got mad for no reason. Iris was telling me about his.” He gestured around in the air empathizing on the crazy swirls.
“Uh yeah. He’s a lot but i’m fine..well I will be but it’s whatever.”
“It doesn’t sound like whatever.”
“It’s nothing…”
“Barry you can talk to me. I know i’m not much of a sibling compared to Iris but i’m here to talk if you need it.”
“Thanks Wally.” They stared at each other for a minute before Wally opened his arms and Barry hugged him.
“Scarlet food’s ready.” Leonard popped out from the kitchen walking over to Barry who had just finished hugging Wally. “Oh hello, I don’t think we have met.”
“Hey, I’m Wally. Barry’s brother from another mother.” Barry smiled while Leonard snickered snaking an arm around Barry’s waist.
“I’m Leonard Snart, Barry’s boyfriend, you can call me Len.”
“Boyfriend? Barry why didn’t I hear about this actually how did Iris not hear about this she knows everything…unless is it a secret?”
Leonard chucked at Barry’s flushed cheeks, “Well I suppose it was but not anymore.”
“Ohhhh ok. Did it have anything to do with Joe’s storming out.” Barry’s face paled, “Or we don’t have to uh talk about it if you don’t want to. I mean I always figure Joe was a bit of a bigot but you know.”
“Don’t worry he will get his karma.” Leonard smirked.
Barry’s turned to look at him, “What does that mean…Please tell me you threw away your murder plan.”
Leonard smile before kissing his cheek, “Breakfast, Scarlet. Wally feel free to join, I would love to hear more.”
“I uh I…”
Wally walk past Barry mouthing ‘Boyfriend’ and wiggling his eyebrows before Barry came back to his senses and joining them. They sat at the table with lots of pancakes and coffee. Barry sat next to Leonard with Wally across from them.
“So what is this I hear about a murder plan?” Wally questioned.
Barry shouted, “Nothing! It’s nothing just a joke! Right, Sn-Len?”
Leonard rested his hand on Barrys knee rubbing up and down, “Oh course.” When Barry looked back at Wally Leonard shock his head no making Wally chuckle into his coffee.
They ate in silence for a minute before Len’s phone ringed, “Sorry it’s Lisa, I should take this.” Barry was a blushing mess the whole time, only then did Leonard let go of his knee and left the room.
Barry could feel Wally staring through his soul, “Soooo Barry. Leonard Snart wouldn’t happen to be related to, oh I don’t know, say Captain Cold?”
He swallowed the rest of his food before shoving his plate and banging his head on the table. He groaned, “Maybe…”
“Hmm” It was quiet for a minute before Wally chimed in some shocking words, “He’s hot.”
Barry chocked on his coffee, “I uh what!”
“I’m just saying if he was single I would smash that.”
“Oh my god!”
“I’m just saying.”
“You two are like years apart many years! Also he's my boyfriend…”
“So are you two. Also i’m just objectively stating facts. Besides no one could take him from you.” He spoke as if it were a fact.
“What…what does that mean?”
“It means he looks at you like you are the sun. He’s hopelessly and desperately in love with you.”
“…whatttttt no he’s not.”
“Yes he is.”
“No he’s not.”
“Yes he is.”
“No he’s really not.”
“He defiantly is.”
“No, no way.”
“Yes, yes way Barry.”
“No, nope not possible.”
“What do you mean it’s not possible it so is he’s your-”
Leonard walked back into the room next to Barry, “Sorry am I interrupting?”
“No.” they both shouted at the same time.
“Alrighttt…anyway I forgot I was supposed to meet Lise soon and she called to remind me so I have to go.” He kissed Barry swiftly on the lips, “See you soon, darling. Nice meeting you Wally.” Barry blushed letting his head rest on the table once more. Only when he heard his motorcycle rumble to life as he drove away, did Barry lift his head.
“Oooo a motorcycle too. You like the bad boys don’t ya Barry?”
Barry let his head hit the table with a thump.
— — — — — — — —
Leonard pulled up to jitters, mentally preparing himself for what he assumed would be an interrogation. He moved through the busy crowd to sit at their usual table where Lisa was already sitting.
“Soooo Lenny.”
He sighed rubbing nose bridge, “Yes?”
