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The Fast & the Fluffiest, Or: UNLIKELY ANIMAL FRIENDS RETIRED RACING DOG AND ALPACA LOVE EACH OTHER REAL NOT CLICKBAIT by bizarrelittlemew, serpent_and_dahlia
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
18 Jul 2026
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Summary
“Stede,” Ed said slowly, and even to his own ears he sounded a bit faint, “why do you have a llama in the living room?”
Stede closed the front door behind him with a sigh. “Actually, Jeff’s an alpaca.”
Felt like that was sort of missing the point here, but sure. Ed would play ball. “Okay. Stede, why do you have an alpaca in your living room?”**
Other guys have their mid-life crisis, they buy an irresponsible sports car. But Edward Teach—formerly one of the greatest Formula 1 Drivers of all time, now Just Some Guy—already has a sports car. Actually, he has six.Ergo: Ed buys an irresponsible hobby farm instead. Weirdly, this does not fill the hole in his heart.
But his highly neurotic rescue dog and hot new vet boyfriend might...
If Stede would fucking call him back.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 32,702
- Chapters:
- 7/9
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 236
- Kudos:
- 98
- Bookmarks:
- 17
- Hits:
- 1,369
Bookmarked by Morgana_Ehran
16 Jul 2026
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Summary
renting a lakeside cabin for an entire off-season to lick your wounds in private after a breakup should, in theory, be an entirely foolproof route to healing, and finding yourself, and all that other wellbeing bullshit.
it's not like the universe is going to drop the love of your life on your doorstep, right?
Bookmarked by Morgana_Ehran
08 Nov 2025
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love me different by smallestchurch for ghostalservice
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
22 Oct 2025
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Summary
It's fine that he's married—until it isn't. So Ed takes off on a train for points west to collect himself, and collect wisdom from some old friends, sending dispatches back home to Ma in the form of pithy postcards he finds along the way.
Basically: sometimes you have to leave just so you can come home again.
--
one thousand years ago, Lis/Ghostalservice won a fic commission from me as part of Our Flag Means Pride's fundraiser. i wish i had written this faster, but time makes fools of us all. i adore you, you make me laugh every day. i hope you like these words about trains and postcards. xoxoxox
big BIG thanks to KnivesInFeet and @tightenupmate for the thoughtful and speedy beta!
Bookmarked by Morgana_Ehran
26 Oct 2025
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Summary
Lonely wildlife rescue volunteer Stede Bonnet spends his weekends wandering Western Australia's beautiful South Coast beaches looking out for birds in need of rescue. He gets more than he bargained for this weekend when he stumbles across an Antarctic emperor penguin that's ended up several thousand kilometres from home.
His new friend (soon to be nemesis) needs more expert care than he can provide, but he's five hours from the city and clueless. Thankfully, the zoo's penguin expert Edward Teach answers his call and comes down to rescue them both, in more ways than one.
Series
- Part 8 of Silly Spicy Sweet One-Shots
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 17,030
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 80
- Kudos:
- 360
- Bookmarks:
- 54
- Hits:
- 2,587
Bookmarked by Morgana_Ehran
21 Jul 2025
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Summary
Stede Bonnet is an exhausted and heartsick anesthesiologist, stuck in a rut in his job and his marriage. When he meets a brilliant transplant surgeon after one of the worst cases of his life, he thinks everything might change.
Series
- Part 1 of surely you will be saved one day
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 88,408
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 1,176
- Kudos:
- 426
- Bookmarks:
- 138
- Hits:
- 11,930
Bookmarked by atattooedlady (Morgana_Ehran)
05 Apr 2025
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Summary
Edward Teach finds himself drawn into a new bar during an evening out alone, and sits down beside a handsome nerd named Stede Bonnet. Ed wears a cute AF skirt, Stede recites a poem, and the flirtation is absolutely excessive. They go home together, where Ed discovers that Stede has a kinky little secret. Boning obviously ensues.
Modern AU where Stede and Ed meet in an NYC-esque bar called the Revenge.
