Chapter Text
It’s only about 8 pm when they decide to head out and Kyle searches Stan out before they leave to see if he wants a ride back. He finds him slumped in a corner with Wendy obviously trying to drink the Black family out of house and home. He and Wendy are sitting with a respectable distance between them, and although Wendy is sipping out of a red solo cup with the electric pink punch from the kitchen sink, Kyle can tell she’s no where passed tipsy.
“Hey, Stan?” Kyle asks, sliding down the wall next to him.
“What do you want?” He sneers drunkenly, his face hiding in his hands. Kyle ignores that attitude, he and Stan have been friends for a long time and Kyle knows he only gets like this when his big boy emotions start confusing him.
“We’re gonna head out. You want a ride home?”
“Who’s we. You and Cartman- oh excuse me-“ Stan breaks himself off to hiccup- “You and your boyfriend?”
Kyle sighs, “Yeah, dude.”
“No, I’m fine. I’d rather walk in the snow than see that shit,”
“What shit?”
“You!” Stan snaps loudly, “you sat in that chair with him the whole time and straight up ignored the rest of us!”
Kyle takes a big breath and tries his very best to keep from having an argument that won’t get anywhere with his best friend in this state. He’s upset that Stan is upset but at the same time he can’t blame him. Anytime Stan and Wendy get back together there is the ‘honeymoon phase’ where he and the guys only ever catch glimpses of Stan at school, no video games, no rides to anywhere, no smoking at the pond, nothing. Kyle’s never handled that well and it would be hypocritical for Kyle not to have some patience with him.
He's about to open his mouth, searching for some placating bullshit to say so at least he can get his friend home before Wendy places a hand on his shoulder. Her eyes hold unwavering understanding of the situation.
“I’ll make sure he gets home safe, Kyle,” she promises, “you guys can talk about this tomorrow.”
Kyle nods gratefully.
“He’ll get over it,” she says. “He’s just doing an absolutely atrocious job at handling this,”
“Thanks, Wendy,” he whispers before standing from his position on the floor.
“If it means anything, I think you guys make way too much since. It’s weird, for sure, but I think that’s just because you guys have always been weird,” Wendy says. Kyle chooses to take that as a compliment before turning and leaving.
He finds Cartman outside, smoking a joint with Kenny against the brick wall.
“There he is!” Kenny says, upon sighting Kyle. Kyle grins.
“Don’t even worry about Stan. Wendy’s got him and I’m on back up,” Kenny promises, “You know I love to carry people bridal style. Makes me feel strong. I’ll set his ass down on the bed, give him a little forehead smooch. Tuck his ass in. Probably spoon him a little, over the covers of course, nothing untoward,”
“Thanks, Kenny,” Kyle laughs, a little exhausted.
Cartman grabs him around the shoulders and hearts him into his side, Kyle slumps into him immediately.
“Aw, y’all!” Kenny croons, slapping a hand over his heart, “stop being cute before I throw up. You’re wearing his shirt, Kyle, it’s just way to big,” he sighs like the sight fulfills his soul, “Congrats, Cartman. Y’all should make an OnlyFans, I’d subscribe.”
“Alright, Kenny,” Cartman says and kicks himself off the wall, “see you tomorrow,”
Kenny laughs, “Bye, guys.”
“Be safe, Kenny,” Kyle calls over his shoulder as they walk to his car. They’re blocked in quite a bit so Kyle has to execute a six-point turn to get back to the road. Cartman’s hand is warm on his thigh.
“I’m sorry about Stan,” Cartman mumbles after a moment.
“Why are you sorry?” Kyle asks, sleepily.
Cartman’s shrugs, “I don't know,”
“Are you ok?” Kyle asks. The energy Cartman gives off is tense with anxiety- he’s seen it before but never felt like he had the right to comment on it.
Cartman takes a big breath, “Yeah, yeah, I’m OK, I just-“
Kyle waits for him to find the words.
