beezles
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The Lessening by littlewolfsyndrome for CalliopeCrowe
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
09 Apr 2026
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Summary
Hermione Granger just wants an orgasm.
A perfectly reasonable aspiration after a brutal shift in St. Mungo’s trauma ward, most would agree. Her trusty vibrator, Hamish, hasn’t let her down yet, and she really—really—needs to come.
But when a half-dead Auror shows up on her doorstep, requiring her life-saving services, Hermione’s dream of getting in a cathartic, satisfactory wank before dawn begins to feel like it might not be in the cards for her—which is seriously unacceptable, because (have I mentioned?) she really, sort of desperately, needs to fucking come.
I suppose it’s a good thing, then, that the aforementioned half-dead Auror knows just what to do.
An ode to mental health and female pleasure.
Bookmarked by beezles
30 Jun 2026
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A Most Firm and Unyielding Subpoena by offthemap for augustaoctavia
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
13 Apr 2026
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Summary
Hermione was under the (rather strong) impression that Draco didn't like her. But after three days stuck in a boring, stuffy courtroom and unexpected testimony, she found herself with many, many questions.
Questions like:
- Why were Roger Davies and Penelope Clearwater surveilling her interactions with Malfoy?
- If his crush was so cripplingly obvious, why didn't they just tell her?
- Why didn't MALFOY just tell her?
- Why did Kingsley have to subpoena Malfoy's diary for her to find out?
- And why, why, why was she listening to Percy Weasley read it all aloud in court?Or: Take the skit "Brian’s Hat" from I Think You Should Leave and make it Dramione
Bookmarked by beezles
19 Jun 2026
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Summary
Five years after the war, Draco Malfoy takes solace in a stable routine. Thanks to his Ministry-mandated job as Wizard Life Community Liaison, he knows the mundane beats of his every week, including which insufferable whack jobs will show up to his fortnightly Town Hall meetings. Everything in his life is boring, safe, and predictable—just the way he likes it.
But when Hermione Granger begins to show up to his Town Hall meetings, Draco’s carefully curated life is turned on its head—no thanks to her infuriatingly clever ideas, and her supposedly revolutionary Quick Quotes Quill.
OR: Hermione Granger gives Draco a special Quill to use for his Town Hall meeting minutes, which transcribes his every erotic thought about the witch.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 9,106
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 67
- Kudos:
- 548
- Bookmarks:
- 82
- Hits:
- 6,830
Bookmarked by beezles
19 Jun 2026
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Summary
Hermione Granger comes when she wants, leaves when she’s done, and never apologizes. Draco Malfoy’s only problem? He loves being eaten alive.
* * * *
"Take your trousers off, Malfoy."
Draco would be the first to admit that somewhere along the line, he'd apparently developed a type for terrifying women in politics who bossed him around with a snap of their manicured fingers and expected immediate compliance.
Or, more precisely, for the singular, terrifying witch named Hermione Granger currently standing before him.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 59,730
- Chapters:
- 8/12
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 253
- Kudos:
- 478
- Bookmarks:
- 155
- Hits:
- 14,024
Bookmarked by beezles
16 Jun 2026
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I'm here now. by The_Taco_Writes for omniluci_estumbra
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
09 Jan 2026
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Summary
Hermione Granger is heartbroken. She was supposed to meet Draco Malfoy at this fancy Italian place he had made reservations at for their first date, but the man never showed up.
Back home in her pyjamas, she cries into her ice cream when there is a ring at the door. Enter a very scuffed, bloody, wild eyed Draco Malfoy holding up a bouquet of flowers like a life line.
"What the fuck happened to you?" She asks, but never in a million years is she ready for his answer.
And neither are you.
This is a small crack fic based on artwork by omniluci_estumbra for her 30k celebration. Congratulations, Jamie!
Series
- Part 15 of Crack Fics By Taco
Bookmarked by beezles
11 Jun 2026