Bonus bi!Ed for you bisexual Ed truthers out there.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 14,704
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 346
- Kudos:
- 1,074
- Bookmarks:
- 291
- Hits:
- 7,720
Bookmarked by Morgana_Ehran
05 Apr 2025
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Summary
Stede gets a book about pirates from his brother-in-law. Inside, he finds a curious name—his name, Stede Bonnet. It's barely a mention, two measly paragraphs in a longer story about the legendary Blackbeard, with whom he apparently sailed for a time. That night, he dreams about Ed. He learns he already knows more than he'll find in any book.
And Ed? Ed dreams too. He dreams about drowning, mostly.
Until he sees Stede.
The title comes from my best girl Margaret Lanterman, AKA The Log Lady, in one of her iconic Twin Peaks episode intros: "The beautiful thing about treasure is that it exists. It exists to be found."
If you are a podfic enjoyer, you can find it here, and don't forget to leave lindie a little heart. thanks!
Bookmarked by atattooedlady (Morgana_Ehran)
08 Mar 2025
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Summary
To love requires change.
(And birds.)
(And flowerpots.)
(And witches.)
(And more trips to B&Q than you’d ideally like to make in a week, but it’s fine. No really, it’s absolutely fine.)
Bookmarked by Morgana_Ehran
22 Feb 2025
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Summary
Ed can hear birdsong. Birdsong signalling that something in the ecosystem has shifted, dramatically. In a way that was impossible to notice when you’re immersed in it. And it hits him all at once, the realisation that the last ten years are coming to an end, that his period of bare bones survival is going to start shifting into something more active, something faster, something with significantly more intent behind it. After all, nobody tells you when the aftermath becomes just…after. Nobody can tell you when you’re going to feel safe enough to start living again.
or: Ten years after the world ended, Ed's running out of reasons to stay alive. Until one turns up on his literal doorstep, forcing him to reevaluate his definition of hope.
Bookmarked by atattooedlady (Morgana_Ehran)
07 Nov 2024
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Summary
Come to karaoke, Lucius had said. It’s a good crew of regulars, he’d said. It’s not officially a queer bar but it’s definitely a queer bar, he’d said.
One of my friends is one of the most beautiful men on the planet was definitely not one of the phrases he’d used to try and convince Stede to come. Might have achieved his desired outcome a little faster if that had been part of his proposal.
or: eight times Ed and Stede don't have sex after Friday Night Karaoke at Jackie'z, and one time they absolutely, definitely do.
or: karaoke sex chicken: the not quite musical
Bookmarked by atattooedlady (Morgana_Ehran)
05 Aug 2024
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the mausoleum of all hope and desire by CharieC, nomadsland
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
19 Jul 2024
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Summary
Ed Teach is an FTC investigator at the top of his game who has just been benched for going rogue (and playing too much FreeCell). When he meets Stede Bonnet, who's at the center of a Big Pharma deal that seems awfully sketchy, he thinks maybe he's found his (inside) man.
Created for the 2024 Reverse Big Bang
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 27,807
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 140
- Kudos:
- 178
- Bookmarks:
- 36
- Hits:
- 2,124
Bookmarked by atattooedlady (Morgana_Ehran)
05 Aug 2024
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Summary
A meditation on time and space and the ending of a marriage. Ed and Stede meet at a bar while Stede's traveling for work. This story is about the ripples from that night.
Bookmarked by atattooedlady (Morgana_Ehran)
05 Aug 2024
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Summary
Stede may be going through a bit of a midlife crisis after his breakup with Mary but they are working through it together by opening up a feminist sex toy shop, Revenge, a safe space for queer, polyam, and trans locals. He needs a hobby of his own to get his mind off the store and the occasional annoying protester. He stumbles upon a quirky yarn store, Black Sheep, not too far from his new shop. He stops in to take up a new hobby, but learns more than he ever expected. In exchange for teaching Stede to knit, Ed asks Stede to teach him the ways of sex toys, as he's a bit rusty in that department and being newly single himself, he's looking to explore.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 36,807
- Chapters:
- 15/15
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 206
- Kudos:
- 406
- Bookmarks:
- 83
- Hits:
- 5,709
Bookmarked by atattooedlady (Morgana_Ehran)
01 Jun 2024
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The Treasure Trove by ClaireGregory for ghostalservice
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
20 Jan 2024
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Summary
Archaeologist Ed Teach has a soft spot for reality TV, and he's been accepted to appear on a favourite: The Treasure Trove, a team race to solve riddles, find clues, and make it to a buried treasure first. He's brought colleague and friend Doug as his teammate... but their teams are switched at the last moment, pairing them with strangers.
