Fadingfrom
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“It frustrates me,” Cas mutters, “how the same sensation can feel sometimes good, and sometimes not.”
Dean’s hand is still rubbing slowly down the length of his spine, like he’s petting the valley between the wings he can’t see. “Well, that’s just par for the course,” Dean rumbles. “Sometimes a body wants touch and sometimes it wants to be left the fuck alone.”
Cas always wants touch. At least from Dean. He doesn’t say so. “It frustrates me how much good and bad I can feel at the same time.”
“Oh, buddy,” Dean says. “Yeah.”
(After the perfect darkness of the Empty, Cas finds the world a little...overwhelming. Dean tries to help.)
Series
- Part 9 of author's personal favorites
- Language:
- English
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- 13,359
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Bookmarked by Fadingfrom
08 Jul 2026
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A thought struck him like a bell.
‘If I give him what he wants, then he won't go.’
Dean leaned down, watching as Cas’ eyes widened and breath hitched. He kissed him on the corner of his mouth, the briefest press of his lips, and pulled away just enough to see his reaction.
His lips went slightly numb as residual shadow clung to them. It was kind of gross, but worth it for Cas’ expression.
“Missed you,” Dean said. He had to get the truth out before he lied straight to Cas’ face. “Me too, okay? Just, uh, everything you said. Me too.”
____They get Cas back from the Empty, but Dean’s still scared he’s going to leave again. If its for Cas’ sake, if he can get him to stay, Dean will do just about anything, even pretend to be in a relationship with him.
Bookmarked by Fadingfrom
07 Jul 2026
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“I’m gonna go hit the books,” Dean informed and left before either of them could stop him.
“He hasn’t been taking it well,” Jack noted. Not a question, but an observation.
“How can you expect him too?” Sam asked and sighed heavily. “I don’t know if he’ll ever get over this. I honestly don’t think any of us will.”
~~~
Or Dean loses himself in his grief for Castiel, cursing himself for not being able to do anything to stop his death or to bring him back.
Sam watches him fall apart and does his best to be there for him.
Bookmarked by Fadingfrom
07 Jul 2026
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It's been two months since they defeated Chuck. Dean and Sam are free to live their lives, but with Cas gone and Jack not answering their prayers, it's hard to find joy in their new life. When Jack eventually shows up, he has Cas with him, human but fully alive. Dean rejoices in seeing him alive again, but he remembers all too well what Cas had told right before dying. And now he has to face the fact that Cas is in love with him.
***
“So you uh …”, Dean turned around and looked at Cas. Cas met his eyes with uncertainty. For a minute Dean found it hard to get a word out of his mouth, then he cleared his throat and said: “How’re you feeling? Better?”
“Yes, I feel more well-rested now.” Cas nodded and they fell into silence once more.
Dean hated silence. He wanted to fill it with something, to say something funny that would make Cas squint, but he couldn’t come up with a single thing to say. The silence stretched on and just as Dean was starting to contemplate making some small talk about the weather (he had no idea what weather it was today) Cas emptied his glass and got to his feet.
“I’m gonna …”, he didn’t finish the sentence and just left the room to Dean’s relief.Bookmarked by Fadingfrom
07 Jul 2026
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Cas comes back from the empty. Human, and without memory.
There’s resilience to be said about the human spirit, though, and how after everything- we still have our souls. They tie us together in ways beyond reason, and Cas doesn’t know why- but he knows these people, they’re important. He feels it.
With this work, my primary thesis has been expressing a parallel to Castiel's Despair confession with Dean's expression of feelings here. Because as I see it, Castiel's confession is less about him expressing himself and it's more about getting Dean to feel loved and earning of that love and understanding that he's made of more good parts than bad because that love exists. So essentially through the angst of Castiel's memory loss, we gain something else here- his ability to view his life and his relationships from an outside perspective. Unmarred by his previous transgressions and the years between them, there's a clearer perspective to be gained as to the extent of care surrounding him, fitting him in a place to newly see the depth of care for him.
Bookmarked by Fadingfrom
07 Jul 2026