Stapler_Stealer
Fandoms
Recent works
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boyfriend material by Stapler_Stealer
Fandoms: Zootopia (Disney Movies), Zootopia (2016)
18 Feb 2026
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Summary
“While we’re at it, Carrots, wanna guess what this hoodie’s made of?” The fox waggles a teasing brow.
Judy narrows her violet eyes at Nick’s enthusiastically proffered arm but begrudgingly complies, giving his turquoise pullover several tentative strokes to ascertain its source.
His muzzle splits wide with a sharp-toothed grin. “It’s made of boyfriend material, right there. HA, geddit?”
The bunny groans and rolls her eyes so hard, he’s surprised they’re still attached to their sockets.
Series
- Part 1 of takes two to tango
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Confessions of a Runaway Debutante by Stapler_Stealer
Fandoms: Gossip Girl (TV 2007), Bridgerton (TV)
27 Dec 2025
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Summary
“Is this some poorly disguised attempt at courtship?” Blair casts her most condescending look upon him. “If it is, I beseech you to desist at once, for I do not associate with the likes of you — namely, boys with…ridiculous hair, dubious lineages and laughably enormous egos.”
He blinks back in stunned silence at the bluntness of her words — but not for long.
“I do not happen to be looking for a wife, but even if I were — ” the curly-haired heathen scoffs. “I’d surely court a lady with a far more…pleasant disposition.”
(Bridgerton Dair AU: Desperate to escape her impending engagement with Charles Bass, the Duke of Sussex — Blair Waldorf will stop at nothing. Even if it means hunting down the secret identity of London’s most enigmatic writer — the infamous Lady Whistledown herself.)
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Summary
It begins, as all things do, with her right hand shoved up a well-greased turkey’s butt.
“Talk fast Humphrey, because in case you haven’t noticed, this delicate hand here — ” Blair hisses, wiggling said hand that was currently plunged wrist-deep in the poor fowl’s carcass, “ — was not designed for prolonged contact with raw poultry!”
“Oh, shoot, wait,” mutters Dan, eyes darting towards his laptop screen. “Martha Stewart says we’re supposed to rub a sprinkle of salt and pepper, y’know, inside the cavity before we fill it up — ”
Blair’s eyes widen in horror. “And you couldn’t tell me this before I grabbed a handful of stuffing and shoved it straight up a turkey’s ass??”
(or: Dair, Christmas holiday shenanigans, and perhaps the blossoming of something new…? 🩷)
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i went to monaco with the prince (and all i got was this lousy t-shirt) by Stapler_Stealer
Fandoms: Gossip Girl (TV 2007)
26 Feb 2025
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Summary
Blair Waldorf, future Princess of Monaco, is this close to fulfilling her destiny, getting everything she’s ever wanted — and more.
So why are the images of a certain boy from Brooklyn (a very shirtless one at that), haunting her in her dreams — day and night?
Series
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Summary
Dan shaves his head for Halloween.
Blair is NOT pleased. Not even in the slightest bit.
(Or: A glimpse of Dan and Blair’s evolving hair — er, I mean relationship — over the years.)
Series
- Part 3 of two drifters, off to see the world
Recent series
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Summary
The fox watches on, thoroughly mesmerised, as Judy checks her reflection in the full length mirror by the closet with a brief, perfunctory twirl. The fabric is cinched at the waist and brings out the vivid amethyst hue of her sparkling eyes more prominently than ever. And the intoxicating scent of her perfume that wafts by with every step she takes towards him is…well, it’s certainly not helping matters.
His jaw hangs open stupidly as his throat goes dry as the sandscapes that stretch endlessly across the shimmering horizon of Sahara Square.
Is she trying to give him a heart attack? He can already see the headlines splashed across the front page of the Zootopian Times in bold, uncaring font: Devilishly Handsome Fox, 33, Drops Dead of Unknown Causes in Five-Star Hotel, Leaves Criminally Attractive Partner Grieving in Shock (Spoiler Alert: It’s ALL HER FAULT!)
