Chapter Text
Elizabeth’s eyes widened when Peter slipped on the name and waited for bated breath, eyeing her son’s reaction.
Neal blinked, the name entering his head but not entirely registering until his eyes widened when he finally dawned on him, his heart quickening at the knowledge that Peter and Elizabeth knew the truth.
Feeling the slight panic building in Neal’s eyes Peter pulled him back into his arms, tightening them around him “I need you to breathe, deep breath” he muttered,
Peter held him, never releasing his hold until his breathing calmed, he just remained leaning against his father’s chest until he felt his face heat up and he started to pull away but Peter didn’t budge, when Neal attempted again he only felt the man’s arms tightened.
“P…Peter?” Neal said unsure.
“Give me a minute, I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time” Neal sighed but relaxed back into the embrace but a confused frown formed on his face.
“You’ve hugged me before?”
“Not as your father and I’ve been failing a lot in that department” Peter grumbled, this time Neal did manage to pull from the embrace a look of frustration on his face.
“Failing, Peter you haven’t…”
“Stop” Peter raised a hand, “Just a few moments ago, you all be told your mother, in all honesty that you doubted my love for you”, Peter’s voice was strained, his heart bleeding at the mere thought, “came to a conclusion, that I have given up; completely sure that I’d just hand you over to another handler, that’s qualifies as a fail”.
Neal chewed the inside of his cheek, “You… you were following instructions… I … read too much into it”
“Your feelings are valid sweetheart” El reassured him, “While your father may not have meant to hurt you, he did”
Peter winced but nodded, “I did, and I need you to understand. While I was following orders I was being selfish Neal. The distance was on purpose” at Neal’s lowered eyes he continued quickly, “not because I wanted to, but because, any moment I spent with you was an uphill battle with myself, I wasn’t coping with knowing you were my son and I couldn’t tell you I knew.”
Neal forehead creased, “Why couldn’t you?”
“Why don’t we sit down, let me go and grab us all a new cup of coffee and we can talk. This has been a long time coming” El interrupted, both her boys listened without much fight.
Neal shifted, Peter wouldn’t stop staring at him a look of uncertainty in his eyes and all Neal could feel was guilt, he gave El a small smile when another hot cup of coffee was handed to him and then just waited until either one of them started to explain.
“When you came to at the hospital, we had talked to the surgeon before hand. We wanted them to exclude a minor part of your recovery” Peter started.
“Which was?”
“A blood transfusion, you were in bad shape but the procedure had been a success, that being said the Surgeon had some concerns, a chance at a full recovery required blood but they didn’t have enough in their inventory and to accept donations… it had to come from family”
Peter saw when it clicked for Neal.
“Mozzie must have shown you the DNA match”
“He did, after I begged him” Peter sighed, “His one condition was that I… we wouldn’t confront you, until you were ready to tell us but, a month went by… then 2 and I was loosing it Neal. I kept looking at you and keeping the truth inside was slowly killing me and then you came back to work and I couldn’t concentrate and I thought if I kept you at the desk with the pretense that it was on doctors orders you wouldn’t argue with me, but I didn’t realize the distance I was putting between us”.
Neal nodded, “That’s why you weren’t inviting me over for dinner?”
El raised an eyebrow, “I never stopped sugar, I always told Peter…” at her husband’s wince, she crossed her arms, “Peter?”.
“I know I know, I screwed up,” he bemoaned, “I knew if I brought him over and we were all calm around the table, it all would go to hell… I stopped extending the invitations El” he told her softly.
Neal bit back a slightly snicker at the pure ire in his mother’s eyes but frowned when Peter gave him another pained smile.
“I’m really sorry kid, I never meant to hurt you”
Neal shook his head, “I don’t know what I would have done in your shoes Peter, believe me; there’s no book out there that can help you through finding your son after a few decades. I’d say you held up pretty decently” he gave him a smile, then leaned back, “How long do I have?”
Peter looked confused at the question, “How long, for what?”
Neal shrugged, “I mean, I know I have to return to prison; I meant what I said Peter I only trust you as my handler. And I’m sure Hughes won’t be thrilled on the conflict of interest this would create once you announce your son has been found and it happens to be your con artist CI”
“I’m not telling Hughes and we aren’t announcing anything” Peter said firmly.
