alysanemormont



Recent works

Recent bookmarks

  1. Public Bookmark *

    Words:
    82,013
    Works:
    5
    Bookmarks:
    1,787

    24 Jun 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Yuna: [harrumphing] Well, then, why am I getting phone calls from Rolex and Reebox about tweets under the ‘hashtag hockey boy quitter’ tag because you don’t know how to treat a woman in the bedroom-

    David: [awkwardly] I thought I taught you better than this, son. A woman’s pleasure is just as important as yours, I told you this at sixteen we first had the birds and the bees conversation-

    Shane: [choking] Oh my God, please stop! Will you guys just listen for one second?

    Yuna: I don’t want to hear any excuses-

    David: Don’t raise your voice at me, young man-

    Shane: [he lets out a frustrated yell] JUST LISTEN-

    Yuna: [sounding shocked] Shane!

    Shane: [shouting] I’M GAY!

    (shane goes viral for rude texts to ‘lily’. women from his past come forward with stories of their own. cue the internet on a witchhunt, an embarrassing coming out, and shane having the worst day of his life)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,717
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    275
    Kudos:
    7,370
    Bookmarks:
    694
    Hits:
    32,267

    23 Jun 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Bood
    what have you given her before?

    Ilya
    A fucking, mostly

    Bood
    CHEAP
    CHEAP GIFT GIVER

    Ilya enlists Bood & the Ottawa WAGs to help brainstorm ideas for his first proper Valentine’s Day with ‘Jane’.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    41,287
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    1,999
    Kudos:
    23,613
    Bookmarks:
    4,663
    Hits:
    251,466

    11 May 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    “I am out for the season?”

    “Probably."

    “Are you by any chance looking for a trophy husband?”

    “Ilya.”

    “Yes? No?”

    “It’s one season, Ilya, we’re not—it’s bad because you’re hurting, not because—I’m not letting this fuck anything up for us, okay? We’ll figure something out,” Shane says, resolutely.

    or, you know what they say about the best laid plans

    ilya’s first year in ottawa looks a little different than originally planned, maybe sort of because he ends up spending it recovering a broken leg in his boyfriend’s apartment, but probably mostly because he meets jackie pike

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    52,889
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    9
    Comments:
    831
    Kudos:
    9,512
    Bookmarks:
    3,717
    Hits:
    184,192

    27 Apr 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    It’s not going viral because Jane’s true identity was exposed—or even because Ilya was blatantly sexting in public. That part’s as expected as Shane doing yoga or any human being on earth breathing.

    No, the texts are going viral because no one can believe how bad this “Jane” is at sexting.

    The women of the world are outraged. The men of the world are baffled. No one can understand why Ilya Rozanov, whose abs have their own fan club, is wasting his time on ‘a piece of cardboard that wished to be turned into a real girl’ (this particular joke has 300k likes and counting).

    Or: After a social media trend mocks Shane's sexting skills, he tries to improve them. It goes about as poorly as you'd expect.

    Now available in Russian

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,196
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1,580
    Kudos:
    51,890
    Bookmarks:
    10,688
    Hits:
    344,068

    18 Feb 2026