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Employee Handbook for Getting in Too Deep by groundbrains
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
31 Jan 2026
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Summary
Draco Malfoy cannot stop running into Hermione Granger at her job(s)
A romantic comedy in which Draco grapples with pet care, running charitable events, Theo, a meddling Mother, and courting Granger.
Join Draco on his mission to make Hermione's life less laborious - literally. -
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Summary
Hermione Granger is a potions professor at Hogwarts, buried in lesson plans and essays while her friends build lives filled with love and adventure. Draco Malfoy runs a high-end apothecary in Diagon Alley, living a life equally structured—until their worlds begin to overlap in unexpected ways. After a series of chance encounters, old grudges begin to blur and something new starts to brew between them.
“She needed to do something to break her routine and venture into new territory.”
Maybe that something is him.
- This is a story about love and healing. Finding the best in those the world has turned their backs on. Being scared of everything around you but having the courage to exist anyway -
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“In my humble opinion there’s only three things that men should be and that is bloody, slutty, and pathetic.” And, on a good day, Draco Malfoy can be all three.
When war heroine Hermione Granger and Azkaban-tattooed war criminal Draco Malfoy are forced to wed as part of Shacklebolt’s controversial Reconciliation Act, they openly fight the match and each other—their public brawls breathlessly reported by the press.
Secretly, a deeply traumatized Draco delights in Hermione’s attention and pines for a real marriage with her—even as her forced proximity to the Black family magic irritates the cursed scar Bellatrix left on her arm, reminding her why she can never truly trust or forgive him. Then Hermione discovers that Draco’s blood will soothe the scar . . . and Draco is willing to trade his blood for her body.
(With post-war blood purity politics, black market potioneers, Pansy Parkinson’s career advice, the Malfoys blackmailing Hermione’s Wizengamot opposition, BDE Neville Longbottom hunting Death Eaters, a slutty Theo Nott serving as Draco’s right-hand man, and Crookshanks loose in Malfoy Manor.)
Series
- Part 1 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
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Missives from the Morning After by thephoenixandtheflame
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
19 Aug 2025
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Summary
When Hermione Granger wakes up after a long night of drinking to find Draco Malfoy sitting at her kitchen table, the only obvious conclusion she can draw is that he has broken in.
Either that, or she's gone mad.
Turns out it's neither.
(A story featuring the repeated misuse of pumpkin juice, an errant bra, a bloodthirsty secretary, several ugly couches and a misidentified waltz)
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In which Hermione is the last to know that she wants to bang Tom Riddle by Meowmers
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
31 May 2020
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Summary
Hermione knew it would be him. He was top of their class (a title she had been battling against him for since their first year) beloved by their professors and classmates, he was a natural-born leader, handsome, likable - it would have been outrageous for head boy to be anyone other than him.
Didn’t mean she had to like it.
(the side-baby to the smut-fest fic that I tried to write only smut for but kept writing more plot because i got too excited oops)
Series
- Part 1 of Head Boy/Head Girl Tomione
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In 1935, Hermione Granger meets a boy in an orphanage who despises fairy stories, liars, and mediocrity. He offers her a deal of mutual convenience, and soon a tentative friendship forms between them—if Tom would ever lower himself to call anyone a "friend".
But whatever they have, it's something special, and if there's anyone who can appreciate Specialness, it's Tom Riddle.
1930's-40's Childhood Friends AU.
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- Part 1 of Birds of a Feather
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“Reparations?”
“I believe that is what they’re called.”
”You want to marry me, so you can give me reparations?”Alternatively: a Draco Malfoy seeking redemption arrives, armed with tax law and ancient curses, and convinces Hermione Granger to marry him. What could possibly go wrong?
A Dramione take on the billionaire romance genre. It’s recession era, baby!
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Sequel to “Shattered Pieces of the Human.” Harry returns to Hogwarts to finish up his sixth year. With Snape dead, Dumbledore escaped, and his father making changes in Hogwarts, Harry presses every day closer to the edge of what it means to be Voldemort’s son.
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- Part 4 of Broken Glass
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AU. Harry accidentally Apparates to an empty Grimmauld Place when he’s nine instead of to the top of the school roof when he escapes Dudley’s gang. The house is empty except for portraits and sometimes a speaking wooden face, and Harry has to kill his own food, and there’s something nasty in the cellars, and some of the portraits are mad. But this is still a vast improvement over the Dursleys.