“I know I said I didn’t care. But Stan’s upset and that upsets you and it’s, like, essentially my fault and I’m afraid you’ll decide it’s just not worth it to be with me and call it off cause it was easier before and then it’ll just go back to the way it was and ill just have to be ok with that and- and-“
“Hey,” Kyle interrupts gently, Cartman deflates as soon as he realizes he doesn’t have to keep talking.
Kyle grabs the hand at his thigh, that has turned into a vice grip while Cartman was talking. He peels the fingers off one by one before threading them with his, squeezing Cartman’s hand tightly in his own.
“I'm not gonna do that. Stan being upset does upset me, but it’s because he has the pre conceived notion of how are relationship is gonna work. And yeah, maybe it’ll be weird or whatever and, fuck, I can’t see the future- maybe we will be bad for each other but he doesn’t have any room to talk what with his back and forth with Wendy,”
Kyle pulls into his drive way, and unbuckles his seat belt and Cartman does the same but before he makes a move for the door handle, Kyle is crawling over the center console to settle himself into Cartman’s lap once again. He can feel the tension melt out of Cartman’s thighs and shoulders.
“I’m not upset about us,” he says, running his fingers through Cartman’s hair and smiles when he leans into the touch “and yeah, maybe I’m balls deep in the honeymoon phase right now but I’m pretty certain Stan will just have to stop giving a shit. I’ve never sat in anyone’s lap before but you’re now my favorite chair and that’s where I’ll be as long as it’s available,”
Cartman breaths out a laugh at that, leaning forward to press their lips together. The kiss is soft and closed lipped and soon Kyle is grateful neither of them tried to coax it deeper because they are yanked away by a soft rapping at the window next to their heads. Kyle swivels his neck and finds himself making sudden, meaningful eye contact with his own mother.
Cartman rolls the window down and Kyle wants to smack him.
“Hi, Ma,” Kyle greets.
“Hey, Mrs. Broflovski,” Cartman follows.
“Hello, boys,” She says back, Kyle watches her lips twitch in an effort not to smile.
“I just wanted to come tell you that you made it home in perfect time, I was just going to put dinner away. Would you like a plate, Eric?”
“Oh, um, thank you, no. My mom’s home. She brought me food,” he says. Kyle can feel his flush from where his hand is still situated at the back of Cartman’s neck.
Sheila nods, “If your sure. I’ll leave your plate in the microwave, Bubbe,” she says before synching her robs tighter around her waist and walking back inside.
“Thanks, Ma!” he calls after her.
The both of them let out a huge breath,
“I’m so sure she was gonna kill us both,” Cartman says.
“Why?” Kyle laughs, the nerves seeping out of him slowly.
“I’m pretty sure I’m the last person your mom would approve of you making out with in your car,” Cartman scoffs.
Kyle realizes then, all of a sudden, that Cartman is really, very worried about their relationship. Like he thinks Kyle could do better.
“She’s been coming around,” he says, and it sounds like a promise.
“I should go,” Kyle says, “I’m pretty sure I smell fucking bad,”
Cartman buries his face and Kyle’s neck and takes in an obnoxiously loud whiff.
“You smell like weed and my dick. I want it in a candle,”
Kyle laughs, “my point exactly.”
He leans over to press the button that turns the car off before pulling the handle on the passenger door. Cartman’s arms are the only thing keeping him from toppling to the drive way, and he continues to hold on to him until he gets to his feet.
Cartman crawls out after him and presses Kyle back into the car gently. Kyle throws his arms around Cartman’s neck and holds him there.
“Hey,” Kyle starts, “you know I like you too, right?”
Cartman scoffs, “Obviously, Jew,” but his tone doesn’t hide how grateful he looks to hear it.
“Good,” Kyle nods and stands on his tip toes to press a quick peck on Cartman’s lips.
“Alright, get off me. I’m so sure my mom is in the kitchen waiting for me to tell her every single thing,”
“You’re gonna tell her we got super drunk and had sex multiple times?”
