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"Ah, perhaps my Master believes that his slayer friends would not want to witness him bugger his pet abomination within an inch of it's afterlife?" Nandor asked, pouting and rolling his ass back against Guillermo's hips. There was an immediate outburst of assertions from their audience testifying that they would actually be very much in favor of watching such a display. Nandor grinned triumphantly, his eyes half-lidded in lazy satisfaction. Fucking brat.
"You're getting off on this," Guillermo grumbled.
"Can you blame me?” Nandor purred, now openly grinding against the slayer's lap. "You know how we vampires are-- all a bunch of sluts."
Once is a mistake. Twice is... a little bit more than that.
Series
- Part 2 of Slayers Made Them Do It
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Executive Mentality by Interrobam for riskylatte
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
24 Jun 2025
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"Oh, no no," Nandor rushed to say, throwing his hands up as if to physically shield himself from the very notion of intercourse that transcended vanilla norms. "None, none of that stuff. I'm not into any of that, that weird stuff."
The frantic tone of his voice, the dry, thin laughter with which he followed this denial, the strained nonchalance of his expression-- these details all clearly conveyed to Guillermo that Nandor was in fact very very into 'that weird stuff,' but also in the deepest possible denial about that fact.
Nandor al Quolanudari might be the single most repressed client Guillermo de la Cruz has ever encountered. Fortunately for Nandor, Guillermo is pretty sure he can coax him out of his shell a little.
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What We Do In The Dungeon by Interrobam for SafetyHazard (ineedapilot)
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
25 Aug 2024
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Guillermo de la Cruz is a gnome mage in desperate need of employment. A mysterious pair of elves promise a lucrative contract if he aids them with an... unusual quest.
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VANQUISHED VAMPIRE VARMINTS VAMOOSE by Interrobam for halberrd
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
06 Jan 2024
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"Vampires are very dangerous creatures," Señor Guillermo de la Cruz testified. "The people of Ashley Creek were wise to call on my services rather than try to take these undead bloodsuckers on themselves. Few humans can neutralize such a threat. Just look how the Mosquito Posse fared when they tried to go up against the Hustler Crew."
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“I am uncertain why it is that you are all of the sudden so hesitant, Master," Nandor coaxed in a husky voice, deep and rasping in a way Guillermo had no defense against. The vampire’s eyes were dark and half-lidded, his fingertips skating up the length of his thigh. “You know I am forever at your disposal, and I was so far under the impression that you found my services quite enjoyable indeed,” he cocked his head to the side, sent a brief but meaningful glance downwards. “Perhaps, though, you are waiting for me to beg for the privilege of proving my devotion to you?”
About two months after Guillermo begins his mission to infiltrate a covert organization of Vampire Slayers, several of its members walk in on him meeting with-- and conspicuously not attempting to slay-- Nandor. Guillermo has only seconds to think of an explanation for this that won't completely blow his cover and get the both of them killed.
The one he settles on may end up raising more questions than it answers.
Series
- Part 1 of Slayers Made Them Do It
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Dads of Christmas Past, Present by Interrobam for SafetyHazard (ineedapilot)
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
10 Jan 2023
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INT. LIBRARY
COLIN ROBINSON (a Boy, a Prospective Energy Vampire, and a Small Creature That Crawled Out Of His Own Decaying Body) sits on a camelback couch. His legs dangle off its edge-- he’s not yet tall enough for his shoes to reach the floor. He playfully kicks out his feet. He's smiling.
COLIN: Hey documentary crew, guess what?
CAMERAMAN (OFFSCREEN): (after a pause, muffled) What?
COLIN: (smile broadening) I've never had a Christmas before. I think it'll be fun!
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Guillermo tries his best to give young Colin Robinson a memorable first Christmas. Laszlo helps in his own way.
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Deluge by Interrobam for SafetyHazard (ineedapilot)
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
20 Jun 2021
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Nandor and Guillermo (mostly Guillermo) find themselves the victims of a surprise attack.
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An al Quolanudarian Vampire in The Bronx by Interrobam for Nandors Wizard Hat (enter_the_gloaming)
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
24 Jan 2021
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Nandor spends La Noche Buena with the de la Cruz family. Whether Guillermo wants her there or not.
