Caffeinatedweirdo



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  1. Rec *

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    If there's one thing Steve Harrington has learned about himself over the last few years, it's that he'll do almost anything to protect the people he cares about.

    Steve Harrington defeated a faceless monster with nothing but a nail-filled bat and sheer terror to guide him.

    Steve Harrington defended a group of kids from 'rabid dogs' and an even more rabid teenager and got a plate cracked over his head for his troubles.

    Steve Harrington just spent the past several hours being tortured by agents of a foreign superpower for the crime of being best friends with a toothless thirteen year old.

    So, when Steve Harrington thinks to himself, in the depths of what is definitely not a full-blown panic attack, "If Jonathan doesn't stop this car right now, I'm going to climb over the backseat and strangle him to death with the stupid fucking ascot I've been forced to wear for the past two months." He means it.

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    Or: The one in which Steve has a Dark and Tragic Past™, a Southern accent, and two invisible shithead brothers.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    237,825
    Chapters:
    18/?
    Comments:
    604
    Kudos:
    806
    Bookmarks:
    221
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    20,246

    26 Jun 2026

  2. Rec *

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    He’s about to unlock the door when his phone buzzes, no doubt with an apology or an explanation. Someone screams outside of the bathroom. There’s a loud noise. More screams. What the-

    His phone buzzes again.

    Jane: don’t come out

    Jane: hide

    Jane: guns

    Jane: idk what’s happening

    Jane: call the cops

    Or

    Shane, Ilya, Scott Hunter and a bunch of MHL players find themselves in a hostage situation in the middle of the Las Vegas award ceremony. (Mid-situationship, the year pre-tuna melt).

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    29,722
    Chapters:
    10/10
    Comments:
    2,279
    Kudos:
    13,439
    Bookmarks:
    2,973
    Hits:
    185,838

    17 Jun 2026

  3. Rec *

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    January 15, 2017
    For immediate release.
    (English version)

    The Montréal Metros are devastated to announce the unexpected and tragic passing of our beloved captain, Shane Hollander, at the age of 25.

    -

    or, a canon-divergent au in which shane and rose never met, in epistolary format.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,791
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    933
    Kudos:
    8,549
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    1,513
    Hits:
    68,295

    17 Jun 2026

  4. Rec *

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    It does mean missing out on things like barbeques and team dinners sometimes, but it’s not as if he would have been able to participate anyway. At this point in his life, risking someone not taking his allergies seriously would mean potentially missing games, which makes it unacceptable. Jackie always makes sure he has a dish or two that’s safe when he’s over at their house, but if he was going to be the one guy sitting and drinking ginger ale instead of taking part in sharing nachos or Korean barbeque or burgers or any other delicious thing he goes in knowing he can’t have anyway, there’s no point in making a fuss about it. He eats at home, has a drink with everyone else, and he calls it a day. Easy. Safe. Foolproof.

    But also the reason it doesn’t occur to him that he hasn’t actually told Ilya about any of his allergies until it becomes immediately relevant five days into being at his cottage together.

    (how ilya learns about shane's food allergies) (and how shane learns what it's like to have someone who always saves him a seat at the table) (and who also makes sure there's food he can eat on the table to start with)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,957
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    512
    Kudos:
    7,020
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    1,697
    Hits:
    32,268

    16 Jun 2026

  5. Rec *

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    “Go?” Rozanov repeats, and Shane thinks he manages to nod, thinks he manages to spin some kind of excuse that he knows Rozanov doesn’t really buy, but he needs to go. He needs to get out of here. He needs to find somewhere quiet and calm where he can ride out this panic and painful tightness until he can catch his breath again. He needs-

    He needs to go.

    “I’m sorry,” he says, turning heel and resisting the urge to just book it right for the front door only because he’d rather not have to explain to Hayden why he returned from a hookup with Boston Lily in men’s clothes that he certainly didn’t leave in.

    It’s not until he makes it halfway up the stairs to Rozanov’s bedroom that it occurs to him in a cold rush that it isn’t just anxiety that makes it this hard to breathe.

    “No,” he tells himself firmly, white knuckling the bannister and trying to take a deep breath just to prove that he can.

    It wheezes.

    (how the tuna meltdown is averted through the power of food allergies and anaphylaxis)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    25,169
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    366
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    1,426
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    38,118

    16 Jun 2026