“Yeah, all the saucy details. It’ll be just like one of her stories. But, like, gay-“
Cartman nods, backing up, “Indeed,” He claps his hands together loudly. “Alright, I’m gonna go be at my house, alone, where you aren’t and be COMPLETELY normal about it,”
Kyle walks towards the door, patting Cartman’s stomach as he goes, “You got this,” he laughs.
“Yeah,” Cartman breaths all too seriously before walking across the drive way, “I got this,” Kyle can hear him say to himself, before he shuts the door behind him.
--
Sheila is, as expected, standing in the kitchen door way.
“So,” she prompts as he crosses the threshold and starts the microwave.
“This weekend must have been particularly interesting,”
Kyle chuckles a little nervously.
“Yeah, particularly interesting,” he agrees.
“How was it?” She asks.
“It was pretty sick. There was a really big cinnamon rolls and MeowWolf, the art exhibit, was very cool. I have some pictures to show you,” he says, casually, stepping over the part he knows she’s most interested in. “We didn’t get very violent at the concert; we stayed in the back the whole time.”
“That’s great, Bubbe. And the whole kissing in the car, that just started right then or?”
Kyle sighs a dramatic sigh, “No, I mean, that, like, also happened this weekend.”
“Bubbe,” she sighs. “You don’t have to tell me but I’d very much would like to know. I mean suddenly my son is gay. And obviously it isn’t sudden but I know now and that’s a shock. One day I expect to have grand children and now I’m wondering if our rabbi will officiate same sex marriage!”
“Mom, wow, you’re thinking way to far ahead! I’m not getting married any time soon- to anybody!” Kyle laughs, taking his plate out of the microwave and digging in the drawers for a fork.
“These are thinks mothers think, Kyle!”
“I don’t really even know if I’m even gay, Ma.”
She looks at him with a raised eyebrow.
“Ok,” he relents, “obviously maybe a little. But I’m, like, also shocked. I wasn’t interested in anyone at all and now me and Cartman are dating! I’m, like, wow, I thought I was just like straight- I guess. By, like, default or something and then this happens and now Stan’s mad about it.”
Sheila sighs and looks at him fondly.
“Yes, Bubbahla, I’m sure it’s all very confusing,” she agrees. She steps forward and brushes his bangs out of his eyes, “but it won’t always be.”
Kyle sighs and takes a forceful bite of his food, “Thanks, for being cool about it,” he says around his mouth full.
She shrugs, “You’re a good boy, Kyle. This isn’t near as upsetting as when I found out you were smoking marijuana.”
Kyle decidedly does not comment on that, his mother had never once brought up his weed smoking and he’d assumed she was none the wiser.
She hugs him close, and they stay like that for awhile, after she pulls back she crinkles her nose at him.
“You should shower, though. After you eat,” she takes his hand off his shoulders then and goes back to putting left overs in the fridge.
“I will,” he assures her and finishes his food at the counter.
--
Kyle feels like a new man after he’s clean and crawls into his bed with an appreciative groan. Usually, his weekends are all work and video games but this one has been much more lively and emotionally exhausting than he's used to.
Upon checking his phone, he’s relieved to find a simple text from Wendy letting him know that Stan is safe and sound on the farm and another picture message from Kenny which confirms that he is, this moment, spooning Stan from behind.
He texts them both a thank you and settles in for mindless hours of scrolling through Twitter.
He’s about an hour in- the time on his phone reads 11:30 pm when there is a rap on his window and the sight of Cartman scares him so much, he nearly topples out of bed. Instead, he rushes over to the window to slide it open and grabs on to Cartman’s shoulders and pulls him inside.
“What the hell are you doing!” Kyle snaps as Cartman brushes leaves out of his hair.
“OK, OK, I know I said I was going to be normal but turns out I’m incapable of it. I know you think I’m this bad bitch who only feels joy at other people’s expense and like unbridled rage but I’m actually very nervous all the time because apparently the medicine takes away my god complex and all that’s left after that is anxiety and I feel like if we are separated, you’ll think about what a piece of shit I am, actually oof- um, anyway- sorry. Can I sleep over here tonight?”