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I Walk, I Trust, With Open Eyes by Interrobam for leiascully
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
05 May 2014
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"He hated being home with anxious Narcissa, who god help her had more than enough magic to do something with her life, but no initiative past being the noble wife. "
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At eight o' clock the floor of Jasmine's castle twittered, like so many crickets, with the sound of bobby pins hitting tile. The lot of them had had their hair up far too long; as they untangled the ribbons and flowers, the jewels and tiaras, they sighed and scratched their scalps with painted nails until their hair went flyaway.
Happy holidays PhynixCaskey!
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The Sultan of Agrabah's eldest son came to court her late in the day, on the third new moon since her father had announced her eligibility. He was a plump man, and stout as well, with a kind face. She watched him come through the doorway, bracing for another recital of resources and fashions. He glanced down at her seega board, his face lit up.
“You play?” Ahlam was shocked for a second, she felt her snake tighten sympathetically around her shoulders.
“I... I do. I play against myself mostly, it passes the time between suitors.”
“Ah, then you must have been practicing quite a bit.” He winked at her: playfully, not seductively, and his mustache ruffled. “I'll have to be at my best form.”
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As Mr. La Bouff told the tale of his wife's death and his child's birth, he explained that he was afraid for his new daughter. Facilier smiled thin and smug, reassuring the man that he would give little Charlotte a mother again.
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After everything was said and done Gothel thought bitterly that only she would be so unlucky as to sleep with the one person in her therapy group who was also a convicted sex offender.
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When Khan Mulan, Empress Mulan, declared war on the southern kingdom all of China fell over itself to die for her cause. They wore her colors, they wove magnolias into their hair, they pledged everything to their leader. For it was under her, the Demon Mulan, that they had conquered the empires to their borders, the islands to their coasts. It was under her that they ate well, traded easily, took slaves. They would follow her into a fire, into a dying star, out of fear and love of her.
When Sultana Jasmine told her people to harden themselves for war, to put aside Az-Zeka and all of their water to bear arms against the demon woman from the west, they were filled with doubt. They knew the threat they faced: there were constellations named after the kick the Empress had delivered to Shan Yu's chest. The Sultana knew their fears, soothed their fears. So far from their lands, so far from easy water and lush grass: in face of the desert they called home, the mightiest army would wither like a husk.
The war, they both decided in their hearts, would be over quickly.
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If eighteen years locked in a tower had taught her one thing, it was that you'll never get anywhere if you don't stick up for yourself. Running away with Flynn, standing firm against her kidnapper, and patiently explaining to Eugene that he should really stop proposing to her and find himself a nice gentlewoman thief to buy that island with had only reinforced this lesson. Yet, for some reason or another, the value of standing up for what your heart wants most dearly still managed to slip her mind whenever Merida was around.
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They were born Dipper and Polaris, two bodies of starlight adrift in the summer sky, twins. They slept beside one another on that first night, fitful in their incubators, wrapped in blue blankets. Their bodies were identical: the same birthmark on their foreheads, the same blood type in their tiny veins. But Polaris' eyes were so bright and steady, and Dipper's so shifty and curious, that it wasn't difficult to tell them from each other. Dipper grew up knowing he was different from Polaris, but not as different as Polaris suspected she was from Dipper.
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There are tales told about the woods behind the De Ville estates. Cruella listens to them eagerly in the marketplace, during her mother's teatime gatherings. She is not afraid of them: not raven haired Cruella, not Cruella cruelly named with her nose in the air, not the eldest child of the oldest family. She is brave like the children of her stories: the boys who break bread with pirates, the girls who tame lions. Brave little orphans who listen to frightening stories and do not flinch.
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Cindy knew it had to end eventually. Her life had been hard and broken like a bullet in bone, cold and lonely for far too long to pretend what she and Meg had together would carry them into their old age.
Series
- Part 2 of Cindy and Meg
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Merida was an archer by passion and a swordswoman by blood, but her father had both blood and passion in his hands when he lowered his blade to the head of his wife. Merida was youthful, and recently arrogant, so she drew her own weapon and readied her nerves. Yet Fergus had fought vikings, mercenaries, bears of legend: when he struck the blow his daughter was too slow and unpracticed to block it. She was felled like a sapling.
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Afterward the Priest left, vowed not to come back, slunk away in his robes. Once they were alone Clopin came from the shadows and the siblings hugged, kissed, laughed like children. He was snared like a fish on a hook. Paris was theirs.