Neal blinked, “B-But, don’t you want to close the case? Peter if this comes out and you didn’t say anything it could mean your job, I can’t… no… this was the reason why I didn’t tell you. I don’t need you to risk anything else for me”
“Listen here Neal, I love you. I loved you before I knew you were my son and before I knew, you were worth the risk, and you continue to be completely worth the risk. The hospital is sealed to secrecy only two nurses and the surgeon know. No one else either than Jones and Diana and they didn’t even have to be told to keep silent”
Neal felt his eyes sting again as he sniffed, “We can continue to work together?”
Peter’s eyes softened, “Yea buddy, we can” he grimaced slightly after, “We’ll have some different ground rules but all very similar”
Neal nodded then gave them a small smile, “What happens now?”
El and Peter glanced at each other, “We know you are an adult Neal, but if you were to be willing; we’d really love to create some family memories; plan some days together, maybe a vacation, spend the holidays with each other?” El said softly, her voice a bit hesitant.
Neal reached over and placed a hand on hers, “I’d love that, a lot actually”
At her bright smile, she let out a slight relief sob and stood up, “Oh sweetheart can I give you a hug please”, she didn’t even have to ask, getting up from the chair to meet her half way and pulled her tight into his chest. She was shorter than him; placing her head protectively under his chin, relishing the feel of having his mother.
“I think a good bonding moment will be finding out how you were adopted” Peter said his eyes slightly dark as he recorded the sight to memory, “We may not be able to close the case, but I’ll be damned if I don’t find the bastard that took you”
Neal frowned at him, “Would that be necessary?” He asked, it was odd really, having to worry about his own father going overboard and getting into something he shouldn’t but the look the man gave him made him sigh.
“You damn right its necessary” Peter snarled, “24 years Neal, that bastard caused 24 years of us being apart”.
“20 if you count the years in prison” Neal offered.
“You aren’t helping Neal”
Neal shrugged but then looked between them, still holding onto his mother, “Are you both ok calling me Neal?”
“Of course we are honey” El said softly as she pulled away cupping his cheek, “You will always be Nathanial, but Neal is who you are, and we love Neal just as much”
He swallowed at the lump in his throat, “I love you too, both of you”
After a few minutes, Neal glanced over to the time and sighed, “Do you think we should go to work?”
Peter shook his head, “I told Hughes we needed the day off, but, you should call Jones; let him know we’re good, he was rather angry at me too” he said softly.
Neal blinked but winced, “I’m sorry about yesterday, I was pushing your buttons and I may have went too far”, Peter sighed as he stood and pulled both his wife and son into his arms.
“While I normally would have swatted you for said button’s you’ve pushed, I understand you were trying to get me to react. I hate that you were pushed to that extreme” he pressed his lips to Neal’s forehead, smiling against the skin when he heard a low groan, something the CI always did when he was embarrassed but also wasn’t entirely displeased with the affection.
After their emotions were settled and Neal was now enjoying a hot plate of breakfast all thanks to El – to his mother – a soft smile formed on his lips when he was finally able to refer her as such in his head. While it had slipped sometimes during the years, he had always corrected himself; it was for his emotional protection, Neal was already attached her to for just being Peter’s wife, adding that she was his mother would have been overwhelming.
Not that it helped, when she had been kidnapped; the anger in Peter’s eyes and his own guilt and fear was enough to give up everything he knew about himself and walk into the room to put a bullet in Keller’s forehead. When in the end it was resolved he couldn’t look her in the eyes.
He had placed, his own mother in peril; it was something he couldn’t forgive himself for.
“Hey”, it was Peter’s voice, a finger snapping in front of his face that caused him to return back to the present, “You went far away, you good?”, Neal swallowed at the worry in his eyes, only to groan vocally when Peter added; “You aren’t still doubting us, right?” A finger gestured between them both.
“No, of course not”, Neal shook his head firmly.
“Penny for your though Hun?” El asked, pushing over a glass of orange juice to settle beside his third cup of coffee – Peter did eye disapprovingly but chose to ignore it, “You looked to be a little uncomfortable”
Neal glanced at them – his parents – parents that actually loved him and cared for his well being, his mental state; he wasn’t just an asset or a means to something, he was just their son.
“I need to get this out of my chest” he said placing the fork down, Peter mirrored his action; his face contorted with confusion but open for understanding, El glancing at him fully supportive, “I have apologized to you both many times, but there is one incident that I don’t truly feel like you’ve received the proper apology” he felt his throat go dry.
“Sweetheart,” El – no his mother, went to console him, her eyes taking the moisture of his and hated seeing the distraught on his face, all she wanted to see was his usual smirk and the mirth he always had playing in his eyes.
