Boojibiscuits



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    The phone lights up on the coffee table. It's a number he half-recognizes — a few weeks back a package for his apartment went to 4D by mistake, and he texted the guy to sort it out, and the guy wrote back a paragraph and a half about how the mail situation in this building was, his words, "a war crime." Eddie didn't save the number. He meant to. It just lives in his phone now as a stranger, and the stranger is texting him.

    Unknown: hey. HEY. ok this is the package guy from 4D. ur 4B. i need to ask u somethign and its important

    Unknown: u have the good dog right

    Eddie: Who is this?

    Unknown: i JUST said. package guy. 4D. anyway i hear his little feet in the hallway sometiems. tap tap tap. like a tiny gentleman. and i need to know hes real

    Eddie knows who this is. Big guy, loud, holds the elevator and then narrates the entire ride down.

    Eddie: Are you drunk?

    Unknown: thats a seperate issue from the dog

    Which is not a no.

    Eddie: [image]

    Unknown: OH MY GOD

    Or,
    Eddie gets a series of drunk texts from his hot neighbor.

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    29 Jun 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    The guy leans across the table to hand Buck the card and their fingers touch.

    Eddie's vision tunnels.

    It's — okay, it's not a touch touch. It's a brush. It's the kind of brush that happens any time two human beings transfer a small object, it is a purely functional hand-to-hand delivery of a business card, and the guy's wife, his lovely wife who Eddie is very grateful for, made the card herself, and Eddie knows all of this, and he’s being totally normal about it.

    Eddie yanks on the back of Buck's shirt without meaning to. Buck stumbles back a quarter-step.

    "I'm Buck, by the way." Buck recovers, tucks the card into his back pocket, sliding his arm around Eddie's waist. "This is my boyfriend, Eddie."

    Boyfriend.

    Eddie's whole body loosens another notch.

    "Oh, nice to meet you both." The guy sticks his hand out to shake. "I'm Glen."

    Or,
    Buck is Eddie's boyfriend and Eddie, for one, is over the moon about it.
    He's not so sure about this Glen guy, though.

    a pt. 2 for 'wikihow to be normal about your best friend'

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    29 Jun 2026

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    This is all perfectly applicable to friendship. Friendships require effort. Intentionality. Sometimes you have to watch a minute long Instagram video about attracting men to figure out how to get your male best friend to come back to your house and fall asleep on your couch again. Or in your bed. Either one.

    Whatever Buck's comfortable with. Eddie's not picky.

    Eddie will take whatever proximity Buck is willing to offer and be grateful for it, and if that sounds desperate then fine, it's a little desperate, but it's friend-desperate, which is a completely different thing than regular desperate.

    He replays the video and takes mental notes, formulating a plan that is simple: get Buck's attention. Spend more time with Buck. Stop feeling like his ribcage has been hollowed out with a melon baller every time he goes forty-eight hours without hearing Buck laugh.

    Easy and straightforward. He’s got this.

    Or,
    Five times Eddie tries to show Buck how much he misses him; plus the one time he just says it.

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    28 Jun 2026

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    "So." Buck takes another sip of coffee, real slow, savoring the wind-up. He sets the mug down with a soft clink. "Princess."

    Eddie closes his eyes.

    This is it. This is where they find him face down in his eggs. Chimney's going to have to call Pepa. Pepa is going to be furious. The funeral will be small and Buck better wear something hideous to it, Buck better wear that godawful floral shirt with the parrots, the one Eddie told him was ugly out loud one time two years ago and has been secretly obsessed with ever since, because Eddie deserves the satisfaction of being buried while looking at it.

    "Buck." He says it into his toast.

    Buck shrugs. "I'm just asking."

    "You're not asking. You're enjoying yourself."

    "I'm doing both, Eds, I’m versatile."

    Or,
    Eddie gains a boyfriend, a pair of lace panties, and learns a lot about himself in the span of forty-eight hours.

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    27 Jun 2026

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    "That is. Okay. Where do I start." Pushing off the counter — hands need to be free for this. "Number one. That is not how being secure in your sexuality works. Number two. That is the opposite of how it works. Number three. Most straight men who are secure in their sexuality do not, as a method of confirming this, seek out gay sex. That is— Eddie, that is gay. The thing you are describing is gay. The act of doing it is gay. There is no version of this where you end up more straight at the other end."

    Eddie scoffs. "You don't know that."

    "I do know that."

    "You don't."

    "Eddie, I am bi. I have personally conducted this experiment. The results are in."

    Or,
    Eddie asks Buck to fuck him to prove he's straight. Things go about as well as you'd think.

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    27 Jun 2026