CancerCadaver
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“Spencer, you think I want to pretend to be married to you? Because I don’t.” Carlton scoffed, and Spencer’s eyes instantly widened.
Oh. He’d meant to approach the issue much more tactfully. Ease into it. Maybe butter Spencer up a little bit. But nope, he’d just blurted it out. The silence hung in the air for a moment as Carlton wiped his still-sweaty palms on his pants again, feeling incredibly awkward.
“We’re gonna be married?” Spencer’s eyes were still wide, and he bit the inside of his cheek in contemplation for a moment.
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(Or, Carlton Lassiter is very excited when he gets to go undercover. Less excited when he realizes he has to pretend to be married to Shawn Spencer to do it. Even less excited when he realizes that his feelings for Spencer are a lot more complicated than he originally thought.)
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“And you chewed on it. Again. Even after I specifically told you not to do that last time.”
“It’s not my fault that your pens are just chewable, Lassie.” Shawn crossed his arms defensively.
“My pens aren’t chewable, you just have a screw loose in your head.”“Probably,” Shawn admitted easily. He knew that. “But I need writing utensils, and you have more than enough. Maybe you should consider not being greedy.”
“I’m not greedy, they’re–” Lassie sputtered, considering the entire argument to be ridiculous. “They’re my supplies. I don’t owe you anything, especially when you chew on everything I give you.”
Shawn giggled at the dirty joke that popped into his head at that comment, but pushed it down. It was maybe not the time to bring that up.
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(Or, Shawn has a habit of biting pens. He also has a habit of borrowing Lassie's pens. Lassie accommodates accordingly.)
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Shawn wasn’t jealous. Of course not. To be jealous, he would have had to think that those other guys had more than he had. Which they didn’t. Shawn could beat them all in a heartbeat. And he was going to succeed in his goal.
Because, even if Shawn couldn’t get Lassie to fall for him, he had one specific goal in mind.
He wouldn’t let Lassie get with another man. Not in a homophobic way– of course not.
But, he just wouldn’t. For his own personal wellbeing.
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(Or, Shawn doesn't think he's a jealous man until he discovers that Lassie, the man he's had a crush on for months, is interested in men. At which point he promptly sabotages all of his dates, and tries to trick Lassie into falling for him instead.) -
carlton lassiter's guide to shutting shawn spencer up by CancerCadaver
Fandoms: Psych (TV 2006)
29 Mar 2026
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“Spencer,” He muttered in hushed tones, looking down at the man, who had stopped doing all of his psychic nonsense to look up at Carlton. “Shut up, or I’m going to shut you up.”
Carlton continued to glare down at Spencer for just a moment longer, his simmering anger radiating off of him. His eyes darted down to Spencer’s lips for just a second (for some reason) before looking back up, not before noticing the way that Spencer licked his lips, and he noticed a little too late that he might have accidentally just flirted with Shawn Spencer.
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(Or, Carlton begins flirting with Shawn Spencer JUST to get him to shut up. No other reason. Until he's forced to realize that, yeah, maybe there's another reason why he's become obsessed with flirting with Shawn.)
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And, as if it couldn’t get any worse, he watched as the doorknob turned, the door pushed open, and he was face to face with Carlton fucking Lassiter, looking down at him with an absolutely unreadable expression.
There it was. Shawn’s entire life was fucked. Lassie had seen him in a dress, had seen him like this, and now it was all shot. He’d have to move now, for sure. Maybe change his name. Maybe he’d have to get by doing palm readings and aura divination. Maybe he’d have to invest in a crystal ball. Maybe he’d just have to find the nearest bridge and hurl himself off of it. He stayed on the ground, paralyzed in a mix of fear and pain from the fall, waiting for Lassie to just do something already.
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(Or, Shawn is genderfluid and closeted. He wears dresses sometimes. He gets incredibly unlucky when Lassie decides to stop by. Or, lucky. Depending on your definition.)