“Neal” Peter said firmly, “We’ve talked about this, if you’ve apologized and you were punished; its done and finish”
“Not this one, I’m a thief a con artist; we live by the Moto of ‘I work alone’, while I care tremendously for Mozzie, we have always known, if any con goes south we try to warn the other, but we save ourselves. I held my life, my well being very low”, at the hard stares he received from both his parents he winced, “I’ve worked on that, but when you are always running, and never having any stability – for me it was always be caught or die. Despite the aspect of legality when it comes to what I was doing, I never placed anyone in danger and I never took from someone who could be dangerous, it was always from museums or fancy politicians that were so embedded with their own scandals they hardly had time to chase after a rare jewel or stolen art”
Neal swallowed, cleaning his mouth; “After Kate, I didn’t I’d have anyone that I’d care enough to leave that world behind. That was before you both, I meant what I said that day Peter; you are the first person I trust completely. Since day one, you were always honest with me, never lied. When I dug deeper into my own disappearance, I could never imagine the outcome but when the first results came, and then the second…”
“Second?” Peter interrupted, his voice a bit rough and Neal knew he was upset but allowed him to continue.
“I submitted our DNA to 5 different labs; I had to be sure, especially if you ever caught on to what I was doing or found the results yourself I needed proof, so you wouldn’t assume it was some con I was pulling”
“Jesus Neal!” Peter sounded as annoyed as he looked, “You thought that would be my automatic reaction?”
The younger man shifted, “It took you sometime to stop seeing me as a just a criminal Peter”, his father winced, “We were just Handler and CI and when the results arrived it was a year and some change in our arrangement, I wasn’t sure how to proceed”
“Can I ask, why you didn’t tell us, aside from your initial worry?” El asked while Peter scoffed.
Neal shrugged earning a jagged stare from his father – Peter hated a shrug as an answer – so he continued, “I wasn’t someone worth finding”, he grimaced at the flashes of pain on his parents faces, “that had been my initial reaction; I pushed it to the back of my mind, thinking it was better this way. It had been 24 or so years, yes – grief and pain don’t go away, but you both were as happy as you could be and I didn’t want to ruin the memory of who I had been and what you both must have imagined I would have been”
While Peter’s face was set in a permanent frown, El reached forward a her eyebrows arched sadly as she placed a small hand over his, “You are perfect, was and still are perfect”
He gave her hand a squeeze, “After a while it worked, I was able to push the truth to the back of my mind and separate Neal and Nathanial, but it had its cracks of weakness; moments that the wall would slip…”
“Slip?”, Blue eyes twitched at Peter’s hard tone.
“If we were at odds with each other, or we had a moment; my head knew you were my father and it would complete with my heart, it would take sometime to push those emotions back”
“Neal”
“There was one moment that…. I couldn’t shake the feeling off; violently reminded that you weren’t just Peter’s wife, you were my mother; and my past – who I was had inadvertently placed you in danger” Neal voice slightly cracked as he remembered the phone call from Keller, hearing’s his mothers voice in the background, she wasn’t scared but she wasn’t safe. He remembered his heart stopping, the entire word just coming to a sudden stop and for the first time in his life as a con artist, Neal felt cold as ice just wrapped around his heart.
El’s face fell as her eyes softened with understanding pain, “Oh baby, sweetheart—“
“It was my fault” Neal choked out, eyes watering, “I had the treasure, I didn’t steal it but the moment Peter mentioned a piece of my art landed on his feet, I knew it was Moz and that was practically stealing it myself. I should have told you”, He glanced slightly towards Peter who kept his face indifferent and Neal wasn’t sure if that were good or worse, “I should have disappeared, leave everything behind – one last con”
“Why didn’t you?” Peter asked, Neal saw his mother shoot him a look most likely due to his tone.
“I knew you were on to us, I could sense the tension so I told Moz to lay low and then one thing led to another. A few days before the kidnapping, I had convince Moz to just set the warehouse on fire…”
“You were going to burn it?” Peter asked his tone colored with surprised, “You didn’t tell me that”
“Would you have believed me? Especially after El was taken; you couldn’t look me in the eyes and the only reason I even helped was because you needed me to get her back” Neal said with a shake of his head.
Peter went to argue but closed his mouth, he had been angry; angry that he had the phone out, a finger just about to press the number for the Marshalls. He had been so done, so tired of the lies and deceit, Neal wouldn’t change; he continued to break the law and steal and because he had placed his trust on a con artist his wife’s life had been jeopardized.
Reliving that memory with the added fact that Neal was his son, the anger was still there but for obvious reasons it was different.