- Words:
- 23,980
- Works:
- 1
- Bookmarks:
- 12
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it's been nice not being friends with you by Stapler_Stealer
Fandom Gossip Girl (TV 2007)
26 Feb 2025
Summary
S4 AU shenanigans. Dan and Blair are just friends, who sometimes go to a museum, or catch a movie together. Or…y’know, occasionally have sex — big difference, right?
I mean— what could possibly go wrong???
- Words:
- 47,857
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 18
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Summary
You have to admit things worked out in the end though, right? Me with Serena, and you with Chuck?
We each found our way back to our one destined love, after a uh…somewhat misguided detour?
- Words:
- 69,416
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 6
Recent bookmarks
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Summary
"You don't think it would matter that my baby is another man's child?"
"It wouldn't to me."
It's a quote that spins around in Blair's mind, the older Henry grows, and the more that it's not Chuck rearranging his schedule to be able to attend every school recital and play, or playing catch in the park with Henry until he has the ideal pitch for try outs where he'll come to cheer his son on—no, it's Dan.
Dan Humphrey is there for all of it, for all but every step of Henry's life.
Bookmarked by Stapler_Stealer
03 May 2026
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Four Times Nick Had A Weekend Off During Academy Training (And One Time He Requested It) by Lawbreaker13
Fandoms: Zootopia (Disney Movies)
17 May 2026
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Summary
The Zootopia Police Academy is grueling, agonizing, and exhausting. It's hard. It's certainly not for everyone...one could argue, it's not really for anyone. No one in their right mind would train that hard to be a police officer unless they were absolutely certain it was their life's calling, that there's nowhere else they're supposed to be.
Unless you're Nicholas Wilde, your life's calling is two and a half feet of over-enthused rabbit with a three-day long itinerary, and the place you're supposed to be is right by her side.
Also known as, how Nick Wilde realized he was down bad.
Bookmarked by Stapler_Stealer
23 Apr 2026
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As Sweet as Tangerine Peel Candy by 3431jess
Fandoms: 逐玉 | Pursuit of Jade (TV), 逐玉 - 团子来袭 | Chasing Jade - Tuan Zi Lai Xi
02 Jul 2026
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Summary
She ran back into the house like a victorious general returning from battle, treasure in hand.
Inside, Xie Zheng was moving slowly across the room with his crutch, enjoying what he believed to be a rare, fragile moment of peace—like a man standing under a tree, unaware that the sky had already begun to fall.
“Look what I found!” Chang Ning announced.
Xie Zheng turned.
He saw it. And in that single, devastating moment, he experienced all five stages of regret in rapid succession: denial (that cannot be what I think it is), anger (who threw that out?!), bargaining (if I close my eyes, perhaps this isn’t happening), despair (this is happening), acceptance (this is how I die).
“…Where did you find that?” he asked, his voice thin and brittle, like glass about to crack. Yesterday, he thought there wouldn't be anything more embarrassing than discussing kissing strategy with his five-year-old sister-in-law. Turned out that was just an appetiser.
“Outside,” Chang Ning said cheerfully. “Is this why those men broke in?”
(In which Chang Ning found the Art of Bedchamber Manual outside the Fan household)
** SERIES OF INTERCONNECTING ONE SHOTS
Series
- Part 1 of Be Careful with Fate
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 44,273
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Comments:
- 575
- Kudos:
- 1,289
- Bookmarks:
- 209
- Hits:
- 23,038
Bookmarked by Stapler_Stealer
22 Apr 2026
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Summary
Putting together a magazine issue is no easy feat.
At W, it means long nights, crazy deadlines, constant edits, and lots of caffeine. Also, somehow, a betting pool about when Dan and Blair are going to hook up.
Bookmarked by Stapler_Stealer
09 Mar 2026
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Summary
Nick lay sprawled out in the shade, his fur a shining copper splash against the canvas of verdant grass. His straw hat lay over his eyes and his mouth hung open, panting. His ear gave a subtle twitch as she approached him. “I can’t move, Carrots. You’ll have to bury me here."
Nick gets pulled into helping out on the Hopps Family Farm.
Bookmarked by Stapler_Stealer
03 Mar 2026