Cartman is panting when he finishes, like he said all that in one breath. His face is flushed from either climbing up a tree or the embarrassment of over sharing, or both. Kyle can’t tell.
“Um,” Kyle starts, “yeah.”
Cartman’s sigh sounds relieved and grateful.
“You know you can just come to the door like a normal person, right? You don’t have to climb a tree to get to my room. There are other methods of entry.”
“I’m gonna be completely honest with you- there were no thoughts. This was a fight or flight response,”
“Was this flight or fight?” Kyle asks, getting back in bed and patting the spot next to him. Cartman whines as he takes kicks off his shoes and tucks himself into Kyle’s side.
“I don’t know,” Cartman sounds like he’s about to cry, “I’m being so fucking weird right now. I’m sorry.”
Kyle is shocked, at all if it, Cartman being honest about how he feels maybe for the first time since he’s known him. Finding out that Cartman’s anxious all the time is also new information.
“It’s ok,” he says, trying his best to sound soothing. Cartman is currently wrapped around Kyle tightly, clutching him close with his face buried in Kyle’s neck. He feels wetness seeping into the collar of his shirt.
“Does your therapist know you’re anxious all the time?” Kyle asks, after a moment.
“Um, yeah,” Cartman croaks. He clears his throat before he continues, “He said that it would be like that for awhile,”
“Why?”
“Because I’m capable of feeling bad for what a dick I’ve been instead of justifying all of my actions.”
Cartman sounds like he’s repeating something he’s heard a thousand times.
“I thought I’d just be stoked- y’know, since you agreed to go out with me but now, I’m just, like, so sure I’m gonna fuck everything up,”
Kyle doesn’t know what to say.
“But, I’ll be fine. I can be normal,” he says like he’s assuring Kyle this won’t happen again, “I can be, like, really cool and fuck you good still I’m just like freaking out-‘
“Hey,” Kyle interrupts.
“You don’t have to be cool,” Kyle says, “I mean, I’m not a therapist. I don’t really know what to say but, um, I’m kind of freaking out too. This is new and weird but I think you’re putting way to much pressure on yourself. It’s been like a day and a half; you haven’t even given yourself time to fuck up yet.”
Cartman laughs and it’s warbled from the tears, “but I just will. I’ve fucked up so much and I just want to make you happy and I’m so afraid I’ll make you miserable like- like I made Heidi-“
“But I’m not Heidi. I know what an asshole you are. You piss me off all the fucking time and I still want to date you, like, I want to try.” Kyle stresses, “and- I’m not perfect either-“
“Yes, you are,” Cartman interrupts.
Kyle sits up then and glares at Cartman.
“No! I’m not!” Kyle snaps, “I’m a normal person with problems like you are a normal person with problems. I’m as likely to fuck up as you are. I’m gonna piss you off and say some shit that hurts your feelings. Because I get mad and just say stupid shit. This isn’t going to work if you’re setting yourself to fail and it’s definitely not gonna work if you put me on a pedestal.”
“I know! I know that you get mad and stay stupid shit but I still think you’re perfect,” Cartman snaps back.
“OK! Well, I know that you’re a fucking insensitive dick and I still want to date you! Do you not see how this is supposed to go both ways?”
Cartman says nothing and Kyle can’t think of anything else to say. He lays back down and pulls Cartman back into his previous position, Cartman squeezes him all the tighter.
Kyle takes a big breath and decides it’s his turn to be honest.
“I like you, Cartman. And- and I think that I’ve liked you for a while. And I can’t really tell you why or what I liked about you before but I know that you’re funny and considerate even if you don’t want people to think you are. I know that you want to change and you have changed and I like that I don’t have to be nice all the time, that you can handle it if I get pissy. I’ve never wanted to date anyone before but I really want to kiss you and I want you to tell me what you’re thinking about even if you start crying and shit,” Kyle let’s out a shuddering breath.
