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  1. Tags
    Summary

    “Cuz fit hot guys have problems too.
    Don’t look at us, we’re not dancing for you.
    Leave us alone, we have to twerk out our sad.
    (Sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad.)”

    I clap my hands over my mouth to keep laughter from escaping. I can’t. The mental image of Baz twerking is in my head now and I’ll never be able to dig it out. And he’s in the shower. Fuck!

    ***

    Or: After yet another argument, Simon overhears Baz singing in the shower. And then it keeps happening. And happening. How long can the boys keep acting like they hate each other and while using the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend soundtrack to sing their true feelings in the shower?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    25,482
    Chapters:
    13/16
    Comments:
    19
    Kudos:
    30
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    554
  2. Tags
    Summary

    This beautiful, wondrous world.
    You can't change it.
    You can try to push back the hands of time, like in 1999, but the same thing always awaits you. You exist in parallel—neither of you demands anything from the other, because you can't. Time passes, things happen. You can't blame him, its inhabitant, for anything. He's as much a sufferer as you are.
    It’s such a shame your body is betraying you. What can be done?
    Desire love for as long as you wish. Your soul desires the impossible.
    Have you ever felt a tenderness so intense it hurts? Live with that.
    Something that seems terrible may be the most merciful thing in the world.
    This is how it ends with Sleep's Older Sister.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    34,043
    Chapters:
    10/10
    Hits:
    10
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Era uma vez em um lugar muito distante de algum outro lugar, um homem tenta fugir de uma esfereta com sua colega vampira e acaba numa aventura maluca.

    Please stop trying to offer comic artist services, I've already said I'm not interested and I can't afford it financially.

    https://archiveofourown.org/works/83472181/chapters/219901846

    Language:
    Português brasileiro
    Words:
    62,307
    Chapters:
    60/?
    Comments:
    19
    Kudos:
    5
    Hits:
    337
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Kevin thought the ocean was the only thing that could ever want him back.

    After another night spiralling through shame, loneliness, and the crushing emptiness of celebrity, he walks into the sea fully expecting to disappear. Instead, he's dragged back to shore by Brooke McClellan-a stubborn marine conservationist who sees him as a person before she ever sees him as The Deep.

    Now Kevin is trying to learn how to exist outside of The Deep. Brooke is trying to save a dying coastline. And somewhere between midnight dives, beach cleanups, awkward coffee conversations, and secrets that could ruin everything, they start building something terrifyingly real.

    But you can only pretend to be normal for so long when the ocean itself knows your name.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    34,668
    Chapters:
    25/25
    Comments:
    24
    Kudos:
    49
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    887
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Soon, the desire of change will be lost. That will be the point of distortion.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,878
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    2
    Hits:
    44
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Jason, exiled prince of Iolcus, journeys to find the Golden Fleece, to reclaim his throne from his uncle Pelias, the usurper. And along the way, the hero, blessed champion of Hera, will slaughter any rival man, and rape and enslave any woman he desires.

    Loosely inspired by the 2000 miniseries Jason and the Argonauts (as source material).

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,910
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Kudos:
    22
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    1,239
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Извне в русреале.

    Language:
    Русский
    Words:
    707
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    1
    Hits:
    12
  8. Tags
    Summary

    After another successful joint mission against the final Ouroboros remnant, Vent, Ashe, Aile, and Grey take shelter together from the scorching heat of Area K, but the victory high and rising temperatures lead to things taking a turn for the nasty VERY QUICKLY~.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,326
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    3
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    121
  9. Tags
    Summary

    The Dewill Effect is a surreal sci-fi mystery adventure set in a world quietly rotting at the edges of reality. In the already strange city of Dewill, on one day a strange phenomenon took place and this started spreading across the entire world. Then the mayor of Dewill sends out detective Courtois and his chaotic companion Shanky travel across increasingly unstable towns to document the “mishappenings” infecting the world.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    46,127
    Chapters:
    7/?
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    2
    Hits:
    28
  10. Tags
    Summary

    This July 4th, the waifus declare their independence from the plot and decide to BBQ instead—until their plans are ruined by an alien invasion led by none other than Esdeath from Akame ga Kill.

    The Ice Queen slaps a massive ice dome over Neon City and declares dominion, then unleashes her army of DearS—normally cute, submissive alien girls now twisted into leather-and-latex dominatrixes.

    And Midnight is pissed! Not about the invasion, but about the terrible kink etiquette on display.

    This special takes the classic alien invasion trope and turns it into something campy, horny, and absurd, with the signature crack-treated-seriously tone and plenty of meta and fourth-wall breaking jokes.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,766
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Collections:
    3
    Kudos:
    7
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    246
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Merely a novel writing down a month of what I see, what I feel, what I think, what mattered to me, what I did...