“I’ve been stealing and conning my way though life for 20 or so years…”
“20?” El asked softly, “That would have made you 8…Neal, when did you start stealing?” Her voice was filled with anguish and Neal closed his eyes for a second before he groaned.
“My parents… whatever they are, weren’t in the picture for a lot; I don’t know where my mother is, I lost track of her sometime after my 15th birthday and as for James, he disappeared when I was maybe 8, 9 I don’t even remember his face. We jumped from house, to house and when I was 8, almost 9 I was hungry and we had no money, so she sent me out, told me not come back without food”
El covered her face to stop the fury that crossed her expression as she swallowed back a sob, “She made… she made you steal food?”
“Anything I can get my hands on, food, money, cigarettes; anything I could grab or carry and if I were to be caught she taught me how to cry and con my way out of it. No one holds grudges on a child” he answered bitterly, taking his parents expression exasperatedly moved his hand to move the conversation along, “That should be a conversation for another day”
His mother pursed her lips but didn’t argue, while Peter merely crossed his arms; seeing the typical edge in his father’s eyes he leaned forward on the table, “When you were taken, it was the first time I fully acknowledge you were my mother; I had obviously knew but I somehow was able to separate the you from being Elizabeth, Peter’s wife to being my mother. When Peter got that phone call, it was the first time I was truly terrified that I wouldn’t be able to find some solution; I could barely breathe”
Peter’s eyes which had been set in stone, softened at those words; he recalled Neal’s face, when he received Keller’s call in the court room. His son’s eyes had widened, his blue iris brighter than normal, almost non existent as his pupil had blown in size, the complete and utter fear that formed on the con artist face had almost fazed him out of his anger.
“If I had known you were my son, it would have gone differently…” Peter said regrettably.
Neal shook his head, “No, it was enough seeing the disappointment and rage in your eyes; you were only angry at your CI, a criminal who overstepped and in all honestly deserved to be thrown back into a cell and forgotten. If you knew you were my father at that moment, I don’t think I would have been able to survive that”, Neal glanced down at his hands, he had barely survived as it was.
Elizabeth felt her a lump in her throat as she took in her son’s slumped, his composer defeated, “Neal, honey you apologized; and I’m fairly certain your father handled it”
Peter winced at the reminder, he had been livid; the kid had been right he fought with himself. Pondering the entire time if he should just end the arrangement and drag Neal back to prison and clean his hands from the stress. After everything had settled and the dust cleared, he had almost made up his mind; what stopped him had actually been Neal, he found him at his desk, and just looked at him with the most broken expression.
“When are the Marshalls arriving?” was the only words he said to him, Peter at first had been taken aback, a little putt off that the first thing Neal didn’t say was ‘sorry for fucking up’, so, he couldn’t stop his words from spilling out.
“What, no apology, no Caffrey excuse?” he spat angrily.
Neal just stared at him, an almost blank expression and looked down, “Nothing I say will fix it Peter, not this. I never meant for anyone to get hurt, least of all Elizabeth. If I could send myself back I would”
Peter had wanted to remain angry, lord knows he deserved to be livid but; Peter loved the kid and seeing how remorseful he felt, he didn’t have the heart to continue with his façade. “Lets go” he said after a minute.
Neal sat up in his chair, confusion seeping into guilty eyes, “What?”
“Get up, we are going home. We need a hot meal, a good shower and then you and I, are going to have a lengthy discussion on how this...” he jabbed a finger between them, “What happened today, can NEVER happen again, am I clear?”
“You aren’t sending me back?”
Peter sighed, a heavy exhale, “No Neal, I’m not; you don’t give up on family. We confront the issue, handle the problem and find a solution. Now, lets go”
Neal swallowed but grabbed for his things, following Peter with a bit of reservation; sure he wasn’t being sent back but he wasn’t so sure the consolation prize would be any better.
Recalling the event caused Peter to straighten his shoulder as a sudden realization struck him, a heaviness formed on his chest as he turned to Neal with forlorn eyes, “Neal”, Peter swallowed, “That night, when I punished you; it was longer than normal…please…god Neal, please tell me you didn’t do that on purpose”, Peter felt a sudden wave of guilt and shame wash over him, they had one rule on how Peter discipline him; it would only end once Neal fully submitted, when Peter can tell the cries were repentant, he could always tell when the spanking was coming to an end when Neal’s normal loud grunts and his embellished ows would switch to silent muffled sobs as he pushed his face into the bed to mask his cries.