Mail carrier Stede Bonnet prefers to spend his spare time studying cool bugs, but he's agreed to be a contestant on wife Mary's favourite show in a last ditch effort to save their failing marriage. When he's paired with the stunningly gorgeous, kind, lovely Ed, he's forced to confront an awful lot of realities at once.
Maybe the real treasure is the insane twenty-four hours they'll spend together, racing for the finish line...
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 21,472
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 122
- Kudos:
- 380
- Bookmarks:
- 67
- Hits:
- 3,254
Bookmarked by atattooedlady (Morgana_Ehran)
18 May 2024
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Trade Your Winter for the Sun by ClaireGregory, ghostalservice
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
18 Aug 2023
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Summary
It's 1911, and legendary polar explorer Edward Teach is about to become the first person to reach the South Pole- until his first mate gets them stuck in pack ice. Stede Bonnet is also heading for the South Pole with the ship of his dreams and a mountain of unearned confidence, and when he sights his hero trapped, he goes to the rescue- only to get stuck himself.
It's just civil to share their warmth while they work on a grand plan to free themselves, and as they get to know each other better, they'll chase firsts and previously unimagined futures.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 11,257
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 84
- Kudos:
- 405
- Bookmarks:
- 66
- Hits:
- 3,339
Bookmarked by atattooedlady (Morgana_Ehran)
18 May 2024
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Summary
Stede Bonnet thought he was finally free by faking his own death with a fuckery and leaving everything to his widow and children.
He was wrong.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 21,334
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Collections:
- 4
- Comments:
- 99
- Kudos:
- 239
- Bookmarks:
- 72
- Hits:
- 2,319
Bookmarked by atattooedlady (Morgana_Ehran)
12 May 2024
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End Racism in the OTW | Give your smile to me by imperfectcircle
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
12 Jan 2023
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Summary
What the actual shitting fuck. Behind the counter is this fancy dickhead in a yellow suit smiling at him like Ed's the solution to all his problems and the answer to all his prayers.
This is a trap, right? Or a joke? Probably a joke. Guys like that don't smile at guys like Ed. 'Specially not this particular guy like that, who looks like he pisses champagne and shits caviar. Ed knows what he looks like to guys like that, and if he hadn't known when he woke up this morning, he sure as shit knows now every other shop on this street has told him.
-- Ed goes to buy a suit and meets the love of his life. He is very normal about it.
Series
- Part 29 of Stories by theme: Romance
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,479
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 262
- Kudos:
- 1,191
- Bookmarks:
- 304
- Hits:
- 9,226
Bookmarked by atattooedlady (Morgana_Ehran)
11 May 2024
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Summary
Lighthouse Bookshop had been there seemingly since time immemorial. Over forty years at that spot, sitting proud, a beacon at the heart of the community, and when the old owner decides to sell, it's the perfect vessel for Stede's odd restlessness.
And the building is connected to a famous cocktail bar run by a mad genius behind the stick.
One problem: Stede's still married.
ETA: Podfic available thanks to the inimitable KninjaKnitter at this link
Series
- Part 1 of sleeves touching sleeves
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 55,338
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Collections:
- 9
- Comments:
- 1,021
- Kudos:
- 1,860
- Bookmarks:
- 650
- Hits:
- 30,639
Bookmarked by atattooedlady (Morgana_Ehran)
03 May 2024
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Summary
A new coffee shop in Ed's neighborhood has a Dutch auction-style book sale, lowering the price by one dollar each day. Ed gets very attached to one particular book, and one particular coffee shop owner.
OFMD JanuAUry Day 15 - Coffee Shop + Pet Owners
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,629
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 74
- Kudos:
- 491
- Bookmarks:
- 68
- Hits:
- 2,181
Bookmarked by atattooedlady (Morgana_Ehran)
03 May 2024
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Anything's a Dating App if You're Brave Enough by emi_rose, nomadsland
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
22 Apr 2024
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Summary
Sometimes, love can blossom in the unlikeliest of places. Like the SecureChat feature of the electronic medical record.
Bookmarked by atattooedlady (Morgana_Ehran)
03 May 2024