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Important Things Are Worth Protecting by heartbroken_by_boundaries
Fandoms: Psych (TV 2006)
30 Jan 2026
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Protecting a world-famous singer should be the perfect career opportunity for Carlton.
Unfortunately, the singer in question is the most insufferable woman on the planet… or so he’s heard. Perhaps that’s why she’s been receiving death threats in the first place. Then there’s the puzzling question of why she’s so happy to be pictured in her underwear.
Right when Carlton thought the assignment couldn’t get any worse, the Chief forces him to work with Spencer, the last person he wants to spend time with (allegedly). Carlton’s dream job is officially turning into a nightmare.
But a few days together in a safe house might make Carlton reflect on how there’s often more to people than meets the eye. Why would a singer be so good with a shovel? And why is Spencer being so… nice?
At least everything should go back to normal once the concert is over and their protection detail finishes. Surely nothing could happen inside a few days that would be truly life changing.
Bookmarked by CancerCadaver
20 Feb 2026
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He’s so close. But Buck’s face sways even closer, eyes hyper-focused on Eddie’s mouth, like he wants to ensure that what he whispers next make its way inside:
“The quiet, closeted catastrophe of Edmundo Diaz—performed nightly for an audience of none.”
Eddie flinches. For a second, all the noise in his head goes silent.
“W-what—” Eddie’s voice cracks and he’s trying to frown, trying to be mad, but he feels exposed, so his words come out broken, confused. “What’s that supposed to mean?”or: buck fights back during the kitchen scene in 8x17 and it sends eddie spiralling
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Bookmarked by CancerCadaver
20 Aug 2025
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Buck, 27
FirefighterWhat made me apply for Love is Blind? Uh, well, it's been a couple of months since my last serious relationship ended. Which was also my first serious relationship. But I feel like I'm ready for a real commitment. That, and one of my coworkers made me apply, so if this all goes wrong, blame Chimney.
Eddie, 28
FirefighterMy sisters actually applied for me. They said it wouldn't be like other dating shows, that's its meant to be like a science experiment. My wife- sorry, my ex-wife, still getting used to it, divorced me fairly recently. I want to get back in the dating pool, but it's hard when you're a single dad. I'd like to find a real connection, and somehow this seems preferable to having my tía set me up on dates with her friends’ daughters.
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Buck and Eddie meet on Love is Blind, and find themselves more drawn to each other than the women they're supposed to be falling in love with.Bookmarked by CancerCadaver
20 Jun 2025
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He's heard a lot of people say they don't know exactly when their problem started.
They say it was a lot of things- a lot of situations and moments and thoughts that somehow came together, that grew little by little, that ended up exploding before they could realize they had a problem.
Buck knows the exact moment when it all started. He remembers it clearly- and sometimes he feels guilty about it, because he made a choice, he told himself he was going to do it and he tried really damn hard to stick to his word. It's like he wanted it.
Like he craved it.
The problem starts again when he moves in with Eddie.
or, buck struggles with food and his body. it's not new.
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Bookmarked by CancerCadaver
04 Jun 2025
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He knows he could have called Maddie and she would have been there, though the memory of her disappointment last time stopped him. As for everyone else—even if he weren’t prohibited from talking to them by his lawyer, Buck doubts anyone would have come. The last time they talked was when they ran into each other in the grocery store a week back, and, since Buck is not eager for a repeat of that interaction, he doesn’t even consider calling anyone in to hold his hand for what is, he tells himself, probably just another little blip on his road back to the 118.
He is able to convince himself of this up until the moment Dr. Gutierrez walks into his room and says, “Well, Evan, you just can’t seem to do anything the easy way, can you?”
Because, as it turns out, there is a circumstance under which a tiny clot that doesn’t cause you to vomit blood in front of all of your friends and family is worse than three big ones that do: that circumstance is called ‘being on blood thinners.’
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In the midst of the lawsuit, Buck is diagnosed with cancer. Dropping the lawsuit is easy. Finding forgiveness, less so.Series
- Part 1 of Love is a Place
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Bookmarked by CancerCadaver
31 May 2025