That night, it had been drawn out; Peter’s hand was sore and his shoulder tight from the length and he could feel Neal still so tense, but he could see he was hurting. His thighs were trembling and his shirt felt damp beneath Peter’s palm. Neal’s bottom was almost bright red and yet, Neal hadn’t let go; hadn’t fully submitted. At the time Peter had pushed it to Neal overthinking, so; he had steeled his heart and continued blistering the bottom over his lap until finally Neal shoulder’s had slumped a broken sob echoing the room as he cried openly into the sheets, a soft ‘P-please Peter’ escaping Neal’s lip that Peter stopped, normally he would go for at least another 30 seconds, making sure his point was crossed but he had gone for so long, that his heart had just shattered as he let out a sigh of relief when Neal had went limp.
Just like his heart felt right now as he stared at his son, “Neal, Jesus please…”
“I placed Elizabeth in danger, I placed my mother in danger; I needed…I needed you to forgive me” Neal admitted.
Peter’s eyes widened, as he stood a pit forming in his stomach as he felt sick, Neal had… Neal had purposefully worsen his own punishment. “I need some air” he sharply, storming out of the dinning room and out the front door.
Neal flinched, only to feel 100 times worse when he noticed the tears in El’s eyes, “Elizabeth” he whispered, shame coloring his tone.
She raised a hand, “Don’t, don’t look at me like that; how could you ever think Peter would have wanted to inflict more pain in order to forgive you?”
Neal swallowed, “I endangered his wife, I-I however knew that it was worse than that. I had put you in danger, if he was aware that I was his son, it would be been his wife, my mother at risk. I needed to be punished as both his CI and his son, I didn’t know any other way than to encourage a longer punishment”
El expression only worsen, “Neal” she said exasperatedly, “Peter was already punishing you as his son”, seeing that he wasn’t understanding she continued, “Do you think, Peter would have ever offered this sort of agreement to anyone, do you think he punishes Jones or Diana that way?”
Neal almost recoiled at the idea of Peter placing Diana over his lap or telling Jones to bend over a desk, “No… not really”
“Exactly, he offered to handle your missteps personally, in a way that is typically only done in families. He didn’t have to know you were his son, to punish you as one. He has always loved you as his kid, the matching DNA is a bonus Neal, closure at finding our son; our boy.” Her eyes bore into hers and he took in a sudden short gasp of air.
“I’m sorry” he lamely whispered, not sure really on how to respond to that.
She sighed, standing up from her spot and going around, then lowering herself so she could look into his eyes as she took his hand, “You are our son, and you will make mistakes Neal; but you have to accept that we will handle it as a family and allow Peter to make the final decision. You have known of our connection, and have tried to honor it in silence and I appreciate that, honey I do.”
“I’m really sorry, about placing you in danger” Neal whispered.
El frowned as a hand came up to wipe a stray tear that escaped his cheek, “Sweetheart, I knew that the moment I laid eyes on you after Keller, I knew you would have never done anything to endanger my life or Peter’s. You need to forgive yourself”
He swallowed thickly but nodded, his eyes flickering over to the front door, “I should see how he is”
She squeezed his knee in agreement, “I’ll clean up here”
He braced himself for what he would find outside and then made his way towards the door; Peter was standing, bracing himself over the banister as he glanced at the street, barely acknowledging he heard the door opening, he stood by his father and just enjoyed the silence.
“Have you always lived here?” Neal asked, he wondered if he thought hard enough if memories of his toddler years would manifest.
Peter’s head moved just a smidge but never fully turned when he answered, his tone gruff, “No, we moved here when you turned 3, El insisted on leaving the city and finding something permanent, said you needed room to grow”
Neal chuckled, “I was driving the neighbors crazy wasn’t I?”
Peter’s lips twitched and Neal counted that as a victory, “You skipped crawling, went right into walking and then running; you were always running and wanting to jump from the couch and the crib; our downstairs neighbors were kind and understanding but, you were still waking them up or disturbing their peace”
“Ah, little convict in the making; already causing trouble” Neal teased.
Peter sighed and finally turned to his son, looking at him firmly in the eyes, “You can’t ever do that again, I don’t care if you feel guilty; you don’t get to decide how harsh I need to be with you, do you understand?”
“Peter…”
“No, Neal, this is serious, I’m your father”, Peter’s voice broke slightly, “I’m your father” he repeated, now stronger, “Do you understand”
Neal gave him a soft smile, “Yes, I understand”, Peter sighed but reached out and pulled him into his chest, it was tense at first but the younger man slowly melted into the embrace; he had felt Peter’s hugs before but his father had been right. This was different… it felt different.
It felt like home.