    The intersection between the real me, the me I want to become and the world.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    60,797
    Chapters:
    31/31
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    1
    Hits:
    84
  12. Tags
    Summary

    “You know what’s the scariest part about all this?” Usopp asked.

    “...Yeah,” Zoro replied, a bead of sweat pooling on his forehead.

    “She’s acting like Luffy, but she still has Nami’s brain.”

    “...Yeah.”

    “She is finding ways to get us killed at sea at an efficiency that 99% of human brains to have ever existed couldn’t even come close to matching.”
    --
    There were a lot of ways for the Straw Hats to discover that the captain and navigator were in a secret relationship. The Thousand Sunny turning into a bouncy rubber funhouse of cosmic horror was the worst way possible. Especially when the side effects of the captain doing *things* to the navigator in his wackiest state leaves her behaving more like him.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    25,865
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    15
    Kudos:
    74
    Bookmarks:
    22
    Hits:
    1,876
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Sephiroth saw how much those bad thoughts were weighing down Cloud so he finally decided to fix things up! One messy brain session with Masamune later… now Cloud is giggly and cheerful; everything he wasn't before!

    Today, Cloud begins the first day of his life from now on. They'll have a bath, dress up, get some food in their stomachs and then Sephiroth will bring him to a lovely Shinra garden!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,870
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    8
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    172
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Before instigating his plan for world domination, Lord Voldemort had to impress the philanthropic blood purists of Wizarding Britain. Luckily for him, the Malfoy’s debutante ball presented the perfect opportunity.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,605
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    1
    Hits:
    67
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Dear Hot Bread God,

    Please put me out of my misery and shove your yeasty fist up my pussy.

    Signed,

    Your dough, waiting to be pounded.

     

    Um. Too desperate?

    ---

    Rey is thirty, terminally single, and has been on enough bad Hinge dates to last several lifetimes. One evening, the Instagram algorithm delivers her something unexpected: a pair of extraordinary hands making bread, and a voice that tells her she's being oh so good.

    She doesn't follow him. She's not going to be caught being horny on main.

    She does, eventually, subscribe to his OnlyFans.

    What follows is a completely rational series of decisions that leads her, one Saturday morning, across an international border, to eat pizza with a stranger from the internet.

    Just lunch. Just to suss things out.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    115,701
    Chapters:
    34/?
    Comments:
    846
    Kudos:
    476
    Bookmarks:
    46
    Hits:
    14,416
  16. Tags
    Summary

    ▬▬ι═══════ﺤ ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
    Rewrite del MCU. Tony Stark está muerto y Jerry Seinfeld es Iron-Man.
    ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤-═══════ι▬▬

    Language:
    Español
    Words:
    71,078
    Chapters:
    34/?
    Comments:
    43
    Kudos:
    12
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    807
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Under the threat of a terrorist attack capable of shattering the nation's fragile peace, the secret organization NERV launches a desperate mission to recover a bomb before it falls into the wrong hands. The agent assigned to the operation is Gojo Satoru: a brilliant analyst with no real field experience, burdened by years of self-doubt and the shadow of the partner he once admired. Thrown into a world of espionage, false identities, deadly conspiracies, and absurd situations, Satoru must survive his first mission... and discover whether he has what it takes to become the spy the world needs.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    52,470
    Chapters:
    15/15
    Kudos:
    3
    Hits:
    107
  18. Tags
    Summary

    The Jujutsu world is in shambles; the higher ups are dead, Tokyo is destroyed, and Sukuna is running rampant in a teenager's body. The sorcerers fighting are not any better: Megumi summons Mahoraga at any chance, Gojo still yearns for a man long dead in an obviously PLATONIC way and Yuta is having sex with a cockroach, just to name a few. In short, everything is wrecked.

    But everything changes when Sukuna summons Mahoraga while the other sorcerers are busy fighting an already dispatched one weeks ago. Because two Mahoragas can’t exist at the same time. The deviation causes a glitch in the world where all sorcery-related people start reviving, including Gojo’s dead best friend, Suguru Geto.

    How will everyone live with the new world order? And how will everyone survive the unbearable tension between the two special grades?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    38,409
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    29
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    355
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Fireteam Beta is locked in battle with a giant terminid flyer, leaving them to use their wits rather than firepower to try and overcome this obstacle.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,063
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    26
    Hits:
    29
  20. Tags
    Summary

    After a lewd awakening, Otani is called to the bridge with the rest of the Helldivers to be sent to Oshaune to investigate a mysterious attack on a research facility. But there's something much bigger than Bile Titans.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,781
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    23
    Hits:
    26

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