daydreamingwhileimsleeping



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    “You know, there are a lot of kids that look up to you—“

    It’s the refrain of Shane’s life. Everything circles back to this: a lot of kids looking up to you. That’s why you need to spend your summers doing ad campaigns. That’s why you need to let a social media manager handle your every interaction online. That’s why we need to sit here after family dinner with flash cards rehearsing the different ways you’ll answer reporters’ questions after you face Boston next week, and, oh, when we’re done, let’s do some French vocabulary flashcards, too, because it’s important to the Francophone fans that you’re thinking about them. There are lots of Asian Francophones in Quebec, Shane. Almost 13% of primary schoolers are of Asian descent, compared to less than 4% of hockey players. Isn’t that pathetic?

    As if Shane doesn’t know that it’s pathetic. As if Shane doesn’t know what he fought through to get here.

    Abruptly, Shane is furious.

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    17 Jun 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Shane was fourteen the first time a number felt like safety.

    The nutritionist worked out of an office in Kanata, framed certificates, a calm voice, laminated charts with columns. She explained it simply: fuel in, output required, timing of each. She said it was a starting point.

    Shane took notes in the margins the way he took notes on everything—completely, past what was required. Yuna had found the nutritionist herself, sat beside him, and took notes too.

    Like mother, like son.

    -

    Or: Shane’s system works until it doesn’t; Ilya notices first.

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    17 Jun 2026

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    “I don’t really think about stuff like that,” Shane replies in interviews, his lips wooden at the words.

    ---

    Shane and being haafu, 2nd gen, and Asian.

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    13 Jun 2026

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    It is December, and Scott has been out for long enough to pretend to be used to it, and things are not perfect but they’re fucking good, and Ilya Rozanov is at his apartment for dinner—has been for over an hour—and he’s still waiting so stupidly hopefully to introduce a boyfriend who very, very clearly isn’t coming.

    (Or: studies on coming out, learning patience, one-sided conversations, and other absurdist waiting games.)

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    12 Jun 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    The problem is, no one knows how to market Ilya Rozanov's (in his own words) sexy Euro masculinity to an audience of white straight men.

    He needs the best. And if it happens to be his secret lover’s mother who despises his very existence, so be it.


    +16319607169

    See? That is what I need. Do not care that you are not professional. You are best
    This is Ilya Rozanov

    Yuna

    This is a fucking joke, right?

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    19 May 2026