“And also, you took my virginity and I’m pretty sure that makes someone like emotional about the person they gave that to or something- and, like, you fuck me really good or whatever- but don’t tell anyone I said that.”
Cartman huffs out a laugh into his neck at that- “Oh, I definitely will be telling people you said that.”
“You’re such a dick,” Kyle huffs.
“You like it,” Cartman says, and he sounds happy again. No longer freaked out and anxious like he’d sounded before.
“Yeah,” Kyle agrees a little quietly, because surely, he must like it, right? Why else would he be this happy.
--
Kyle wakes up to a mouth on his dick and shockingly close to cumming even before he’s opened his eyes.
“Stop, fuck,” he grits out and suddenly his dick is cold and Cartman is backing off the bed.
“Shit- I’m sorry- I thought it would be hot-“
“It is hot asshole! I just don’t want to cum yet. Come here!” he snaps.
Cartman is crawling up his body hurriedly and Kyle yanks him the rest of the way to shove their mouths together.
“What time is it?” He pants into Cartman’s mouth.
“6:30” Cartman answers.
“Do you want to fuck me?” Kyle breaths, thrusting his dick against Cartman’s belly.
“So bad, all the time,”
“Fantastic,” Kyle says, rolling away from their mingling morning breath onto his back, shoving boxers down and his hips into the air.
“Do you have lube?” Cartman asks, his hands squeezing at Kyle’s ass.
“No, but I have lotion on the night stand, will that work?” Kyle asks, shaking, two seconds from humping the mattress.
“Fuck, probably,” Cartman grits out, sounding just as eager.
Soon the scent of lavender is filling Kyle’s nose and a cool finger is pressing against his hole he moans as quietly as he can and pushes back.
“Come on, come on,” he urges.
“Fuck, baby, I love it when you want it bad,” Cartman huffs, pushing his finger in.
It’s definitely not a permanent replacement and Kyle’s defiantly going to have to start buying lube but it works enough and he bites at the pillow to try to keep himself quiet.
“Another,” Kyle snaps and Cartman does as he’s told. He can feel Cartman’s dick against the back of his thighs and he’s really trying to speed run through this prep to get that inside him.
Cartman adds a third finger without having to be told and Kyle cries out into the pillow before he can stop when he starts prodding relentlessly at his prostate. His dick hurts with every push.
“Hurry the fuck up!”
“OK, OK,” Cartman says, pulling his fingers out and grabbing more lotion with his other hand.
Soon the spongy head is pushing passed the ring of muscle and Kyle wants to fucking cry it feels so good. Cartman pushes in slow and the pressure just builds and builds and builds- as soon as he bottoms out Kyle is cumming all over his sheets.
“Oh, fuck, baby that’s so hot. You’re so fucking tight. Do you still want me to-“
“If you don’t fucking move, I’m gonna beat your ass-“
Cartman grabs him by the hips and starts a punishing pace almost immediately. He’s oversensitive and tears well up into his eyes but it feels so fucking good that Kyle wants to hit him anyway.
“Oh god, oh god, oh god,” Kyle whispers over and over again into the pillow. He can feel himself getting hard again and he reaches under himself to grip his dick tightly, jerking in time with Cartman’s quick thrusts.
Cartman pulls out then and Kyle growls- just beginning to ask him what the fuck he thinks he’s doing before the hands at his hips flip him over on to his back. Cartman hikes one of Kyle’s legs up on his shoulders and thrusts inside again, the new angle has him shoving hard into Kyle’s prostate.
Kyle tries, fights for his life to keep his voice down.
“Baby, fuck,” Cartman breaths, “touch yourself. Let me see, please.”
Kyle does and Cartman watches- his heterochromatic eyes flicking all over Kyle likes he’s committing the sight to memory.
“Do you feel good? How does it feel. Tell me, please,” Cartman begs as his hips pick up the pace again.
“So, good,” Kyle gasps. “So, fucking good.”
