ERROR404CANNOTFUNCTION
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Recent works
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"Looks like a Terror Demon's Puckered Asshole" by ERROR404CANNOTFUNCTION
Fandoms: Dragon Age (Video Games)
10 Apr 2026
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Summary
“Alnifena. Elvhen historian, researcher, and usually a lone traveller.” Varric laughed as she matched his energy with an exaggerated bow. “Wait, Tethras, as in the writer? Didn't you do a best seller? Dick in Denerim or something, I think. The fuck you doin’ out here?” The Mage behind her choked as he fought not to laugh, Cassandra turned so red she rivaled the sun, and Varric exploded into gut busting laughter.
Series
- Part 1 of Alnifena Lavellan
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Got any advice for me? by ERROR404CANNOTFUNCTION
Fandoms: Dragon Age: The Veilguard (Video Game)
12 Mar 2026
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Summary
5 times Rook nettled and harassed Solas for advice
1 time Solas needed advice back
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What do you mean you're MARRIED!? by Error_34 Cannot Fuck-tion (ERROR404CANNOTFUNCTION)
Fandoms: Dragon Age: Inquisition
04 Feb 2026
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Summary
Linna gained her Vallaslin at age 16.
She volunteered to take part in a ritual marriage at age 20.
The sky is torn open and she's Marked at age 34.
Solas discovers he has a pretty little wife that loves him unconditionally, and is much too old to resist.
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Okay Google, how do you court a Harpy? by ERROR404CANNOTFUNCTION for kingburu
Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia (Anime & Manga)
05 Nov 2024
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Summary
Touya tries to figure out courting behaviors for Harpies while fighting off secondhand embarrassment, Shouto recruits Midoriya for information while studying for his NEWTs, and Natsuo thinks this is the dumbest shit he's ever seen.
Series
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Cupid's Arrows Don't Work On Me by ERROR404CANNOTFUNCTION for NovaGrayVanEldersSpirit
Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia (Anime & Manga)
15 Feb 2024
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Summary
Dabi: if I see ONE MORE team up that ends in a relationship, I'm quitting. We're supposed to get OTHER PEOPLE together, not ourselves!!!
Hawks: enters the room
Dabi: *sweats nervously* this job isn't so badSeries
- Part 1 of Cupids and Anti-Cupids
Recent series
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Summary
Alnifena Lavellan!
Grew up in Slavery (BOO!) Outlived her Master (YAY!) Got slammed into the Fade (BOO!) She's immortal now (YAY!) She outlives her loved ones (BOO!) She collects the fractured history of Elvhenan (YAY!) She gets fucked up at the Conclave (BOO!).... does this story continue with another yay?
Crack threatened with seriousness, because it's Thedas and Thedas sucks massively for the Elvhen.
- Words:
- 56,729
- Works:
- 1
- Bookmarks:
- 1
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Harry Potter and Quirks, what could go right? by ERROR404CANNOTFUNCTION
Fandom 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia (Anime & Manga)
05 Nov 2024
- Words:
- 6,056
- Works:
- 1
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Cupids and Anti-Cupids by ERROR404CANNOTFUNCTION
Fandom 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia (Anime & Manga)
15 Feb 2024
- Words:
- 3,481
- Works:
- 1
- Bookmarks:
- 4
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Legion of Vigilantes by ERROR404CANNOTFUNCTION
Fandom 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia (Anime & Manga)
07 Nov 2023
- Words:
- 8,138
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 2
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Buzzfeed Unsolved AU by ERROR404CANNOTFUNCTION
Fandom 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
03 Nov 2019
- Words:
- 3,069
- Works:
- 1
- Bookmarks:
- 4
Recent bookmarks
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Summary
A fertility crisis. A ticking clock. A desperate Minister seeking creative solutions before the Wizengamot forces through a Marriage Law.
When standard fertility treatments fail to address the post-war population crisis, Professors Granger and Snape must explore… alternative methodologies.OR
What happens when you give two lonely overachievers an impossible deadline and tell them the fate of the wizarding world depends on their ability to get extremely thorough about procreation.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 25,865
- Chapters:
- 17/17
- Comments:
- 205
- Kudos:
- 889
- Bookmarks:
- 165
- Hits:
- 17,211
Bookmarked by ERROR404CANNOTFUNCTION
20 Jul 2026
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Summary
Professor Severus Snape was not a pleasant man. He was not Hermione Granger's favourite person at Hogwarts, or even in the world. But because of her compassion, she gave him hope to be happy and survive the war. She just gave him two reasons to live and that was enough to let go of his dreadful past and the woman he loved for the past two decades. Post GoF; AU; Time-Turner fic.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 132,917
- Chapters:
- 54/54
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 347
- Kudos:
- 823
- Bookmarks:
- 224
- Hits:
- 38,634
Bookmarked by ERROR404CANNOTFUNCTION
02 Jul 2026
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Summary
"Do you love me?" asked Hermione. "I do. Since 1970," he replied.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 140,720
- Chapters:
- 65/65
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 630
- Kudos:
- 1,694
- Bookmarks:
- 542
- Hits:
- 81,574
Bookmarked by ERROR404CANNOTFUNCTION
01 Jul 2026
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What you owe... by pentuppen
Fandoms: Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types
20 Sep 2016
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Summary
It's been three years since the Inquisition learned who he was and so far their efforts against him have failed spectacularly. No longer touched by anything but his sole remaining purpose, Solas has become colder than ever before, which is of course the perfect time for Lavellan to make an appearance with a demand that slaps the ice out of the Dread Wolf's veins.
Were she there to kill him this might have been a very short story.
This was supposed to be a one shot designed to dislodge two years worth of writers block, it has mutated into something that will require more chapters.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 31,954
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 44
- Kudos:
- 154
- Bookmarks:
- 25
- Hits:
- 2,806
Bookmarked by ERROR404CANNOTFUNCTION
09 Apr 2025
Bookmarker's Notes
Lavellan is tired, and Solas can free her.
Read when you want to feel something so devastating it becomes heart-rending and beautiful
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Dictionary of El'vhen/Elvish (Dragon Age) by Kaija Rayne (KaijaRayne)
Fandoms: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: The Veilguard (Video Game)
23 May 2026
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Summary
I broke down El'vhen into component parts and replaced the elided apostrophes. This is still fan fic, because despite having a linguistics minor, I could be very wrong. But if I'm not too far off, it should give us the tools to make new words.
It's mostly all translated from canon sources, Katiebour's Cypher, and the wiki.
This dictionary, as much as I adore it & will continue working on it, is an absolute time sink. I could put more time into it if I had supporters for my knowledge & the time I use for it. My patreon is here: https://www.patreon.com/kaijarayne even $1 a month is more than I had before.
I am violently against AI. Do NOT put ANY of my work into ANY AI system, including Deep-L. I'm happy to provide phrases and translations if you ask.
Email
[email protected]
Discord
kaija.rayneI can't do anything about scrapers. But willfully putting my years of work on this project into any variety of AI is absolutely offensive.
AI is *awful*. Putting someone else’s work into one is not only copyright violation, it means you should take a good, hard look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself what are you doing?