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Somehow being the Crown Prince’s official boyfriend doesn’t make Simon’s life any easier.
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"What do you mean you’ve never had döner?"In which both Simon and Wilhelm learn that their lives and perspectives are even more different than they thought, but more importantly that they can deal with anything as long as they have each other.
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In which the love of Simon's life is a totally normal if slightly posh guy from Sweden; Wilhelm thinks everyone knows he's a prince; and Rosh and Ayub won't stop teasing.
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When Hermione Granger joined the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, she thought she and Harry would be working together to keep prisoners in Azkaban, but the more they learn about the Ministry's treatment of its felons, the more she questions whether she's doing the right thing. When Draco Malfoy enters her charge as a parolee, she decides there are more important things than keeping convicts in Azkaban after all.
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"You know, I’m actually quite jealous of him,” said Harry, his hands behind his head. “You two have a… Thing. It’s a bit disgusting to watch, actually. I don’t like it at all.”
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Hermione Granger's Guide to Ditching Your Wizard by accioblondie
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
06 Oct 2025
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“Divorce technically isn’t our only option,” Hermione said absentmindedly. “Malfoy could die within the next two years, for example.”
Malfoy turned to her, eyes blazing. “Either of us could die, Granger. I don’t appreciate the insinuation of it being me.”
“I didn’t say it for you to appreciate it. It’s merely a fact.”
Malfoy turned to Kinglsey. “If nothing else can nullify our impending nuptials, surely Granger exhibiting the markers for premeditated murder should?”
Granger rolled her eyes. “If I were going to murder you, I wouldn’t be stupid enough to plan it with the Minister For Magic.”
Malfoy mockingly put his hand against his heart. “Oh, that’s such a relief. I much prefer the idea of being murdered in the spur of the moment. Premeditation is very played out.”
“Quite literally,” Hermione said.
Clearing his throat, Kingsley said, “I appreciate that you both have history. Even so, the Wizenmagot has chosen the two of you to marry.”
“Granger’s intent on putting the ‘death’ in ‘til death do us part, and you want to categorise our dynamic as having ‘history,’” Malfoy scoffed, leaning his head back. “We’re fucked.”
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Hermione has an embarrassing encounter with Draco in their shared dorm room, and can't stop replaying it in her head. Apparently, neither can he - but for different reasons.
COMPLETE.
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In the middle of a war, Hermione is stuck in the middle of nowhere.
With Draco Malfoy.
Without her friends, her magic, or her books, she has only her wits to rely on to survive her plight- to say nothing of her company. They've declared a truce, but somehow Draco keeps slipping past all her defences.Stranded together in the wilderness, Hermione and Draco are in for cold nights, endless snark, bad wine, and some interesting scars.
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