“Yes, baby. Oh fuck, I’m gonna cum. Are you close?”
“Uh huh,” Kyle answers, speeding up his hand, pushing himself back into Cartman’s thrusts. He rocks himself back two or three more times before he’s finishing a second time all over his stomach. Cartman clenches his eyes shut and follows right behind him, moaning low like it hurts.
Cartman collapses on top of him and pours his tongue into Kyle’s open mouth. Kyle’s leg drops from his shoulder and he kisses back, twitching and whimpering all the while.
Kyle’s phone reminds them of the time, his 7 am alarm screeching into the air. They’ve gotta get ready for school. Cartman pulls away just long enough to turn the alarm off before he’s attacking Kyle’s mouth again, digging his thick arms underneath him and rolling them on to their sides.
“Oh, my God. I can’t believe you just made me cum twice and I still have to go to school,” Kyle groans.
“Just skip. I’ll make you cum a whole lot more,” Cartman pants into his neck.
“Yeah, sure, like my dick still works,” Kyle scoffs and moves to stand. He winces a bit, stretching out his back.
“I gotta take a shower,” he mumbles before hunting some clothes down.
“Do you need to go back to your place?” Kyle asks before making his way to the door.
“Nah, I’m pretty sure I won’t be the only person wearing sweatpants to school,” Cartman sighs, laying back in the bed and stretching his arms over his head. Kyle watches as his shirt moves up his belly and pointedly leaves the room before he does something stupid like rub his face in it.
Kyle takes a quick shower, paying special attention to his ass which is now leaking two different white fluids. Gross.
After he’s got his hair looking right, he dresses himself and goes back to his room finding Ike standing in the middle of the room, his head set pushed off one ear and talking to Cartman.
“You guys are way to fucking loud,” Ike says, “I could hear you with my head set on.”
“Your brothers giving me the third degree.” Cartman says at the same time.
“Ike, bro, what the fuck?” Kyle says, his voice high and his cheeks red.
“I can’t believe you're gay. And you’r gay with him?”
“Who am I supposed to be gay with?” Kyle asks, trying to usher his little brother out of his room.
“I don’t know? Kenny? Kenny’s really cool,” Ike says as he’s being pushed outside the door.
“Sick, you can be gay with Kenny then,” Kyle says.
He hears Ike mumbles ‘ew’ as the door is closed on him.
Kyle turns back to Cartman, who obviously thinks this is the funniest thing that could have happened.
“We are never having sex at my house ever again,” Kyle snaps.
“Well, sorry my dicks so good. You just be screaming,” Cartman starts making a series of high pitches noises and Kyle is almost grateful his phone rings so he doesn’t have to listen to that shit.
It's Kenny.
“Hey, baby girl, you good? Me and Stan are outside and he has something he wants to say to you-“
“Kenny, what the fuck?” He can hear Stan say in the background. Kyle hangs up.
“Come on, Fatass, we gotta go, before anyone else in this house acknowledges the fact, I just had sex.”
“Yeah, let’s fucking go,” Cartman says, like he’s just as worried as running into Kyle’s parents as he is.
They make their way out of the house quietly and when the door shuts behind them Kyle counts his blessings.
Stan and Kenny are there, Kenny looking a little sleepy but otherwise happy to see them together and Stan looking sheepish and hungover.
“Good morning, babes,” Kenny greets, before turning to Stan, “Staniel, you had something to say?”
Stan groans, “I’m sorry I was such a dick last night. I woke up next to Kenny for some reason-“
“Over the covers, nothing untoward,” Kenny cuts in to repeat.
“And he told me I was a dick and I’m sorry.”
Kyle shrugs, “It’s OK, dude. You were only a little bit of a dick.”
He unlocks the door and the all slide inside. This time when Kyle plugs his phone in and the music starts, Kyle’s sure the groan Stan gives is mostly because of his hangover. Kyle quickly turns the volume down.
Cartman’s hand finds his thigh and Kyle wonders if this is the new normal.