Narutiko



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Ilya and Shane are broke roommates, until Ilya discovers streaming and starts making bank jerking off for the viewers
    Naturally, he offers his good friend Shane a chance at making money the same way
    And if they touch each other a little it’s only because of the tips, not because they are into each other

    ~~~~~~

    Shane and Ilya are both completely straight here
    #ISwearrr

    Language:
    English
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    57,349
    Chapters:
    6/8
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    10 Jul 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    “Wait, Mr. Raiders fan,” Rozanov calls.

    Constable Sullivan pauses.

    “I get a phone call, yes?”

    “Sure.” He pulls out his own phone. “Do you know the number?”

    Rozanov nods. The numbers all come out in a rush, as though he’s memorized it in one long string and can’t think of any of them separately.

    It’s a Montreal area code, the constable notes, as he types it in. As the phone rings, he puts it on speaker and asks Rozanov: “Who is it?”

    “Shane Hollander.”

    “Fuck off. Who is it really?”

    Or: in the midst of the Rose breakup, the Raiders win a game in Montreal. Unable to do what he normally does after Montreal games, Ilya goes out to a club, gets super drunk, and ends up getting picked up by Montreal police for public intoxication. Sitting in a holding cell, the only number he can remember is Shane's.

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    09 Jul 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    “Sweetheart, your pretty little head is so silly. For every photocard I make of ugly hockey men, I make two of my gorgeous, radiant, pulchritudinous boyfriend. Sometimes three.”

    A smile breaks through the heated haze of Shane’s expression. “You’ve been using the thesaurus Dad got you for Christmas?”

    “I will beat Yuna Hollander at Scrabble one day,” Ilya declares against Shane’s hip bone.

    In the year between the Cottage and the Centaurs, Ilya misses Shane more than ever. Svetlana’s teenage cousin offers a coping method: Kpop-style Shane Hollander photocards to stare at all day long. It's a shame carrying around pictures of fellow hockey players is just not socially acceptable.

    …At least, not yet.
     
    (AKA: Ilya's mission to desensitize the hockey world to his Hollander fanboyisms, and the NHL players that suffer for it.)

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    07 Jul 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    After Shane comes out, the Metros become convinced he might be attracted to them.

    Shane corrects this assumption with devastating precision, accidentally describes Ilya Rozanov in the process, and somehow turns the entire locker room into a deranged pageant of heterosexual insecurity.

    Edit: Additional content added 27/06/2026 in relation to future fic "The Benchmark" 😈

    Series
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    2/2
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    05 Jul 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    Shane really isn't looking for a relationship, which is why having Ilya around is nice. No strings attached, only great sex. It's a win all around.

    The only problem is that Ilya is way, way too nice to Shane's stupid cat.

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    05 Jul 2026