bookworm5299
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“In my humble opinion there’s only three things that men should be and that is bloody, slutty, and pathetic.” And, on a good day, Draco Malfoy can be all three.
When war heroine Hermione Granger and Azkaban-tattooed war criminal Draco Malfoy are forced to wed as part of Shacklebolt’s controversial Reconciliation Act, they openly fight the match and each other—their public brawls breathlessly reported by the press.
Secretly, a deeply traumatized Draco delights in Hermione’s attention and pines for a real marriage with her—even as her forced proximity to the Black family magic irritates the cursed scar Bellatrix left on her arm, reminding her why she can never truly trust or forgive him. Then Hermione discovers that Draco’s blood will soothe the scar . . . and Draco is willing to trade his blood for her body.
(With post-war blood purity politics, black market potioneers, Pansy Parkinson’s career advice, the Malfoys blackmailing Hermione’s Wizengamot opposition, BDE Neville Longbottom hunting Death Eaters, a slutty Theo Nott serving as Draco’s right-hand man, and Crookshanks loose in Malfoy Manor.)
Series
- Part 1 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 195,969
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Comments:
- 7,485
- Kudos:
- 31,266
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- 12,427
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Bookmarked by bookworm5299
19 Jun 2025
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“There’s something wrong with me, Malfoy. You’re normal. Everyone else is normal. And I don’t think I’m the person you should choose.” Hermione hangs her head. “I don’t know all the positions and the sounds and the words. I don’t know what you’re looking for. I’m probably going to be the worst one night stand you ever have.”
Malfoy says nothing for a long time.
Hermione is too nervous to look up from the sidewalk. She’s just poured out her biggest insecurity to someone who isn’t her Mind Healer or the members of her group therapy. This is a big step she isn’t sure she was ready to take.
And she’s just taken it with Draco Malfoy.
He cocks an eyebrow.
“Granger. If you think I’m anything close to normal, you are sorely mistaken.”
Bookmarked by bookworm5299
08 Jun 2025
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She’d been distracted reading through the latest draft of her policy reform while walking toward the end of the queue in the Ministry refectory when suddenly she was no longer going forward but sideways and down. She yelped, scrabbling to catch herself before realizing that a pair of strong hands had already arrested her motion and she was sitting.
“Mind where you’re going, Granger,” came a teasing drawl and she realized instantly that she’d found herself back on Draco’s lap.
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Or, the five times Hermione unintentionally sat on Draco's lap, and the one time she meant to.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 14,529
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Comments:
- 293
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- 4,168
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- 1,113
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- 97,217
Bookmarked by bookworm5299
02 Jun 2025
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Lily Evans to James Potter: why is this bar called the horse and carriage btw
James Potter: romantic gesture from binns for his ex wife
James Potter: it was their nicknames for each other. wish i was joking
Lily Evans: fuck me i would also divorce a guy who nicknamed me carriage
James Potter: believe it or not she was horse
Lily Evans: well christ//
they work in a bar and things are going completely fine, actually
Bookmarked by bookworm5299
24 May 2025
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"I find myself wondering, sweet reader, when exactly someone will take a shovel to the back of this racist statue's metal head and begin dismantling our university’s scandalous love affair with the most problematic donors they could possibly find. I’m looking at you, President Zarkon, kindly remove your hand from the Republican Party’s dick. This is a liberal arts college for God’s sake."
When Galra University's Tumblr page, meant for football game updates and pleads for attendees for club meetings, is plagued by a mysterious writer determined to eviscerate every toxic part of the college, Lance is intrigued. When he becomes a leading character in the anonymous letters, well, he gets a little more curious. Lance becomes determined to unveil the writer and find out a) what is his problem exactly and b) does he really think Lance's eyes are that blue?
A tale in which Lance is oblivious and pining for the hot nerd in the back of his Greek mythology class, Keith can wield a pen with deadly cruelty, and you, dear readers, suffer from the pains of dramatic irony.
Series
- Part 1 of The Dear Reader-Verse
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 80,982
- Chapters:
- 16/16
- Comments:
- 1,203
- Kudos:
- 6,074
- Bookmarks:
- 1,680
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- 90,649
Bookmarked by bookworm5299
09 May 2025