“Where ya been?”
“Nope. Coffee now. Where’s Mick?”
“He ordered for us then went to the bathroom…soo your friend?”
“Yes.”
“You don’t have friends.”
“Yes I do.”
“Sorry let me rephrase that. All your friends are in this building. All two of them.”
“I have other friends.”
“Fine. Who?”
He rubbed the back of his neck, “Uh no.”
“You’re lying.”
“I’m not lying, it’s just uh complicated.”
“Complicated?”
“Complicated.”
“I see.”
Before Leonard could question her response Mick arrived back with their drinks sitting next to Lisa. This was really starting to feel like an interrogation. “Hey boss.”
“Hello.”
Lisa sipped her drink starting through his soul while Mick talked to him. “So why are we here.”
“We have a problem.”
“A problem? How? You don’t really have problems with you plans except for the incident.” Mick nodded towards his pinkie ring.
Lisa chose this time to share her insight, “Or when the flash is involved.”
“Yes well this is a completely different problem.”
“Uh huh. How bad is it?” Lisa’s voice was filled with something Leonard could not name.
“A cop needing to be put in his place.”
Mick smiled, “Who?”
“Why?” Lisa questioned.
“A bigot cop, who happens to be…” he mumbled the rest to himself.
Lisa eyebrows rose waiting for the rest, “I’m sorry what was that?”
“Happens to be the uh…”
Mick grumbled in annoyance, “For f*cks sake spit it out!”
“Uhm…”
Lisa smirked, “Does this have to with the friend who you were with last night?”
“What does that mean?! Why did you say friend like that?”
“Oooo boss has a new boy toy?”
“He’s not a boy toy!”
Lisa smiled, “Oh but he is something.”
“Would you leave Barry out of this!”
“Oooo Barry??? That’s his name?”
“Didn’t think you would learn your boy toys name Snart.”
“He’s not my boy toy!”
“So what is he?” Lisa questioned.
“I he’s…he’s nothing…”
“Your lyinggggg.” Lisa suspected.
“He’s nothing!”
“Doesn’t sound like nothing!”
“Oh for f*cks sake!” Mick slammed his hand on the table making their coffee’s rattle and grabbing the attention of nearby customers. “Both of you shut the f*ck up.” The nearby customers were still watching quietly. “It’s obvious who Barry is. I just want to know if I can kill a cop.”
Lisa smacked Mick on the arm and whispered, “No murder talk in public.” She backed up voice wavering back up to normal, “Now who’s Barry and how do you know who he is?”
Mick laughed which caught the sight of a nearby CEO/engineer/parttimesuperhero. “The only person Boss has eyes for.”
Lisa questioned still confused, “The only person he has a massive crush on is the Flash.”
At the same time Leonard said “I don’t have feelings for the Flash.”
Mick just smirked, he figured it out a long time ago. “Wait Barry is…oh my GOD!!!” Lisa came to the conclusion after Len spoke.
“No he isn’t!” He glared at Mick trying to piece together how he figured it out, though he supposed it was easy. “And I don’t have feelings for him. I couldn’t.”
“Why not?” Lisa tilted her head, “I mean you’re gay and he wears a tight red spandex so he’s got to at least be attracted to men.”
“He’s too good for me and besides I can’t date him. He’s a terrible kisser.” He lied like a lying liar who lies (because he’s so gay and is panicking over everything that just happened.)
Mick chuckled while Lisa burst out laughing. Mick was the first to reply, “How do you know he’s a terrible kissing?”
“I what…I shut up!! Can we go back to the problem.”
“Yes the problem which has to do with the Flash.” He’s concerned with how much Mick is being right.
“No it doesn’t…”
They both looked at each other then Len, “Yes it does.”
“I hate all of you.”
Lisa finished off her coffee, “You just mad cause we’re righttttt.”
“Fine you’re right. It has to do with Joe West. His adopted father.”
“Okay but it’s it insanely idiotic and dumb to target anyone close to the Flash.”
“Relax we’re just exposing the truth.”
“How so boss?”
“A bigot man who calls his son a f*g and also a ‘f*cking sl*t for dick’, has got many secrets which would not look good especially to the gay police captain.”
They both spoke at the same time, “Where do we start?”