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how does steph see robin?
- robin is magic.
- robin has been around since before she remembers, so she's always known that the big, scary batman is followed by bright colors and laughter.
- but dad and his friends complain about "the brat" and they use words mom won't let her repeat.
- she doesn't know why, but it makes her want to act like him just that much more.
- when her mom lets her choose one of the community gym activities (to get her out of the house and away from Arthur, though she doesn't quite realize it yet) steph picks gymnastics.
- she's seen robin flipping around on the rooftops at night, when she peeks in between the blinds, and she thinks it's so cool- so she tries the same things in class.
- steph gets in trouble but it's so worth it.
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-the first time she meets robin, though, she's 10 years old. they've long since run out of money and time for community gymnastics, and she's been picking up odd jobs here and there to buy groceries (and pay for her mom's meds, even though she knows why they have to keep getting refills).
- this robin's different, he's closer to her age and when he talks, it's with a familiar drawl that sets her at ease.
- he shows her how to throw a good punch and wraps up her bloodied knuckles, and steph feels safe even though there's an unconscious man twice her size lying near them and there are bruises blooming around her wrists and her cheek.
- this time, when she sneaks a glance out her window, she can see robin making his way across the skyline as usual, but there's a difference, as she suspected. this robin doesn't move with the tricks and flips of the previous, but she watches him laughing, his movements carefree and crackling with energy, and she knows the magic hasn't gone anywhere.
- she thinks she's proven wrong when, a few years later, batman is alone and brutal.
- by this point, she's 13, and she's starting to figure out why her dad keeps bouncing back and forth between jail and home. steph has her suspicions, but she isn't going to bring any up when one wrong look warrants a beating.
- this is how steph knows, y'see. batman is taking out his grief and guilt on the criminals of gotham, and the criminals are taking that out on the people in their proximity. she can put two and two together to make four.
- so maybe robin is in fact, not magic, but a curse. because his absence only means pain.
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- except the appearance of a new robin shakes things up.
- suddenly, there's companionship again, there's a dynamic duo and slowly but surely, batman settles.
- and it doesn't hurt that the new robin is kinda cute too, even if he and his big bad boss are condescending as all get out.
- the brick was kinda deserved, in her opinion!
- steph doesn't need them. she'd love some legit training and tools, but she's gonna spoil her father's schemes with or without them.
- when she gets closer to robin, though, she kinda feels that magic again. he's upbeat and optimistic despite everything he's seen, and it almost inspires the same to start happening in her
- robin is magic in the way he sticks by her side, agrees to take her to lamaze classes without batting an eye, and visits her right after her procedure.
- he's kind, in a lot of ways that people haven't been to her, but he's also hiding things.
- and she tells herself she's okay with it, but it still stings.
- so of course, things fall apart due to her jealousy and his secrets and the fucking batman meddling?? but suddenly, tim isn't robin anymore. and there's an emptiness in the sky, a vacancy that she knows from firsthand experience needs filling.
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- so steph does what she does best. she sews a costume, digs her heels into the sand, and refuses to budge until bruce makes her robin.
- it takes a while. it takes a really long time, but that's better than not happening at all- she's robin, she gets the training and the skills to back up the cape and domino mask.
- robin's magic is hers now, and she can't help but revel in it.
- but with this transition comes a few realizations: robin is a symbol, yes, but the kid in the costume often winds up bruised and beaten to hell. the bad guys always target the brightly colored vigilantes first.
- everyone knows robin. everyone has their judgements and expectations.
- and to be robin, you have to walk on such a thin, thin line and hit every benchmark-- and if you don't live up to what batman wants, or if you're too much for his tastes, well, you're out.
- tim's teammates don't respect her. the criminals and rogues of gotham think she's a joke. they want "the real robin" back, and sometimes, so does steph, but they're gonna have to take what they can get.
- she gets booted out after one too many of what bruce considers "close calls." she saved his fucking life! so steph snatches a plan, in one of her more brilliant schemes to win the respect of the bats and prove she belongs.
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- except steph's missing one vital detail. so she finds herself strung up in a hole somewhere in gotham while the world around her falls apart, and the black mask is tearing her to shreds, little by little.
- and what can she say about robin's magic now? now that it's run out, maybe beaten out of her, all steph can do is spit some blood to the side and consider it a curse instead.
- after all, it was her drive to be robin that got her here, was it not? her determination and her spite and her failure got her in this mess.
- but batman will find her, surely. he always looks out for his partners.
- "...not really," the trophy case in the batcave whispers. not really.
- and steph contributes to the even robins' legacy of dying, in that hospital bed, having gotten herself out of that hell because bruce didn't come.
- except he did eventually, and he told her she was a good robin, and that it was real. so what does steph believe?
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- after she comes back, everything is different. it's so different that she doesn't have time to think about the red, yellow, and green, not when dick is shutting her and babs out and the new one is trying to stab her and calling her names and she's adjusting to the too-big shoes (and cowl) left behind for her to fill.
- it's different with damian, she knows that, because he’s literally trained his whole life for something like this. but that doesn't mean he doesn't get hurt, or that he doesn't have bad days, so steph always tries to give him space to be a kid when she can and takes it easy on him.
- but even though she's seen the good robin can do... she'll never forget what robin meant to that scared teenager who refused to let out a word even as her body was ripped to pieces. robin meant pain and exposure and danger, as much as it meant safety and laughter and doing good.
- conclusion: robin is magic. it's just not always... a good thing.