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- Part 1 of Songs of Summer 2025
- Part 1 of Harry of Grimmauld Place
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 21,260
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Comments:
- 651
- Kudos:
- 8,504
- Bookmarks:
- 1,527
- Hits:
- 77,963
Bookmarked by Dwarf23
10 Aug 2025
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Summary
Harry struggles to recover from what happened in the graveyard last year, while the Ministry takes steps of its own to quell the talk about the end of the Tournament. Harry might be learning to crack some of his shell, but what emerges is still dangerous to his enemies, and maybe to his friends. Sequel to “Creatures of Truth.”
Series
- Part 4 of From Litha to Lammas 2025
- Part 5 of These Creatures
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 38,642
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Comments:
- 285
- Kudos:
- 1,684
- Bookmarks:
- 154
- Hits:
- 24,912
Bookmarked by Dwarf23
10 Aug 2025
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Summary
March 2026 update: This is on semi-hiatus. I've got the bones of the story's conclusion, it's just that The Muse has pushed me toward other projects.
In her eighth year at Hogwarts, Hermione joins an elite cohort of Medieval Magic students: Padma Patil (the brainy beauty), Theo Nott (the flirt), and Draco Malfoy (the prat).
Their research leads them to revive extinct plants, brew forgotten potions, and cast spells that haven't been spoken in centuries. But their brilliant professor is harboring a dark secret.
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This is the Hogwarts x The Secret History story I've been wanting to read, featuring Malfoy as an irritable yet enthusiastic Latin tutor:
“...so that’s one thing that distinguishes medieval written Latin from ancient Latin: the heavy use of abbreviations,” Malfoy was saying. He had been leaning his elbows on his knees as he pointed at the book on the table between them. Pausing, he looked up at Hermione. All traces of the misery in his silver eyes were gone, replaced by the sharp look of an engaged intellect. God, he loved this stuff. And despite the struggle to understand it, so did she.
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The owl squeezed itself through the rusting bars of his Azkaban cell and flew to the ground, hooting in triumph and waddling around on the dusty floor. Draco grasped the owl gently in his fist to still it, then withdrew the letter from the mail bag.
His heart thudded. Who was contacting him? His mother? Pansy? Not one of the Death Eaters, surely?
Then he unrolled the page and let out a disbelieving huff.
It was a fucking survey.
Well. They wanted a response? He’d give them one.
- On a scale of 1 (not at all) to 4 (very), how clean are Azkaban’s facilities? — Fuck you
- On a scale of 1 (not at all) to 4 (very), how humane has your treatment been at Azkaban? — Fuck this
- Any additional comments? — Fuck off
P.S. Your owl is insane
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In which a well-meaning researcher, Hermione Granger, runs a study without realizing who Participant 1 is.
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Draco looked miserably at the low ceilings and stone walls of what were apparently going to be his living quarters at Hogwarts. The rooms were minuscule. He made one last effort. “I understand that living in the castle is a tradition here, but professors at Beauxbatons—”
Granger glared at him, arms crossed and hip cocked. In her sensible heels, she was exactly his height, yet they did not see eye to eye. “Let me guess, Professor Malfoy: you skied down to the campus every morning from your mansion above the clouds? And a dozen elf-made croissants awaited you in an office the size of a ballroom?”
“Oh, you’ve been, then?”
“This is your suite. Happy housewarming. Goodbye.” She whirled away, heels clicking on the stone floor.
Draco was left grumbling to no one, a state he found himself in after nearly every interaction with the Director of Hogwarts.
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In which Draco Malfoy obtains his dream job at Hogwarts, and Hermione Granger obtains a Problem.
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Harry is accused of burglary. The Dursleys leave him to rot. Dumbledore sends Snape to remedy the situation. Harry finds himself in the care of an irate Snape. Not slash, gen-fic w/ focus on Sevitus relationship. Angst galore. Warnings: coarse and suggestive language, mentions of abuse/neglect. Un-betaed and un-Britpicked.
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- Part 2 of Crime and Punishment
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The next generation will be half blood or not at all. An over-reaching marriage law is passed.
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In the summer before his sixth year at Hogwarts, Harry decides to take his own words to heart - it is time to let the Gryffindor go. As he tries to navigate the world with the eyes of a Slytherin, he surprises everyone with what he discovers he’s capable of.
After all, Slytherins use any means to achieve their ends, even when they are not a fan of the means.
The sequel to Evitative.
Discontinued.
Series
- Part 2 of Mutatum
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(aka 'how to survive endless rebirth with your so-called soulmate')
Harry and Tom’s souls are tied together. Which is why they’re in this endless loop of rebirth.
At some point, they stopped caring and just started fucking with people.
(cracky humor with a hint of seriousness and plot, my specialty)
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Disappointing Bingley is something like kicking a puppy or exsanguinating a virgin, which Darcy is pretty sure he would never do. Like, fairly sure.
Series
- Part 3 of Once Upon a Hand Touch